Just a bout of frustration...

This topic was created in the Libra forum by herlimbicmind on Sunday, June 26, 2016 and has 14 replies.
Okay, my Libra "friend"... I'm a Sag... we had a one night tryst and I opted to just be a friend when he became really evasive. Since I took sex off the table, we chat daily and deeply. He tells me things he doesn't tell him other close friends.

He lost a friend last weekend and it was hard for him. He talked to me through the night and I gave him a couple days of space before he reached out to be and again started talking daily.

I won't lie. I am totally into him, but he's made it clear he's still in love with his ex and I won't be a filler or chase him.

The ex (a gem) went off to college and she's gone for at least another year (though hasn't given him any indication that she's coming back other than random moments here and there).

In the mean time, he fills the void with random women... I know the one he's currently sleeping with. He insists they won't ever be a thing and that it is simply "whiskey and waitresses"... That's his deal. He copes how he needs to... but what bugs me is that he talks to me about all of this deep stuff... he sends me music and plays for me, he talks to me about his ex... but he seems to ignore me at times when he's around her.

Why?

That might be a stupid question but I'm pretty oblivious of some things.

So, why? Why does he keeps me at a distance when he's with her?

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Posted by herlimbicmind
he fills the void with random women... I know the one he's currently sleeping with. He insists they won't ever be a thing and that it is simply "whiskey and waitresses"...

That's his deal. He copes how he needs to... but what bugs me is that he talks to me about all of this deep stuff... he sends me music and plays for me, he talks to me about his ex... but he seems to ignore me at times when he's around her.

Why?

That might be a stupid question but I'm pretty oblivious of some things.

So, why? Why does he keeps me at a distance when he's with her?


When she is absent from his life he uses random women that he fucks to fill the physical void. With you he is filling an emotional void.

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That makes sense. Fuck.
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Yikes sadly men do this all the time.
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Yikes sadly men do this all the time. Ones that aren't emotionally stable. Or jump into this way too quickly.
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It is frustrating to say the least. Trying to retract myself from it. I generally take it day by day.

I try to remind myself that he needs to balance too. Obviously, the Libra piece and I struggle with that because I'm very go, go, go and process quickly...

One day at a time.
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Posted by herlimbicmind
It is frustrating to say the least. Trying to retract myself from it. I generally take it day by day.

I try to remind myself that he needs to balance too. Obviously, the Libra piece and I struggle with that because I'm very go, go, go and process quickly...

One day at a time.
For as long as you have feelings, this will continue to be an issue for you.

His using you for emotional stability is going to wear you down after awhile. He'll also likely drop you the second someone else comes into his life that'll fill that role. It's noble to want to be the shoulder to cry on/emotional go to, but when you have those creeping "more" feelings for him, it'll end up a trainwreck in the end.
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Do you really think that is what is happening here?

I consider it a possibility, sure.

But I also know he's a really good guy and has been really honest when I've asked him about his feelings and where he's at...

I'm not trying to be naive about it.
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Posted by herlimbicmind
Do you really think that is what is happening here?

I consider it a possibility, sure.

But I also know he's a really good guy and has been really honest when I've asked him about his feelings and where he's at...

I'm not trying to be naive about it.
Yet, here you are, being naive about it.

I've been down this road several times with guys. This is what they tend to do. You think you're cool and in a good "friend" place with them, but then shit happens (usually another women who will give them that same thing). Sure, there's a chance he's legit, but tbh, knowing he has sob stories, a history with an ex he can't get over... I wouldn't put it past him to ditch you when something else came along.

But don't get any wishful thinking that this'll turn into something more or he'll be this uber reliable bff. A lot of guys aren't prone to keeping women around "just because." There's usually a reason, whether it be physical or emotional.

All that aside, keep in mind that ANYONE who latches on to a new friend really quickly or opens up really quickly, making sweeping claims about your new friendship are fickle, flaky people who will be gone just as quickly as they arrived.

Go ahead and keep doing what you're doing, but I don't see this faring well down the road. Time will tell, tbh.
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Sounds like he's just using you emotional support it's because he loves the other girl and until he stops he's not going to be able to give any of that love to you or anyone else.

but obviously he respects you on a small level and considers you as a friend because you're not just like the other people he's talking to you but you have to prepare yourself to hear something that you may not want to...that he's not into you like you think he is.

you know? whether or not that changes in the future, whatever. But you need to keep in mind that he loves his ex still so there is no point of having hope of him being for you other than just being his friend right now and if you can't see him as just a friend then you probably shouldn't talk to him because it's not going to be beneficial for you because you're just gonnaa sit around and watch him go with her and ignore you and your going and get your feelings caught up deeper and deeper while he is not doing the same it's not mutual right now. and even if it was and he's not telling you, it's not benefiting you.

So my suggestion would be if you can't totally friendzone him then just cut him off because if not you not going to be happy and like you don't sound too happy right now you know I don't know personally I wouldn't be able to sit there with someone who has feelings for someone else because if I like you then I want you. I don't want to be your friend you know?? & if I want to be your friend and strictly your friend that's cool otherwise, hell no because that's wasting my time. Im not going to sit around and wait for you when I can have like anyone else I want who's actually wants me back.
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I officially backed off and called him on his shit.

it was a good conversation. We will be casual. And I moved on.

He told me he had feeling for me but couldn't commit to them and I told him that was great but wasn't enough for me but that I appreciated the honesty.

It was really closure for me.

Thanks for the input everyone.
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Librasetting, I can assure you that wasn't the case. I wasn't the one screwing other people. I was very clear about my feelings and I didn't use him by any means.

If anyone was "used" in this situation, it was me. But I don't look at it that way because it is a growing opportunity and we'll be better friends for it.

All is well, but I'm sorry women have used you in the past.
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Posted by Librasetting
He had no clue you liked him and thought you were just friends...you fucked up not him it's your fault and I hate woman like you he also probably feels used, I know I would iv been used a lot by woman just like you claiming to just be "friends".


How old are you, fuckboy? That's all you sound like in your posts- a fuckboy.

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Posted by busyeyes88
Posted by Librasetting
He had no clue you liked him and thought you were just friends...you fucked up not him it's your fault and I hate woman like you he also probably feels used, I know I would iv been used a lot by woman just like you claiming to just be "friends".
Typical libra... Always someone else's fault.. They can never admit blame or their part in a wrongful act.
click to expand
More like typical fuckboy.

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