Libra guy and lying...

This topic was created in the Libra forum by Inertia1128 on Wednesday, October 13, 2010 and has 27 replies.
Several months ago my libra guy lied to me of his whereabouts, he later told me he visited some of his old friends. When I asked for other details he never told me any except that he had visited some old friends. He never told me whom he had visited and dismissed me from further asking by saying he doesn't want me to interrogate him. He said he had never been unfaithful to me, but I don't see why he had to lie about this incident. Should I consider this as a red flag?
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I learned that he lied through his bro-in-law, when he said libra guy wasn't home yet
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Posted by amethyst2002
They do that. Not always malicious intent, but they do it.


yeah and the sad thing is he made me look bad if I would even push for it...if I ask for the truth and the whys on why he had to keep it from me, he would say that I don't like his friends anyways...
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The problem is I can't get over that "LIE" incident till now and that really had put a strain in our relationship.
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Posted by amethyst2002
They do that. Not always malicious intent, but they do it.


I know libras would lie sometimes to avoid confrontation, and for them to be further judged with what they do. Is this just the defense mechanism of libra guys?
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I had a Libra guy lie to me once that I know of. He did it to try and make me jealous. I guess it was more of an embellishment than a lie but either way it backfired on him. To this day he doesn't realize I knew it was a lie. Instead of making me jealous it made me aggravated and left me feeling like he was trying to be manipulative.
Gosh in your situation I don't know what I would do. I'm kind of a runner but I have slowly started realizing that isn't always the best course of action.
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I lie about things that dont even matter! it really bugs me, im a really honest person but stupid lies just fall out ymouth, like i will say i went home at 10 when it was really 12 for absoloutley no reason!! i dont know what my problem is lol
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haha yeah doesnt make sense but i meant im honest about the things that matter Tongue i'll tell someone if i broke their vase/crashed their car/cheated on them but i might tell a fib about what i had for lunch.
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that's libra! they never ever give straight answers which is really frustrating and they lie about everything, even the little things that aren't even worth lying about?
it's like they don't have an ounce of honour or dignity, and they have no conscience about it either, they have that ability to not give a shit. which really is just lazyness.
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Posted by QLIbraMale
interrogation sounds a bit offensives especially since we do this often. we talk and our words get misinterpreted. as a Libra Male even if I gtg I keep in touch with texts to no worried my lady. But if he can't even give you this respect than you have the right to question him.


So true about the misinterpretation, and then people think you are lying when you try to explain to them what you really meant, soooo frustrating!
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If the Libra is not a complete narcissist or psycho who gets off on "getting away with" shit... in my experience, Libras DO occasionally lie (esp those "lil white lies" or "not mentioning" something) to avoid confrontation or to spare your feelings (or both). It's not usually malicious, but hurts. Had to have a real heart-to-heart with mine to explain that I prefer full honesty to having my "feelings" protected. And then we had to have real situations where I put it into practice.. i.e.
I had found out that he "neglected to mention" his ex (the Sag) asking to meet up with him to talk about that "thing".. (the abortion she had after they broke up -- that she never told him about until AFTER he was with me, over a year later.) He made plans to meet her, but she stood him up and never showed. I found out later (something his best friend said while I was there) and I was upset. I told him I felt like he'd lied to me by not telling me.. that it felt shady, like he's hiding something from me. If meeting up with her is legit and on the up and up, TELL ME about it BEFOREHAND. He argued her abortion was none of my business and I agreed, "You're right - it has nothing to do with me; it's not my business. And I don't want to know what you talk about, I won't even ask. But what IS my business is when MY man is meeting with his EX or ANY woman. All I'm asking is to not be kept in the dark." ... a couple months later, he hesitantly mentioned that she'd had contacted him again and still wanted to meet up with him .. and I smiled and said, "Cool, thanks for letting me know. Hope it goes okay for you."... he was SO surprised, "You mean... you REALLY just wanted to know.. you really don't MIND?".. and I said, "Really really. I just want to know beforehand if my man is meeting up with a woman for any reason. Not telling me feels shady and like you have something to hide."
Incidentally, she bailed again. Several times in the past couple years. Hasn't laid eyes on her since the break up. But then again, she also admitted that she went on a "drunken fuckfest" (her words) after they broke up, but she's POSITIVE it was his baby. I know it wasn't (I "just KNOW").. but my Libra feels bad he "wasn't there for her" then, so he'll try to be there for her now. Maybe she's been getting the reassurance she wants just by him agreeing once again to meet with her -- and I don't think she ever intended to follow through since she's had the same CRAZY JEALOUS bf for almost 3 yrs!
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^^^ um okayyyy...lol(to the person above: i think if the baby got aborted, then there's nothing left for them to discuss. And if they do, it should be about him giving her his half of the money she had to spend on the abortion, everything else in between is erelavant. He's with you now anyway.)
To the woman that posted this topic, PLEASEEEEEE, LIGHTEN UP! Big deal, Like ole girl said, liba's lie. We just do. Most of the time in our mind even if it's small, we felt it nessasary to lie at that point in time that the lie was told. Later, we might be like, "Damn, i didn't even have to lie". But sometimes depending upon the situation we lie anyway, just in case. Normally it's to help our lives run smoother, or to "keep the peace". But as you've read, or heard...it dont quite work out that way for us all the time...lol. But understand, the small once aren't to hurt you. I lie in relationships, but they are really small ones, like what time i get off, what i ate, small things. In the past, my ex got mad because i lied about what i ate, but it was only because he was always down my throat about gaining wieght. I only wieghed 125, geesh im 22 wit no kids i got room to gain if you ask me...lol
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Posted by pinklibra
^^^ um okayyyy...lol(to the person above: i think if the baby got aborted, then there's nothing left for them to discuss. And if they do, it should be about him giving her his half of the money she had to spend on the abortion, everything else in between is erelavant. He's with you now anyway.)


Agreed, and I cannot even imagine what she might feel the need to discuss... how she dumped him and went on a "fuckfest" and months later, got an abortion that "wrecked" her? I feel bad for her, I do... but what can he do for her now? I mean, he and I had only been dating about 6 weeks when she told him about the abortion and yes, it was a HUGE blow to him (he has NO kids!)... and then asked to meet up with him. He kept it from me to "keep the peace" and because it was "nyob"... and probably because she was pushing hardcore for him to break up with me and try again with her.. behind her bf's back... just like when my Libra found out her "psycho ex hubby" they had to hide their relationship from was actually the "pissed off husband sick of being cheated on". The woman clearly has issues, but I try to not be judgmental. He's the type to be very friendly to his exes. A real nice guy who would spend 45 mins and $ 10 in gas to drive to another ex's work to leave $ 20 in her car because she was out of gas and payday was several days away... even though he was exhausted and had to be up for work in a few hours himself. My Libran White Knight always tries to be Mr. Nice Guy. I know he doesn't want ANY of them back, I know he's not a cheater. (Just a sucker? lol) The Sag hasn't called in 6 or 8 months, and the $ 20 one (Pisces) got married last summer and faded away. OH! And the last time the Sag contacted him.. by text, asked where he was.. he told her the bar we were at.. she said she was on her way, be there in 10 mins... he said, "Great! My gf really wants to meet you at last. We'll have a beer and a shot waiting for you. Hurry up."... she never showed, but the very last text she ever sent him was the next day, "Sorry I couldn't make it, something came up. Maybe another time." (I think he did it on purpose LOL) The Sag doesn't scare me - he's been over her a long time.
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Posted by pinklibra
Most of the time in our mind even if it's small, we felt it nessasary to lie at that point in time that the lie was told. Later, we might be like, "Damn, i didn't even have to lie".


OMG that sounds SO Libra to me! LOL
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Posted by pinklibra

To the woman that posted this topic, PLEASEEEEEE, LIGHTEN UP! Big deal, Like ole girl said, liba's lie. We just do. Most of the time in our mind even if it's small, we felt it nessasary to lie at that point in time that the lie was told. Later, we might be like, "Damn, i didn't even have to lie". But sometimes depending upon the situation we lie anyway, just in case.


I hope it's that easy and that the lie he had done is just as simple as you all described. But if the lying complicates the relationship, shouldn't we be honest enough and tell our SO the truth, no matter how it hurts? Thanks Nefer for the insight you gave.
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But if the lying complicates the relationship, shouldn't we be honest enough and tell our SO the truth, no matter how it hurts?
Absolutely.. and I feel this is one of a Libra's "challenges" as a Libra... to learn that even "hurtful" honesty is better than the smallest "white lie"... especially if with someone who values honesty over being "protected" from harsh truths. My Libra and I have finally reached the point where I feel he's finally learned this.. but there have been a few bumps along the road... little white lies and unmentionables along the way. Sometimes I felt like I was talking to a wall, over and over telling him that i want FULL disclosure... but he finally got it through his head.. I MEANT that I'd rather hear the TRUTH, always. I wasn't just saying I wanted the truth, but then reacting like a bitch or a drama queen over it. Yes, if the truth hurt me (like mentioning the 10 lbs I've gained.. jerk! Who wants to hear their ass is getting fat?! lol) I SAY that I'm feeling a bit hurt, weird, uncomfortable, disappointed, whatever about the information.. but I never make him regret telling me by going Defcon One on his ass.
Keep telling him (calmly) that you want the TRUTH always.. that even the white lies hurt more than the painful truth, and damage trust. It WILL sink in eventually.. it's not that he's stupid.. it's that he has to relearn or change behaviors he's always had.. he has a natural tendency to gloss things over, to soften the blow, to "protect" peoples' feelings - and avoid confrontation with his lover. Give him some time to learn to adjust and to believe that you REALLY want the truth AND that you won't make him sorry he told you the truth.
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Mmmmm.. well, *I* don't lie. But mine's probably pathological, so I could be the exception. But I really, really hate liars. being lied to or kept in the dark makes me angrier than any truth ever did! Even little lies drive me bonkers. While I agree that most people do at least occasionally fib, I've found that Libras tend to lie about stupid shit, stuff they really didn't NEED to lie about. Like what's mentioned in this thread by other Libras, what time they went to bed, what they had for lunch - a Libra I once knew lied about how many kids he had, saying one instead of two. (Like that was such a huge difference??) They also don't mention things they feel are potentially hurtful OR could potentially get them into trouble or cause a scene. Until a Libra knows how you will react, he won't mention shit -- it'll be all sweetness and light, talking about the good and refraining from mentioning the bad. And if he thinks he'll hurt your feelings or piss you off... he'll speak carefully... and probably lie. They're peace keepers and people pleasers, and HATE confrontation, drama, strife, fighting.
And I've also found that they don't usually "come clean" unless and until confronted with irrefutable proof that they can't talk their way out of again, with their head-spinning Libra way. MOST of these things are "little white lies" or fibs... small ones, totally justified in the Libra's mind.. it was for a good reason. But with SOME people (maybe most people!) even the little lies break down trust.. For example, if they lied about being home in bed with the 'flu Friday, but hung out with their buddies that night instead.. or that they hate your meatloaf... or don't mention that their ex called to try hooking up... or that they actually really hate your new haircut... or that they don't like those comfy baggy sweats you wear around the house, etc... you might start wondering what ELSE they lied about. Lies still hurt, even small ones. Lies breed distrust. Trust is SO important in relationships. But Libra's natural tendency is to ignore these things, refrain from mentioning, leave parts out, or outright lie... to keep the peace, to avoid hurting you, to not piss you off, to not fight. Honesty is a learned behavior, esp with a lot of Libras.
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Posted by Nefer
Keep telling him (calmly) that you want the TRUTH always.. that even the white lies hurt more than the painful truth, and damage trust. It WILL sink in eventually.. it's not that he's stupid.. it's that he has to relearn or change behaviors he's always had.. he has a natural tendency to gloss things over, to soften the blow, to "protect" peoples' feelings - and avoid confrontation with his lover. Give him some time to learn to adjust and to believe that you REALLY want the truth AND that you won't make him sorry he told you the truth.


I guess I have to work on "Keep telling him (calmly) that you want the TRUTH always.." thing. On my part I easily get frustrated when he doesn't want to open up. Being in a LDR adds up to our miscommunication. And lately each time we talk on-line he just wants us to discuss only fun topics which add up to my frustration. When we're together, we can easily discuss and settle whatever issues/problems we have. But doing it on-line is hard cause he always evades the topic, and being a libra that he is he always says that he doesn't want arguments.
About the white lies, I would prefer too that my guy would tell me the truth about anything, the way I dress or how I fair with my cooking. If my guy would tell me that, my lasagna doesn't taste good and that I can do better next time just do this and that...it may hurt me a bit by telling me the truth that I'm not a good cook but at least I know and I was told so I could improve on it next time. In a relationship if you keep on saying positive things about your partner and leaving the negatives just to avoid confrontation it will be detrimental to your partner and to yourself as well in the long run, cause your partner would think that everything he/she does is fine by your standards so he/she will not improve himself/herself and continue to be like that. If you leave the negative behind there would be no dynamic in the relationship.
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Posted by QLIbraMale
Some Lovers can't stomach the Truth, So lies become a necessity. I know it sounds bad but I see nothing wrong with my ex calling me while i'm in a relationship. especially if i lost all feelings for her. If my lady started tripping over ever phone call, I wouldn't tell her my ex girlfriend called. I see no point in causing a rift in our relationship. because she'll be like. Do you miss her? Do you still love her? Am I unattractive? Do you love me? blah blah blah. Drama 4 days. I've been down this path too many time that i care to count. So yeah sometimes lies are a necessity.


It's still better to say that your ex did call you and tell your girl exactly what you just said that you have no feelings with ex anymore. I'm sure your girl would understand that as long as you'd assure her that you love her. If she does end up being a drama queen in spite of the reassurance it's either she is insecure or doesn't trust you.
When my guy mentioned to me that he met his ex for dinner several days after it happened, he was apologetic about it that he didn't mention it before they had dinner and told me that he taught that I need to know. I said it's ok and I was even thankful that he brought it up. Even if he mentioned it late at least I knew about it and that he had told me. But when he lied that he visited his old friends and to this day he is still hiding the details from me, I was really pissed off with it. When it comes to his friends he is too gullible, one of his female friends tricked him into sending her some money for some medical expenses, it turned out that she lied to him just to get some money. And there are other friends who just used him and was taken advantage of in the past, so this is why I needed to know the details.
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Then there is the stubborn side of us...
I know with me personally there is this one question that I get asked all the time when my mother, children call me and it's simply "Where are you?" Grrrrrrr it gets my back up all the time!!! If I want you to know, I will tell you, I feel like I'm being interrogated and have to have permission to be wherever I may be! Majority of the time I am sacastic with the answer or I just say "Why?"
I know it's just to them like a form of greeting because they want to ask me something but Hi, where are you??? Yep still raises my blood everytime!!! Oh and by the way...I will hardly ever tell you where I am if I'm asked like that!
Then again, "what you doing" doesn't have the same impact.... go figure!
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A question popped into my mind, have you ever nagged about his friends? Have you ever complained on why he spends time with them and not you .. etc? Is there certain people that you want him to cut relationships with? There has to be a reason!
Manipulation: I noticed Libras not being direct in some topics and while answering questions because I think that's a part of them not wanting to hurt anyone. They like to please others and keep the harmony and balance.
Interegation: They hate that it's like your questioning their honesty and your trust in them. It puts them under pressure and I noticed the best way to get information from a Libra is to be calm, understanding, and ask questions softly in between the lines lol.
Nagging/complaining: They would lie to you if they thought that telling the truth would make you complain or nag or if it was a topic you've been complaining about to make him stop it. Say for example you hate the fact that he smokes and you keep on and on bringing that subject up or complaining and nagging about it whenever it comes up. Result: He won't stop he would lie to avoid that complaining/nagging/confrontation.
Lie in general: They're more of honest people, but they might lie for different reasons from making you jealous, joking, testing the waters ... etc.
Finally, be direct with your Libra and let him know in a very understanding calm way. Smart, between the lines, calm, soft, understanding interagation works too lol.
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Thanks GS, I do understand what everyone is trying to say on how a woman should treat her libra guy.
Actually I used to be the loving, sweet and understanding Sag to my Libra, and we were the best of friends back then. He did tell me everything, but eventually I found out that there are still bits and pieces that he wasn't telling me. Like there is one friend of his that he used to pursue that he hadn't mentioned to me, and that he stays in contact with up to this day. And when I did voice out my annoyance to some of his friends he started to hide that he was chatting with them. Of course when I found out all of this I reacted in a way that I was hurt and kinda betrayed, cause I thought our line of communication was open. In my mind it's like, why is he being unfair when I do tell him when my exes are contacting me. As Nefer had said the lies were not malicious but it hurts, if Scorpios are hurt by those little lies and some left-out details what more to a SAG? If one of the tag-lines of libras is "WE LIE TO KEEP THE PEACE" to sagittarians it's like "DARE TO LIE AND ALL HELL BREAK LOSE". And I did turn to be the ugly Sag, all naggy and preachy to my libra guy cause I was hurt, even more hurt when he lied big time on his whereabouts, to the point that even his sister couldn't contact him cause he turned off his phone for a week. Although he was sending IMs it was just brief and short, and was really avoiding on being asked.
But I had to realize the hard way that the more you become a lioness or a horsey to a libra guy the more he will run away from you. And the moment you become sweet and understanding again to your guy, that's the time when you can have him back. I had to be sweet again to him yesterday, so he would speak to me (plus it's his bday today, so I really have to be kind to him...lol!), if I ended up annoyed and irritated again I would have to really stop and shut my mouth off or should I say stop typing lengthy and preachy novels that could annoy him. lol! But that's how we are Sags so you should understand too that we have our quirks.
All I have to do now is practice what Nefer said and that I should try and learn THE ART OF QUESTIONING A LIBRA. So, sweethearts, can you suggest me how I should rephrase "WHERE ARE YOU?". smile
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oppss sorry for the wrong grammar and spellings...
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As I said "What you doing?" doesn't have the same impact...or say what is on your mind and what you are wanting before finding out what he's doing....like Hi hun, I'm thinking we should go out to dinner tonight, have you any other plans?
Reading peoples thoughts are not a strong point as with making decisions and when you dont even present a decision to make in the first place...then of course we arent even going to go there!
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^^ "Where you at?" gets an irritated response from my Libra. "What you up to?" works great. Sweet is right on track, esp with the direct, non-demanding statements like, "Hi hun, I'm thinking we should go out to dinner tonight, have you any other plans?" That tells him what YOU would like to do, but without pressure or demand, because you leave it open-ended by asking if he has other plans.
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Thanks Nefer, sweethearts, GeminiSoul and to the rest who have responded. Sometimes, even if I know before that I have to back down and try not to push the issue, I even aggravated it when I showed signs of mistrust and jealousy when I spoke to my guy. It takes several heads to tell me and my guy to ignore and give me cold treatment before I could truly understand that doing it MY WAY will only push my man away.
I started to communicate with my guy in a sweet and loving way again, and really trying hard to delete in my brain that my guy lied to me, so it will not affect how I communicate with him. Today he did respond with sweet endearment and shared cute and mushy videos on-line. I would try to ask him again about the incident but only when we get the chance to see each other again in person in a couple of months time. Till then I'll just have to be the kind and sweet girl to him on-line, so I could maintain the daily communication that we had before the "lying" incident happened.
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Posted by QLIbraMale
@Inertia1128 try not to think of it as "lying" incident happened.but moreover as misinterpretation. Most Libra Men usually have a reason for the things they do, even if their lovers see it differently.


Yup, thanks for reminding me QLM. smile
I need to erase that word in my head and replace it with misterpretation so my Sag-brain will not think of it as lying otherwise I'll continue to be the ugly Sag.
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