I met this Libra at work. We are co-workers, yes, but I'm not too worried about that.
We started hanging out between shift changes. We'd smoke and I'd just keep waiting for the next bus. And then the next, because conversation just won't end. We did, however agree on friendship. We've moved on to texting. And texting escalated to consistent texting. It was like he is just telling me about every single day and everything he's going to do. He shares EVERYTHING. We've even video chatted and had a few calls.
We are only friends. As temping as is to want more. When I'm around this guy, I'm a bit shy. He ends up doing all the talking while a puddle forms in my panties.
Here's more: I'm celibate. It's helping me with my recovery, and also helping me from making quick and possibly poor decisions. I could have jumped on the wagon already! But it was end poorly the faster I move.
This is why we can only remain friends in the meantime. But again, the sweet guy is consistent on telling me all the details of his day, between all the good mornings and goodnights. Well, he WAS.
A few nights ago, I shared some personal things about my past. I wasn't intending to but the questions led up to it. Lately, all my conversations end up about me and my pain, so I guess that's why I keep quiet and let him lead. I don't want to be a downer for him all the time.
But I hated that I shared over text. Heade a joke to lighten things up at the end of some dark shit from my past and it just didn't sit well. I didn't want to take out the sudden anger on him so I shut down. I basically, without clear reason told him it would be good if we just don't speak for a few days.
Now we're almost back to the same routine. I say almost because yesterday, after he begun sharing the details of his day again, I just couldn't respond. How do I respond to all this sharing??? "Ok, great! Good plan!" ??
I like the guy! But I don't know how to hold a conversation with him.
I'll see him tomorrow night. That's when I'm going to try to explain my reason for the space I asked for. I usually hide the details of my recovery, and I can hear myself stuttering as I try to explain that to him, too. I want him to know and understand. And he claims to be a good listener...
But he gets so excited, takes over the conversation, and it just ends up feeling like a one way talk. How do I get his ear? Or to slow down a little?
I'm a Sagittarius and of course, he's a Libra.
(Recently I came to terms with my slowly developing eating disorder. That's just one of many things, unfortunately. I know Libra is all about balance and hormony. And while I'm trying not to lean on him or be too volnerable, but I do wonder what kind of emotional support Libra makes.)
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Aug 01, 2018Comments: 84 · Posts: 1361 · Topics: 0
Most Libras are great communicators and sense when to push and pull. Text him that you have to tell him something and im sure he will be patient and listen. Don't lie because he will know bullbutter. Expect for him to try and help you in your struggles, that's part of our scales to balance things. Libras are really caring in most cases.
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Aug 20, 2018Comments: 3863 · Posts: 2108 · Topics: 3
agreed - my Libra is very talky and mostly I listen - but when I do talk he listens well and provides good feedback
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Jul 18, 2012Comments: 872 · Posts: 3486 · Topics: 236
I think Libras handle direct honesty just as well, if not better than Sags. Unless they have HEAVY water in their chart. Be straight up.
I'm still learning boundaries. -_-
It's hard.
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Sep 17, 2014Comments: 22 · Posts: 8048 · Topics: 36
i was going to suggest having a frank and open discussion with him but he has told you he currently sees you as a friend.
its up to you whether you are happy being a fwb or if you want something more. if you want something more (and it sounds like you do) stop fucking him.
as tiz says, reassert your boundaries, if only to yourself. work out a plan as to what you are prepared to do, sacrifice, invest.
if he does a - i will z
if he does b - i will do y
note that i didn't say "if he says a". words are meaningless (imo, especially to a libra) it's the action that counts. and that action has to be independent of fucking. hanging around and cuddling for me is not a great barometer of feeling. some people like to hang around because they like the post coital glow or they want to go another round.
this guy is happy with the staus quo. you're friends, you hang out, smoke, braid each other's hair and fuck. i can see why he likes it.
Thank you. Yea, fucking is being shut down! I've never met anyone like him, especially not someone who is like him in the bedroom. And good conversationist are hard to come across. I have no regrets. I'm definitely learning about myself. Healthy relationships are all new to me and I really don't want to feel used anymore. I don't want to be led on, even by my own delusions.
Last night, after he pointed out our friendship, I just kept my distance. Stepped out and smoked, asked myself how it got here or how I let his happened. Boundaries articles. How to set them. Some angry tears.
He was taking a nap before he got ready for work. Didn't want to interrupt him. Didn't even want to talk about any of him anymore.
I kept trying to wrap my head around how he could make me a part of life in so many ways, as friends clearly. But still. How?
I guess I just imagine doing that with someone I saw some future with, but maybe it doesn't matter to him. Or men.
I do feel embarrassed about it, but I know how to keep my head up and move past that. I'm sure there is gossip going on. I don't have to see anyone during my shifts, so fuck that.
Anyway. Before he got up to leave, I bring down and hand him his jacket he let me borrow. I handed it to him and quickly explained that I'm not looking for a fuck buddy or friends with benefits. I like you but this isn't what I want. I'm realizing I don't know how to set boundaries. From here on we are keeping things FRIENDLY. He wanted to talk about it but the time was limited. I said it's fine because I wasn't expecting a conversation to follow.
I mean, it's pretty straight forward, right? What else is there to discuss?
I've been through enough in this confusing word. I really just want to keep a clear head. It sucks because I'll always have more rules and boundaries to follow than he ever will.
So. Turns out he DOES want a relationship. He does want me. But he just doesn't want to fuck up. It seems like that's a mutual fear we both have.
He recently got custody of his young daughter. He helps take care of his parents, who are much older. He mentioned his age and expressed his fear of this just not working out the way he could hope it would go and that a few more years are wasted.. I reminded him that he's going to grow older no matter what.
He admitted this as I was explaining that as friends we can't be texting consistently. No good morning messages. No more being endlessly in touch. Because that's not how friendship goes. He promised to respect that but he doesn't want distance to grow between us so that we can keep getting to know each other.
I understand his position. His father isn't well. He has a little one who needs him. He's very close to his mom and takes care of whatever he can around the house so she doesn't have to.
Yesterday I woke up and started working on getting over him. The night before is when he told me he's not looking for a relationship. He's thinking long run. I took it as rejection but played it cool. He was kind and tentative as always even after.
But I loved waking up and having my focus redirected back to me. Even went to work in a happy mood. I accepted.