need to dump that Libra boy I think

This topic was created in the Libra forum by roamingfree on Saturday, February 26, 2011 and has 69 replies.
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sooo, after all the recent commotion I think I need to dump that Libra man I like so much...I did a summary of things that are going on and I just don't see him putting any intellectual or emotional effort into "us"...he's nice and says the right things, and it would seem that things are ok...but...he's withdrawing. he gives me all the mixed signals I don't want to see and acknowledge and he is basically turning the heat down...ever so slowly but never the less... or so it seems.
What is a Gem girl do to with the boy to make him switch gears?
Sad
I'm not a happy camper after my summary Sad...any thoughts on how to get that Libra back on track? should I make myself scarce? should I gently press him ? - but that will just probably back fire...how do I make him see that his maneuvers are seen and have been seen for a while, without being that nagging, clingy, whinny thing that we all so despise?
thank you in advance.
(and please, no sleazy remarks - thank you)
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Drop him like a hotcake and let him start to wonder and second guess his own self...
he hasn't made up his mind yet, obviously, that's why he has you hanging on, so you make the call for him....
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dumpity dump dump dump.
Go ahead, if it makes you feel better.
Logically, the libra man makes no sense..
A straight head would think of dumping him 100 times a day Big Grin
Go ahead, do it do it do it
If he was meant for you he will come back 4, 5 years down the road anyway. Do you want to spend that time more productively than moping? Then go ahead! You go!
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Posted by everevolvingepithet

What's you're definition of intellectual and emotional input and does he actually know this ?
How do you mean 'mixed signals' ? I've mentioned this a few times recently, even the bestest guy at reading you isn't psychic.smile
I don't think gentle pressing ever really scares away a guy that's really digging you.
Scarce usually means 'not that into you' or 'I bet they're doing the 3 day wait thing' or 'maybe she's busy?' or maybe he's busy with everything he does/has done while you weren't in his life ?
"how do I make him see that his maneuvers are seen and have been seen for a while, without being that nagging, clingy, whinny thing that we all so despise?"
By telling him all this that's on your mind ?
I know I'm simplifying things here, but it's a sensible way of addressing your points at hand.
smile


we talk every day, even though he is deployed. even now he is online playing a game, leaves me a message to look him up when I come online, but he didn't leave me a voicemail or email or anything like that - since I have left it for him. I mentioned that it's been sometime and we still don't know much about each other for all the talk we do every day - it's mundane, it's along the lines of "hi, what did you do today, this is what I did, i miss you, bye", in response to that he sends me some link to some forum he has been going to for years, but now he had to delete the old profile and has a new one that is liek 3 days old, and on top of that he still mentions his ex as an instant, not me as current - like wth? but it's not a big deal, I'm possessive not jealous. Though, he was supposed to send me something 5-6 weeks ago, and he still has not, admits that he's slacking, but the way he says it I know he has no intentions of doing it, feels like he doesn't want to. I feel short changed.
Yes, we talk every day - and it's usually him making the contact, I just respond. I used to write first, not so much anymore. I just can't. If he gives me 5 minutes, I'll give him 10, and the other way around, if he is shortchanging me, than I will give less as well - I have always been like that.
Idk. He's good at manipulating me, it's that darn Scorpio in him I guess, ugh. Sad
I mentioned these things to him once already - I don't plan on doing it again. I don't want to be whinny and clingy like that. And I don't like nagging myself.

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Posted by LibraLuv
Posted by spica
dumpity dump dump dump.
Go ahead, if it makes you feel better.
Logically, the libra man makes no sense..
A straight head would think of dumping him 100 times a day Big Grin
Go ahead, do it do it do it
If he was meant for you he will come back 4, 5 years down the road anyway. Do you want to spend that time more productively than moping? Then go ahead! You go!


Spot on Spica! smile
That's exactly what my gut was saying. Let it go! All that back and forth nonsense. It's either works or it don't. No time for headaches!
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Actually I can bet she's just mulling it over.. she won't dump him cos she's already in love.. you can't just SNAP out of love, it's impossible..
(right?)
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^I dumped my Libra when he pulled that on me, but really, you can't dump someone you're in love with. Try using your scissorhead to cut it.. darn hell won't work. Too bad, just have to live with it..
s0rry gemini...
Just to let you know Libra is worth it in the end.. ust hang in there smile
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Pulled what on you, specifically ?


Plenty.. you want me to recall details?
Tongue
It's over though, that was long ago..
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It's something along the lines of the OP, I guess.. different details, though. I can imagine the Gem mind going full gear priouetting into virtual insanity.. not a good place to go.. but I understand it. Libra is pretty self centred.. and their partners just react to their actions or lack of it.. it's quite funny if you think about it.. but just. Not fun to be inside that drah ma.
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"Love, is what is what it is! If loving someone is causing you more pain than good...Let it go! I'm saying this because she's is really the only one whose side we can see. No one knows his version, and based on what's written loving him is causing her too much inner conflict from my perspective. It's better she does it now, than later."
I agree, but who are we to be able to dictate her direction? Sometimes the heart has its reasons. I can just bet she wont let go though.. she's in love, and that is torture.. you can't cut it off on a string.
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Posted by LibraLuv
I hope that doesn't sound heartless. However, I'm in a different place in my life now. At the end of the day, if I'm a person who knows what I want from a partner and it's not being received, why bother? As you mentioned, 9 times out of 10 he is going to come around again, I have no doubt in that. Sounds like the two of them, need to get together after he's retired from the military and then see where it can go.


Yes he's definitely going to come around. I'm sure of that as well. But it's up to RF to live her own life as much as possible at present and not mull over things too much.
Simply: It's just not the right time.
"There is time for all things under the sun..
a time to..
a time to.. [sic]"
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ugh!
ok....so yeah, a Gem can get over a Libra in a split second. It just happened and the plug is pulled. oh well. next.
Here are the sweet details and background:
He left me a message, to look for him online when I log in. So, I sent him "(nudge)". he said he logged off from the game, he said he will call me in a min. I said: ok, just give me a sec. ok, he called and we got into an argument because I could not hear him at all - all came broken up like through a tin can. He could hear me fine and I could hear nothing. I asked about his last 6 minute 22 sec voicemail and that I didn't get anything from it at all - all dead air. Now 6 minutes is a looooong time for anyone to talk to themselves. I said all I got was: "I'm here for you, but..." - he gets annoyed saying he said no such thing. I say: "ok, but that's all I got everything else is dead air. did you get my voicemail" and than he's talking and again I hear nothing but broken up talk through a tin can gibberish. That is annoying to me. I tell him that I really can't hear and than he just flew off the handle and said: "i haven't even say hi to him yet, and he called to talk to me and I'm being emotional" and I'm thinking to myslef:" wtf??? emotional for saying I didn't get his voicemail" and I also said before that: "oh, you didn't get my email? aww, you get online you didn't check your mail? you're not required to, but" and he said: "i'm not dealing with this now, I'm in a good mood" idk what else he said after that - I really don't care about this, I just responded saying that: "I can't have a conversation when I'm not allowed to say my piece" and he got rude and hang up.
Well, there is nothing more for me to despise than when someone hangs up on me. I absolutely hate it. HATE IT. that is not a way to communicate. I have not raised my voice. I have not spoken with attitude. He is out of line. Majorly.
so, I just sent him a line: "this was the most bullshit way I have ever received from you and I do not deserve it at all. I got some bullshit shafting from you already and you know exactly where and when." and that's it. No hi, no bye. not even my name under it.
He managed to make my decision for me in the end.
I like this guy a lot. But, I have had enough bull in my life to steer clear of it. I will not try to change him, pacify him, think that he will come around - they never do.
sooooo....it's done.
He can go find someone else who will put up with his nonsense.
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Ok thank you and goodbye.
And tomorrow
and tomorrow
and tomorrow

See if you have the same sentiments.
No backsliding!
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Another emotionally crippled libra bites the dust..
lmao I actualy feel sorry for the libra...
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<"`.
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ok, idk what happened to that last post of mine - so underlined, lol maybe I need to read it myself and take my own advice lol darrrrrn!
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<"`.
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Posted by roamingfree
ok, idk what happened to that last post of mine - so underlined, lol maybe I need to read it myself and take my own advice lol darrrrrn!


It's best to clear you mind and stop the chatter.. because I can bet he's not thinking 1/6 as much as you.. clear the mind.. not go back and forth.. smile
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yeah...he can go and find another Pisces like his ex again.
Men! gaah!
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Posted by roamingfree
yeah...he can go and find another Pisces like his ex again.
Men! gaah!


give him time to sit on a rock for a bit

said person's going to war (maybe?), his mind is probably 75% in the warzone. NOT thinking about pisces ex..
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Posted by LibraLuv
Posted by spica
Posted by LibraLuv
I hope that doesn't sound heartless. However, I'm in a different place in my life now. At the end of the day, if I'm a person who knows what I want from a partner and it's not being received, why bother? As you mentioned, 9 times out of 10 he is going to come around again, I have no doubt in that. Sounds like the two of them, need to get together after he's retired from the military and then see where it can go.


Yes he's definitely going to come around. I'm sure of that as well. But it's up to RF to live her own life as much as possible at present and not mull over things too much.
Simply: It's just not the right time.
"There is time for all things under the sun..
a time to..
a time to.. [sic]"


So True. Definitely agree with not mulling over it. That will drive a person insane. That's the inner conflict that I'm talking about. So bottom line from me to her is: Learn how to strike that balance within.
click to expand


I don't know the anatomy of Gemini and how they strike a a balance.. you probably know gems better than me.. I can never figure them out.. lol!
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here is our dwelling on balances taken from I don't remember where right now: ...often wanders in a split and dissociated state, trying first one opposite and then the other, before she learns that he can be both. If you stand in the middle between two struggling opposites, you notice that what you thought was conflict really isn't. It's complementarity, one thing helping and supporting the other, rather than being mutually exclusive. Opposite things aren't really enemies at all. They're part of one holistic view of life. And that's what she is really after...

I'm not dwelling on it anymore. I'm actually angry. I would dwell if I was sad about it. He slighted me, yet again, in view of all the other nonsense. For all the analyzing we love to wallow in, I do it, but than shortly I lose patience in it and I know myself enough to know that it drags me into some depths of closet psychology no one gives degrees for yet, Winking.
I'm cleaning my house and clearing my mind. There is a good guy out there for me and that may not be necessarily him. I told myself at the beginning of this relationship that even if it does not work out, I can say I had some fun, and it's a blessing to know that after all the heartbreaks I can love again. So, I'm ok. But I refuse for any man to be so rude with me. I can't stand it. He can sit on it for all the time he wants, he can take his Libra sweet time with it, by the time he turns around I will be onto other things. I'm trying to think what it would be that he could do to make this better even in a few days...but I can't come up with anything. He is who he is. He is not going to change. I am not into reinventing the wheel and I'm definitely not into changing anyone.
Annoyance.

He also is already there - he's due to come home in a few weeks. So his mind is more so on coming home now. It's his day off today btw.
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Posted by LibraLuv
I hope that doesn't sound heartless. However, I'm in a different place in my life now. At the end of the day, if I'm a person who knows what I want from a partner and it's not being received, why bother? As you mentioned, 9 times out of 10 he is going to come around again, I have no doubt in that. Sounds like the two of them, need to get together after he's retired from the military and then see where it can go.



he's not retiring for another 8 years. He's 42. He is coming home in a few weeks and we were supposed to give this a go on every day basis, not LDR.
I am also in a place that if it works - great. If it does not - move on.
I know I deserve something good because of the dedication and patience I give, but I refuse to be treated in such a way.
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<"`.
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"But I refuse for any man to be so rude with me. I can't stand it. He can sit on it for all the time he wants, he can take his Libra sweet time with it, by the time he turns around I will be onto other things. I'm trying to think what it would be that he could do to make this better even in a few days...but I can't come up with anything. He is who he is. He is not going to change. I am not into reinventing the wheel and I'm definitely not into changing anyone."
Maybe he's not being rude, just doesnt have the manual on how to work a relationship properly.. and thats a god attitude.. I mean you just learn 'on the job'..
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*god = good (forgive the pun)!
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Posted by LibraLuv
Peace and luv dear!


Echoes.
Ciao and good luck!
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well, the relationship is not that long at all. it's only a 4 month thing with him coming here for his R&R. I give no second chances generally. He keeps getting them because I like him. But if I go through a list of major "no-no's" than...it just feels like: meh, move on.
I'm trying to see if there is a point to this and if I should consider even talking to him after that, but all I can' think saying to him: you're a jerk - in view of all other things - this is just a topping.
See this relationship feels like him and I keep putting icing on a cake with all the "i miss you" and la di da's but there is no substance - there is no cake. He is not making an effort to get to know me, he is not making an effort when I ask qustions, I get shut down. He is not putting his intellectual investment in. My ex's friends know more about me than he does. He is just not making affort, but only going through the motions of finding out about my day: "hi, how are you today, what did you do today (and sometimes not even that), ok, I miss you, good night" - see what I mean? There is no conversations about anything but the mundane daily tasks.
He doens't even know what my favorite things to do are. This is mechanical and I don't like it. I was sticking around because he is deployed and he can do only so much from over there, but I have to tell you that this has been the least rewarding relation I had with anyone deployed. I have friends who are deployed. I was with someone in a relationship who went through 2 deployments.
He is not putting his investment in. It basically feels like I am just his "fill in the boring space I have nothing else to do"...so what's the point?
His hissy fit today was just a cherry on top of other underlining issues I posted in an earlier thread.
Sad
I don't think there is much I can do about this but only move on.
Sad
and that makes me angry. I don't like to waste time on someone who obviously is not that into me, even if we talk every day - the effort is there, but only half hearted, like a knee jerk reaction in the morning. Wake up, go for a run, shower, brush teeth, call the girl, get breakfast, go to work. See what I mean?
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crap!
he's not letting me be mad at him! geezzz...he already emailed me back with explanations about today. ugh! how am I supposed to be mad at him when I expect him to take his time and he pulls a fast one like that on me?
now what do I do?
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I know. sh!t...
he's driving me bananas. Just when I get on my high horse to clip-clop away he's not letting me, that darn Scorpio on him has his claws on me lol
damn.
I'm not answering him. Tongue he can wait
Big Grin
jeeezzzzzzz

now I'm shaking my head at him.
and I.

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Posted by roamingfree
I know. sh!t...
he's driving me bananas. Just when I get on my high horse to clip-clop away he's not letting me, that darn Scorpio on him has his claws on me lol
damn.
I'm not answering him. Tongue he can wait
Big Grin
jeeezzzzzzz

now I'm shaking my head at him.
and I.




your relationship with him has my blessings smile I'll leave it as that. Plennnty good lucks!!
??? ??_ ???
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Posted by LibraLuv
Posted by everevolvingepithet
Posted by LibraLuv
Posted by spica
Posted by LibraLuv
Posted by spica
Posted by LibraLuv
I hope that doesn't sound heartless. However, I'm in a different place in my life now. At the end of the day, if I'm a person who knows what I want from a partner and it's not being received, why bother? As you mentioned, 9 times out of 10 he is going to come around again, I have no doubt in that. Sounds like the two of them, need to get together after he's retired from the military and then see where it can go.


Yes he's definitely going to come around. I'm sure of that as well. But it's up to RF to live her own life as much as possible at present and not mull over things too much.
Simply: It's just not the right time.
"There is time for all things under the sun..
a time to..
a time to.. [sic]"


So True. Definitely agree with not mulling over it. That will drive a person insane. That's the inner conflict that I'm talking about. So bottom line from me to her is: Learn how to strike that balance within.


I don't know the anatomy of Gemini and how they strike a a balance.. you probably know gems better than me.. I can never figure them out.. lol!


No, I don't know them that well. Their brain fascinates me. However, I did have one that would tell me all the time, "You calm me". It's that nervous energy. My brain runs fast as well. Maybe some calming music will help. I know it helps me.


^That's a nice/sweet thing to say, but the opposite is equally desirable too, imo.smile


Opposite? Elaborate, please!


Like sometimes someone does both, either calms that nervous mindracing energy (I get that a lot,tbh) or fires it up when need besmile
click to expand



he does both to me. lol.
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smile
yes. it is. otherwise things get predictable and well, we know where that goes...out the door. However, I do find comfort in steady, set things. There is freedom in stability.
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and you get all this from your infinite wisdom, exhaustive life experience and prophetic forthcoming?
you are so miserable with yourself that you fail to ever see past your nose and the ugliness that lays within you, eating away at the rotting core of your self important decaying frustration that no one cares about and the only satisfaction you are able to draw from the world is to manifest a picture on the crookedness of you lonely and unwanted mind ridden with rotten nothingness.
good luck to you.
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Posted by amethyst2002
Actually, I somewhat agree with KOL.
You sound like the Gemini chick I work with. She bitches and moans about stuff that could easily be fixed with a CIVIL conversation but doesn't do so. She broke up with him temporarily, and now they're back together. She talks long term plans with the guy, but goes on about how she hates him.
I don't know if anyone caught when the OP mentioned it in her convo with him, but he sounded a bit agitated with her response, as if she's done something like this before- the nagging/bitching about something that seems trivial to him. In this case, her getting shitty about the call quality. If I were him, I'd be annoyed with the bitching, too. He's calling to talk to you because he WANTS to and you're turning the conversation into a bitch fest and getting upset over some other trivial things.
I just can't help but wonder if you're being a little overly dramatic and self centered about all this. First off, LDRs suck ass. There will always be holes and misunderstandings due to lack of face to face convo and lack of any sort of physical anything (i.e. body language). You need to remember this and wait it out until he gets home and see what happens from there. Making all these decisions and judgments while he's on the other side of the world is kinda ridiculous.
But if you're going to be impatient and bitch about trivial bs that's not pleasing you (nevermind what it's like for him over there), then by all means, break up. It sounds like you're possibly an important piece in the problem by being a bit of a drama queen. Takes two to tango. *shrugs*




no, actually I didn't bitch about it - I know how this whole thing works. He is on a short fuse and so, he acted accordingly to that. Unjustly. Rude. Uncivilized.This behaviour has no place for me in any relationship between a woman and a man. He has been withdrawing in other ways and today was just a topping on top of the icing he's been serving me lately.
I actually don't complain about my personal life and have friends coming to me for advice, but this guy is trying my patience to the utmost, so he better be worth the headache he's giving me lately. I do believe that if it does not feel good than the ties should be cut - it never gets better. LDR is totally different ball game when someone is deployed - they are not on some holiday in Japan, they are in a wa
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
zing!


lol
nice, thanks. nice unloading.
sheesh...today is a good day to do that I guess lol
I think I just don't like him from any post I ever read.
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I think so, too.
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Posted by THEKingofLibra
Posted by roamingfree
and you get all this from your infinite wisdom, exhaustive life experience and prophetic forthcoming?
you are so miserable with yourself that you fail to ever see past your nose and the ugliness that lays within you, eating away at the rotting core of your self important decaying frustration that no one cares about and the only satisfaction you are able to draw from the world is to manifest a picture on the crookedness of you lonely and unwanted mind ridden with rotten nothingness.
good luck to you.


Words have meaning. Then you put them together and all the meaning is gone.
click to expand



what's there to not understand - you are one angry & lonely mind. sorry for you.
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for someone who talks so much about it, you must really not get any, hence the constant frustration on your part at every post on anyone's thread
sooo annngrrrryyyy...
is that not lonely to be always dreaming about something and never getting any in any way, any shape, any form, not even through a thread...when was the last time you actually had anyone that would not laugh in your face? or are you shrinking away from any human contact and the only thing you have left in your misery is to go on threads because no one irl ever notices you anymore...

i feel for you...your grief must really eat away at you

moving on.
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Posted by roamingfree
Posted by everevolvingepithet
zing!


lol
nice, thanks. nice unloading.
sheesh...today is a good day to do that I guess lol
I think I just don't like him from any post I ever read.



I think amethyst is a woman.
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I mean that I think Amethyst IS a Woman.
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Posted by roamingfree
I think so, too.



You mean that dude ?
Ahh right.
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nice bib btw - are you dining in or out tonight? lol smile
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Oh God.. if KoL ever stopped being a mean ass, I'd call the authorities.. he's been hacked up into little pieces and the murder's living in his house and has stolen his identity.
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Posted by THEKingofLibra
Posted by roamingfree

i feel for you...your grief must really eat away at you


All your projections aside, I think what is the true story here is how your vag is shriveling away, you have no kids, and your man is probably getting some Vietnamese pussy in Iraq (go figure, probably an import), and while you are sitting at home in Canaduh in your casual neurotic state wondering and pacing and posting on the internets, he can probably replace you in a manner of days.
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awww...that's a sweet and thankful way to talk about Someone who sticks his neck out for you to sit in the comfort of your square box and still not see past your own absorbed self. You ain't got nothing on a Soldier, boy. I bet you don't even know what it takes to be one, go ahead why don't you try, you would get your ass chewed in first 5 minutes on any base. you're a poor excuse.
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Posted by LibraLuv
Well you wonderful people, I gotta go get my walk on, I have tooooooo muchhhh energyyyyyyyyyy. It has finally cooled down a bit outside, so I better enjoy this weather while it's here...
roamingfree, I'm pulling for you and your honey! Winking
peace and luv everyone
Big Grin



thank You.
smile
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True aquagirl, Libras r stupid. We r in a world of our own.. We are very different from aquas and Gemini. Best match 4 aqua is Gemini because aqua is an extension of the Gemini. Libra? No one can understand us. We r the romantics. Aqua thinks that is a waste of time.
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Posted by amethyst2002

Have you done any research on PTSD?


I thank you for your concern. This is a serious issue always. I come from a military family so PTSD is something I knew about ever since WWI. He's fine. Everyone is stressed. However that label is easily attached to anyone who is even peeved off over there. It's a constant fear of any military SO, however like I said it is easily attached to anyone who is in military.
I do keep an open mind about it, that he may have it - that changes with every deployment and comes out sometimes a while after the deployment, not while they are in combat mode.
Again - I do thank you for your concern in this. smile
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Aqua...naahhh...dont' want one - spent 10 years with one, felt like I was drowning half the time and other times I felt like I always was 2 steps ahead...kinda annoying. He's with a Scorpio now.
Maybe one day another Aqua, but for now idk.
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Well u just think too much. Try to control your mind or you will talk yourself out of this.
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Ya Libras are awful. Go find an Aries. Tongue.
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Yeah, and you too. Bye Big Grin.
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Ohh you know what? Aquagirl24 you thought I was talking about you but when I say aqua I meant Aquarius aka aqua sign. Nw I'm also on my phone so I speak abridged. So no, I wasn't talking about you to roamingfree, get that.
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