Jealousy...

This topic was created in the Are Libra Men Jealous forum by Geminlove on Friday, November 14, 2014 and has 32 replies.
Astrology says librans dont get jealous but IRL (in my exp) you guys do and it ain't pretty lol Have you ever tried to make someone jealous on purpose (gf/bf/ex)?
Pls include your moon sign...im curious smile
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Posted by Geminlove
Astrology says librans dont get jealous but IRL (in my exp) you guys do and it ain't pretty lol Have you ever tried to make someone jealous on purpose (gf/bf/ex)?
Pls include your moon sign...im curious smile


Um, they do get jealous!! Not crazy jealous but I feel territorial... It takes a lot and it really depends I think on the Moon, Venus and Mars.
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I get territorial too but that is about it. I won't put up a fight though if they strayed with another. I always figured if he wanted to be with that person he would be regardless of anything I could do.
Plus while I enjoy feeling possessed to a certain degree, I wouldn't want to feel like I would have to be constantly mindful of another person's issues with jealousy. It's too controlling and too boring and never gets you anywhere in the end.
moon in sag
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Overall I am not jealous. Never was.
In a relationship, I am not as jealous as I am territorial/possessive. There's the difference there.

If I find a women overly comfortable for my taste with my guy (touches, hugs etc...), that bothers me. My bull digs that, so it doesn't make trouble between us, we are alike in that matter so it actually makes us even more connected when it happens.
What if I don't like that he hugs her? What if I am jealous of him hugging her? If there is no valid and obvious reason that he is disrespecting me, then the problem is in me. My insecurities. Jealousy is very toxic.
Once, when in high school I tried to make my ex jealous. I didn't like it, not even a bit. I only felt bad about myself.
Cancer Moon
Leo Venus
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@tiz: what made you stop making the scorp jealous?
@lucyL: are you a taurus or a libra... @_@ so confused smile for me personally having female friends or his best friend as a female is fine except no flirting or anything of that sort.....and to think i have a gem moon and gem sun _???_??
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I dont know who wrote that about us. I'ma a libra sun and moon. I get jealous but I wont act on it. I may joke and say "she wants you" or "she was all over you"....a guy kinda has to read between the lines to know I'm jealous. Even with my jealousy its not out of control and its not often. If I feel secure in the relationship I'm not jealous...more like territorial and possessive. It's like "dont touch"
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I have tried to make my boyfriend jealous but it wasnt like the main purpose of whatever I was doing. It was like the 2nd or 3rd reason I was doing whatever I was doing. Like with my ex leo I would talk about hanging out with other guys just for conversation (since he HAD to be on the phone all the time geez) knowing it would make him jealous and kinda doing it to.
My reason for making them jealous is with good intentions though. I want them to deal with their jealous...face it so they realize they have nothing to be jealous of.
Texted my Taurus boyfriend last night saying I was tipsy. He knows I have like NO friends. And he isnt too happy today. I do that so he'll get it.
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Posted by Geminlove

@lucyL: are you a taurus or a libra... @_@ so confused smile for me personally having female friends or his best friend as a female is fine except no flirting or anything of that sort.....and to think i have a gem moon and gem sun _???_???


I'm Libra Sun. It's ok, by the post from Taurus forum you concluded I am one. On that particular post, I was commenting more from the Leo Rising point of view.
Anyhow...back to the topic. smile
I will be territorial and possessive over him with every woman that I personally don't know, yet. I won't say anything, I won't demand something from him or ask him not to do this and that, I won't act rude towards her or him. I am just going to observe and make my presence, my place by his side known (no, I won't sit in his lap all the time or hold his arm all the time).
When I get comfortable with her, when I establish certain relationship or communication with her, then I'll be completely comfortable with her being with him.
It's just like that. I never had trust issues, nor do I have now, it is more about xyher appearing on my territory, then about him. I won't have to hide that from him, cause he will know how I feel. He reads me good and that's a bliss for me. As long as he understands that, all is well.
I don't think ^ that's a typical Libra behavior, but more of a Leo thing.
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Posted by tiziani
What's the difference between being jealous and being possessive?
Playing devil's advocate here but isn't being possessive/territorial just another way of describing being jealous of your own partner?


Perhaps being territorial is a way to set a boundary for others to notice and respect while jealously stems from our mate going beyond that boundary to catch the attention of another.
One is an attempts to be protective of the relationship while the other attempts to control your partner's behaviour.
Maybe??
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Posted by tiziani
What's the difference between being jealous and being possessive?
Playing devil's advocate here but isn't being possessive/territorial just another way of describing being jealous of your own partner?


To me personally there's a little bit of difference. Jealousy deals more with anxiety, fear or insecurity and possessiveness with selfishness.
Someone wrote this on net. and I like the way this person put it:
if you're jealous: you feel inadequate when something you want is not yours.
if you're possessive: you feel that something IS yours and that you have some sort of deserved ownership over it.
Actually none of it in high doses are healthy. That's why I like to say for myself that I am possessive in some dose. I know I don't OWN my partner, he is not an item. Still, he is MY guy, just as much as I am HIS girl. We don't own each other, but we both gave our hearts, bodies, time, mind etc. to each other.
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Posted by RainDancer88
Posted by tiziani
What's the difference between being jealous and being possessive?
Playing devil's advocate here but isn't being possessive/territorial just another way of describing being jealous of your own partner?


Jealous = wanting what you don't have, possessive = wanting to keep what you do have to yourself.
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Maybe it's just semantics. I've said before I'm territorial not jealous. To me there's a difference. I liked tiz's description of defending the relationship versus controlling the person. I won't stop you from leaving but I will run another man off.
Someone else (Lucy?) described having this feeling (call it what you will) when she felt someone getting too close to her man. Not because he did something, because the other woman did.
Actions that would inspire jealousy are very close to one's that would make me feel betrayal. I don't sweat the little shit.
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Posted by LibraSid
Posted by RainDancer88
Posted by tiziani
What's the difference between being jealous and being possessive?
Playing devil's advocate here but isn't being possessive/territorial just another way of describing being jealous of your own partner?


Jealous = wanting what you don't have, possessive = wanting to keep what you do have to yourself.


Maybe it's just semantics. I've said before I'm territorial not jealous. To me there's a difference. I liked tiz's description of defending the relationship versus controlling the person. I won't stop you from leaving but I will run another man off.
Someone else (Lucy?) described having this feeling (call it what you will) when she felt someone getting too close to her man. Not because he did something, because the other woman did.
Actions that would inspire jealousy are very close to one's that would make me feel betrayal. I don't sweat the little shit.
click to expand


*ahem*
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Posted by LibraSid
Someone else (Lucy?) described having this feeling (call it what you will) when she felt someone getting too close to her man. Not because he did something, because the other woman did.


Here is the example:
Me and my guy have dinner with his best friend and friend's girlfriend. I met his friend and hanged with him before and his girl for the first time. They are in a relationship for few years. My guy hangs with them both for years.
Obviously she adores my guy's hair and its her habit to touch it. So, that evening at one point she did it. Play with it, made braid etc. Now, I know she is simply being sisterly towards him (much older then him), I know that there is absolutely nothing sexual there, still I have this feeling that she shouldn't be doing that as she used to so freely, in front of me especially if she just met me. It's called respect. I would never do that to her guy, never mind if me and him are good friends.
It's not jealousy definitely, maybe possessiveness, but the best word I find to express the feeling is being territorial.
I haven't said or done anything that evening, no complaining or dramatizing, no playing offended. After a month or two of hanging together when she wanted to play again with his hair, she looked at me and asked me can she do it. At that point I was already comfortable with her and I didn't mind it at all. It was simply nice gesture to ask.
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I liked jeane's response to tiz's question... Tongue
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Posted by LibraSid
I liked jeane's response to tiz's question... Tongue


awww, that's ok smile I share her's opinion anyways, just wanted to gave my personal example on that.
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Damn i can't win. That was for jeane's "ahem". I misattributed her comment to tiz.
I get what you're saying and agree. Some things cause a quick little feeling to pop up but you recognize it and keep yourself in check. Don't sweat the small stuff.
When I'm in a good relationship, I'm not jealous in the slightest. There's definitely lines, but theyre more about respect of the relationship anyway. If those are crossed there's a bigger issue that jealousy won't resolve.
I've had people try to make me jealous, instead it cheapened my view of them.
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Posted by LibraSid
I liked jeane's response to tiz's question... Tongue


Winking
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Posted by tiziani
Posted by LibraSid

I've had people try to make me jealous, instead it cheapened my view of them.


Yeah I agree with this. Also ended up in the ridiculous situation where I was asked to fake jealousy just to keep an Aries happy that I was "afraid to lose them". It was my fault for obliging but on the few times I did it i felt like it was a waste of everyone's time all together.
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I'd rather use passion to show someone I don't want to lose them. Jealousy gets so messy. I feed off of good energy. If it's too much negativity and silly drama, I can't deal with it.
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Posted by tiziani
What's the difference between being jealous and being possessive?
Playing devil's advocate here but isn't being possessive/territorial just another way of describing being jealous of your own partner?


Jealousy is when your partner uses a pet name for a person and you're like "WTF...EXCUSE....ME." That's jealousy.

Territorial is when you give PDA the rest of the night so that whoever they called a pet name knows it was just a pet name and meant nothing...because you've made it CLEAR that...this is your territory.
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Possessiveness and being territorial is what we do BECAUSE we get jealous and are trying to prevent ourselves from going off balance...and knocking someone ...the fuck...out.
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Posted by Gemican01
My libra man claims to never get jealous he prefers the term selfish. He says it's more of him being selfish with my love/attention/adoration...he doesn't like when others get in the way of that. He's a taurus moon though so I can see this happening, but hey I'm a taurus moon also.


I dunno. My Libra ex said something similar. Don't recall his moon but he had Scorp venus. His words- "I don't share well with others."
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Posted by tiziani
What's the difference between being jealous and being possessive?
Playing devil's advocate here but isn't being possessive/territorial just another way of describing being jealous of your own partner?


@Tiz..that was my question too...jealousy and possessiveness is pretty much the same thing. Bottom line..you can't control anyone and the only way your relationship can EVER be infiltrated is if one of the people in the relationship allows someone else to interfere. You should never have to fight for love, honor and respect. In my book, it's a given if true love is at stake. I've never been a jealous person because I was always pretty secure within myself and honestly, if I felt a person didn't want to be with me, I just bowed out gracefully. Never felt the need to be in competition with anyone else. Now, some folks may call it arrogance or just plain ole AIRY(pun intended..lol), but that's just how I've always felt, and I still feel that way today. It doesn't lessen the pain of love, but it just helps you move forward a little faster, so that time is not wasted. Why bring unnecessary drama in your life worrying about things you have no control of because like I said, you can't control other people.
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Posted by Gemican01
My libra man claims to never get jealous he prefers the term selfish. He says it's more of him being selfish with my love/attention/adoration...he doesn't like when others get in the way of that. He's a taurus moon though so I can see this happening, but hey I'm a taurus moon also.


I dunno..that's borderline obsessiveness, and being that he has a Taurus moon, that's VERY likely. Plus, you're a Taurus moon as well, and you both have that in common, so you compliment each other..lol. I dated two Taurus guys when I was younger and they were awesome guys. Very lovable and attention giving, but they were a little too clingy and jealous for me, but that was just my experience. However, he has to know that you have other friends..both male and female and you will always have to interact with others. One thing I'm learning on this site is how different Libra Male and Libra Females are. I think we both have the general characteristics, but it seems we are very different when it comes to certain things in relationships, but I also think it has a lot do with age. Women seem to mature much faster than men, and MOST older Libra men or more seasoned and experienced so their outlook more than likely will be very different. Anyway, aside from that, Taurus folks are great people. One of the guys I actually saw as marriage material
smile
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Posted by Gemican01
Oh I've dated a taurus sun he was wayyyyy jealous and not scared to admit it he was so obsessive he became abusive, I enjoy my libra a lot better he needs a lot of attention and if he sees it drifting instead of freaking out on me like the taurus sun did he just starts to be all over me which I defiantly prefer.


Yessss..they were both Taurus Suns, so they had it bad..lol, but again, they were two of the sweetest guys I had ever met. We're still friends til this day. Their very loyal in friendships.
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This is really interesting, how different people perceive it. Being jealous or possessive.
To me, is clear as day that it is not the same thing. They both maybe belong in the same category, but they are definitely not the same. That is something any therapist would say. If you want to "cure" it, control it, then take a good look were from does each come from.
Jealousy very often deals with delusions and fears (imagining your guy is cheating you cause you are insecure, or cause he is friendly with some other girl you think he like's her, or if he buy his mother flowers and you are jealous cause he gave attention to her and not you etc...).
Possessiveness in it's essence is relating to ownership or having something. So when you say: this is MY girlfriend/boyfriend, you in the very start are saying that you have/possess him/her. If you have a healthy attitude, then you'll know that you cannot own a person and you cannot deny him/her of his/her free will, cause you don't approve something. You also won't forbid other people to touch him/her just 'cause you don't like when someone who you don't approve touches/hugs yourself, your guitar, your bike, your cat or dog, or your guy- cause is precious to you (you don't trust the person and you are overprotective). When it escalates and you start to be controlling and selfish, that's dangerous possessive behavior.
I had possessive guys. Heck, I am with one and in that particular dose is more then ok. Had one really one and that was scary- why? cause his habit was to accuse me of things that are not there, that he imagined out of his own fears and insecurities.
In all honesty, I thing every single human has a potential to be either jealous or possessive. Those things grows or not.
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I get what you are saying Tiz. It's a fine line.
there are similarities. Both want to control something; jealously is your partner to behave a certain way and possessiveness is to control others into behaving a way we deem appropriate.
i think the difference comes when you look the cause of those actions.
jealousy is "why not me?"
Why doesn't he look at me that way?
Why can't i get his attention?
why doesn't he want to look that good for me?
it is from a sense of insecurity in the relationship. i am not getting what i want so i will try to make you conform. there is a sense you are missing out.
possessiveness is more about boundaries. this is the way i expect to be treated - by my partner, by others. you are my partner with that comes a level of respect not found in other relationships/friendships.
like sid said, jealousy is felt when there has been some sort of betrayal.
but there are shades of grey and i can see how one can almost be used interchangeably with the other.
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and i think possessive stems from a sense of moral and ethical duty so it is constant and rational. jealously is more emotional and therefore can be irrational and illogical.
actually, i'm not i really believe that myself....but it sounds good doesn't it? Big Grin
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i am not really sure i believe that*
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Posted by tiziani
You know more than me on this subject evidently so I'm asking only to understand - what exactly is the difference between the imagined outcomes of a jealous person and a possessive person? It seems to me like they both imagine the same ultimate scenario happening - and so the intent is similar.


Tiz, I really am no expert on the subject, it is really only my point of view. I made my pov on personal experiences being with some possessive guys (Taurus exclusively, each to a different extent) and one too jealous guy for my taste, I felt the difference.

The ultimate scenario?
Well of course if both jealousy and possessiveness are out of hand (cause usually is to expect for a human being to have this feelings in some dose), then the ultimate scenario WILL be devastating for a person in a relationship with them or some second party. (hurting someone, locking someone..etc)
They ARE both controlling behaviors after all. No one is saying they are not, no one is denying that and I guess that is what you are trying to say. I agree with you on that, but to be treated or controlled one needs to know what each means, cause obviously if they are the same thing they would be called the same. They are different.
If I was a therapies and I had a patient with jealousy problem and another with possessive behavior problem, I would approach their treatments different for each. On many occasions I've read: do not mistake possessiveness with jealousy, and I agree with that.
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Posted by Octoberfrost
Posted by lucyL

To me, is clear as day that it is not the same thing. They both maybe belong in the same category, but they are definitely not the same.
Possessiveness in it's essence is relating to ownership or having something. So when you say: this is MY girlfriend/boyfriend, you in the very start are saying that you have/possess him/her. If you have a healthy attitude, then you'll know that you cannot own a person and you cannot deny him/her of his/her free will, cause you don't approve something. You also won't forbid other people to touch him/her just 'cause you don't like when someone who you don't approve touches/hugs yourself, your guitar, your bike, your cat or dog, or your guy- cause is precious to you (you don't trust the person and you are overprotective).


But if someone IS yours, then why do you feel the need to be possessive of them? I'm also curious how that works. I'm possessive of my car because anyone can steal or damage it when I'm not around. My (hypothetical) boyfriend? Not so much. He recognizes when someone oversteps their boundaries and is quick to put them in their place. He respects me and is smart enough to know that I don't want damaged goods. Tongue
Perhaps its "arrogance" as Tiziani suggested, but I've never felt jealous or possessive in my relationships because I've always trusted my partner to never let it get to the point where it would make me feel uneasy.
There's the desire to possess someone out of fear of abandonment, and then there's the desire to protect someone out of love and affection (which is not the same as being jealous or possessive, in my opinion).
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I agree with many things you said.
In a healthy human terms, saying one is a bit possessive like for example my guy, doesn't have anything to do with not having trust or insecurity. It's the desire to proclaim to the world he/she is MINE. He is not jealous, not suspicious, not controlling, very supportive and trusts me. But he is a bit possessive in a way that he doesn't like another male being over comfortable touching me. He thinks, she is MINE. I understand that and I would think the same. I find it normal to feel that way. If he would forbid me seeing that man, THEN I would find it problematic and that relationship would be over.
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I rarely get jealous but I'm very possessive. What's mine is mine, you can look but you can't touch and no flirting or any improper behavior. I expect proper decorum at all times.
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I am never irrationally jealous, except possibly in the beginning of relationships, when no matter what I felt unsure of where i stood. (Venus Scorp. I fall fast and hard and want all of that person immediately, the moment i fall. It's ridiculous honestly.)
We've been married almost two years and i haven't felt jealous at all for many years. The only ex I've ever thought of making jealous is the one with whom it did not end mutually and he offered me no closure. (I've never had the opportunity thank goodness. Once i became rational i realized he wouldn't care at all! Lol)
I do however have a few mean bones and my husbands ex is a bear i enjoy poking. (She's made it clear that she still hasn't moved on.) She was an awful cookiemonster to him and said some very unkind, uncalled-for words to me so I do think it would be fun to see her out in public and make out with hubs or something. It's really just a fantasy. I wouldn't actually do it. I don't enjoy being unkind.
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