Libra & Virgo - Lessons Learned

This topic was created in the Libra forum by DyarStra?e on Tuesday, January 29, 2008 and has 24 replies.

Background
Libra Woman + Virgo Man. Met during college, dated for about two years, and married shortly after graduation. After just over 20 years, I divorced her, and we've been divorced for 5+ years.

Lessons Learned
1. A great mental / physical connection is not the same as a great emotional / spiritual connection.
We never had a problem talking, and I still find her interesting. Sex was never a problem, either.
But Virgo is a tough Earth Sign, who values stability and reliability, and it is hard to move us emotionally. Libra is flightier, which makes it even harder for Virgo to take her seriously -- I tired of her "drama", which made her even more determined to get a reaction from me.
2. Someone in the relationship HAS to be The Leader.
Virgo is about service, and Libra is about compromise. Neither is a "natural born" Leader. In the vacuum, VirGuy will attempt to lead, but in Virgic terms this means "running things" -- planning, scheduling, arranging all the myriad details it takes to keep household at peak efficiency -- and it's definitely NOT even close to charismatic leadership!
Libra resents the layers of anal-retentive bureaucracy, and the "please do it the right way" (which means The Virgo Way) for every damn thing under the sun. BUT, Libra doesn't have the gumption to stage a coup, and assume the Leader role herself -- another source of frustration and conflict.
(( Libra resents the layers of anal-retentive bureaucracy, and the "please do it the right way" (which means The Virgo Way) for every damn thing under the sun. BUT, Libra doesn't have the gumption to stage a coup, and assume the Leader role herself -- another source of frustration and conflict.))
This part is totally wrong. Only your perception and since your libra was very young when you were with her, that explains. Libra is a natural leader - cardinal sign. And may be the only zodiac sign who can lead all alone against all odds. But a libra girl wont lead till she figures out she is assigned that job to lead. Its basic respect for their partner.

"This part is totally wrong. Only your perception..."
No... it was our reality.
"But a libra girl wont lead till she figures out she is assigned that job to lead."
True Leaders don't wait to be assigned that role - they TAKE that role, willingly, because that is in their nature...
I really don't want to get into the Libra First Wife / Scorpio Second Wife comparison mode; but suffice it to say, my ScorpWife does not hesitate to take the Leader Role when she feels she needs to, and that's the way to handle an older Virgo husband. We respect strength, and will follow the leader who knows where the hell she's going...
Scorpio loves power and love to be in control. Libra dont enjoy controlling anyone especially their friends and lovers unless its very essential. She was your wife, not your colleague. Many libra girls out here had virgo bf's in past. you can get better details from them. I know so many libra girls. None of them has ever tried to take charge in a relationship. But at workplace, they were perfect. Relationship is a partnership deal. Both have to contribute equally. If one fails to do so, other have to be helpful or patient till they catch up.
I've been looking for you DyarStra?e . You always make me feel good with your opinions about Scorp smile I guess I'm tired of hearing comlaints how mean , controlling and power hungry Scorp are Tongue
You don't understand your Libra ex any more than my Virgo ex understands me.
Libra *is* a leader and will certainly stage a coup (more so than any other sign because we represent justice) but it isn't in personal relationships ... it is usually on a grander scale. It isn't self serving because that wouldn't be fair. Libra women are the activists and humanitarians of the zodiac. We stage our coup when it is on a moral ground, it is on a principal ... not because we want to challenge you or spice up the relationship ... or need to be in power or control. THAT to me is drama.
In a relationship, I just wanna get along.
My Aries love jokes that I should come with my own soapbox since I stand by my convictions with such passion and clarity. But my convictions aren't about this restaurant is better than this restaurant. My convictions aren't I want to paint the living room yellow. They tend to be about treating others with compassion and love and ridding ourselves of our ego based fears that keep us as a society, as individuals, divided. THAT is my coup. THAT is the hill I will always die on.
* Libra resents the layers of anal-retentive bureaucracy, and the "please do it the right way" (which means The Virgo Way)
I don't understand this statement. It contradicts itself. Libra wanted you to do things your way? huh?
We define strength differently. What you want is someone who makes decisions and forces your hand. That isn't a Libra.
A Libra thinks you are a big boy and respects your opinions. Whenever I state my opinion or thoughts it is generally in the form of a question and consultation because I want my partner to be involved.
This morning was a perfect example. My office JUST moved. Right now I have to get up about an hour earlier than previous. My partner is a night owl and works from home so he usually sleeps in quite late. Now isn't getting as much sleep as he normally would because I have to get up. I asked him if he thought we should put the alarm (his cell phone) on vibrate and stick it under my pillow in the hopes it would just wake me and not him. I wanted his opinion and his thoughts as to whether he thought that would work. I *ASKED*. I didn't tell him we should do this. I am waiting his reply because I want to know what he thinks. I think it is a brilliant solution but perhaps he has a better one. Perhaps there is a factor I haven't considered.
That is the way Libras work. We see relationships as a partnership. We think
* Libra is flightier, which makes it even harder for Virgo to take her seriously -- I tired of her "drama", which made her even more determined to get a reaction from me.
She wanted you attention and wanted to be understood. It was the loneliness of being misunderstood by the person she loved that upset her. She felt unknown. It frustrated her.
So many of the Libra women here have had the exact experience with Virgo men.
Libra and Virgo is a very tough combination to make work, and it sounds very familiar to me.
Your ideas about Libra not being a leader are completely wrong, however. Perhaps your libra didn't display our natural tendency, but like thelibran said, we are a Cardinal sign, we lead. That's what cardinal signs do.
"my ScorpWife does not hesitate to take the Leader Role when she feels she needs to, and that's the way to handle an older Virgo husband. We respect strength, and will follow the leader who knows where the hell she's going..."
To me, this sounds like a horrible relationship. Libran women like to walk alongside their partner, making choices together. She needs her man to be assertive without being dominant, because she is that way herself. She probably didn't appreciate this aspect of your personality anymore than you appreciated her lack of it.
I wish you weren't still so angry toward her, and I only say that because the tone of your writing seems so focused on her faults. You have a new wife with the qualities you appreciate, please let the problems you faced with your libra fall to the wayside...

LS: "In a relationship, I just wanna get along." Uh-huh, like I said...
DY: "Virgo is about service, and Libra is about compromise."
LS: "I don't understand this statement. It contradicts itself. Libra wanted you to do things your way? huh?"
Left to his own devices, a Virgo Male will create a Right Way (His Way) to do everything in the relationship.
LS: "We define strength differently. What you want is someone who makes decisions and forces your hand. That isn't a Libra."
No, what I wanted was a woman who could MAKE a Decision, and didn't vacillate over what she should / should not do -- and yak about it for DAYS & DAYS & DAYS & DAYS & DAYS without ever achieving a resolution. Since she wouldn't / couldn't make decisions, I did, which brought more & more things under my control -- not a good situation, because Virgo will nit-pick you to death, and try to enforce rules for everything. She resented the outcome, yet did little to nothing to prevent it. My response? See her as ungrateful for all my hard work to keep things running smoothly.
I also had a Libra male boss years ago. Although I was decent and respectful to him, he always acted like he was intimidated by me -- never could figure that one out...
thelibran: "Scorpio loves power and love to be in control."
In my experience (Scorpio Brother, Daughter, and Wife), it's more like: Scorpio respects power, and will surrender control to a strong person.
When we first started dating, Debra had this preconception of me as a macho, strong-willed, egotistical jock fighter pilot; and, she seemed more than willing to surrender the reins to me (she'd been on her own for a while). I think she was a little surprised and maybe disappointed to find I was much more flexible than that -- more willing to follow her lead. It was rocky at first, but now we've achieved a pretty good balance in power-sharing -- we each have areas of responsibility where the follower defers to the leader. We each know about how far the other will give on a certain issue, and we're pretty good at staying within the limits. Honestly, I'm the one more likely to push it, and p1ss her off; but unlike my LibraEX, my Scorp says NO! and means it.

Back to topic...
3. Libra Man & Virgo Woman makes a better LTR than Libra Woman & Virgo Man.
I'm not saying, Virgo = Good / Libra = Bad. I'm simply offering my insights into one combination of these two signs.
a muse a libra: "Libra and Virgo is a very tough combination to make work..."
Yes, which is why I'm offering my 2 cents from my experiences.
"To me, this sounds like a horrible relationship." [About my current marriage to a Scorpio Woman.]
That's because you're a Libra, and I'm a Virgo. I prefer power-sharing and joint decision-making within the relationship. Hell, I'm the manager of a very busy IT shop, and I have to make all kinds of decisions all damn day, so letting my wife carry some of the load is a big relief to me! My LibraEX should be in a management position at her work, but has intentionally avoided those types of positions -- she's done well, but hasn't tried to be a leader there, either. In some ways, she's more of a behind the scenes Virgo than I am (but she's very similar to my Virgo Dad)...
"I wish you weren't still so angry toward her..."
I'm not angry with her at all. In fact, we get along better now than we did the last few years of our marriage. She did frustrate the hell outta me, but I'm a Virgo -- what's past is past. I don't carry grudges. I also don't regret all the years we spent together. We have a remarkable Scorpio Daughter, and lots of happy memories -- who could regret that??

Oh! For the Love Of God!
DXP, and it's hypertext anomalies!
I left the off after point # 3... which left the rest of the text BOLD...
(( 3. Libra Man & Virgo Woman makes a better LTR than Libra Woman & Virgo Man. ))
Better??? You shud stop guessing. Its a disaster. One of the top combos that will never work. To begin with you must admit that you made a wrong choice in your life by marrying a libra women. The only right decision you both made was to separate. Virgos needs and requirements are totally different from a Libras and its the same trouble with Libra man- scorp women relationship. Zero understanding. You work fine with ur Scorp bcoz Earth can go better with water signs than with Air signs.
And if you have any idea how much frustration your libra ex went through, and still remained silent, you might begin to feel guilty.
Your libra ex would have made a decision if she knew you could understand and appreciate it without explanations and reasoning. But you could barely understand her basic needs and all she could do was to not do anything further and upset you. She wont realize what she is capable of until she meets and air or fire sign.

thelibran: "Better??? You shud stop guessing."
I'm a Virgo, I rarely guess.
I base my opinion on what I know of Libras & Virgos. If you'll do a little GOOGLING, you'll find most astrologers are negative on the Libra & Virgo combo -- regardless of the gender combinations. For example...
Virgo Man & Libra Woman
This match does not have much chance of working out.
Virgo Woman & Libra Man
This is a wobbly match that will probably end soon after it begins.
[http://www.myjellybean.com/astrology/soulmate/soulmate.htm]

Even Susan Miller, who tends to put a positive spin on every combination, ends with "All in all, although you're not a classic pairing, you do have many gifts to share with one another if you open your hearts with love."
"The only right decision you both made was to separate."
For the record: I ended the marriage. She did not want to divorce. Again, Virgo can face the facts, and make a friggin' decision, while Libra will wobble forever like a perpetual-motion machine... or a Weeble! [http://www.hasbro.com/playskool/weebles/]

"And if you have any idea how much frustration your libra ex went through, and still remained silent, you might begin to feel guilty."
Silent? Dude, my LibraEX had no problem expressing her feelings -- all the damn time! She never suffered in silence -- another fact my Scorpio Daughter can attest to.
But again: This is not a Virgo = Good / Libra = Bad thread. My Libra is a very charming, intelligent, and sexy woman. I had an almost immediate mental connection with her, and she found me very attractive, too. We made a pretty good go of it, but there were fundamental differences in who we were that could not be overcome. We probably should've split sooner, but neither of us took divorce lightly, so we chugged along for years -- like a lot of married couples do.
Thelibran, you can not say that something will not happen if I found opposite situations of this, and they exist in the world, I know of several cases that the characteristics of the two signs have accepted each other, because both love all the features the other including differences, i am the prove of this... no need changes in nature of each other, only need give a bit of freedom to each other
cases that does not work is because there is no love for the true self of the other, it is logical, if facing something like a contact of two things, not as someone's personal taste, never reached the truth...
@luckylibra979 i agree i feel all signs can work. Its our own perception and ego that can ruin things. We have to first understand and just be comfortable with what is. There may be difference in opinion. Me personally i want to work on self and me and my own understanding and to know that maybe my partner and i just love differently but it doesn't mean they dont care or love me any less. Maybe its my own fears and doubts
i'I'm talking about that any sign can be compatible in the maximum level, no two specific be, because that my esperiencias confirm

One of my friends is married to a Scorpio woman. She tells him (a Virgo) where to go and when to go. Definitely something all his friends know about him. He does handle the money though. We rarely see them show affection to each other though. But they seem happy, when they aren't getting on each other's nerves. Great couple.
I also know a Virgo woman with a Scorpio man. He also makes all the decisions. She said she wished he was more affectionate with her though. Wonder if that's a trend among this couple?

Anyway, I'm a Libra. I like Virgos as friends. I only dated one and he was not what I would call my type. I can't say this for all though as one would not be a true assessment.

I love my Sag, he does make decisions when I'm being indecisive. (And he doesn't get upset about it.) But I take the lead when I need to. It's such a great partnership. We cook, clean, plan trips, save money, take care of each other, etc together. Exactly what I needed.
Posted by thelibran
(( Libra resents the layers of anal-retentive bureaucracy, and the "please do it the right way" (which means The Virgo Way) for every damn thing under the sun. BUT, Libra doesn't have the gumption to stage a coup, and assume the Leader role herself -- another source of frustration and conflict.))

This part is totally wrong. Only your perception and since your libra was very young when you were with her, that explains. Libra is a natural leader - cardinal sign. And may be the only zodiac sign who can lead all alone against all odds. But a libra girl wont lead till she figures out she is assigned that job to lead. Its basic respect for their partner.

This is amazingly accurate. I have to know where I stand and my position. Once I know, I run with it. The leading alone? Absolutely! Happens to me at work often. People are doing assignments and projects I've completed 2 months prior. Do I wait...hell no, I leave everyone in the dust. When we are focused and know our roles we are true go getters. You better get out of the way or get run over lol.
Posted by SensitiveBlues
It seems to me OP is a quitter who got bored.



Yes, Virgos get bored easily. The reason they need so many options. In most cases, women to pick and choose from. (Or my case at least)
Ppl that deal with Libra women have to understand, some of us are late bloomers. I def know I am. Even though since 18 I have been responsible and had a long term bf, car, job, and my own place. Im 29, and with certain aspects of my life, I'm starting to feel as if things are clicking and falling into place. So, maybe that is what your Libra was going through. Just a thought.
this jam is 10 years old - my cat is older than this - lol - my real cat, not my puss