Mystery solved

This topic was created in the Libra forum by Chatz on Wednesday, August 8, 2007 and has 31 replies.
Howdy all, yep I havent been posting for a while....I guess I've been trying to find myself again&what do you know? I found me!!! LOL...nah, look I've had an amazing ride with My Libra...love him to bits as you all know, however, on Sunday night after a pretty quiet week I came to realise (yes finally 10 months) that Im wasting my time and that it was actually time to call Mr Libra up on things...told him exactly how I felt about him (apparently much to his surprise and I quote "I didnt know you felt this way, I've been oblivious and it seems not prepared for such closeness, things were so bad in the last r/ship I've built a wall and I know that Im not r/ship material"...he said that a couple of times. Having had the chance to do something with the information I gave him, he still said "Im not capable of more right now" and we chatted for a while and he said "I can't be like this forever I know or I will be a lonely old man but I cant give you want you want/need - Im not ready to settle" That was the answer I needed for one last time. I told him I could no longer see him in that way anymore as it was only going to hurt me. He understood but unfortunately he did take it all the wrong way and probably a direct hit with feelings I hated him coz he couldn't give me more (but that isn't the case). He finished off with "I think I should go..goodnight" which is sad as that's hardly closure and I hadn't heard from him until I sent a couple of texts today (putting out the olive branch as I certainly don't want to lose his f/ship, I just need time to get over him"...Im sure he'll understand and yes I know its naughty but I have been checking and he has hardly visited any of his singles sites since we went through this...obviously it has hit him somehow, just hope I haven't damaged it beyond repair.
The only thing that gets to me?? that he didnt have an inkling I felt the way I did??? how could he not know? surely he couldn't be that naive!! Honestly I think its just a cover up .... he knew, he just didnt want to let go either coz it felt good but when put in a corner?? He squirmed even more with the same old chestnut of "not being ready". A part of me wants to say he's just the biggest player but I'd like to think he's not meaning to be so. I dont understand it but I have to deal with it.
So as you can see I truly believe its over and perhaps I may never hear from him again which saddens me greatly as he truly is a
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wonderful friend, he's just not into me or anybody...he's lost and broken and even 2 years after his last r/ship, he can't pull himself out. I've tried for 10 months to see him through and we've had some amazing times and the passion? OMG I am going to miss that so much!!! the laughs?? they have been so therapeutic and I doubt either of us will find that again easily if at all.....I guess he's just in the wrong place and I can't hang around forever waiting or it'll drag me down further. I need somebody to love me everyday, not just once a fortnight and catch up with me via chat every few days. After 10 months I thought I'd mean more but this is it *shrugs*
My advice to the girls out there wondering about a Libra boy that tells them they're not "ready"??? listen to them, they ARE telling the truth, you CANNOT make them love you, you CANNOT help them to snap out of it....this, they must do on their own in their own time....don't knock your head against the wall - they just can't help it...protect your heart as it is precious.
Im now going to build my own wall and then perhaps a bridge as well LOL. I hate the thought of never hearing from him again but Im not going to hope anymore...maybe one day he'll surprise me.
Guess it would be hard for him as ultimately I dumped him...i know its gotta hurt coz he was on a good thing but at the end of the day I had to respect myself and the thought of trying to get his attention when he continually seeks others online and God forbid, meet them in person that I didnt know about?? gutwrenching...I do deserve better and hopefully he will see this too. I know it won't stop him from what he's doing but maybe it will make him stop and think a bit about future women in his life.
So from me its finished with the Libra (sad as it is and trust me I wish it wasn't finished coz we were so perfect in so many ways)....maybe in time he'll realise what walked away and he'll come a knocking but hey, I doubt it, he's so gorgeous - he can get any woman he wants and Im sure he has an army of them chasing. He did say "in time I will probably regret this but this is me for now". Just wish there had been a proper closure and say goodbye and all that but nup, he just wouldn't do it, he has left it too open damnit! OK anyway thank you all for the advice (it truly was very valuable...it just wasnt going to work for a broken situation that even I don't understand so you couldn't possibly).
I will stay near smile
xx
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You OK, Chatz?
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Im doing amazingly well actually.....since posting? he has contacted me and we've had a long talk....he won't let go but at the moment we are going to stay friends...that's great smile....im doing fabulous otherwise...just celebrated my b/day and have a great weekend to look forward to....he even said he'd like to catch up for my b/day soon....he thought I wanted to delete him completely and move on....where he got that idea from??? who knows LOL. Its a shame coz of all people I wanted to wish me a happy one, it was him and he thought I didnt want to hear from him - duh!!!
Its all good - I've grown a lot out of this and Im at peace with it all and I dont get to lose a great friendship - wooohooo hehehehe.
Thanks Libra - Ive learnt a LOT from you!!!
xx
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* My advice to the girls out there wondering about a Libra boy that tells them they're not "ready"??? listen to them, they ARE telling the truth, you CANNOT make them love you, you CANNOT help them to snap out of it....this, they must do on their own in their own time....don't knock your head against the wall - they just can't help it...protect your heart as it is precious.
Yes. This.
I am sorry for your pain and heartache Chatz. It sucks. I really hope you move on. I sincerely hope for your sake this is over and you don't backslide again. You deserve all the love you give. Nothing less.
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Congratulations on the realization that you were a doormat, I can't believe that you would want to continue a friendship with the playboy loser. This guy sounds as shallow and selfish as they come. I'm thinking Alfie (isn't Jude Law a Libra?).
He knew exactly how you felt all along, he just wanted to see how long he could put his hand in the cookie jar until it got slapped. And he even made you feel like the villain. This guy should write a book!
You are far too sweet and sincere to waste time with a man-child.
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"...he thought I didnt want to hear from him"
Don't underestimate this statement. I always feel that I am going to get the boot when I deeply care for someone - at any moment, and at any time. Always expecting the worst and insecure as a result.
But as you already knew - we're deeply insure in love! Some of us just don't know it!
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insecure, of course*
I need a drink...
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Sad Sorry to hear Chatz,
***My advice to the girls out there wondering about a Libra boy that tells them they're not "ready"??? listen to them, they ARE telling the truth, you CANNOT make them love you, you CANNOT help them to snap out of it....this, they must do on their own in their own time....don't knock your head against the wall - they just can't help it...protect your heart as it is precious.***

This is what I have been saying forever, I learned this very early on when dealing with them. I always take them at their word. Although it can change frequently. LOL!!!
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thank you all...yes I know. He just can't - simple smile
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Chatz girl sorry to hear you had to let go but that's the best thing you could have done. I personally would cut all contact and I mean ALL because he's not ready and don't fool yourself, he will be back around soon sniffing and then you will look up and find yourself dealing with a revolving door, I would suggest going cold turkey for awhile, no chatting, no text nor phone conversations, this guy needs to MISS YOU and he can't do that if your available, you would be suprised how this method can turn things around in your favor. Now if you leave the door open for friendship then your sending a message to him that you really don't intend to send, your saying I will take what I can get, this guy says he's not ready then you my dear need to move on and the only way you can do that is by cutting contact until your strong emotionally.
being friends simply doesn't work with a person you have such strong feelings for and guess what, if the man knows your going to be their when he needs you then their is no immediate threat of LOSS so he doesn't feel the need to sweat over it. You have to make him feel the effects of not having a wonderful wonderful woman in his life.
Cut contact and see how things turn in your favor, he will be back...trust that (:
If you can't cut contact then be very very very ALOOF, if he calls you..you call 2 days later, if he text, you text 1 day later, this will send the message that he's not a priority anymore and he will not like this feeling at all. If you can't cut contact then distance yourself, if you see him online, you go private so he can't see you after your online for a minute or 2, yes it sounds like games but he can't be a priority anymore and this is the message you will have to send. He needs to know and feel he has made a huge mistake by allowing you to leave his life.

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Sometimes men need help with figuring things out, if your not around or at his immediate beck and call, this will give him time to think about how special you are and how much of a blessing you were for him to have you and once he realizes he misses that, he will initiate contact and meet your need. The thing about some men they don't think a woman is worth much if she is solely focused on him, he starts to feel that he doesn't have something special b/c no one else wants what he has, you have to send the message that your dating and your fine and your desirable, I went thru a break up with hostile energy and I thought I couldn't recover but I got him back on my terms within 4 weeks. It's all about how your being thru the break up that will determine if he comes back on your terms, I can help you if you like, hit me back and I can give you a few pointers on how to get him back...it's an open offer if you ever need help.
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whatever you choose to do chatz baby...good luck!! your a beautiful soul (:
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Chatzy, you're my example. My gosh, I wish it were easier for me to get OUT of my relationship with Libra Girl. But, as you know, these charmers have a way of drawing us back in.
Here's one for you: I took her out last night to her favorite restaurant. And the owner of the restaurant said to her, "This man really loves you. This man is in love with you." She just smiled, perplexed. Then he said, "You know how I know? By the way he talks to you." I could tell she seriously listened to him. I smirked it off, not saying a word, hoping she'd "get it" from what he said; but any reaction either way doesn't matter to me right now. I'm so smitten. But that's the way it goes.
Chatz, you KNOW you'll never have any problem snaring an Aries---and those two Fire Signs together are white hot. You'd singe me in a heart beat. (That's my way of saying I'm proud of you and how you handled / are handling What's-'is-name the Libra Guy. Yeah, I may be smitten by Libra poster boy for a while. But it's okay and, by gum, she's NOT running my life----she just has my heart). Relating. Relating.
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***Now if you leave the door open for friendship then your sending a message to him that you really don't intend to send, your saying I will take what I can get, this guy says he's not ready then you my dear need to move on and the only way you can do that is by cutting contact until your strong emotionally***
Very true...
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Atom, are you still calling this a relationship with Libra girl? Did I miss something, did she finally say she wanted to be in a relationship with you? What did I miss?
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Well thanks everybody...I do know...and I did go out on a date last night with that Pisces (yes I know, not the best sign for me but I dont want it to be anyway...it was just a casual date and probably will do it a few times to get over Libra).....I went online last night after coming home and after having chatted with Libra the night before? I was totally blown away that he was online waiting for ME but what did I do?? I stared at the screen and thought to myself...."how many times have you sat there hoping he'd unblock you while you know he was online chatting to all those other women on stupid singles sites?...too many to even remember now" So I did the unthinkable, something I never imagined I could do (yes I am weak for him)...I just sat there and stared and chatted to my other friends and left him blocked!!! He had no other way of knowing I was online so he can wonder. I basically don't care if he's worried. I am going out tonight with my friends (another b/day celebration - gawd, they are getting tiring now LOL) and I know when I get home (probably around 12.30-1.00am) he will be there waiting as he has to be the responsible father and spends hours on chat (all hours). He text me today saying he'd like to catch up for a b/day drink (he could have bothered on my actual b/day) and I haven't replied...again...thinking to myself "how many times have you text him to catch up and he let you down? how many times have you extended an invitation but something better always came along? Too many. To be honest? I just dont know what to say to him anymore. Its been quite an interesting week - from sheer sadness for the first 2 days but the last 2 days? Im feeling a lot stronger and ready to party again.
I have been honest with the Libra and told him that I will be dating, that I understand where he is at the moment and that I'd like to keep in touch but I can no longer be his toy. We both have an understanding of the others' needs and wants.....Im not prepared to wait for him anymore, no matter how much i care for him....life is too short.
But having said that?? If by any chance, he finds an ounce of intelligence he'll bloody well come running once he realises what he was careless enough to allow to walk out of his life...if not? as he said..."I will probably regret this in time"....I dont want to live with regrets and therefore Im not sitting at home dwelling/waiting/pining/whining/going without/missing out, yada yada yada anymore!!!
Tongue
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Chatz, try, try, try to cut him off completely for awhile until you are truly over him, and then maybe a REAL platonic friendship can start and down the line it can grow, trust I know. YOU MUST cut him out of your life completley until you heal or eventually, you will get pulled back in because you still love him. It is the act of detachment, something I, yes me, a scorp, is starting to master... smile
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LOL yep I know!! Im on the right road and I have some amazing friends who are keeping me busy and helping me ummmmmm....move on smile
Atom you are naughty for spoiling her!! You need to do as Im doing....leave...trust me, its not that bad, go to clubs, go dancing, go get blind, whatever it takes...hehehe
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Chatz.. Girly Hello!
one sec.. what is up with this SUGARDADDIE.COM advertisement.. are they trying to tell us something here?? Cuz its lookin kind of appealin right nowsmile Is that a paid service? Don't Sugar Daddies normally shell out some doe for rent, hair, nails etc? Winking Chatz maybe that's the answer...
Anyway.. back to the topic at hand..
It is strange bc a lot of us are in the same boat with these stinkin libra men. The elusiveness is a killer, now if you go to the aqua board.. aqua men are wayyyyy worse, NO ONE can figure them out, so I guess we can be thankful they are not aqua's. But the.. "im not ready for a relationship bc im damaged goods" thing seems to be a theme with them. And we women can not help but to be attracted as hell to the wounded pup.
My libra recently spilled to me that he has lots of women attracted to him, but he just is not that into them, so then I think to myself.. "well that's pretty much where I am with you, buddie". Then I get all sad and paranoid again.
Last week I went out of town for work.. I called my libra at my lunch break as normal and he did not answer, so I waited for his return call which did not come until 10PM. I was pissed, he has never waited that long to return my call. So when he called I did not answer. I waited until around 1AM, then I returned his call, knowing he would think I was out with another. He anwered and we chatted for a minute and I told him to go back to bed. For next 4 days we had to talk about it, he swears he did not get a call from me at lunch, says he checked and rechecked his phone.. he kept saying how he knows I was screwing another guy, that's why I couldn't answer the phone.. etc etc.. then he called me after he got off work one nite around 2AM and was a bit drunk, going off about how he knows I am sleeping with someone and he is all worried about it. I wrote him an email the next day because he was not listening to me and told him I only want HIM. Now I am wondering if I did the right thing. Maybe he needs to wonder too. I so want to reassure him and ease his worries, but still we are stagnet. I know in some respect he is waiting for my divorce and we have been talking about us more lately. I just hope all goes well at court this week, or he may lose interest in waiting for me.

I didn't mean to make this about me.. Sorry. We love you Chatz and whatever you decide is ok. I know how hard this whole process is as you can see my progress after 7 yrs.
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Good luck Chatz! You deserve better, just because he's screwed up from prior relationships doesn't mean you have to be! Two years is a loong time and clearly he needs to get over it.
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Thanks firegirl...THAT is exactly what I told HIM too last Sunday which musta hurt a bit but might be that little push he needed from a friend...who knows. He wants to catch up for drinks re: my b/day which is fine with me but HE is going to have to make the date/time/place, etc. This is by far not the end but things must be on my terms or I am only setting myself up for more stupidity and I won't smile
Aqua...nice to see you posting again but gawd@7 years....not this little black duck, that's for sure....you have email by the way Tongue
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Chatz, what do you recommend so I can go get blind? And why oh why are you and I always on parallels courses? Ha!
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Coz we're insane?? LOL
Ummmm loads of delicious cocktails did it for me!!!! MInd you, they do sneak up, then you can always top it off with copious amounts of champagne....that's my recommendation anyway
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You KNOW I will take your recommendation.
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Well my favourite cocktail was:
"Sex on the Beach"...not quite sure what was in it but OMG it was yummy!!! Oh and Fluffy Ducks are always a treat....
Let's say I slept well after that night but ummm a tad slow the next day hehehe....all good and well worth it smile
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I do have to admit though, that the silence is deafening!! this keeping away stuff really sucks but apparently that's the best thing to do *sigh*.
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OK Chatz, whats in a fluffy duck? After tonight I may need a drink myself.
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I'm taking kg's advice!
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(A Leo hiding ANYTHING? What's up w/ that?).
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self preservation
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