Libra going cold
This topic was created in the Libra forum by libragal76 on Friday, March 27, 2009 and has 27 replies.
Ok guys, I need advice on this, to me it doesn't make sense.
I am a Libra and was seeing this Libra guy. We met sparks flew, he was HOT then feelings started to grow and we both saw that. He said he is guarded, but told me if anybody was able to drop that guard it would be me. So I went with the flow. Then I stopped calling him for 2 days, and he blew up the cell and home phone, that showed me he does care. I saw him the other night, and we both told each other then that feelings was starting to grow, he said he did not want a relationship right now because he is to scared of being hurt. Well today I talked to him since that night, and now he is telling me that we should talk on the phone or through e-mail, see other every now and again. Get to know each other more. What THE HELL??? It went from doing 90mph including sex, to this? He said if you cant handle that I understand, but this is how I feel, to think about it over the week-end and he would talk to me on Sunday. Guys I am sorry I don't get it. I have tried to figure this one out, but it boggles my mind. He also said to me that we both just got out of a relationship, and we could be just missing what we had, and having someone there, Which could be true, but why stop what has already started? I REALLLLLLY like this guy. We click on all the levels, and he told me that he did not want to lose me. I am not sure how to handle this situation. I know he isn't in to mind games, but yet I think this might be what he is doing, but hell I ain't even sure of that. Please tell me what you guys think, I am lost.
I am a Libra and was seeing this Libra guy. We met sparks flew, he was HOT then feelings started to grow and we both saw that. He said he is guarded, but told me if anybody was able to drop that guard it would be me. So I went with the flow. Then I stopped calling him for 2 days, and he blew up the cell and home phone, that showed me he does care. I saw him the other night, and we both told each other then that feelings was starting to grow, he said he did not want a relationship right now because he is to scared of being hurt. Well today I talked to him since that night, and now he is telling me that we should talk on the phone or through e-mail, see other every now and again. Get to know each other more. What THE HELL??? It went from doing 90mph including sex, to this? He said if you cant handle that I understand, but this is how I feel, to think about it over the week-end and he would talk to me on Sunday. Guys I am sorry I don't get it. I have tried to figure this one out, but it boggles my mind. He also said to me that we both just got out of a relationship, and we could be just missing what we had, and having someone there, Which could be true, but why stop what has already started? I REALLLLLLY like this guy. We click on all the levels, and he told me that he did not want to lose me. I am not sure how to handle this situation. I know he isn't in to mind games, but yet I think this might be what he is doing, but hell I ain't even sure of that. Please tell me what you guys think, I am lost.
Well he told me that his feelings are starting to grow for me, then at the same time told me that we need to lock it up and slow down. Talk on the phone and see each other EVERY now and again. Which makes no damn sense to me at all!!
I thought it would be easy for me since he is a Libra himself to understand him, but NOPE!
Well now he doesn't want even sex just friends
Don't waste time trying to understand him, YOU NEVER WILL, he's scared, he's lazy, he's emotionally unavailable, don't own his issues, don't take ownership of why he's unwilling to do a relationship with you, there could be many reasons on his end some valid some invalid, who cares, all you need to care about is YOU and taking care of you. He's back pedal'n and trying to take the relationship back to stage one the honeymoon phase, that phase is gone, you will never get that back that is why I say move on unless you want to be strung along. If you choose to stick around you will not feel cherished, you will feel anxious, feel uneasy, feel slighted, bored with his antics. So really it's up to you, stay and go through a few months of being completely focused on a man that is resistant to doing a real relationship and losing YOU because your so focused on trying to understand him, win him, convince him or you can move on to a new guy that is more willing...it's really your call
Posted by libragal76
Well now he doesn't want even sex just friends
tell him no thanks, see ya
don't settle libragal, you will be stuck
Well he told me in the start he wasnt ready for a relationship, then said he would go with the flow but he is very guarded..So that is what we did, and got to this point.....
well he's told you that he doesn't want a relationship, you have to decide to continue knowing the truth that he doesn't want that with you or continue to invest. When he told you he wasn't ready for a relationship that was your que to say I do want a relationship not today but as we spend time together I expect more from you or not go there with him...women really need to be honest with themselves when it comes to these kind of situations...too many women are opting to settle in hopes that he will miraculously change his mind, if a man says I'm not open for a realationship, I'm not ready, I'm not sure, I'm confused, that is male language for I don't want to be in a relationship WITH YOU. If you decide to stick around then you are telling him you are okay with things on his terms and you are creating this lopsided luxury were he's getting all his needs met and your most likely on the begging end of the relationship.
A man will throw it all away for the right woman, he's not throwing it all away so your not the right woman for him
A man will throw it all away for the right woman, he's not throwing it all away so your not the right woman for him
Your right, I allowed myself to be put in this situation, but he acted as though he was going to give it a chance. Its my own fault. I just had false hope. Hell I asked him would he allow himself to be open to see where it goes, just let it take its course. yes, then no today, Said he cant to afraid of being hurt. Ok why in gods name blow up my phone trying to get me to talk to him when I was ok with just going on?
Then turn around and do this?
well let me ask you something ....How do I switch the tables to where I am cold to him...Such as what could I text him to let him know without saying bye asshole, and let him do the chasing??
What I am wanting is to shift this. He is in control and I want back control. I need to let him know just enough but make his ass wonder the rest...I did the whole ignoring his calls and like a stupid woman, admitted to him I did that to see if you care so that one is out, so now what
Posted by sweetsherrie
just get a new boyfriend!
DING DING DING...I have to let someone else say it, if I say it then I'm a man hater LOL
It would be much easier to get with a man that is on the same page as you, this guy is not and it will just be an uphill struggle, don't waste anymore time on him, the more time you give the more emotionally invested you become which makes it harder for you to let go
I know what you all are saying, and right now I am so glad to hear advice. I just want to make it clear to him somehow with a text. Its like ok u want to toy with my head let me do u that way and gain control of it again. If I ignore it with out having the last word oh damn lol....I just want to turn the tables to where he is chasing me and allow me to ignore him. I thought if I sent a message to make him wonder and then stop it there that it might work or make me feel better
Posted by libragal76
I know what you all are saying, and right now I am so glad to hear advice. I just want to make it clear to him somehow with a text. Its like ok u want to toy with my head let me do u that way and gain control of it again. If I ignore it with out having the last word oh damn lol....I just want to turn the tables to where he is chasing me and allow me to ignore him. I thought if I sent a message to make him wonder and then stop it there that it might work or make me feel better
Oh lord, just leave it...do nothing, say nothing and move on, let him figure out what you are thinking, let him wonder, stop being a dayum telegraph operater, stop being transparent BORING YAWN...if you don't ever want to go through these kind of things, no sex until you get a committed exclusive relationship, when you choose to have sex with a man before getting the relationship you want then this is the type of non-sensical crap women have to deal with.
You playing head games won't work, it just makes you look immature and desperate, grow up, be a lady, admit your mistake and let that clown kick rocks...LEARN from your mistake, think about what it was that made you believe he wanted more with you and be aware so when the next guy shows up you won't fall into this kind of crap again, you did this with the cancer guy as well, LEARN and BE different, do it differently as to not continue to go from one guy to another, make a clean break and begin to break the cycle
He doesn't need to know everything your thinking and feeling and you don't want to start playing this power trip head game get him back kind of relationship, he's said he's not available, respect that and let it go, yes he was misleading but now you know he has no interest in pursuing a relationship, I know I'm a woman, we have our pride as well but why waste more time, it won't make it change...
Your right!!!
What if I text him saying... I am taking the time re-evaluate my own feelings
I want to but need to make sure of what u guys think of it...I think it would but???
Right now hun, between him and the last I am about ready to tell them ALL to kiss my ass LOL
It just kills me is all. For some reason when things get out of hand I feel the need to control it. I am trying to make sense out of something that will never make sense.
You know what, i was kind of going through the same sort of thing but i'm really good at the cold and indifferent thing because i have alot of Leo pride/stubbourness and don't like giving in... so i guess that helps.
I realised something during the whole process and i thought it might give you something to think about....
He is thinking about.... what he wants and what he needs.
I think you've been so caught up in trying to fill his wants and needs that you've forgotten to think about what it is you want and need.
He obviously hasn't thought about what you want, or he would have asked you what it is you want from the relationship instead of you having to tell him whatever you think he wants to hear.
So think about this...
What do you want from a relationship and what is it that you need from a relationship?
Is this guy filling your wants and needs or are filling his?
Is he giving you the attention, affection, warmth, security, stability that you want from a relationship?
...Or is he too caught up in himself to offer it or even think about it? Do you really want a relationship like this or do you want to feel like and be treated with the same respect and love that you give to someone?
I realised something during the whole process and i thought it might give you something to think about....
He is thinking about.... what he wants and what he needs.
I think you've been so caught up in trying to fill his wants and needs that you've forgotten to think about what it is you want and need.
He obviously hasn't thought about what you want, or he would have asked you what it is you want from the relationship instead of you having to tell him whatever you think he wants to hear.
So think about this...
What do you want from a relationship and what is it that you need from a relationship?
Is this guy filling your wants and needs or are filling his?
Is he giving you the attention, affection, warmth, security, stability that you want from a relationship?
...Or is he too caught up in himself to offer it or even think about it? Do you really want a relationship like this or do you want to feel like and be treated with the same respect and love that you give to someone?
Posted by somechick
You know what, i was kind of going through the same sort of thing but i'm really good at the cold and indifferent thing because i have alot of Leo pride/stubbourness and don't like giving in... so i guess that helps.
I realised something during the whole process and i thought it might give you something to think about....
He is thinking about.... what he wants and what he needs.
I think you've been so caught up in trying to fill his wants and needs that you've forgotten to think about what it is you want and need.
He obviously hasn't thought about what you want, or he would have asked you what it is you want from the relationship instead of you having to tell him whatever you think he wants to hear.
So think about this...
What do you want from a relationship and what is it that you need from a relationship?
Is this guy filling your wants and needs or are filling his?
Is he giving you the attention, affection, warmth, security, stability that you want from a relationship?
...Or is he too caught up in himself to offer it or even think about it? Do you really want a relationship like this or do you want to feel like and be treated with the same respect and love that you give to someone?
Great post!!
Posted by libragal76
Ok guys, I need advice on this, to me it doesn't make sense.
I am a Libra and was seeing this Libra guy. We met sparks flew, he was HOT then feelings started to grow and we both saw that. He said he is guarded, but told me if anybody was able to drop that guard it would be me. So I went with the flow. Then I stopped calling him for 2 days, and he blew up the cell and home phone, that showed me he does care. I saw him the other night, and we both told each other then that feelings was starting to grow, he said he did not want a relationship right now because he is to scared of being hurt. Well today I talked to him since that night, and now he is telling me that we should talk on the phone or through e-mail, see other every now and again. Get to know each other more. What THE HELL??? It went from doing 90mph including sex, to this? He said if you cant handle that I understand, but this is how I feel, to think about it over the week-end and he would talk to me on Sunday. Guys I am sorry I don't get it. I have tried to figure this one out, but it boggles my mind. He also said to me that we both just got out of a relationship, and we could be just missing what we had, and having someone there, Which could be true, but why stop what has already started? I REALLLLLLY like this guy. We click on all the levels, and he told me that he did not want to lose me. I am not sure how to handle this situation. I know he isn't in to mind games, but yet I think this might be what he is doing, but hell I ain't even sure of that. Please tell me what you guys think, I am lost.
Libra girl you had sex with this guy early in the relationship. IMO that's what did it. I hate to say it but he may of lost some respect for you. You might have been is rebound from his ex.
On the up side he may realize he does want to have a relationship with you. Got to wait and see I guess.
When I read through this thread, something went 'BINGO!' in my head. I dont do well with wordiness and may have missed some points here. But Libragal76, he is getting serious about you.. I dont even know why you dont see it. He has spelled it out for you that many dont even do. He just needs some space, and wants to take it slow. Nothing better than that. What's the rush? You're not gonna die tomorrow. Things need to be slow, you're not going to lose him, so don't worry!
reminds me so much of what I went through.. this "mind game" thing is not really mind games. take it slow and easy, try to work it out from this point. He's not toying with your head. he's just confused and dont pressure!
oh, and Libras are cold. dont tell me you dont know that lol.
mmmm.. if you want him to go away for good, then continue to panick and let it burst up in flames beyond redemption. If not, just hang in there and try to understand why. its not all bad at all. People need space, especially air signs. =)
reminds me so much of what I went through.. this "mind game" thing is not really mind games. take it slow and easy, try to work it out from this point. He's not toying with your head. he's just confused and dont pressure!
oh, and Libras are cold. dont tell me you dont know that lol.
mmmm.. if you want him to go away for good, then continue to panick and let it burst up in flames beyond redemption. If not, just hang in there and try to understand why. its not all bad at all. People need space, especially air signs. =)
Read your first post again, objectively, like you're another person. like Duh, you already answered your question in that post. In response to eric, no I dont think its the sex, nor the ex. The answers are in the passage :
1. "He said he is guarded, but told me if anybody was able to drop that guard it would be me."
2. "he did not want a relationship right now because he is to scared of being hurt"
Scared of being hurt and just got out of a relationship. Why take things fast again? don't mess this one up.. he's trying not to.
1. "He said he is guarded, but told me if anybody was able to drop that guard it would be me."
2. "he did not want a relationship right now because he is to scared of being hurt"
Scared of being hurt and just got out of a relationship. Why take things fast again? don't mess this one up.. he's trying not to.
Posted by spica
Read your first post again, objectively, like you're another person. like Duh, you already answered your question in that post. In response to eric, no I dont think its the sex, nor the ex. The answers are in the passage :
1. "He said he is guarded, but told me if anybody was able to drop that guard it would be me."
2. "he did not want a relationship right now because he is to scared of being hurt"
Scared of being hurt and just got out of a relationship. Why take things fast again? don't mess this one up.. he's trying not to.
I am just being realistic. I think he does like her alot. No doubt about it, but as guy behavior goes it sounds like he is not ready for a relationship with her. When sex gets in there too early it does changes things. However I hope I am wrong but if he is a good looking guy he can find another girl to be with easily as 123.
1. Guys are known for telling girls what they want to hear. The contrary would be bad for us.
2. That maybe the case, thus more the reason this girl should be wary she isn't his rebound. When he is ready he will let her know.
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