Please help me understand and get pass this.
This topic was created in the Libra forum by jellybeanie on Monday, January 13, 2014 and has 16 replies.
Hi,
I have been lurking around the forum for ages but this is my very first post. I was with a libra guy for about 1.5 yrs, the relationship had always been more of me needing him than him needing me. He has always been rather cold and don't show much emotions. He always kept things to himself too. I found it hard to really understand him.
3 months ago, all hell broke loose with his family. His sibling owed a huge debt to illegal moneylenders and the whole family was implicated. I could feel he was troubled but he won't say what was bothering him. Then he broke up with me over text with the reasons that he felt he was being unfair to me as he won't be able to marry me or provide for me (he had took up a bank loan to repay the money lenders, so his family will be safe). It came so suddenly, i was devastated. I couldn't believe he would just pushed me away like that. I tried telling him i want to work things out with him together, but he kept telling me he had to face it himself. This was really hard for me as i felt abandoned. He was still staying in touch with me and texts me almost daily with a "good morning" and we would have random conversations on random topics. We also share a group of friends who we hang out with (they are mostly his childhood friends), he said he didn't want me to loose them as friends just because we broke up. He said even though we are not together we can be close friends who care and share with each other. This confuses me to no end.
A month after the break-up, we met for dinner as i needed to collect some stuff from him. He touched by hair twice, like how he used to do when we were together. Dinner went well as we chatted about random things like work, etc.
Till today, he will text me "good morning" almost on a daily basis and sometimes "good night". We'll still have random text conversations. He will check in at times whether i have had my meals and what did i have (he knows i usually reject food or eat poorly when i am upset or stress). Meanwhile i am burying myself in work and keeping myself really busy outside of work with yoga and hanging out with friends. But i can't help missing him when i am alone and especially on the weekends (we used to spend weekends together).
Are these just he way of trying to maintain a friendship? How could him just forget all the times we spent together? Is he doing all these out of guilt? Can i get him back again? If not, how can i stop missing him?
Thanks,
Jellybeanie
I have been lurking around the forum for ages but this is my very first post. I was with a libra guy for about 1.5 yrs, the relationship had always been more of me needing him than him needing me. He has always been rather cold and don't show much emotions. He always kept things to himself too. I found it hard to really understand him.
3 months ago, all hell broke loose with his family. His sibling owed a huge debt to illegal moneylenders and the whole family was implicated. I could feel he was troubled but he won't say what was bothering him. Then he broke up with me over text with the reasons that he felt he was being unfair to me as he won't be able to marry me or provide for me (he had took up a bank loan to repay the money lenders, so his family will be safe). It came so suddenly, i was devastated. I couldn't believe he would just pushed me away like that. I tried telling him i want to work things out with him together, but he kept telling me he had to face it himself. This was really hard for me as i felt abandoned. He was still staying in touch with me and texts me almost daily with a "good morning" and we would have random conversations on random topics. We also share a group of friends who we hang out with (they are mostly his childhood friends), he said he didn't want me to loose them as friends just because we broke up. He said even though we are not together we can be close friends who care and share with each other. This confuses me to no end.
A month after the break-up, we met for dinner as i needed to collect some stuff from him. He touched by hair twice, like how he used to do when we were together. Dinner went well as we chatted about random things like work, etc.
Till today, he will text me "good morning" almost on a daily basis and sometimes "good night". We'll still have random text conversations. He will check in at times whether i have had my meals and what did i have (he knows i usually reject food or eat poorly when i am upset or stress). Meanwhile i am burying myself in work and keeping myself really busy outside of work with yoga and hanging out with friends. But i can't help missing him when i am alone and especially on the weekends (we used to spend weekends together).
Are these just he way of trying to maintain a friendship? How could him just forget all the times we spent together? Is he doing all these out of guilt? Can i get him back again? If not, how can i stop missing him?
Thanks,
Jellybeanie
Hi Jellybeanie,
Of course you can get him back, IF you respect his need for space because really that??s all he wants. He wants a breather from one of responsibilities and unfortunately he chose your relationship. A relationship is a responsibility if you commit to one. He??s checking on you and texting you because he does care for you, he just doesn??t want the pressure of a relationship. If he commits to a relationship with you he will be expected to call every day, and text every day, and take you out, or spend time with you. I know you thinking ???well he??s doing all of that now.?? And your right, but the difference is, he??s doing it because he WANTS to do it, not because he??s expected to or has to. This is why a lot of men don??t like titles, because if he wakes up one morning and decides he doesn??t want to text anybody or be bothered or call anyone, yourself included, then he doesn??t have to because he??s not in a relationship. If he wanted to dip off for a week right now, he could because he??s not committed to you. And with him going through all that stress with his family, you should really just try to be his peace zone. When he text or calls, just stay supportive, and be interesting, be sweet and let him know you got his back.
If you push with your emotions and push a relationship from him he will run and he will rebel against you. Dont push him. If you can??t handle just being there for him right now, then I suggest you leave him alone completely for your own sake. Because he??s not going to budge on a relationship until he??s ready again, and no one can put a time or place on a libra, so your best bet is to just sit tight and hold him down. I think you are doing right by having a life outside of him. Spending time with friends, and having extra activities is an excellent way to keep yourself from going under. And there is nothing wrong with missing him, just for now try not to think about the title thing, because if you think about it he hasn??t really went anywhere and if you want to keep it that way I suggest you not pressure him about getting back together.
Of course you can get him back, IF you respect his need for space because really that??s all he wants. He wants a breather from one of responsibilities and unfortunately he chose your relationship. A relationship is a responsibility if you commit to one. He??s checking on you and texting you because he does care for you, he just doesn??t want the pressure of a relationship. If he commits to a relationship with you he will be expected to call every day, and text every day, and take you out, or spend time with you. I know you thinking ???well he??s doing all of that now.?? And your right, but the difference is, he??s doing it because he WANTS to do it, not because he??s expected to or has to. This is why a lot of men don??t like titles, because if he wakes up one morning and decides he doesn??t want to text anybody or be bothered or call anyone, yourself included, then he doesn??t have to because he??s not in a relationship. If he wanted to dip off for a week right now, he could because he??s not committed to you. And with him going through all that stress with his family, you should really just try to be his peace zone. When he text or calls, just stay supportive, and be interesting, be sweet and let him know you got his back.
If you push with your emotions and push a relationship from him he will run and he will rebel against you. Dont push him. If you can??t handle just being there for him right now, then I suggest you leave him alone completely for your own sake. Because he??s not going to budge on a relationship until he??s ready again, and no one can put a time or place on a libra, so your best bet is to just sit tight and hold him down. I think you are doing right by having a life outside of him. Spending time with friends, and having extra activities is an excellent way to keep yourself from going under. And there is nothing wrong with missing him, just for now try not to think about the title thing, because if you think about it he hasn??t really went anywhere and if you want to keep it that way I suggest you not pressure him about getting back together.
Hi pink libra, thanks for your reply. I myself is a libra cusp - libra/ scorpio. I don't quite understand libra guy's behaviours when they really broke up with someone. But me as a libra/scorpio, I always draw a clear line on how I behave with guys I want out of my life. I can give him his freedom and go and enjoy mine.... but I don't think I can take it well if he meets someone new anytime soon. Does a libra boy draws a clear line from friends who are girls and girls he care about? All I wanted is to be by his side should anything bad happens again. Maybe I shouldn't have pressured him into sharing his probs with me.... how should I conduct myself to let him know I care? I am scare of pushing him even further away. So far our main contact remains at texts. Do I ask him out for casual meetups? Or do I just keep living my life to heal myself. I really don't know the next step.....towards him or away from him?
Nah, you just chill. I don??t think he??s in hurry to meet anyone new, otherwise he wouldn??t text you so much. I think the guy genuinely just wants a break. I think you should let him do all the work as far as suggesting meet ups and stuff like that. Because you still seem a little too fragile to handle it if he doesn??t show up or declines your offer.
And sadly but no Libra??s don??t draw clear lines unless you deliberately cross us or hurt us. A libra is often up and down like the scales, so it??s almost impossible for us to make a decision and stick to it, that??s why I told you I think you could have him back. If had disappeared on you, then I would say hang it up on the relationship being back together, because then that could me he??s turned off by you. But since he??s still poking around, I??d say he??s doing that to make sure he stays in your thoughts, and you don??t forget him because he??s not all the way done. When I want someone to get over me, I disappear hoping that in my absence they will find someone else, or just forget about me. You literally would have to beg for the honest to God truth from a Libra that doesn??t want to chance losing you if you don??t like his true thoughts, and even then you shouldn??t hold your breath. A leeb will never just outright tell a person ???I don??t like you anymore, I don??t know why I just don??t feel it anymore?? (this one happens a lot, they are flakey like that)
or ???I??m not feeling you physically, you can??t kiss??, or ???your breath stunk that last time we chilled and honestly I can??t get pass it.??,
???your too clingy, I wish you would just chill and give me space.?? Even if these things are EXACTLY the things we so badly want to say, how shallow and harsh does this person sound.lol. A libra couldn??t bare being called ???shallow.?? Or ???mean.?? It goes against our nature. So if we want space and you??re not giving it, we take it, by disappearing. If your breath stinks and we offer gum and you don??t take it, oh well no kissing for you, maybe NEVER. If we not feeling you physically, well you??ll know by the way we respond to hugs or small gestures of touching.
Point is, if he wanted you out his life completely, he??d disappear on you. But he hasn??t. So just give him space, live your life. Let him come to you.
And sadly but no Libra??s don??t draw clear lines unless you deliberately cross us or hurt us. A libra is often up and down like the scales, so it??s almost impossible for us to make a decision and stick to it, that??s why I told you I think you could have him back. If had disappeared on you, then I would say hang it up on the relationship being back together, because then that could me he??s turned off by you. But since he??s still poking around, I??d say he??s doing that to make sure he stays in your thoughts, and you don??t forget him because he??s not all the way done. When I want someone to get over me, I disappear hoping that in my absence they will find someone else, or just forget about me. You literally would have to beg for the honest to God truth from a Libra that doesn??t want to chance losing you if you don??t like his true thoughts, and even then you shouldn??t hold your breath. A leeb will never just outright tell a person ???I don??t like you anymore, I don??t know why I just don??t feel it anymore?? (this one happens a lot, they are flakey like that)
or ???I??m not feeling you physically, you can??t kiss??, or ???your breath stunk that last time we chilled and honestly I can??t get pass it.??,
???your too clingy, I wish you would just chill and give me space.?? Even if these things are EXACTLY the things we so badly want to say, how shallow and harsh does this person sound.lol. A libra couldn??t bare being called ???shallow.?? Or ???mean.?? It goes against our nature. So if we want space and you??re not giving it, we take it, by disappearing. If your breath stinks and we offer gum and you don??t take it, oh well no kissing for you, maybe NEVER. If we not feeling you physically, well you??ll know by the way we respond to hugs or small gestures of touching.
Point is, if he wanted you out his life completely, he??d disappear on you. But he hasn??t. So just give him space, live your life. Let him come to you.
Thanks for your advises so far. Today is the first day he stopped texting. Is this he way of slowly detaching? All this feels so bad.....need to know how to get pass this.
My dear, what happend to you, happened to me once too... Maybe more bad ... but I know what exactly you feel and how hard it is. It is not good to stop all the things at all , all once . Is not good for you I mean, I know. So you can keep text one time today, to say, and again after 3-4 days... Then more rare . In this way you let him time to think and miss you also and he will not feel the pressure, but also he will no feel you lost interest in him at all. Try to be there around somehow. It is what I did and share with you and for me it;s worked when I was in the same point as you are now. In your texts, never ask him want to see him or let's meet to dinner and talk, etc. This will make him disappear. I share with you from my mistakes because at that time I did't know how to do. Just try to be around and support him , try to make him smile in your teexts sometimes, etc. but do not imput to him to meet you now ot to be together. AND ! do not take in serious what a Libra say when he say : "I will not marry you " . My Libra told me this too , even in a bad way showing no care and very cold, but now he is married with me. So, Libra say this things sometimes because they are pressured of other thngs in that moment. It is exactly as a child do : when you take his toy, he is crying and he is not friendly with anyone in that moments. The same Libra do when he is pressured by other things in his life, he rejecting you, the one who loves him. And NO ! he will not forget your moments, but he need not to think now about them ! Now he need focus on his problems and when he solve them, he will back to you if he loves you and probably he do it already. He is also very confuse now, Libra is not brave as a fire sign for example. They get easy depressed by some things and all this refflecting in the relationships also.
If you cannot stop " missing him", yes, just stop any contact . this means if you cannot stop telling him you miss him and want to see him, etc. , then just stop any contact with him and do not accept to be a friend only. I was doing this way and in the same time, I was keeping contact from time to time, sending some text to him , I was there somewhere around him and he appreciated this at least. But in my case, I was not agree to be justa friend for him. I was giving him the space he needed and also showed him that I am there. If you understand what I mean.
I know you feel now that your world is empty without him, but just try
If you cannot stop " missing him", yes, just stop any contact . this means if you cannot stop telling him you miss him and want to see him, etc. , then just stop any contact with him and do not accept to be a friend only. I was doing this way and in the same time, I was keeping contact from time to time, sending some text to him , I was there somewhere around him and he appreciated this at least. But in my case, I was not agree to be justa friend for him. I was giving him the space he needed and also showed him that I am there. If you understand what I mean.
I know you feel now that your world is empty without him, but just try
Do not worry if he stoped text to you and do not feel worry he will never come back ! He will come back ! Libra do this ! My Libra "disappeared" 7 months, then come back ! After that disappeared again for few momths.... all this because that year he has a lot of problems in his life and his job , problems about I didn't know at all, but I found out later. So, they need space when they have problems. Let him go now ! There is also a saying : Let him go and if he will be back, then he loves you, if he will not come back, then why are you sorry for his choice ? It means he does not loves you and you deservig a true love !
So, do not be afraid, try to imagine you are in the sea, learning to swimming ! When you learned to "survive" the water, it means you feel free and without fear ! The same you are here right now ! Do not be afraid, just feel free and live your life , feel that freedoom . Buddha has a saying : " You can have love, but not attached , because the end is inevitable ! " , so the meaning is : you can like/love an object or a person , but do not attach your soul in this love ! the other meaning is : let your soul free, do not imput yourself to feel that you cannot live without that "something" , a thing or a person ! Also Buddha say : When a person is sad and suffering, it is all because of attachment ! This means : Leave out of your mind all the things that makes you suffer in this moment ! It means , a person, a thing, anything you love and want so much ! When you stop wanting so much something or someone, the sufference will stop also. Let's your soul free, live life ! See the flowers , see the sunrise, listen to the birds song ! Walk on the grass in the morning, etc.. This is the real life ! All what nature offer us and the things that we are not attached ! The things that we are not attached can meke us very happy if we see them and hear them! This things are : sunrise, sunseat, flowers, grass, birds songs, rivers, the silent of the nature also.
Hope this things from Asia culture to help you. Try to do this and find the peace in your soul, you will see how good you will feel without to let your soul attached by things that anyway will have an end once ( peoples, things from the house, etc.) .
So, do not be afraid, try to imagine you are in the sea, learning to swimming ! When you learned to "survive" the water, it means you feel free and without fear ! The same you are here right now ! Do not be afraid, just feel free and live your life , feel that freedoom . Buddha has a saying : " You can have love, but not attached , because the end is inevitable ! " , so the meaning is : you can like/love an object or a person , but do not attach your soul in this love ! the other meaning is : let your soul free, do not imput yourself to feel that you cannot live without that "something" , a thing or a person ! Also Buddha say : When a person is sad and suffering, it is all because of attachment ! This means : Leave out of your mind all the things that makes you suffer in this moment ! It means , a person, a thing, anything you love and want so much ! When you stop wanting so much something or someone, the sufference will stop also. Let's your soul free, live life ! See the flowers , see the sunrise, listen to the birds song ! Walk on the grass in the morning, etc.. This is the real life ! All what nature offer us and the things that we are not attached ! The things that we are not attached can meke us very happy if we see them and hear them! This things are : sunrise, sunseat, flowers, grass, birds songs, rivers, the silent of the nature also.
Hope this things from Asia culture to help you. Try to do this and find the peace in your soul, you will see how good you will feel without to let your soul attached by things that anyway will have an end once ( peoples, things from the house, etc.) .
Thanks Jessy. Your words helps me alot.
So i'll not initiate anything anymore and not worry about being forgotten anymore.
Even thought its so hard but if its not meant to be there's no way i can force it.
I got sucked back in when i got ill a few days ago and he started texting me and keep asking if i am well and to drink lots of water. Hope i can get better day by day......
Thanks again!
So i'll not initiate anything anymore and not worry about being forgotten anymore.
Even thought its so hard but if its not meant to be there's no way i can force it.
I got sucked back in when i got ill a few days ago and he started texting me and keep asking if i am well and to drink lots of water. Hope i can get better day by day......
Thanks again!
Hi All.. i do not wish to sound like a broken record and keep validating whether he cares for me. But today he texted me that he bought some bicycle parts for my bicycle and the shipment have arrived. He mentioned he'll do the installation for me. Is he doing all these out of guilt? I texted back that i should pay him back (because he is barely surviving after paying the loan every month, don't wish for him to go hungry).
Should i agree to meet him to fix up my bike? I am still feeling pretty raw from the breakup and won't know how to act if we do meet up. I can picture so many scenarios. What if he has really got over me and just treats me as a friend and he is just being friendly? Just afraid i might be too fragile to handle the truth. How should i act when we meet up? I do not wish to be friend-zoned so soon...
Apologies for sounding like a broken record but i can barely understand what's going on... with all the confusions...
Should i agree to meet him to fix up my bike? I am still feeling pretty raw from the breakup and won't know how to act if we do meet up. I can picture so many scenarios. What if he has really got over me and just treats me as a friend and he is just being friendly? Just afraid i might be too fragile to handle the truth. How should i act when we meet up? I do not wish to be friend-zoned so soon...
Apologies for sounding like a broken record but i can barely understand what's going on... with all the confusions...
No ! Do not accept now, is the best ! Libra know well to manipulate someone, so he will do this thing for you and will makes you confuse further . There will be something like : we can still friends.. And this will kill you ! He will try to keep you around only . This means, you will be there on his list and when the next will leave him, he will back to you again ! Tell him you don't need his help right now , tell him on a friendly tine, no arogant or other tone. just be simple and cool . He was thinking what to do to keep you as "friend" .. In fact he will not keep much contact with you further, he only want to keep you there on his list. If you don't want to meet him now, you can ask a fried to meet him to give him the pieces he buyed for you. Keeping him at distance now , he will understand that your decision is serious and there are no time to play games . He will think again then and if he tell you he want be with you again as your bf, then you can decide if back to him or not, but do not accept to be on his list only.
Jessy, so i should politely reject any meet ups he proposed? Yesterday he was just telling me he went to a doc and the doc said his health is not that good. Does a libra do this to all their close friends who are girls? Strike up a conversation with them on random topic?
Just as i am trying to move on.... he has to start the confusion all over again.....Is this what libra do? What will cause them to really let go of an ex? As in no longer contact him or her?
Just as i am trying to move on.... he has to start the confusion all over again.....Is this what libra do? What will cause them to really let go of an ex? As in no longer contact him or her?
OH MY GOD !... He only try to manipulate you in different ways now ! just to keep you on his "waiting list" ! Becool and cold ! Don't believe his health is not good ! Believe me, my Libra lied on me about he was in hospital and he got heart problems and so on... so many lies and when I wanted to go to hospital to see him , he power off the phone and disappeared ! He is trying you and manipulate you now in all the ways he wants ! Yes, tells him simple, you do not need his help now and you didn't asked him to buy that pieces or say thanks for them and send a friend to take them , avoid meeting with him now ! You can also tell him polite, to take care of his health. Nothing more ! And keep your silent and make yourself busy even you have nothing to do, but be cool ! Further, I told you how to do. If he loves you, he will stop this games and he will come after you anywhere you would be . When I did this to my Libra , he tried 2 weeks to come back and when he came finaly, he said sorry and he said if I still love him and want marry him, we marry . And even then, I told him to let me one day to think about this. I gave him the answer next day, but that night he didn't slept at all. So now, take a space for yourself and just let the things how God want to be . Remember, think about that freedoom of your soul, you don't need be manipulated, because if accept this or believe him, you will suffer more later. Acting now is best than later , do not allow him play his games as he wants now , because he is doing this now ! If you give him attention and show a lot of care now , he will just "have" you in hand . Show cool, cold.
Yes, is what a Libra do ! If you want to tell you my full story to understand more contact me by private. The "no good health" is the first step when they start manipulate you and try you . The single way to stop him contact you , is to take yourself the initiative and to tell him : I don't want you contact me still , or forget my number and contacts. He will stop if you delete his messenger, phone number, etc. because he will see you took a decision. They are unable take decisions and they can't in fact end a relationship , they keep you there somewhere on the list and if the next leave them down, they come back to you or to another one from their "list" ! If you really don't want to be with him later, can tell him directly this decision. If you want to be with him , but you are not sure about him now, then take a space for you as I told you and let him come after you , but don't meet him anymore, don't care about what happen to him too much, just show cool, cold and show you are busy. Don't let him keep you in "hand" now.
He want now to meet you to can manipulate you and to can make you remember your things and remember him how sweet and nice he is.... Theatre... a Libra do this just do not be alone.
So, act cool now , you even can cut off all contacts with him and if he really loves you, at least he will make it clear and he will stop his games ! Now he is playing , believe me, he has nothing, his health is good, he only want to touch a sensible point in you ! Why he don't tells you " oh, I got promoted to my job ! " , an example, because this will let you cool, is not a thing that attracting your care and would make you come back, right ? But when peoples heard about health, oh, health ? is important ! we are sorry for someone and think maybe he/she need our care.... So here he wants to get you. Got it ? Think about it and keep cool , I am sure you are aclever girl and can !
He want now to meet you to can manipulate you and to can make you remember your things and remember him how sweet and nice he is.... Theatre... a Libra do this just do not be alone.
So, act cool now , you even can cut off all contacts with him and if he really loves you, at least he will make it clear and he will stop his games ! Now he is playing , believe me, he has nothing, his health is good, he only want to touch a sensible point in you ! Why he don't tells you " oh, I got promoted to my job ! " , an example, because this will let you cool, is not a thing that attracting your care and would make you come back, right ? But when peoples heard about health, oh, health ? is important ! we are sorry for someone and think maybe he/she need our care.... So here he wants to get you. Got it ? Think about it and keep cool , I am sure you are aclever girl and can !
Remember, you only can accept a meeting if he tells you he want to be with you again , as bf . or further relationship that end in a marriage, other way, no ! the others ways are : he needs someone to talk to him only. he needs someone on his "list" , he need a "friend" , etc.. in fact he can't stay alone and he doesn't really need you, but he need there be someone . And he can makes you confuse all this time, making you believe there will be better, and in fact he don't take any action, just keep you blocked , your time go away ... and you will never meet again with this years. Remember .
Thanks again Jessy. Pm you.
the sun doesnt matter for the 10,0000th time look @ ascendant
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