LIbras Help! - my guy did the hudini disapearing act - confused

This topic was created in the Libra forum by newToThisLibra1980 on Wednesday, September 6, 2017 and has 25 replies.
I am a scorpio female and we are both in our late 30s. I went out on a handlful of dates with this Libra guy and he seemed to be taken by me, and said so. He even asked me if I was was willing to accept his son if we get serious. He introduced me to his friends. He told me he really liked me because i am a good conversationalist and he is attracted to me.


Here is the crashing cart... I went to close my internet dating account (we have NOT had a commitment conversation ). I noticed that he was on the same site and checked it EVERY day. I got jeolous and broke up with him via TEXT. He asked me to meet but i refused; i was hurt. Several days later I realized i overreacted and apologized. I said that i did because i really liked him and got the impression that this was mutual.


We met in person and discussed this incident and he told me he really liked me but felt i was pressuring him into a commitment and relationship too soon. He told me that he was only single for 3 months after a recent breakup from a 3 year relationship. He said that he really liked me and that he thought we had the same values but wanted to take things slow. We had a make out session (no sex yet). We texted the next day. Then he dissapeared and goner for the last 3 weeks. I went no contact as well.


I am wondering if he walked away from me for good or if he is still thinking?? Why did he just leave me hanging like this without closure? BTW, he is still trolling on dating sites. I am hurt. Will he come back? I really care.
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@Fafa-

thanks for your feedback. I have not tried to reach out to him. If he thinks i am pressuring him into commitment, then i want to back off and let him come to his own conclusions. I really want to get a chance with him, but i don't want to be a pest.


@cookie

It's hard to move on without any sense of closure. I just think that we are adults and i would have liked him to touch base with me and let me know either way. But him ghosting me, I am just assuming that he is still contemplating. Is that so? How long does it take for Libras to make up their minds??



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I am following the advice above and reading the threads on Libra men. Oh wow, surprised that i am not really an outlier and that's their typical repertoir/behavior.


But the threads keep saying that Libra men always come back. Just wondering, is that so? I am secretly staying hopeful. Any good heartwarming stories on his subject?


Did we even have enough time to make a connection?
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How can you break up if you were never in a committed relationship?
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Posted by jeane
How can you break up if you were never in a committed relationship?
That's a fair observation, but not the scope of this thread.

Also, semantics is different for different people. I could choose words like "ghosting" instead of break up, which sounds more emotionally cruel. I am just trying to understand what's going through this guy's mind. I am holding on to the hope, but running out of excuses (for him).


Also, i am concerned if i am pining over a guy who is still resolving residual feelings with his ex. Apologize in advance if used words like "relationship" above, again, that's not germaine to this discussion..
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Posted by newToThisLibra1980
@Fafa-

thanks for your feedback. I have not tried to reach out to him. If he thinks i am pressuring him into commitment, then i want to back off and let him come to his own conclusions. I really want to get a chance with him, but i don't want to be a pest.


@cookie

It's hard to move on without any sense of closure. I just think that we are adults and i would have liked him to touch base with me and let me know either way. But him ghosting me, I am just assuming that he is still contemplating. Is that so? How long does it take for Libras to make up their minds??



Girl, you keep forgetting the SCALES....they "tilt". Why are you so possessive with him? Looks like he did the right thing by introducing you to his family and asking if you'll accept his son. THEN you have a hissy fit (jealous) because you saw him on the dating site. THAT tells YOU he's not ready for a commitment. Has he introduced his kid to "another" from the dating web site!? Nope. Has he ASKED a girl he met on the web site, "Can you accept my son?". Nope. Just you. You HAD him and now he's gone......no use crying over spilled milk. Nope; he's not coming back.


Hug cyber hugs!


Love,


Eva


PS: Sorry. Lesson learned. You STUNG him with your Scorpio tail (God, here we go again, "What do you mean by that?" Eva doing an OP impression). Yeah, you said it yourself that you two did not discuss the topic of deactivating your profiles. Both the Saggy (ex) and I mutually did this. BUT, when I mentioned this to the Taurus (John) HE didn't deactivate his (only I did). Tells ya something, huh? READ between the lines girlfriend. I was BORED as hell this past Monday (holiday) and I created my POF profile again...guess who I saw there? Yep! Taurean/John. Did I get mad? Nope. Next!!!


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Posted by EvatheDiva
Posted by newToThisLibra1980
@Fafa-

thanks for your feedback. I have not tried to reach out to him. If he thinks i am pressuring him into commitment, then i want to back off and let him come to his own conclusions. I really want to get a chance with him, but i don't want to be a pest.


@cookie

It's hard to move on without any sense of closure. I just think that we are adults and i would have liked him to touch base with me and let me know either way. But him ghosting me, I am just assuming that he is still contemplating. Is that so? How long does it take for Libras to make up their minds??



Girl, you keep forgetting the SCALES....they "tilt". Why are you so possessive with him? Looks like he did the right thing by introducing you to his family and asking if you'll accept his son. THEN you have a hissy fit (jealous) because you saw him on the dating site. THAT tells YOU he's not ready for a commitment. Has he introduced his kid to "another" from the dating web site!? Nope. Has he ASKED a girl he met on the web site, "Can you accept my son?". Nope. Just you. You HAD him and now he's gone......no use crying over spilled milk. Nope; he's not coming back.


Hug cyber hugs!


Love,


Eva


PS: Sorry. Lesson learned. You STUNG him with your Scorpio tail (God, here we go again, "What do you mean by that?" Eva doing an OP impression). Yeah, you said it yourself that you two did not discuss the topic of deactivating your profiles. Both the Saggy (ex) and I mutually did this. BUT, when I mentioned this to the Taurus (John) HE didn't deactivate his (only I did). Tells ya something, huh? READ between the lines girlfriend. I was BORED as hell this past Monday (holiday) and I created my POF profile again...guess who I saw there? Yep! Taurean/John. Did I get mad? Nope. Next!!!


User Submitted Image
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Thanks Sista. I am definitely sponging some useful info from your post. It is really hard to accept the consequences. I didn't really try to "sting" him. but he did tell me i hurt his feelings.


Are Libras really this non-forgiving? Not justifying my behaviour , but just trying to figure it out?



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Posted by newToThisLibra1980
Posted by EvatheDiva
Posted by newToThisLibra1980
@Fafa-

thanks for your feedback. I have not tried to reach out to him. If he thinks i am pressuring him into commitment, then i want to back off and let him come to his own conclusions. I really want to get a chance with him, but i don't want to be a pest.


@cookie

It's hard to move on without any sense of closure. I just think that we are adults and i would have liked him to touch base with me and let me know either way. But him ghosting me, I am just assuming that he is still contemplating. Is that so? How long does it take for Libras to make up their minds??



Girl, you keep forgetting the SCALES....they "tilt". Why are you so possessive with him? Looks like he did the right thing by introducing you to his family and asking if you'll accept his son. THEN you have a hissy fit (jealous) because you saw him on the dating site. THAT tells YOU he's not ready for a commitment. Has he introduced his kid to "another" from the dating web site!? Nope. Has he ASKED a girl he met on the web site, "Can you accept my son?". Nope. Just you. You HAD him and now he's gone......no use crying over spilled milk. Nope; he's not coming back.


Hug cyber hugs!


Love,


Eva


PS: Sorry. Lesson learned. You STUNG him with your Scorpio tail (God, here we go again, "What do you mean by that?" Eva doing an OP impression). Yeah, you said it yourself that you two did not discuss the topic of deactivating your profiles. Both the Saggy (ex) and I mutually did this. BUT, when I mentioned this to the Taurus (John) HE didn't deactivate his (only I did). Tells ya something, huh? READ between the lines girlfriend. I was BORED as hell this past Monday (holiday) and I created my POF profile again...guess who I saw there? Yep! Taurean/John. Did I get mad? Nope. Next!!!


User Submitted Image
Thanks Sista. I am definitely sponging some useful info from your post. It is really hard to accept the consequences. I didn't really try to "sting" him. but he did tell me i hurt his feelings.


Are Libras really this non-forgiving? Not justifying my behaviour , but just trying to figure it out?



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Please don't be "stubborn" with your response, "I did not sting him" (hurt him); uh, yes, you did; even HE said this. I am Piscean, when I am mad at someone I slap them (men) on the face w/my wet fin...heard it hurts more than I would have slapped his face w/my hand. Remember the scales (and you are not picturing it; so here it is). They are the "justice" zodiac sign. Read up on Libra men (I am tired of doing that for y'all as I am at work as we speak and I wake up at 5:15 am to get to work). This is the best I can do for you, but believe you me, when you read about Libra men (esp about how they get when mad); you'll be nodding your head and thinking about what I said. BTW, YW!


User Submitted Image


Hug cyber hugs!


Love,


Eva


PS: When a guy wants to talk to you and you turn him down yet again, you closed that door. Thus again, my saying, "No use in crying over spilled milk" Sorry, again Sad

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This happened to me a few years ago. We had a long distance thing going for a while. Started in July 2014 I'd say. When he came to my state that August [to visit friends/family] I blew him off because I was too nervous (that my expectations wouldn't be met). Once he went back to his state he offered to fly me there to help him decorate his new condo; I declined because I was living with my parents and I wouldn't know how to tell them I'm flying 1,000 miles away to meet someone I don't actually know ? So then he was going to come back to my state in October of that year. I tried calling him so we could finally hang out. But he never answered. I left a voicemail. No call back from him. I sent a text. No reply. It was done.

I still don't know where things went wrong. He's the reason I joined this site way back then.

Point is, when they ghost– it's over, especially if it's been 3 weeks. Shit, this boy only ghosted me for a few days and I knew it was done ☹️
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Posted by newToThisLibra1980
Posted by jeane
How can you break up if you were never in a committed relationship?
That's a fair observation, but not the scope of this thread.

Also, semantics is different for different people. I could choose words like "ghosting" instead of break up, which sounds more emotionally cruel. I am just trying to understand what's going through this guy's mind. I am holding on to the hope, but running out of excuses (for him).


Also, i am concerned if i am pining over a guy who is still resolving residual feelings with his ex. Apologize in advance if used words like "relationship" above, again, that's not germaine to this discussion..
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Well it is. In order to get informed opinions, it's imperative that the situation is described accurately. Otherwise, you're just wasting everyone's time.


If you're together then the reasons for his behaviour and more importantly, your reaction might be different than if you just met.


But it sounds like you've got it sewn up, so best of luck.
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Posted by Miaou
Posted by newToThisLibra1980


He said that he really liked me and that he thought we had the same values but wanted to take things slow. We had a make out session (no sex yet). We texted the next day. Then he dissapeared and goner for the last 3 weeks. I went no contact as well.
He's been gone for 3 weeks....

What was your last text about?
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Our last text was that we had a great time. He said that. I said "me too", thanks
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I think the most unsettling thing for me is the lack of closure, no resolution, no end. It was just left hopeful, nice texts back and forth the next day. Seems now like sweet nothings. But at the time I thought we moved on beyond the incident. I think people may find it ridiculous that i am still holding on to hope, but it is really because of no final closure. It seems like he is just evaluating, sitting back, analyzing. Or that's what i want to believe it.


I think my mind would have been made up and i would have accepted the consequences if he just came out and spoke his mind or at least texted his thoughts.. I think that's what's most painful.


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Until you discuss terms, relationship or exclusivity, you have ZERO RIGHT to be mad, sad, angry that he is still on the dating site where you two met.


Your basically a hypocrite in this situation cause your angry that he's doing something you just did. After all are you not on the site...?!


Air signs fear restrictions and their freedom taken away. Acting all possessive and jealous after a few dates might work with a water or earth sign but not with air.
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Moving forward don't pressure a guy into exclusivity or commitment. Make it known from the start what your about and what your end game is, sure.


Your coming off as needy and clingy. If you change your attitude to be more laid back he'll ironically feel more pressure to lock you down in a relationship before someone else scoops you up.


Always good to have a time limit in mind too when you start dating someone. After a certain stretch of time if they are not ready to commit to you they probably never will be.
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Posted by kinza
It could also be that he just needs some space from you because you hurt his feelings. In relationships as delicate as they are, one shouldn't assume the worst, instead try to communicate your concerns to him but while staying dignified just in case he actually did want to go for good.


Kinza,

thank you for the kind words ang good advice. I can say one thing with clear concience is that i genuingly apologized. No regrets and no holding back. It was a nice conversation and i was not being "Crazy pants".

The ball is in his court and from i hear from the wise folks on this board, is that it is best to give Libras space and let them decide what's best for them. Thank you for your input.
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Posted by Fortuna
What?!


this guy isn't ready to date, move on. He says he's newly single (3months) and doesn't want commitment, but is on a dating site--that is so contradictory. If he's not ready to date then there's no point in dating.


Personally, i think that it doesn't make sense for people to just date around when they aren't available.
Fortuna.

I think by "dating" this guy meant "getting layed". lol

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Posted by Miaou
Posted by newToThisLibra1980
Posted by Miaou
Posted by newToThisLibra1980


He said that he really liked me and that he thought we had the same values but wanted to take things slow. We had a make out session (no sex yet). We texted the next day. Then he dissapeared and goner for the last 3 weeks. I went no contact as well.
He's been gone for 3 weeks....

What was your last text about?


Our last text was that we had a great time. He said that. I said "me too", thanks
And I'm guessing you didn't try texting again because he said you should take things slow?



And it's okay to take things slow but 3 weeks

M. I. a that's a clear indication that he's ghosting you.


If you already apologized about freaking out on him about the online dating websites... At this point.. There's not much else I would do.


You could always hope he comes back but the fact he ghosted in the first place... Would be a write-off in my books.

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Miaou,

thank you for your input.

Does "Ghosting" really mean that people leave you dry?? They are done?

I guess i am new to this. I have never "ghosted" anyone myself, so not sure about it. Does gosting mean dissapearing for good??

I did NOT text him back because he told me that he wanted to take things slow. So, i guess i did not want to be a pest and I can not change his mind by annoying him. I guess i want to preserve my dignity regardless, no matter how much it hurts. for the record, this is not a manupilation move on my part. I just know it will do me no good. I have previosuly annoyed my previous ex after the break up, and ended up with an egg on my face. So, that's one lesson i learned: let people that break up with you make their own minds.
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Posted by LadyNeptune
Until you discuss terms, relationship or exclusivity, you have ZERO RIGHT to be mad, sad, angry that he is still on the dating site where you two met.


Your basically a hypocrite in this situation cause your angry that he's doing something you just did. After all are you not on the site...?!


Air signs fear restrictions and their freedom taken away. Acting all possessive and jealous after a few dates might work with a water or earth sign but not with air.


LadyNeptune,

That's what he told me as well. Are you too related smile?

Now that i heard him (and you say it), do you think i lost my libra for good??
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Posted by LadyNeptune
Moving forward don't pressure a guy into exclusivity or commitment. Make it known from the start what your about and what your end game is, sure.


Your coming off as needy and clingy. If you change your attitude to be more laid back he'll ironically feel more pressure to lock you down in a relationship before someone else scoops you up.


Always good to have a time limit in mind too when you start dating someone. After a certain stretch of time if they are not ready to commit to you they probably never will be.
Thanks for your wise advice!

I just made 2 time limits in my head;

1) The duration of time i will allow myself to pine/wine like a love-lorn reject.

2) Reasonable duration of time I will allow someone to troll around dating sites before i expect for them to commit.


Good points, good stuff. I am learning a lot from the people on this board. thank you all!!
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Posted by Miaou
Posted by newToThisLibra1980
Posted by Miaou
Posted by newToThisLibra1980
Posted by Miaou
Posted by newToThisLibra1980


He said that he really liked me and that he thought we had the same values but wanted to take things slow. We had a make out session (no sex yet). We texted the next day. Then he dissapeared and goner for the last 3 weeks. I went no contact as well.
He's been gone for 3 weeks....

What was your last text about?


Our last text was that we had a great time. He said that. I said "me too", thanks
And I'm guessing you didn't try texting again because he said you should take things slow?



And it's okay to take things slow but 3 weeks

M. I. a that's a clear indication that he's ghosting you.


If you already apologized about freaking out on him about the online dating websites... At this point.. There's not much else I would do.


You could always hope he comes back but the fact he ghosted in the first place... Would be a write-off in my books.




Miaou,

thank you for your input.

Does "Ghosting" really mean that people leave you dry?? They are done?

I guess i am new to this. I have never "ghosted" anyone myself, so not sure about it. Does gosting mean dissapearing for good??

I did NOT text him back because he told me that he wanted to take things slow. So, i guess i did not want to be a pest and I can not change his mind by annoying him. I guess i want to preserve my dignity regardless, no matter how much it hurts. for the record, this is not a manupilation move on my part. I just know it will do me no good. I have previosuly annoyed my previous ex after the break up, and ended up with an egg on my face. So, that's one lesson i learned: let people that break up with you make their own minds.
An egg on your face?


Ghosting : the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.


Yeah, don't text.

I would move on though, personally someone who drops dead like that ... isn't really worth waiting for.
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lol. By "egg on my face" i meant, i was embarrased about my behaviour with annoying my previous ex. This was not an experience in a literal sense. Although, that may have been less painful. sigh.
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Posted by Fortuna
It sounds like he's just looking more for friendship/companionship.
According to him, he wants to take it easy for a while with dating. He wants to take time and date around. He said that he just ended a relationship 3 months ago and is not ready to jump into a new one.


But i am thinking to MYSELF "Yo, then why would you troll around web sites, screw around with other people's feelings, so that you can get layed and then later on ghost them?"...

The strange thing is happening to me right now. I am actually getting angry with him now. This thread is having a therapeutic experience on me, without contributors actually realizing this!!
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Posted by newToThisLibra1980
Posted by Fortuna
It sounds like he's just looking more for friendship/companionship.
According to him, he wants to take it easy for a while with dating. He wants to take time and date around. He said that he just ended a relationship 3 months ago and is not ready to jump into a new one.


But i am thinking to MYSELF "Yo, then why would you troll around web sites, screw around with other people's feelings, so that you can get layed and then later on ghost them?"...

The strange thing is happening to me right now. I am actually getting angry with him now. This thread is having a therapeutic experience on me, without contributors actually realizing this!!
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Dating sites are all about hooking up tho ?‍♀️


When a guy says he's 'not ready for a relationship' that means he's not interested in one period. Only continue talking to him if your cool with sliding into a fwb vibe.

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Hey guys,

Just wanted to write a final shout to this crowd. Thanks for your feedbacks. I think i got the answer i was looking for and in a way this forum is giving me a closure. SO, thanks! That's big.


I came in here to try to fish out a positive response like "yeah, he is libra, he will be back".


But the truth of the matter is that 3 weeks of pining and waiting grounded is NO WAY to live one's life. Also, everyone unanemously basically told me that this is done, he is not coming back. Dunzo.


As painful as it may have been to hear people chorusing the same thing, it is getting solidified in my head that "no, he is not coming". So, i am just one step closer to getting over him. Sometimes when we are so wrapped up in our emotions, it is hard to see the obvious.


I am heading to the scorpio board now and willl feed those folks some pearls of wisdom and share the knowledge of scorpios and my experiences. SO, thanks!
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Wow we finally did it dxp. We helped someone. I feel like everyone deserves a cookie ? ???
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Folks. Not trying to intentionally keep this thread alive....

At this point if anyone one else is in the same boat confused as helll why they were left behind in the dust by libra, then i found a great thread from a few years ago.


I do NOT endorse this bevaviour (dissapearing acts). BUT this thread will provide you some answers to many of your questions.


https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/libra/understanding-the-libra-man-3111266/

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