Libra male and his female friends

hi there. looking for opinions here. so my libran and i have been together for a year and a half. we get along, swimmingly. we understand each other's quirks. we have an excellent compatibility chart. he is mostly a homebody, like i am, with spurts of him being social, like me. he knows a lot of people and only natural for him to have female friends. i am trying to make this short here. my concern is, recently, i found out he has had a female friend over to the apartment and she seems rather pushy. he has kept this from me. found this out through facebook. he does looks through my myspace and friends list. when he has concerns over certain things he will just ask and i answer them. i asked him who she was but didn't reveal that i know she has been to the apartment. he told me she is a friend. so i have to trust him. then i start thinking "what if's..." (i have pms). like i am right now and that is why i am seeking opinions here. he knows i would be highly pissed if there was a woman there. he told me only his male friends have gone over to his place. he has cut people out from his life for smaller transgressions and i am the same way. he tells me he loves me, i am important to him, that i have nothing to worry about with him and that he will never cheat on me. we have already discussed getting married, meeting each other's families (this hasn't come about yet b/c of an illness in the family and economical issues. i wasn't ready to meet his family before but now i am) and when we will start out family. i want to give him the benefit of the doubt. another thing has happened. he is having a health scare. so it is not the right time to discuss this with him. i have to trust him. my question is... is it ok for a boyfriend to bring a female friend over to the apt? asking this because she is seeming rather pushy and he is really friendly and kind (one of the many things i am in love with him for). i want to trust that he will keep boundaries with this person.

star, thank you for responding, but this health scare is real. i am just waiting for the results of this biopsy to come back. i was about to discuss this with him until this happened. he is scared and so am i. yes, i will do this. thank you again for your insight.

diddy, he was alone with her.

diddy, i guess, i only have two choices. trust him on what he tells me or not to trust him and get rid of him.

libra

diddy, thanks. i am trying not to. trying to keep level headed. it is pretty tough talking about this, now, with him because of his health.

Well first of all he is YOUR boyfriend & b/c he is YOUR boyfriend that means that you 2 should've set up some boundaries & limits within your relationship that the both of you SHOULD follow in order to maintain respect, trust & fidelity. If you two have already discussed that having women over into his personal space is wrong, then that means he deliberately had her over there for the wrong intentions, especially since he hid this from you. Think about it. He's so quick to mention to you when a male comes to his house, yet coincidently he "forgets" to mention to you that he's had this "friend" over his house.

You have to look out for you & this is the point in your relationship where you can either ignore all the "signs" b/c of the fear of losing him or get him straight, talk about those "no-no's" you guys set up in the beginning of the relationship & see if he really respects you like he SAYS he does. ACTIONS speak louder than words. It doesn't matter how pushy this woman is. Don't even go there. No one can break the bond between you and him or mess up anything you two have got going on unless one of YOU (not outsiders) lets that happen. So if this girl has any kind of power over your relationship (the kind of power that is so strong that it made him break the agreement he had with you) then you need to focus on him & what kind of person HE really is, versus her & how she is.

You don't necessarily have to be Mrs. Detective & spy on him 24/7 but hey, you shouldn't forget that he might've fallen in love with you b/c of the love he saw you had for yourSELF. Don't purposely ignore the signs b/c if you do, what starts in the dark will come to the light anyways, and God forbid it happen AFTER you've married him & had kids with him. Get to the bottom of this now. Trust is NOT purposely not protecting yourself against harm. It's talking about it & TRUSTING that they'll be honest with you. If you won't even talk about it with him b/c you fear losing him then you're in the wrong relationship anyways. Like HE said, he didn't hesistate to investigate & drop others for the same thing so don't be dumb & put it past ANYONE to betray you

Saying that you're not going to mention it to him b/c you "trust" him is a cop-out & an excuse to ignore the warning signs of a cheating man & you know it! You can love someone all day long but if they show signs of possible betrayal then you have every right to investigate & make sure that you're with the right person. And you do this by being honest with him, letting him know that you know & deciding on his REACTION if he's as honest with you the way he says he is.

TRUST that he will understand your concerns. That's how you trust him. Don't just blatenly ignore the fact that him having another woman in his house is disrespectful towards you AND the relationship. No one will ever respect your relationship if the 2 people IN IT don't. And if he's giving out the signals to other women that he doesn't respect the boundaries set in the relationship, then how dare him expect for you to ignore that. Be a woman about this & let him know that you know the truth. He's either going to continue to lie to you OR he will show his true colors and be honest with you. THOSE WHO HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE, HIDE NOTHING.

Don't wait until you marry this guy, have kids with him & THEN start trying to protect your own heart b/c it's always too late then. Even the president cheated on his wife. Get serious. Every man that cheats on his woman tells her the same thing your man told you. If anything, that's why it hurts so bad. I'm not saying lose sleep over this or automatically assume that he's cheating b/c that may not be the case. BUT get to the bottom of this & MAKE SURE (for your own protection) that you are with the right person right now while things are only semi-serious. Don't sweep this under the rug b/c if you do, he'll sense it, this "friend" of his will def. sense it & you'll find yourself like all the rest of these women out here: Hurt, bitter and resentful of yourself b/c you didn't take out the time to protect YOURSELF when you saw the "signs"

And if you two have as good as a relationship as you say you do then it shouldn't matter WHAT You say to him while he's going through this health-scare. It's HOW you say it to him. If he really loves you, he'll understand your concerns. After all, he told you himself that in his past, he didn't put it past anyone to betray him, thus he let those people go for that little violation of trust. So, if anything, you already know that if the tables were turned, he wouldn't bite his tongue for you b/c he loves himself too much for that.

If he's going through a health scare so much then why was he healthy enough to disrespect you in having another woman in his house? He's not THAT sick. If he wasn't that sick when he had her over his house, then don't make excuses for him when it's time to stand up for yourself & for your own heart, to make sure that it doesn't get stepped on. Men say alot of things. Pay attention though to what he's NOT saying, what he's NOT telling you that he should be telling you & his ACTIONS. Words should mean NOTHING if that person's actions don't back up everything they are saying. And the WORST Thing that a woman can do is give the signal to a man that she'll hang onto his words more than his actions b/c it gives them the impression that they can rob a bank w/o getting caught, & LOOK AROUND. Most men DO rob a bank even if they KNOW they'll get caught. So don't ever put it past a man to betray you, especially if he knows you'll bite your tongue when he knows you've seen the "signs" that he is.

Just be honest. You don't want to confront him about this b/c you fear his response to your concerns. Communication in relationships is not just important when things are going great. You've got to know HOW to talk to him about it in a way that's not accusing, but yet demanding of the truth. If he normally had women in his house & this was a pattern then I'd say don't be worried. But if he's always agreed that having them over his house was a NO-NO then that means the only reason he didn't tell you he was there was b/c he didn't WANT you to know she was there. And why he didn't WANT you to know is the question you should REALLY be asking

thank you. krysrenee. i will talk to him about this but waiting for the right timing and waiting for the results on the biopsy to come back. this health scare just happened on tuesday when he got surgery.

Hey, it's okay to be caring & concerned for him in a time like this. BUT if he's sick for the next 2 years, don't put this off. I'm assuming that you'd want to know if you were being there for the right person. Don't let his situation stop you or hinder you from getting to the bottom of what you need to get to the bottom of. Don't let him off the hook. If anything, you never know. He might suspect that you already know something & might just be waiting on you to speak up.

And hey, when you finally DO bring it up, don't come at him in an accusatory tone. It always works when you ask him what the boundaries are in the relationship between you two. Sure, he'll wonder why all of the sudden you guys are having that conversation but atleast it'll lead up to the big talk & atleast, his defenses won't automatically be up so high. And if when you bring it up, he starts making excuses for not answering you b/c of his health scare, then leave it alone BUT only for a little while. But let him know somehow that you have concerns & questions that need to be answered no different than he has a health scare & needs you to be there for him.

ok, krysrenee. thank you again. i am keeping everything you are saying in mind. i don't know if he had someone at the apartment. i have no proof. i am just going by something i found on facebook. this friend was telling him she misses his cat. that is when i told him i saw the facebook and i asked him who she was and he said "a friend." he has done the same to me before whenever he had any concerns of someone on my myspace. it doesn't bother me. i've got nothing to hide. anyway, i assumed she was there because of the mention of the cat but i have no other evidence. i don't know when she might have seen his cat. i know she is a cat lover and they have hung out. maybe he let her come over to see his beloved cat. i don't know anything right now but i will be talking to him and asking him about this. but right now it seems i have to shelf this discussion until his results come back.

If he can and is allowed to look through your facebook and ask questions then there shouldnt be a problem you doing the same. If she only came over the once how do you know that she didnt just pop over unannounced? Some chicks will do that, her intentions maybe untoward but that's where you have to trust your partner, that is really important in a relationship.

Also I would think that he hasn't mentioned it because it was no big deal to him and he has nothing to hide but you will find that out with his reaction when you bring it up with him.

my ex fiance having a female friend he didn't tell me about ended our relationship....nothing happened, he claims, but the principle was he kept this person from me.

Yeah, when someone hides anything from you - petty or not - for any period of time, it kind of makes you wonder what else they're hiding. It's a wierd feeling...you thought you knew the person really well, but after you found out they hid something from you, they seem like total strangers. :/

Betrayal?

maybe she had to use the bathroom, tampon , ... 🙂

ow and , if i would cheat , it wouldn't be in my appartement but in hers :p

I mean, one can always say: Well maybe she only knew he had a cat, but never went to his apartment physically. Or one can say, well maybe she just used the bathroom. Or maybe she went to his apartment before you & just chose to mention it after you & him had already gotten together. And blah blah blah.

And on the other hand, one can say: Well if it was innocent, why didn't he tell you? If she was just using the bathroom or needed a tampon lol, why did she feel that strongly about it that she felt the need to write it on his page? Or why would a woman write about a cat that's only SEEN in his apartment unless she was physically there? I mean let's be honest. His cat doesn't wonder the streets. His cat is ONLY in his apartment. It's no different than if someone told me they like my new red velvet love seat. Well, it's common sense that the only people who can speak about my new love seat ARE THE PEOPLE who've been in my house to physically see it.

Either way it goes, this conversation should be held with HIM. Only HE knows the truth & instead of analyzing this situation too death, just take this time out to ask him & test out the true honesty, trust & communication in your relationship. Words without action are worthless. Trust & honesty are things that are PROVEN, not just spoken & assumed.