Intellectual Ways of Expressing Emotion?

I read on another forum a situation in which a Libra was being flirty/playful about being attracted to someone. I experienced that with my Libra in the early stages, and it was a fun banter. He would pull back sometimes, and I would too. For me, I definately need time to think and process everything, but especially a new relationship.

Anyways, we went through a period we were both seeing other people. He decided he did not like that once he found out I WAS actually seeing other people. We came to an agreement to no longer see other people about 2 months in (which felt quick - but we enjoy each other a lot and have since day 1). At that time we had a talk about how much we enjoyed spending time with one another, how we make each other laugh, have fun, etc. It's funny to me because neither one of us will say "I care about you" or "I really like you". Our emotions are expressed in the way we talk about and intellectualize how we feel about our interactions.

So, on to my questions. I try not to read too much into things, but by nature I think I do (sometimes I wish I could shut my brain off!). But, I was wondering what your insights are about a few things.

If my Libra boy (who is from another country - impoverished, bad gvt., family is almost all gone) says, "I need to open a business and if it's not successful, I'm going back to my home country." Then looks at me and says "Y'know? y'know what I mean?" - he's looking for my input, right? Does he want me to say I don't want him to go? (This is a challenge for me b/c I take a direct approach when looking for input, AND I don't like to tell people what to do.)

I guess my basic question to the Libras on this board is: Do you use indirect ways of getting information about your mates or potential mates? Such as: Would you bring up a topic like how you feel about marriage in order to find out how the person you're dating feels about marriage. I have a strong sense that he does this with a lot of things to gauge how I feel, rather than just asking me how I feel. This way we end up in a safe intellectual conversation about a topic rather than an outpouring of feelings about a subject. Sound familiar??

hey, we seem on be on the same stage on finding things about our libra..but i see this things on him too as u put it, using idirect ways of getting info. You know you feel it, we are very intellectual people (air signs) we can tell though sometimes we don't want to jump to conclusions. But I and my libra live far from each other and he seem to be wanting to talk about his friends long distance relationship probably to know how i feel about it, but since I'm not sure I wanted to talk about it yet, i keep on changing the topic 😉 but he keeps on bringing it up one way or another. And use this way several times. I think your assuptions are right..but lets hear from librans..baby?

*** Would you bring up a topic like how you feel about marriage in order to find out how the person you're dating feels about marriage...

Doesn't everyone do this? This is what discussion is about. You bring things up and people talk about it. I don't really see the difference in bringing up marriage or asking your feelings about marriage. Aren't they the same?

Be happy he/they are being so obvious in what they are doing.. The Leo, I am completely in lust with, and I usually only talk about feelings in subtext. He will say something about the television and I will respond about the television but we both know we are talking about our feelings. If I say anything directly, he freezes. He says I amuse him. Go figure.

He wants you to know that if the business does not work out then he MIGHT consider going back, it is not a definite at this point, just something that's presented itself as an option in his mind. Also he could be verbalising it for a reality check on himself e.g. how does the statement make me feel? (Since emotions always follow what's going on in our minds later I need to see how it makes me feel.)

And he is giving you between now and the day of departure to think about it and for you to come forward if you feel he should not go, for reasons of the heart. And to shock you a bit e.g. I can think independently from you, and you can lose me. Definitely.

*** Would you bring up a topic like how you feel about marriage in order to find out how the person you're dating feels about marriage...

Doesn't everyone do this? This is what discussion is about. You bring things up and people talk about it. I don't really see the difference in bringing up marriage or asking your feelings about marriage. Aren't they the same? ****

Actually, for me, if I want to know how someone feels about an issue, I'm more direct. I guess I'm sensing a general approach of talking about an issue in an attempt to find out how I'm feeling about the relationship or about him.

****And he is giving you between now and the day of departure to think about it and for you to come forward if you feel he should not go, for reasons of the heart. And to shock you a bit e.g. I can think independently from you, and you can lose me. Definitely.****

I do feel he should not go for reasons of the heart, yet I don't want to make that decision for him. And if shock is the goal - he succeeded! Not that I'm shocked he would think independently of me, but it did seem to come about rather dramatically. hmmmm....

He is the same in the sense that he would never make a similar, big decision for you. So he will not expect to hear that from you.

But in his dream world, I think he would love to hear you say 'don't go, be by my side' but because he himself would not make statements like that (he would not express so strongly), he cannot even begin to picture you saying it. So yeah, shock therapy it was.

Personally I always think that the other person needs to think completely independently from me whether I am it for him or not. No influencing should be tried in order for him to make up his mind (little bit of witchcraft but no more). So he cannot verbally make it too easy (obvious) for you (big risk in case you don't feel the same) and he wriggles himself in all sorts of directions to make you think for yourself about his place in your life.

again sounds same same... I do talk this way. If i want to push the other person start thinking about certain matters without asking her "hv u given a thought abt our future", i normally pick live examples from others life, or keep the subject and change the characters game or approach the subject from outerspace... Normally i find it hard to tell things openly as if i demand an explantion or brain storming but love to make them get involved into those areas of thoughts and see and learn wats going on inside them without much of direct talk. But once i get wat i need, i hv stayed indecisive for months. lol....

and abt departure thing. If you dont open your mouth and talk things out soon, he is gonna face big issues thinking you dont need him. He needs to make a plan and the plan which he carries now has you in it. Its not easy to change it and he dont have much time left. You need to cooperate. He dont need much of business inputs from you. But on personal life. You say a word, he will throw away his ideas on flying away and will start preparing himself for a life with you in the fastest possible way. and i can almost bet that he is gonna give u a shock with the speed of his brain once you say yes. 😉

Hey - thanks for all the insights!

Update: Last night he said he was thinking about moving to NYC b/c he has friends there and maybe an opportunity.

I took your advice and simply told him, "I don't want you to go, but you have to do what's best for you."

His response - "Well, just because I say it doesn't mean I like the idea."

So, y'all were right - I guess you know yourselves pretty well!

I have many flaws lack of self-awareness is not one.

🙂

It's an air sign thing, I think!

I tend to sometimes be overly self-reflective.