My Libra man is smothering me (Cancer)
This topic was created in the Libra forum by sucha_d0ll on Wednesday, April 8, 2009 and has 12 replies.
Now figure that one out.
For those that have been around these last few months; I've got this Libra/Cancer relationship running for about 6 months. In the end; I dumped him over some BS. To make a long story short - I let him back in. We care about eachother so much, and so deeply; I was ecstatic that he came back around. (Lord knows I was too damn stubborn to do it myself lol) So now that I have him - I see that he is repeating the same pattern again. It has been 4 weeks since we got back together, and he has been staying with me for the last 3 weeks - straight.
My problem is; is that we never talk about it. It's just him staying day after day. We basically live together. He hasn't gone home since he came to stay the weekend 3 weeks ago. Everyday the subject semi-comes up... I ask him "so what are you doin today after work?" and he'll say 'I was just gona come by here; if that's ok baby.' Of course I say "ok"... and that's that.
I have two feelings here.. Fear, and Suffocation.
Fear: I am scared that he is going to get comfortable (again; like he did last time) and eventually bore the crap out of me. Last time this happened; I tried to gently let him know that we shouldn't spend so much time together (so as to keep things new between us) and it backfired in my face. Which sparked the end of our relationship later (come to find out he was suuuuuper comfy; gaurd down and all, and asking him to leave kinda burned him) I am so scared of that happening again. I haven't said a thing this time around.
Suffocation: I see him everyday. Every, single, day. I wake up next to him. I go to sleep next to him. I watch HIS TV shows (since I let him hold the remote). I mean - being a cardinal sign, with a Virgo moon and Cap rising... My stubborness and need to control the situation definetly nags at me inside. But I keep this in check because I would much rather let him be in control so as to keep the peace. But good lord. I see these people in here talking about chasing a Libra when mine won't give me room.
I care about him a great deal; I just have no clue how to deal with this. He says he loves to be with me because my home/prescense is harmonious and peacful. But I just might climb the walls if I dont get some me time soon.
For those that have been around these last few months; I've got this Libra/Cancer relationship running for about 6 months. In the end; I dumped him over some BS. To make a long story short - I let him back in. We care about eachother so much, and so deeply; I was ecstatic that he came back around. (Lord knows I was too damn stubborn to do it myself lol) So now that I have him - I see that he is repeating the same pattern again. It has been 4 weeks since we got back together, and he has been staying with me for the last 3 weeks - straight.
My problem is; is that we never talk about it. It's just him staying day after day. We basically live together. He hasn't gone home since he came to stay the weekend 3 weeks ago. Everyday the subject semi-comes up... I ask him "so what are you doin today after work?" and he'll say 'I was just gona come by here; if that's ok baby.' Of course I say "ok"... and that's that.
I have two feelings here.. Fear, and Suffocation.
Fear: I am scared that he is going to get comfortable (again; like he did last time) and eventually bore the crap out of me. Last time this happened; I tried to gently let him know that we shouldn't spend so much time together (so as to keep things new between us) and it backfired in my face. Which sparked the end of our relationship later (come to find out he was suuuuuper comfy; gaurd down and all, and asking him to leave kinda burned him) I am so scared of that happening again. I haven't said a thing this time around.
Suffocation: I see him everyday. Every, single, day. I wake up next to him. I go to sleep next to him. I watch HIS TV shows (since I let him hold the remote). I mean - being a cardinal sign, with a Virgo moon and Cap rising... My stubborness and need to control the situation definetly nags at me inside. But I keep this in check because I would much rather let him be in control so as to keep the peace. But good lord. I see these people in here talking about chasing a Libra when mine won't give me room.
I care about him a great deal; I just have no clue how to deal with this. He says he loves to be with me because my home/prescense is harmonious and peacful. But I just might climb the walls if I dont get some me time soon.
Hahahahaha this is some funny shit. I have noticed libra's can be really boring people. Perhaps it's because of the consist need of keeping things in balance and harmony. lol
@irishlibraiskatie - I did try not asking 'what' for the day. He'll just tell me then. LOL I sorta feel bad for putting this out there; but it's friggin eating me up inside.
@Sagittarius89 - LOL, Libras are kinda boring. Which is funny because they can really hold on to a conversation for a long time. But it's almost like they run out of witty things to say/do after a while.
Ugh.. I really care about him a lot. So I'm just leaving it alone for now. But eventually a dreaded confrontation most likely will come of this.
Last time I tried to bring this up; he totally took it the wrong way.
@Sagittarius89 - LOL, Libras are kinda boring. Which is funny because they can really hold on to a conversation for a long time. But it's almost like they run out of witty things to say/do after a while.
Ugh.. I really care about him a lot. So I'm just leaving it alone for now. But eventually a dreaded confrontation most likely will come of this.
Last time I tried to bring this up; he totally took it the wrong way.
Sucha-doll,
I agree with you, you must spend time apart! I get along best with my Libra husband when we are not together all the time. At one stage, we were together almost non-stop, and it was not good. Too much togetherness is not good, there has to be some "fresh air" circulating.
Also, Libras do get attached to a relationship, they suffer a lot when it fails. For such seemingly cool sign, they are quite sentimental, he must have got really attached to you.
I agree with you, you must spend time apart! I get along best with my Libra husband when we are not together all the time. At one stage, we were together almost non-stop, and it was not good. Too much togetherness is not good, there has to be some "fresh air" circulating.
Also, Libras do get attached to a relationship, they suffer a lot when it fails. For such seemingly cool sign, they are quite sentimental, he must have got really attached to you.
This is good advice guys ;]
I think the girl's night over is a great idea. Like I said; he's wonderful, and I just want to keep it that way. (without the relationship losing its luster of course lol)
I think the girl's night over is a great idea. Like I said; he's wonderful, and I just want to keep it that way. (without the relationship losing its luster of course lol)
Signed Up: Jan 30, 2009
Comments: 0 · Posts: 91 · Topics: 3
Comments: 0 · Posts: 91 · Topics: 3
Maybe make sure the girls night becomes a weekly thing too so that you get at least one night of space.
I think you need to take direction of your own life and let him fall into it where he will or where you want him. You still want him around but you need to get out there and do things with him and without him. That'll gently let him know he cant be there every single day.
Yes you are falling back into the same routine that you had with him before the split and you know you dont want that,
as you are starting to feel smothered and bored with him again. It's almost like hindsight so now it's up to you to be able to make the moves to keep your man and also spice up your life to where you want it.
Yes you are falling back into the same routine that you had with him before the split and you know you dont want that,
as you are starting to feel smothered and bored with him again. It's almost like hindsight so now it's up to you to be able to make the moves to keep your man and also spice up your life to where you want it.
my old libra was like that... really possessive and wouldnt go anywhere unless i went with him and wanted to go everywhere with me and i couldn't do my own thing without him making me feel bad about it.
my new libra started like that but now he does my head in.
some where in-between the two, is balance.... i wish i could find it.
maybe if you call him constantly and cling to him so that you turn the dynamics around a little then he'll want space? It's a little manipulative but it's the same game he's playing and sometimes you just need to play along (i can't believe i'm even suggesting this). If you keep chasing him and mirroring his behaviour then maybe he will become secure enough in your relationship to let you go a little. You've already let him go once so he probably doesn't want to let you go in fear of that happening again.... just a thought.
my new libra started like that but now he does my head in.
some where in-between the two, is balance.... i wish i could find it.
maybe if you call him constantly and cling to him so that you turn the dynamics around a little then he'll want space? It's a little manipulative but it's the same game he's playing and sometimes you just need to play along (i can't believe i'm even suggesting this). If you keep chasing him and mirroring his behaviour then maybe he will become secure enough in your relationship to let you go a little. You've already let him go once so he probably doesn't want to let you go in fear of that happening again.... just a thought.
@sweethearts - you're totally right. ugh. being a Cancer; i'm naturally cautious about my home environment. it's the sanctuary for my family. it represents our love and security. so by him staying with me; i'm getting used to him being there; if he left abruptly it would throw me out of wack. i guess i really just want to know - is he going to move in or not? wtf? if so - then we need to talk. if not; then we need a schedule or something like it so i know wtf is going on from day to day. i'm honestly more scared of HIM getting bored, than myself. if i want to, i'm able to do pretty much whatever i please. he's so mellow and easy going. i guess i'm just avoiding making waves.
and the reason why i'm not saying anything this time - is because the last time i did; the message was completely misunderstood. (he took it as me trying to break up with him) and that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. no matter how much i tried to make him understand; he reverted back into his shell, and the relationship completely changed. i was so miserable after, i wish i had just kept my mouth shut.
when he left last time; it was almost as if i really damaged his trust (as long as it took me to get his gaurd down) and from that point on it all came crashing down. bad things happened every week. it was like a dominoe effect. and it took us months to repair it; and in the end it was 6 weeks of not speaking, and giving each other the silent treatment (while we were both miserable and nagging to our friends and family about it) we finally re-kindled again.
and now it's better than ever. the break up brought us so close together which is great. but sort of bittersweet becase now it's like things are more delicate than before.
and the reason why i'm not saying anything this time - is because the last time i did; the message was completely misunderstood. (he took it as me trying to break up with him) and that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. no matter how much i tried to make him understand; he reverted back into his shell, and the relationship completely changed. i was so miserable after, i wish i had just kept my mouth shut.
when he left last time; it was almost as if i really damaged his trust (as long as it took me to get his gaurd down) and from that point on it all came crashing down. bad things happened every week. it was like a dominoe effect. and it took us months to repair it; and in the end it was 6 weeks of not speaking, and giving each other the silent treatment (while we were both miserable and nagging to our friends and family about it) we finally re-kindled again.
and now it's better than ever. the break up brought us so close together which is great. but sort of bittersweet becase now it's like things are more delicate than before.
@somechick - i think that he'd RUN if i did that. LOL Plus, we are so mentally and emotionally connected i really can't lie to him for sh*t because he usually can sniff it out.
Do you guys agree that Libra's often tend keep plans to themselves? I noticed this a lot esp with my BF and BFF. They always tend to have it all figured out; but never want to tell anyone what the motive is. Or that they are even planning.
I always find myself saying things like 'hey can you include me in your plans next time?'
I always find myself saying things like 'hey can you include me in your plans next time?'
I always have a plan ready just in case nobody else does...it's like a back up and generally only comes out when it's obvious no one has given it any thought. I'm a closet leader! lol
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