Should I be concerned??? Ugh.
This topic was created in the Libra forum by TAURdeFORCE on Friday, November 5, 2010 and has 13 replies.
I have been dating a Libra woman for just over 5 months now. In the beginning, things were awesome. Typical Libra - she "stalked" me for about a year then when we started dating she came on fast, the romance was passionate and loving. We became a couple 2 weeks in and she professed her love for me within less than 2 months. I also professed my love for her. We have even been talking about marriage since the third month and have even joked about a time frame for when the marriage will be, though I have not proposed.
We have been on three trips and have had a BLAST on each one of them. The first trip was just the two of us (On our way to our destination, we stopped at every rest stop along the highway to make out!) the second trip was with my parents camping and the third was Disneyland with some of her friends. Now unfortunately, neither of us have a lot of savings so we cannot go on as many trips as we would like especially since we don't live together.
We spend much of our free time together but we have never spent every day together. We both have friends, chores and work to keep us busy so we usually only have 2 or 3 nights a week to hang out. During the first three months, there was a TON of romance and joy but since early November, she has been asking for less time to be together and cutting short just about EVERY one of our meetings. There is less and less passion from her and for the past three weeks, NO time spent in the bedroom. Before, almost every night together would be end up romantically if not sexually. Not anymore. When I brought it up to her recently she asked me ???Is that all you want our relationship to be about??? ???I like that we are doing other things now??. She made a point to tell me that she still loved me and wants to get married and that I have to believe ???it??s Not Me.?? Do Libras in love really NOT want to make out passionately or have a night in the bedroom (sex or not) once in awhile? Like never? By the way, she has been sick this week so I understand why the romance is low for this week.
We have been on three trips and have had a BLAST on each one of them. The first trip was just the two of us (On our way to our destination, we stopped at every rest stop along the highway to make out!) the second trip was with my parents camping and the third was Disneyland with some of her friends. Now unfortunately, neither of us have a lot of savings so we cannot go on as many trips as we would like especially since we don't live together.
We spend much of our free time together but we have never spent every day together. We both have friends, chores and work to keep us busy so we usually only have 2 or 3 nights a week to hang out. During the first three months, there was a TON of romance and joy but since early November, she has been asking for less time to be together and cutting short just about EVERY one of our meetings. There is less and less passion from her and for the past three weeks, NO time spent in the bedroom. Before, almost every night together would be end up romantically if not sexually. Not anymore. When I brought it up to her recently she asked me ???Is that all you want our relationship to be about??? ???I like that we are doing other things now??. She made a point to tell me that she still loved me and wants to get married and that I have to believe ???it??s Not Me.?? Do Libras in love really NOT want to make out passionately or have a night in the bedroom (sex or not) once in awhile? Like never? By the way, she has been sick this week so I understand why the romance is low for this week.
It seems very common for Libras to either grow bored or look for balance in their relationships but this has been an alarming shift and seems like it??s for good.
Today came the icing on the cake! We have been planning for weeks to go on a trip together in mid-December to the coast and enjoy the sunny beaches and night life but today she met me for lunch and asked if it would be OK with me if she went on that trip with ONLY her friends instead. Not with me. We also have been talking lately about going back to Disneyland early next year and she asked me if it??s OK if she goes by herself in early December since I can??t afford an annual pass until next year. Now remember, she doesn??t have much money either so it??s not like she has money to burn.
It seems to me that she is getting bored with our relationship or at least looking for some other excitement. What do you fellow Libras see that I don??t?
Today came the icing on the cake! We have been planning for weeks to go on a trip together in mid-December to the coast and enjoy the sunny beaches and night life but today she met me for lunch and asked if it would be OK with me if she went on that trip with ONLY her friends instead. Not with me. We also have been talking lately about going back to Disneyland early next year and she asked me if it??s OK if she goes by herself in early December since I can??t afford an annual pass until next year. Now remember, she doesn??t have much money either so it??s not like she has money to burn.
It seems to me that she is getting bored with our relationship or at least looking for some other excitement. What do you fellow Libras see that I don??t?
Posted by TAURdeFORCE
During the first three months, there was a TON of romance and joy but since early November, she has been asking for less time to be together and cutting short just about EVERY one of our meetings.
Oops, early November should read early September instead. Grr, where is the edit button! lol
I was curious about the early November comment... I was like damn a whole 5 days huh?
I wish I could say something better but no, I don't see anything differently than you do. It sounds bad.
Maybe one of the ladies around can give different input.
The only question I have right now is when you said:
She made a point to tell me that she still loved me and wants to get married and that I have to believe ???it??s Not Me.??
If she said it's not you, what is it? The whole it's not you it's me stuff is BS. Did something happen in September that brought on this shift?
To answer some of yours from my pov
Do Libras in love really NOT want to make out passionately or have a night in the bedroom (sex or not) once in awhile? Like never?
I'm not like that. More importantly, she wasn't like that. What changed? For me to go from one extreme to the other like that, there would have to be a reason.
Today came the icing on the cake!
Changing plans and wanting to go places alone is a bad sign too. Libras tend to want to be around their partners a LOT. The only way I could see myself asking someone to change their plans and not come on a trip with me is if I really didn't want to be around them.
I know this wasn't the positive answer you were probably hoping for but I think your concerns are justified.
I wish I could say something better but no, I don't see anything differently than you do. It sounds bad.
Maybe one of the ladies around can give different input.
The only question I have right now is when you said:
She made a point to tell me that she still loved me and wants to get married and that I have to believe ???it??s Not Me.??
If she said it's not you, what is it? The whole it's not you it's me stuff is BS. Did something happen in September that brought on this shift?
To answer some of yours from my pov
Do Libras in love really NOT want to make out passionately or have a night in the bedroom (sex or not) once in awhile? Like never?
I'm not like that. More importantly, she wasn't like that. What changed? For me to go from one extreme to the other like that, there would have to be a reason.
Today came the icing on the cake!
Changing plans and wanting to go places alone is a bad sign too. Libras tend to want to be around their partners a LOT. The only way I could see myself asking someone to change their plans and not come on a trip with me is if I really didn't want to be around them.
I know this wasn't the positive answer you were probably hoping for but I think your concerns are justified.
Thanks for the reply LS!
As far as what reason did she give to spend less time together it was that she has been having allergy issues AND spending all her free time with me. She said she wants free time to take care of herself. I can understand that but I never force her to be with me nor do I see her all night long when we are together so she has time to get things done. Anyway, I am fine with giving her more space (like seeing her one day less and spending less time together when we do but I notice that when we do have a day apart, she spends her time not being productive and staying up late like she said she wouldn't do. For instance the other night she was yawning when we were eating dinner together and she said that she was wiped and needed to get a couple chores done and then hit the hay. So cancelled movie plans and I left at 7:30 and she ended up staying up to almost midnight doing chores, IMing me and surfing on the computer.
What happened in September is hard to pinpoint but one thing I haven't mentioned is that we are both religious and are saving ourselves for marriage. We both WANT to have intercourse but we won't. One day in early September we went almost too far if you get what I'm saying. VERY close. So maybe she is afraid that if we continue turning each other on that we will go to far again. It could be why she is wondering if the physical is all our relationship is about. It might have really spooked her. Her sexual passions are strong so maybe she is afraid of going too far. Still it doesn't account for the cancellation of trips with me.
As far as the trip nixing, could it have something to do with the finance situation? I have told her that I can't afford trips right now but I still want to go. Maybe she wants to save my budget and is trying to be considerate of that. I am not saying she DOESN'T want me to go on trips with her but the change in December to her 'friends only' is a bit odd since she knows I have been looking forward to it. She doesn't want me there with her friends...
As far as what reason did she give to spend less time together it was that she has been having allergy issues AND spending all her free time with me. She said she wants free time to take care of herself. I can understand that but I never force her to be with me nor do I see her all night long when we are together so she has time to get things done. Anyway, I am fine with giving her more space (like seeing her one day less and spending less time together when we do but I notice that when we do have a day apart, she spends her time not being productive and staying up late like she said she wouldn't do. For instance the other night she was yawning when we were eating dinner together and she said that she was wiped and needed to get a couple chores done and then hit the hay. So cancelled movie plans and I left at 7:30 and she ended up staying up to almost midnight doing chores, IMing me and surfing on the computer.
What happened in September is hard to pinpoint but one thing I haven't mentioned is that we are both religious and are saving ourselves for marriage. We both WANT to have intercourse but we won't. One day in early September we went almost too far if you get what I'm saying. VERY close. So maybe she is afraid that if we continue turning each other on that we will go to far again. It could be why she is wondering if the physical is all our relationship is about. It might have really spooked her. Her sexual passions are strong so maybe she is afraid of going too far. Still it doesn't account for the cancellation of trips with me.
As far as the trip nixing, could it have something to do with the finance situation? I have told her that I can't afford trips right now but I still want to go. Maybe she wants to save my budget and is trying to be considerate of that. I am not saying she DOESN'T want me to go on trips with her but the change in December to her 'friends only' is a bit odd since she knows I have been looking forward to it. She doesn't want me there with her friends...
Maybe I misread it before or maybe it's cause I'm high now, but you are painting a really different picture now.
So cancelled movie plans and I left at 7:30 and she ended up staying up to almost midnight doing chores, IMing me and surfing on the computer.
This makes sense to me. She just needed some down time. I know I am a night owl, if I cancel plans cause I'm tired and need to get shit done around the house, sometimes I get a second wind. It's not like I'm ready to go out or anything but I get productive. I have stayed up late cleaning and then goofed off online way later than I should have.
I understand the religious aspect and saving yourselves too. If that's your thing I applaud it. I have a friend studying to become a pastor and he and his fiance have had those times when it's hard to stop. They are getting married in about a month and while they have started moving stuff into an apartment they are getting, she isn't sleeping there until after they are married. If you guys had one of those "we shouldn't have done that" nights it could be weird for a little bit. If that's what you think it is you should ask her.
I don't know with the trip thing. It could be bad like I said at first or it could be nothing. If you have been dropping hints that you cannot afford it maybe she is asking to spare you that.
I am curious how old you guys are.
So cancelled movie plans and I left at 7:30 and she ended up staying up to almost midnight doing chores, IMing me and surfing on the computer.
This makes sense to me. She just needed some down time. I know I am a night owl, if I cancel plans cause I'm tired and need to get shit done around the house, sometimes I get a second wind. It's not like I'm ready to go out or anything but I get productive. I have stayed up late cleaning and then goofed off online way later than I should have.
I understand the religious aspect and saving yourselves too. If that's your thing I applaud it. I have a friend studying to become a pastor and he and his fiance have had those times when it's hard to stop. They are getting married in about a month and while they have started moving stuff into an apartment they are getting, she isn't sleeping there until after they are married. If you guys had one of those "we shouldn't have done that" nights it could be weird for a little bit. If that's what you think it is you should ask her.
I don't know with the trip thing. It could be bad like I said at first or it could be nothing. If you have been dropping hints that you cannot afford it maybe she is asking to spare you that.
I am curious how old you guys are.
I guess it just seems like I am the one trying to make the relationship between us work. I know Libras are notorious for leaving their calendars free until the last minute just in case something comes up but on our free nights, I always have to plan our evening. Do you or other libras usually let your partner plan the evening every time. She will plan nights with her friends and family as well as future trips but our free nights are almost always up to me.
We are both just over 40 so we have been around the block a few times. It's one of the reasons why I don't understand her behavior sometimes. It could be the ol' Taurus/Libra problems - I am probably too conventional for her airy personality at times. I can be a bit boring for an adventure loving Libra I would assume although we both love to travel and hang out socially. She insists that I am never boring or unexciting though and she has always been honest with me as far as I know.
It's the lack of affection and passion that really makes me concerned. Not so much the time away from her.
We are both just over 40 so we have been around the block a few times. It's one of the reasons why I don't understand her behavior sometimes. It could be the ol' Taurus/Libra problems - I am probably too conventional for her airy personality at times. I can be a bit boring for an adventure loving Libra I would assume although we both love to travel and hang out socially. She insists that I am never boring or unexciting though and she has always been honest with me as far as I know.
It's the lack of affection and passion that really makes me concerned. Not so much the time away from her.
Meh. Maybe the relationship is just on auto pilot for a bit. We haven't been to romantic lately. Seems lame to ask, but does anyone have some easy, cool ideas for a fun night out to cheer her up a bit and get her out to have some fun?
"on our free nights, I always have to plan our evening. Do you or other libras usually let your partner plan the evening every time."
This. Yes. I mean, sure my Libra CAN make a decision. He has the ABILITY to do so. And he CAN plan stuff for himself or for other people (friends, family, run a softball team, etc.) but YES.. when it comes to romantic partners (me), to things for the two of us to do.. he prefers to let ME decide, almost MAKES me decide (basically by not deciding himself and insisting that it's up to me, as many times as it takes for me to choose!) Contrary to what some may think, it's not exactly laziness or being passive or not CARING or WANTING anything... when he really doesn't feel strongly about wanting to do a specific thing, he simply wants to do what *I* want to do, wants to see me happy. (Now.. if he were to insist *I* choose, then grumble or complain or pitch a fit about my "choice".. that's passive-aggressive and counter-productive.) But he doesn't do that. He's genuinely pleased to do whatever I feel like doing, wherever I feel like eating or going out to, or what movie to watch. Yes, he chooses sometimes.. but honestly, only about 20-25% of the time, maybe less. It used to frustrate and baffle me sometimes.. just TELL me what you'd LIKE to do, give me some IDEAS.. but nah, it's not worth fighting about. He wants ME to choose most of the time, and as a Pisces I take his tastes and usual preferences into account anyway, and so it works.
Your Libra girl IS NOT going to suddenly take the reigns and start planning your times together, MAYBE once in a blue moon, or if she's simply DYING to do such and so tonight.. she will mostly let YOU choose, and genuinely like when you do.. because you too will choose things SHE likes too.
This. Yes. I mean, sure my Libra CAN make a decision. He has the ABILITY to do so. And he CAN plan stuff for himself or for other people (friends, family, run a softball team, etc.) but YES.. when it comes to romantic partners (me), to things for the two of us to do.. he prefers to let ME decide, almost MAKES me decide (basically by not deciding himself and insisting that it's up to me, as many times as it takes for me to choose!) Contrary to what some may think, it's not exactly laziness or being passive or not CARING or WANTING anything... when he really doesn't feel strongly about wanting to do a specific thing, he simply wants to do what *I* want to do, wants to see me happy. (Now.. if he were to insist *I* choose, then grumble or complain or pitch a fit about my "choice".. that's passive-aggressive and counter-productive.) But he doesn't do that. He's genuinely pleased to do whatever I feel like doing, wherever I feel like eating or going out to, or what movie to watch. Yes, he chooses sometimes.. but honestly, only about 20-25% of the time, maybe less. It used to frustrate and baffle me sometimes.. just TELL me what you'd LIKE to do, give me some IDEAS.. but nah, it's not worth fighting about. He wants ME to choose most of the time, and as a Pisces I take his tastes and usual preferences into account anyway, and so it works.
Your Libra girl IS NOT going to suddenly take the reigns and start planning your times together, MAYBE once in a blue moon, or if she's simply DYING to do such and so tonight.. she will mostly let YOU choose, and genuinely like when you do.. because you too will choose things SHE likes too.
"It's the lack of affection and passion that really makes me concerned. Not so much the time away from her."
From a woman's pov... if I were saving myself for us to be married, and several weeks ago we got almost TOO hot n' heavy and almost broke our self-imposed rule about our mutual decision to wait (you made it sound like a VERY near thing - a NARROW escape!)... if I saw that the passion and affection we were sharing was wonderful.. but likely to trip us up, cloud our thinking, make us do something we SAID we wouldn't do.. I WOULD pull back on some of the passion and affection and concentrate on other aspects of our relationship, safer aspects.. talking, communication, friendship, keeping doing things for and by myself.. but ixnay on the assionpay. Less kissing and cuddling and snuggly romantic affectionate stuff, once it leads us down THAT path it's easier to walk that path a little further next time. Why put such temptation before us? It's frustrating, it serves no purpose but to make things feel harder and more strained when we ALMOST mess up.
As for date ideas.. I dunno her, so I couldn't say. Pick something you know she enjoys... whether it's a picnic at sunset.. a walk on the beach.. climbing a rock wall... seeing a chick flick.. going out dancing... baking cookies together from scratch... going for a long drive at night so she can cuddle next to you in the seat, etc. Whatever it is SHE enjoys doing and can really smile for you. She'll love it, and YOU will love it.
From a woman's pov... if I were saving myself for us to be married, and several weeks ago we got almost TOO hot n' heavy and almost broke our self-imposed rule about our mutual decision to wait (you made it sound like a VERY near thing - a NARROW escape!)... if I saw that the passion and affection we were sharing was wonderful.. but likely to trip us up, cloud our thinking, make us do something we SAID we wouldn't do.. I WOULD pull back on some of the passion and affection and concentrate on other aspects of our relationship, safer aspects.. talking, communication, friendship, keeping doing things for and by myself.. but ixnay on the assionpay. Less kissing and cuddling and snuggly romantic affectionate stuff, once it leads us down THAT path it's easier to walk that path a little further next time. Why put such temptation before us? It's frustrating, it serves no purpose but to make things feel harder and more strained when we ALMOST mess up.
As for date ideas.. I dunno her, so I couldn't say. Pick something you know she enjoys... whether it's a picnic at sunset.. a walk on the beach.. climbing a rock wall... seeing a chick flick.. going out dancing... baking cookies together from scratch... going for a long drive at night so she can cuddle next to you in the seat, etc. Whatever it is SHE enjoys doing and can really smile for you. She'll love it, and YOU will love it.
It could be Venus retrograde...October 8 - November 18 + shasow...it'll be around December 20... if u have time to wait...u will see the story behind the story in December...
...do some reading about this...
...do some reading about this...
ha ha ha...rare fingers/no edit button...It was supposed to be SHADOW
* I always have to plan our evening. Do you or other libras usually let your partner plan the evening every time.
Yes! Hello! We don't really enjoy making decisions. Much rather let our partner handle things. A guy with a plan is sexy.
My instinct is she is angry with you but probably doesn't know it and has completely turned off. If that isn't the case, she might be trying to pressure you into getting engaged and setting a date by making herself less available to you.
Yes! Hello! We don't really enjoy making decisions. Much rather let our partner handle things. A guy with a plan is sexy.
My instinct is she is angry with you but probably doesn't know it and has completely turned off. If that isn't the case, she might be trying to pressure you into getting engaged and setting a date by making herself less available to you.
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