Puzzled About Libra Ex

This topic was created in the Libra forum by Pesca75 on Tuesday, August 3, 2010 and has 11 replies.
Hi everyone. I'd appreciate your advice on this so thank you in advance!
I dated a Libra for 2.5 months. I approached him because I found him attractive and he jumped on the opportunity. From the start, he called me every day as soon as he got out of work and pretty much right off the bat we started seeing each other nearly every day. We talked a lot, mostly me listening because Libras never shut up, and we had great conversations. I cooked for him and the sex was good. He was ok but I know I rocked his world. We settled into this comfortable routine of staying in the house, cooking, watching movies, long conversations over drinks, and having sex. I let things move really fast physically because I did not see a future with him but I did enjoy his company and we were exclusive to each other. I did not smother him and gave him as much freedom as he wanted. I rarely even called him. We saw each other every day because he asked to see me and I obliged because I was lonely.
What started to bother me is that he would never introduce me to his friends. When one of his friends stopped by, he never introduced us. I had to introduce myself. Once when I came to Libra's house, he was standing outside talking to his good friend who lives in the next apartment. As I approached, I heard the guy say "Who's that??" Libra looked really uncomfortable and muttered something that I didn't hear. Whenever we were out in public, he would walk with some distance between us, never held my hand, and sometimes walked ahead of me. I knew 100% that he did not have another girl in the picture. Also I am an attractive girl and I get hit on a lot by people, so I don't get it! From the middle towards the end of the relationship, we saw each other frequently and he called me almost every day still, but there were little things that he did to make me feel like he was either ashamed to be seen with me or that I was just a booty call to him. Although I didn't see myself marrying this guy someday, I am a relationship girl and I don't like being treated like a piece of meat.
After 2.5 months, I dumped him. He didn't take it well. He begged and pleaded, cried, called and texted me all day and night. I told him about his behavior that brought me to this decision and he promised he would change. I told him it was over regardless. Once a Pisces reaches the point of no return with someone, it is FINAL.
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Anyway, I told him that I wanted him to be happy and I wished him no ill-will. I told him that he needed to find the right girl for him, someone who would make him happy. I feel as though if he were really into me, I wouldn't need to tell him that I want him to take me out to a movie or dinner every once in a while or that he should feel compelled to hold my hand in public sometimes. I feel like if a guy is really into a chick, he shouldn't have to be told how to treat her as if he treasures her.
I tried to remain friends with Libra after, but he called and texted me all hours of the day and night. I asked him to stop and he ignored me. I had him blocked from my phone but six months later, I am hearing from him again. My phone company stopped blocking his number I guess.
I am not regretting ending the relationship. He is not the one for me. What I am wondering is why the hell he is trying so hard to win me back when he was treating me like a FWB? I didn't think he cared THIS MUCH. What is up with these libra men?
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Amethyst's words hold a nugget of truth, though they're harsher than I'd have used. Pesca's not being a bitch, she's just sincerely puzzled.
It DOES seem like a double standard though, cuz I'm pretty sure Pisces gal.. YOU didn't let HIM "all the way in" within only 2.5 months. No way, and don't try to say you did, cuz I won't believe you! Libra guys usually seem to have this need for you to be fully open and transparent to them.. they want inside, to know ALL of you.. so they can make the "best decision possible" regarding your personal relationship. YES, they "mirror" back.. if you act like or treat a relationship as casual or not-so-serious, they too will behave as if it's casual and not-so-serious.
And Libras tend to go all-out, jump right into "playing house". Like they're "trying it on for size" to see if a more serious/LT relationship "fits"... but all the while, they're still deciding (which can take awhile!) Libras tend to take their cue from you, as long as you aren't pushing too hard and too fast for "serious" (which scares MOST men, btw)... and they don't like to feel like they're the only one putting forth much effort, or that they are not a priority for you. Yes, let Libra men pursue.. but pursue back once in awhile too... they love the ego-strokes and reassurance, very flattering. Reciprocation is key.. they want BALANCE... give AND take, peace and harmony, lack of drama. And yes, they tend to THINK about their emotions more than FEEL them, so overemotional displays won't please most Libras (maybe those Scorp Moon ones though lol).
Libras are usually quite concerned with how they LOOK to everyone else, they hate to make embarrassing spectacles of themselves, so a lot of PDAs are verboten, especially in the beginning when you're just starting out - or yes, if your relationship is mostly a physical, casual one. If it's deeper, then hand-holding etc. is not a problem... but macking in public will still be a no-no.
ALSO.. it doesn't usually even occur to my Libra to just reach out and grab my hand while we're walking.. if I want to hold hands, I simply grab his and he always loved that. If I want a kiss for no reason at all, I *take* one! Make your wants and needs CLEAR, they aren't mind-readers (like Pisces? lol) so it's not fair to be angry for not getting something you never asked for, nor tried to get. (It's not like you TRIED to hold his hand and he angrily shook it off and walked further ahead LOL)
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Also, this is something many, many women do, and it's to their detriment in relationships... It started bothering you that he wouldn't introduce you to people. So you file away that little bit of info every time it happened, and you nursed this injury inside. "Man, he's treating me like a piece of meat, like he's embarrassed to be around me." But did you ever talk to him about this? Or did you expect him to just KNOW you were upset and then correctly GUESS what it was about?
But instead of speaking up and allowing him the chance to change the bad behavior, you didn't speak your Truth to him... "I really like spending time with you and you make me feel really good most of the time. But it feels bad to me when you don't introduce me to people. I feel uncomfortable and embarrassed when I have to introduce myself. What do you think?" ...if you HAD spoken your feelings (in a calm, centered, feeling, NON-BLAMING way - like the sentence I just typed) it would have opened the door for a real conversation about it. He may have said, "Oh! Sorry, I didn't realize you felt that way. How insensitive of me. I'll try to do better." or hey, worst case scenario, "Well, we're not actually dating, so I don't want people to know you." And then you'd have known EXACTLY where you stood with him, no guessing... but really, can you picture him doing that?! Probably not. Libras are people-pleasers, they like to make others happy whenever they can. And they like good manners LOL
For hand-holding, if you couldn't bring yourself to just grab his (which they usually LOVE - c'mon don't YOU just love it when someone just grabs your hand to hold it?! Well, so does he!), well then you have to find a way to make your wants clear: "I really love walking with you like this. It would feel even better if we were holding hands while we enjoy the sunshine. What do you think?" Yeah, I know.. sounds corny, right? But it's music to a man's ears.. a woman who knows what she wants, vulnerable enough to show she has feelings and needs too, strong enough to ask for it in a non-demanding way, and confident enough to trust that the man is willing to give it to please her.
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And pesca, if you did indeed hold all of these negative feelings inside, stuffing them down until it was numbing you and you had to get out, feeling like he didn't even CARE (cuz he doesn't show care like you or I might!)... no wonder the Libra guy was baffled when you broke it off.. he had no idea what was wrong! It probably seemed like a smooth, calm, steady thing going.. progressing right on schedule (which is longer than YOUR timeline.. 2.5mos is nothing to a Libra guy deciding if a woman is LTR material, much less The One!).. and you throwing in the towel came out of left field. So yeah, he tried to scramble, hold onto it, ask you to work it out, give it a chance. Cuz he felt it was worth a try, now that he had more information to go on.

Also, Guy Speak: if I'm HERE, then OF COURSE I want to be with you. If I didn't, I'd leave!
So TELL him how that makes you feel: "I feel confused and unsure if you really want to be with me sometimes. I don't know that I am happy with a purely casual/physical relationship, and I sometimes need some verbal reassurance that you still want to be here and that you enjoy being with me. I have a lot of mixed feelings about us right now. What do you think?"
Do you see a pattern forming here, Pesca? I know it's HARD for a Pisces gal to reveal her feelings instead of guarding them jealously... but it's the only way to truly be OPEN TO POSSIBILITIES, and to connect emotionally to a man. A man doesn't fall in love with a woman's looks or body, her money or her sex. Those are just window-dressings for the store of how she makes him FEEL when he's around her... and if she's not showing how she feels, then he can't connect with her on an emotional level and everything stalls... mostly because he doesn't feel he's right for her (or vice versa), because he can't make her happy!
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Yes, us Pisces chicks are friggin' whack sometimes! In my younger years, I felt my deep deep, overwhelmingly HUGE feelings were clearly showing, right? How could anyone miss it, right? And since I'm SUCH an empath, it took A LOT of years for me to realize that most people aren't empathetic to the degree I am! Just cuz *I* can read minds (or make it LOOK like I do, picking up on the most subtle tiny clues)... doesn't mean others can. And being angry with men for not showing me affection in the ways I desired... totally not fair, esp if I never ASKED, just waited for them to get their heads out of their asses and ASK me, "What's wrong?".. mostly so I could just feel reassured that they noticed and cared.. but then again, actually admitting to my private feelings.. SOOO not happening.... so by then, "Oh, nothing." ...because MOST of my "issue" was solved by the reassurance he gave through just asking. ((Except truly, deep down, the ISSUE wasn't resolved.. the burner was just put on Low.)) I had to learn a different way, cuz it's not fun feeling alone and abandoned and like no one understands or cares... and that keeps happening when they "know nothing" cuz you "tell nothing"... and a burner on Low will STILL eventually burn up, given enough time!
"I feel as though if he were really into me, I wouldn't need to tell him that I want him to take me out to a movie or dinner every once in a while or that he should feel compelled to hold my hand in public sometimes. I feel like if a guy is really into a chick, he shouldn't have to be told how to treat her as if he treasures her." ...it's SO Pisces, and SO Female it's ridiculous. It's one of the biggest complaints men have about women.. us expecting them to read our minds. Us being upset that we have to "teach" them about relationships.. who wants the hassle, right? Well, you should actually "teach" in EVERY relationship. So that person knows what YOU want and need, which they can't possibly know beforehand or have learned elsewhere! I don't want my man loving me in the way his ex liked - I want him to find out and learn the ways *I* like to be loved.. and vice versa! And so i do my part and TELL him what I like, and what I do not want.
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Careful.. I've cut bitches for less Winking
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Hey guys, thanks for your responses...harsh or otherwise. @Amethyst, I acknowledge the whole mind reading thing...I'm working on that. lol As for "pushing sex", I was never sexually aggressive with him and I did not push sex. He initiated and I did not stop him.
I guess I should explain this. I know that us Pisces girls can wear our hearts on our sleeves and be really intense and emotional at times. When I was a lot younger, I was needy, emotional, and clingy and I know I could come on too intense. I've learned to temper myself over the years and now I might be going in the exact opposite direction. I am a bit mysterious and I keep my feelings to myself a lot but now I am afraid to make the first move or come on too strong and intense. I also try not to make myself too available emotionally. In the process, I think I may seem a bit too aloof. I also mirror the guy's behavior and if he is holding back, I sure as hell will too.
As for the libra guy, I didn't call him only when I was lonely. I didn't call him because I didn't want to be needy and clingy. It doesn't mean that I wasn't thinking about him or that I didn't want to see him. He wanted to see me almost every day and I thought it wise that I didn't make myself so available but he called me every day and when he asked to see me, I did so out of loneliness at risk of making myself too available.
I do take the blame for not opening up to him and telling him what he was doing wrong WHEN it was happening but I guess I figured that if he was really that into me, he would be doing more. His actions put him in the "ok for now" category in my head and I figured he didn't take me all that seriously so I didn't think I was breaking his heart by leaving him.
My thing is, I know that Libras like "partnership" but they get bored quickly. If I let a Libra know everything about me and readily give him love and affection, I am afraid that he will get too comfortable and bored. I don't want to let any man think he's got me wrapped around his finger because then he will take me for granted.
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Oh Pesca.. I sooooooo understand. I do, I do. My "pendulum" swung back the other way too.. I went from feeling too emotional and needy in my youth to years and years of being way too aloof and detached in my adulthood, almost disconnected from my feelings... you need a happy medium. Start small, little feelings, like the ones I said.. AS THEY HAPPEN, yes.. that's SOO important.. we've been taught that men are afraid of our emotions, that they don't like them.. not true. What they're afraid of is being BLINDSIDED when a woman holds back until she blows up or shuts down.
And you can't "bore" a Libra with the details, trust me - they're very mental and conversationalists.. As a Libra in here said (curious visitor, I believe?) Knowledge is power to a Libra... power over themselves, not over anyone else.. they just want to do the right thing, and knowledge about you helps them know what to say to you, what to do, what gifts to get you, what activities to suggest - with the sole purpose of pleasing you. And as for "bored easily"... *headshake* Libra men get tired of the push-pull, back and forth with a woman who doesn't know herself enough to speak her Truth, with women who don't let them inside (bit by bit is fine, doesn't have to be all at once, but they like seeing progress!), women who can't tell them anything. If a Libra man is being hot & cold with his girlfriend, I can almost guarantee she's holding back from him and clouding the issue. (Self-preservation, yes.. vulnerability is a huge risk -- but it's the only way to find out if what you have with your Libra is real and will stand the test of time.) Relax, let it flow, enjoy each other, let it deepen.
No, that's not to say go all smother-y and clingy. But affection is very nice... aloof and distant = they think you don't care that much and mirror it back. Also, I've never known a Libra man to think just cuz his relationship with you started out purely physical, that means you're a slut and not relationship material. They just don't think like that.
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inorite?!?! I swear I'm a secret Aqua, gah! LOL And with Libra in my House VII (I swear I can't escape the pull of Libras lol)... that probably helps explain (at least to me) why my relationships with Libra men aren't "typical" of a Pisces-Libra relationship, ESP the one I'm in right now!
I feel like I'm straddling the fence between Aqua and Pisces, and people who say they don't believe in cusps make me grin. I don't have to believe in it - I LIVE it!
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Posted by amethyst2002
Posted by Nefer
Careful.. I've cut bitches for less Winking


Hey, I'm a cusp, so I'm part Pisces as well. I can kid!
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All kidding aside, you should know by now that I like you very much and kid back with you easily Winking
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