Libra: The Social Chameleon?

This topic was created in the Libra forum by crudemood on Tuesday, January 1, 2008 and has 20 replies.
Do you other libras feel that you're always trying to shift and change for others, in social situations, just so you feel balanced? We fit in so well when we feed off the energy of others, and always trying to adapt so much that we lose our sense of self?
THEN you ask yourself "Who am I?"
Haha! Maybe its just me.
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Yes, when I was younger. Felt like pawns alot of the time for the more pushy signs. I am myself more when I am alone.
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I was the opposite when I was younger. Very independant with a strong sense of identity. I was however able to walk over to any social "click" in highschool and interact like I was part of the group. I had friends from all walks of life and social designations. In retrospect my strong identity was probably a defense mechanism for the social chameleon in me. Everyone had a clear picture of who I was but I think that was my way of preimptively dealing with the natural predisposition to easily change for a situation particularly a social situation. By being so declarative I was able to maintain my identity through others having that clear picture.
Sense then I have shed that need for a strong identity on a lot of levels. But I have alwayse been a lot more up front and "come on strong" than what seems to be the Libra norm. A lot of the reason I shed it was because I want to get an even deeper understanding of who I am and what I want. I do that by being able to easily adapt to social situations so that I can take it in, bounce it around and then know if it is something I truely identify with or not. The chameleon comes through more in the reflection of the jobs I have had and the dynamic social circle I have a lot more than it does in any one persons regular interactions with me. I have done a lot of things from being a mechanic, salesman, artist, internet and computer support, musician, small business owner (twice, almost three times), self defense instructor, bounty hunter, security, marketing manager....and I am only twenty four.
At some point I made the switch from trying to figure out what of those I really am to realizing I am a little of all of those things and simply deciding which I would like to persue the most. It is socially considered negative to bounce around like that. Unstable, indecisive, flighty are all words that have been used by family to describe me at some point. Then they came to realize that the inner security in being able to just go for something without fear of loss or failure is a trait of envy to a lot of people whom preach stability, consistancy, security. I am most secure when I am vulnerable, most consistant when I am challanged by something new and the security comes from my inner confidence rather than the feedback I get from others or the thought of the big paycheck I might be getting if I "stuck" with one of those things. I think it is an important lesson for everyone, especially Libras to both be able to commit...
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to one thing but to also have the inner confidence and courage to do something just because you want to and you know you can.
Libra being the first sign in the switch from the selfish to the selfless I think it is really important for us to master something during our lifetime. We are the steryotipical "do it all" sign, our charm, smarts and knack for taking the initiative in SOCIAL settings means that we can easily get by being good at everything but a master of nothing. The fact that we take into a great deal of consideration what others think should be used as an indicator that we are best suited for roles that involve helping others in some way but I am cirtain from experience that we are also better suited for roles of authority than that of the subordinate. Who can think of a more fair and balanced leader, teacher, instructor than the Libra...but to do it, but in order to do it we have to master something so that we are in a position to be any of those things, before we master anything, we have to learn to master ourselves.
Sorry that was so long, but it goes hand in hand with what I have learned from this year being so hard.
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Kenny G he doesn't need to. Wanting him to is to validate that need in you and it only needs to be validated by you. If he is willing to support your need than he is doing all anyone can rightfully ask.
One of the first conversations I had with my girlfriend that made me realize she is the one I want to be with was about this.
I told her that her life would be more stable and secure with someone else. That I have a strong desire to be sucessful but I have an even stronger need to do it myself, to walk my own path. That will result in more hardship and struggle than if I were to go about being sucessful the "normal" way. Get a degree, get a stable job that pays well and so forth is not the experience I want for myself out of this life. I want to build it on my own, try and fail and keep trying until I suceed. That the person who is with me is going to need a lot of patience and faith in my ability to suceed the way I want to and be just as secure in the possibility of failure as the possibility of sucess. I told her i would always put her and our family first, but I need someone who is supportive of my independant way of going about it. I don't NEED her to be the same way, she can go about achieving what she wants however she feels she should and I will support her 110% .
She told me that if I change my mind a million times about what I want to do and looked next to me every time I would find her there, just as ready to support and encourage me as the first time. The genuineness oozed out of her. I knew she understood exactly what I was trying to communicate and I admire the inner security shown in standing by a person of my nature. I will do the same for her.
As long as Mr. Scorp is ready to be there to support you, you have the most important person by your side. What is it that you want to do? If I may ask. I get a very holistic/spiritual/new age vibe from you. If that is the case....and your in AZ I have contacts that I am sure would be willing to let you bounce things off of and point you in the right direction.
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Oh, and if it helps at all. One of the aspects that I know is consistant in Libra/Scorp relationships regardless of sex is the Scorps admiration for the Libras natural ability to be so secure in changing and to be fearless in challanging our own character.
My scorp ex (the one I was with for 4.5 years) told me recently after asking why she always goes for the bad boys (she made a comment about that being a trend started by our relationship), that it demonstrates an ability to be secure in not knowing what is next and having the confidence to deal with anything that she both admires and enveys. That is a basic Libra trait (by being a cardinal sign) and a basic Scorpio desire to understand and be (by being a fixed sign). And from the other side is the genuine scorpio desire to see their partner fulfilled and they have the tenacity and ability to be natural stabalizers to see it through.
So understand his desire to see you accomplish what you want is more important to him than his desire to mirror you could be. Their fulfillment comes from the depths of emotional bonds and demonstrating such...he will be fulfilled in taking that journey with you (and your recognition of his helpfulness) rather than setting off on his own. If he knows you feel you couldn't have done it without him that is all he needs.
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I was one. Ready to adjust for peace. Didnt wanted to make anyone upset and in the run, I figured out I dont have a definite character or identity. I was different every other day. Others including my parents dictated my life till I was 22. Then when i figured that out, I changed. Now I guess I am one of those stubborn ones. Totally peeled off my social skin, Doesn't care what others says or think about me as long as its not sensible but do take an effort to listen and make a solid statement like Vinny Gambini (Everything that guy just said is bullsh!t... Thank you. ) if they talk nonsense. Learned the important rule that when we tend to tolerate, we are in fact appreciating lies and insecurity and going for temporary peace. Its so easy now. I hardly run into a situation where I have to sit and think how to handle it without making anyone feel bad. Some people have to be made to feel bad. Else they will always live in their silly dream world.
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I never thought of it as changing for someone to fit in...i do kinda mimic my surroundings for a while when they're new just to get a feel/idea of who /what I'm around lets me understand the whys better i guess...as I get more comfortable though I stop mirroring or whatever
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yeah i did sometimes do have to watch out for the tendancy to get caught up in the act I learned that some years ago b/c most of the people i attract are dominant types like leos and virgs...though I dont do this on purpose or conciously and that was the hardest part...
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(( i do kinda mimic my surroundings for a while when they're new ))
I once tried to mimic the very own society I have been a part of. I was confused if i got it all wrong accidently. So I tried to watch others to see how to smile, how to have all those ridiculous social expressions and gestures, how to walk, how to eat and how to decide what to eat... it was quite hilarious. I often break down laughing hysterically. Most of those things made no sense or meaning. People learned it during their childhood from the society around them, and they subconsciously reproduce the same stuff. Now I try to mimic how to dance in a pub bcoz i dont know if these people just move their body whichever way they want or there is some specific movements i must make in order to generate the feeling among others that i am dancing. I dont know if i shud keep smiling all the time when i dance which obviously make me look like am retarded.
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That is a HUGE problem for Libras. We just pick up on other people's expectations of us and perform to that expectation. It is VERY hard to break from those expectations. I can feel my entire personality change dependent on who I am with and my role within that relationship(s). It is such a stuble change we don't even notice it happening. It is also why when Libras lose people they love it really *IS* devastating and can take years to recover. We have stubly changed our entire personality to match the expectations of our mate. We really are losing a part of our selves because that person and their expectations have become a part of our identity.
* I never thought of it as changing for someone to fit in
I agree it isn't really changing to fit in because sometimes it is changing NOT to fit in. It really depends on the other person's expectation of you.
* I really am to realizing I am a little of all of those things and simply deciding which I would like to pursue the most.
I think this is a huge advantage that is a bit of a problem. We seem to have so, so many interests and seem to be so good at everything. It is hard to pick one thing and be it.
* My dad called me a flake once.
My ex use to tell me to focus. "Focus Sparrow Focus." lol!
* He does not feel the need to change anything so that leaves yet other questions.
Kenny
I completely understand what you are saying. That was part of the reason I left my 5 yr relationship. I felt I was so trapped into the identity the relationship created for me that in order to pursue my life and an identity that had meaning to me, I had to leave the relationship. I wasn't unhappy in the relationship at all. I just needed to be a new me and give myself a chance to pursue something more. He never understood why I couldn't stay in the relationship and do that. I could never explain it to myself let alone him. It is just the person I wanted to be would not have fit in with who I was within the relationship.
* That I have a strong desire to be successful but I have an even stronger need to do it myself, to walk my own path.
I also have struggled with this. This is why I left that 5 yr relationship. I really had to prove something to myself. That I was okay and could make it by myself.
Now I long for a partner that wants what I want and wants to partner with me in all ways.
(((Kenny)))
The answer will come when you are ready.
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"... So I tried to watch others to see how to smile, how to have all those ridiculous social expressions and gestures, how to walk, how to eat and how to decide what to eat..."
Wow, I've always done that unconsciously because yes, I always what was the point of doing it all, until one day it hit me. I think after alot of practice it comes normal to us now. I admit, those kind of social gestures does not come natural to me which makes socializing a challenge in itself, which is fun!
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(( This is why I left that 5 yr relationship. ))
and thats why i am focusing only on air or Aries option. You remain as what you are and you like them as whatever they are. Easy and beautiful. Our capacity to change is a dangerous advantage. When we do it in a conscious manner, its good. But most times its way subtle. And I have to agree with you. Once you leave that person or they ditch you, you end up with a character of not your original form which others find hard to accept. Bcoz it was tailored to fit only one person. You will have to transform back to ur original nature before you really start seeing someone new. Been through that... never again....
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"Now I long for a partner that wants what I want and wants to partner with me in all ways."
I think that part of our lesson in life as Libras is to put this need to rest. I have alwase desired that kind of complete partnership too, If I were to start another business then my automatic desire for a business partner would be my girlfriend. But, people change their interrests and just like you needed to expand as a person it is likely that your partner will come to that bridge too. I think it is more healthy and fair to relieve our partners of our expectation to take on what we want and set them free while supporting them every step of the way.
"Libras need to be more selfish and more aggresive not too much but a tad bit more this solves a lot of their conflicts . Libras only bad flaw is their need for approval and desire to satisfy everyone . Not everybody will like you at the end of the day and you can,t please them all just accept that ."
Perfectly said. I agree with this completely. We have to learn to be selfish, one of the side effects of being so selfless is every once in a while something comes along that is stronger than our selflesness and we want or need it so bad we just up and take it and it ends up being extremely selfish. A great example of that is how my relationship started with Angeleyes, her EX fiance and my girlfriend were put through the ringer by our wanting to be together but putting the "right thing" before that then eventually giving in and making huge waves.
I learned how to be aggressive and assertive when I owned a business. I came out of it with a tendancy to be over agressive. When Libras are agressive the combination of no one being used to it and our rational, objective way of looking at things exagerates the agressiveness. I then had to learn how to balance it. When to sit back and watch, collecting information and analyzing and when to turn on the aggressive switch. I usually get what I want in a professional setting because of this kind of timing. Taking aries as an example they shoot themselves in the foot a lot being aggressive before digesting the complexity of something versus Libras tendancy to wait for that understanding and then not put it to use out of fear of offending people. I try to be fair and just in the way I present things....If I stick to that and someone still gets offended then I know it is because of their insecurity in the matter and I can't account for that in other people.
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best way is to observe and learn from Aries. Since they are polar opposites, their methods are easy to adopt by simulating our thoughts to match their thoughtlessness.
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Someone defending Aries? Wow!
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lol@Kris.
Kris, if you try to really analyze the differences between Aries and libra, you can find that Aries has what libra dont have. Like they are not shy, they dont think before they act and go with their instincts(Major point) and they are bossy. They have all the same cardinal qualities in a totally opposite ways. Now libra think too much bcoz we dont want to make a mistake. Aries does the same thing without thinking - they hardly make mistakes though whatever they do looks totally stupid to everyone for a while. Even Aries feels that they did something wrong and spend a lot of time cross checking. But in reality, they take the best decisions in the shortest possible time and it works out to their advantage 9/10 cases. You can observe and experiment on your own than buying my words just like that.
So when we try to simulate our brain to match Aries, we somehow manage to neutralize it half way around and does not always reach the same standards as Aries. It helps us minimize our indecisiveness and other negative sides without compromising on Cardinal qualities.
If we try to learn from Gemini or Aqua, it doesn't provide us with the same intensity of achievement. Best and fastest becomes Aries that way. I dont learn from Aries men, I cannot get them perfectly. Libra guy has to observe Aries women and Libra girl has to study and learn from Aries man.
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"Thats it! you seem to understand about the librans weakness and how to counteract it good job now help out your libran mates and share your knoweledge share share! But yeah it shouldn,t be too hard for you librans you guys pick up pretty quick ."
That is the whole reason behind my interrest in Astrology, figuring out where my weaknesses are and strengthening them. It takes a lot of consideration and dilligence though because one has to be able to be able to discern between what are genuinely good characteristics and traits and what are not. It works both ways too, just like I try to always be mindful of being clear over being diplomatic I also have to be mindful of being genuine over being charming. That is an example of what it is to demonstrate genuine character. A lot of people see the charm as a positive trait but charm is commonly used to be able to control or manipulate, which is negative.
As far as being selfish or confrontational which is not native to us Libras it can be hard to execute effectively. A lot of people who are close to libras or have been in a serious relationship will agree with the statement that when aggressive or truely heated we are probably the scariest sign when that comes out. No one expects it and a lot of people mention that they don't want to see that side of us again. Because we are naturally passive or nuetral unless pushed we don't really go off half cocked like aries will several times in one day, or Leo will every couple of weeks. When we go off, it is at the last possible second so we go off full cocked and the result can be a lot more dammaging than necissary. We can have this problem in arguements too, if we are trying to avoid an argument and someone keeps pushing us we make the mistake of saying somethng so cutting the person is too hurt to continue and that is not a good thing.
We should try to make it to so that we don't have to get to that point. Because it is unnatural for us when we blow we really blow. Of all of my friends and peers in the fugitive recovery business the ones I would lastly F**** with are the other Libra males....it is a combination of the coldness and destructiveness when we are pushed to that point that I think odvocates the reason for needing to balance being a pushover and being aggressive/assertive.
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* That I have a strong desire to be successful but I have an even stronger need to do it myself, to walk my own path. "--- I don't know who wrote this but thats exactly what i go through...my need to do it myself may come from the fact that all my relationships are about how can i stick LL into what i'm doing as if i dont have plans of my own...however i do like to help and am more than willing when im not sure if i can... and i dont expect anything in return and im thinking thats a problem i should expect something back but i'm too prideful...and i try to mask it as selflessness...im too prideful and stubborn and i refuse to link myself to others in order to get where im going...then again it could just be a fear of losing my self and my dreams in what others are doing since most of them seem to want more money and i just want to spread more love and knowledge...well...im rambling again...
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(( well...im rambling again... ))

absolutely not. We talk to others for their opinion mainly to reinforce our trust in ourselves by listening to stupid suggestions from others. Honestly others contribute a lot in that department by giving us their narrow vision which makes us feel we are not going in any wrong direction and have a better grip at ourselves. We are way stubborn in such situations and way too proud to seek help or depend on others. If there is a victory, complete credits goes to us but we will try to level it off by imagining all the subtle supports we obtained from others even in those negative ways. And if there is failure, no one else will have to take responsibility.
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