Stupid Fucking Libras Have to Have It Both Ways.
This topic was created in the Libra forum by Skykomish on Monday, January 24, 2011 and has 130 replies.
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Anyone following me knows I met this amazing Lib/Sco cusper, and we hit it off really really well. Like nothing I've ever experienced before. I let myself be vulnerable for the first time in about 10 years.. and things moved way too fast. It was like neither one of us could stop it, like some kind of freight train. I got scared, typical scorpio style (and now I wish I'd listened to my intuition... if something seems to good to be true, it probably IS) and retreated, I'll admit I did some things that weren't very nice. But I apologized, things were cool, trying to slow things down so I don't end up doing that again. I want a steady relationship, that will lead to marriage, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence (lol, jk on the fence). Well last night he tells me he's in love with someone else. Unrequited. But still. But he still wants to be with me too.
How the FUCK is that fair? I am so hurt. I regret so much of what I've done with him now. Ok, so some of you may be thinking, but why did you think he WAS available? Well because I found him on a dating website.. kinda shouldn't be ON there if you're not emotionally available. I am a scorpio, and very typical of my sign (I do happen to be a cusper but far more scorpio than sagg). I am jealous. I am possessive. And when I fall for someone, its deep.. to the core. I am so glad he told me when he did, thank GOD it wasn't later on that I figured it out on my own. But there is no way I can ask him to choose between me and her, that wouldn't be fair. But he'd have to. I could never trust him otherwise.
I just don't understand how the sign that is KNOWN for being fair, could do something like this? This isn't a one time thing, my 1st love was ALSO Lib/Sco cusper, and he kept going between me and another girl. Why do you have to have it both ways?
I need to find my phoenix, because right now I'm feeling like ashes.
How the FUCK is that fair? I am so hurt. I regret so much of what I've done with him now. Ok, so some of you may be thinking, but why did you think he WAS available? Well because I found him on a dating website.. kinda shouldn't be ON there if you're not emotionally available. I am a scorpio, and very typical of my sign (I do happen to be a cusper but far more scorpio than sagg). I am jealous. I am possessive. And when I fall for someone, its deep.. to the core. I am so glad he told me when he did, thank GOD it wasn't later on that I figured it out on my own. But there is no way I can ask him to choose between me and her, that wouldn't be fair. But he'd have to. I could never trust him otherwise.
I just don't understand how the sign that is KNOWN for being fair, could do something like this? This isn't a one time thing, my 1st love was ALSO Lib/Sco cusper, and he kept going between me and another girl. Why do you have to have it both ways?
I need to find my phoenix, because right now I'm feeling like ashes.
It's not just limited to Libras, nor to males.
SOME people might avoid any sort of romantic/intimate contact with people if they're still thinking about someone else, but most people get out there, trying to live, trying to move on, seeing if they can get over it. ESP when they're pining for someone they can't have.
Doesn't make him a dick, imho. Makes him human, and confused, and trying to live his life. So he's still in love with someone - she doesn't return the sentiment. So he's on dating sites, and meeting/flirting with chicks online and in the real world. Maybe he meets someone interesting, REALLY starts liking her, allows things to develop to see if maybe SHE'S the one.
With Libra males, more than most signs, yes he goes in hot n' heavy, really throwing himself into it. They DO that, they do it to see if she's really, really the one - figuring it out through experience rather than by imagining. It's confusing and more than a bit unfair to the women who get caught up with him.. cuz although things seem great on the surface and he's being Mr. Wonderful.. underneath, he's still deciding how he really feels about her... and SHE thinks it's love and it's amazing. THAT'S where the "heart breaker" rep comes from that Libra Males get. If only he ACTED at the same pace as his true emotions underneath.. well, he'd move slowly, at the pace of his emotions - and fewer women would be blindsided when he suddenly went from Mr. Everything's Perfect to Mr. Invisible.
Now the two of you have reached this point.. the point where he's weighed and measured (famous Libra indecision is actually him examining all angles, all info, to make the best decision possible) and realized that he's NOT in love with you, and that he's still pining for the other girl. BUT.. he can't have the other girl, he knows this.. so.. he tells you about it and lays out the cards.. he's not available for a relationship with you.. but he'd still like to be with you. Is that fair? Not even close. The thing is, he's basically telling you he'd still like the good stuff he got from you.. the benefits of a relationship, but without one. How utterly disrespectful! (Man, this gets OLD! What IS it with some mens' sense of entitlement nowadays?)
SOME people might avoid any sort of romantic/intimate contact with people if they're still thinking about someone else, but most people get out there, trying to live, trying to move on, seeing if they can get over it. ESP when they're pining for someone they can't have.
Doesn't make him a dick, imho. Makes him human, and confused, and trying to live his life. So he's still in love with someone - she doesn't return the sentiment. So he's on dating sites, and meeting/flirting with chicks online and in the real world. Maybe he meets someone interesting, REALLY starts liking her, allows things to develop to see if maybe SHE'S the one.
With Libra males, more than most signs, yes he goes in hot n' heavy, really throwing himself into it. They DO that, they do it to see if she's really, really the one - figuring it out through experience rather than by imagining. It's confusing and more than a bit unfair to the women who get caught up with him.. cuz although things seem great on the surface and he's being Mr. Wonderful.. underneath, he's still deciding how he really feels about her... and SHE thinks it's love and it's amazing. THAT'S where the "heart breaker" rep comes from that Libra Males get. If only he ACTED at the same pace as his true emotions underneath.. well, he'd move slowly, at the pace of his emotions - and fewer women would be blindsided when he suddenly went from Mr. Everything's Perfect to Mr. Invisible.
Now the two of you have reached this point.. the point where he's weighed and measured (famous Libra indecision is actually him examining all angles, all info, to make the best decision possible) and realized that he's NOT in love with you, and that he's still pining for the other girl. BUT.. he can't have the other girl, he knows this.. so.. he tells you about it and lays out the cards.. he's not available for a relationship with you.. but he'd still like to be with you. Is that fair? Not even close. The thing is, he's basically telling you he'd still like the good stuff he got from you.. the benefits of a relationship, but without one. How utterly disrespectful! (Man, this gets OLD! What IS it with some mens' sense of entitlement nowadays?)
What YOU need to do is stand strong on your boundaries, cuz this is where women fall into a trap.. they're REALLY hooked on a guy, he pulls away and TELLS her straight up that he can't do a relationship (with her!).. then offers her a substandard arrangement, basically says, "I don't have feelings enough to have something real and committed with you, but I'd still like to spend time with you, and sleep with you. But since I TOLD you I can't commit to you, I always have the option of playing that card when you bring it up. This is all you get with me, but I'm hoping you're hooked enough to say yes, cuz I need you to fill the emptiness until I find/meet the one to whom I will give everything I've denied you."
SO.
Your answer: "Oh, I feel relieved that you've been honest with me before things went further and I do see what you're saying. And of course, you must do what you really want to do, and I understand. However, I don't want to be the runner-up.. I deserve to be the winner. I don't feel comfortable doing intimacy without a relationship, that feels awful to me. I do appreciate your offer, but it feels better for me to cut my losses now and move on."
He'll probably answer something like: "But we can still be friends, right? Hang out and do stuff together? That doesn't have to change, does it? Cuz I really liked that."
Your answer: "Even friendship feels wrong to me in this situation, but I'll let you know if I can be your friend in the future.. but for now, I won't have time to invest so much in a non-relationship, and I believe my energy is better spent finding what I really want and deserve.. a real relationship with a man who absolutely adores me."
DO NOT let him reel you back in, ESP while he's still openly telling you he can't commit to you, he just wants the good stuff he has no right to have. Be strong, state your Truth (like I scripted for you), and walk away. Of course, there's a good change that doing this might trigger him to want you more.. it's very attractive when a woman refuses to settle for less than she wants and deserves, when she proves her Value is too high for a BS arrangement like that. In which case... stay strong. You want a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. THAT is what you want. Not 6 months as a part-time lover for a man who said you weren't worth more. Until and unless he is offering what you REALLY want.. don't settle. You're worth more.
SO.
Your answer: "Oh, I feel relieved that you've been honest with me before things went further and I do see what you're saying. And of course, you must do what you really want to do, and I understand. However, I don't want to be the runner-up.. I deserve to be the winner. I don't feel comfortable doing intimacy without a relationship, that feels awful to me. I do appreciate your offer, but it feels better for me to cut my losses now and move on."
He'll probably answer something like: "But we can still be friends, right? Hang out and do stuff together? That doesn't have to change, does it? Cuz I really liked that."
Your answer: "Even friendship feels wrong to me in this situation, but I'll let you know if I can be your friend in the future.. but for now, I won't have time to invest so much in a non-relationship, and I believe my energy is better spent finding what I really want and deserve.. a real relationship with a man who absolutely adores me."
DO NOT let him reel you back in, ESP while he's still openly telling you he can't commit to you, he just wants the good stuff he has no right to have. Be strong, state your Truth (like I scripted for you), and walk away. Of course, there's a good change that doing this might trigger him to want you more.. it's very attractive when a woman refuses to settle for less than she wants and deserves, when she proves her Value is too high for a BS arrangement like that. In which case... stay strong. You want a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. THAT is what you want. Not 6 months as a part-time lover for a man who said you weren't worth more. Until and unless he is offering what you REALLY want.. don't settle. You're worth more.
Jeesh Nefer, you made me cry. But yeah, that's pretty much what I said.
Posted by Skykomish
Jeesh Nefer, you made me cry. But yeah, that's pretty much what I said.
Awww.. I didn't mean to make you cry. Head up, chica.. it DOES get easier.
Posted by THEKingofLibra
I would be cautious of Nefer's ramblings on the matter. First off all, she is a fish. And her bf is not a libra/scorpio cusp.
And she just gave you 10 times the output for the amount of input she received, so somewhere along the way she had to use her imagination, and she may have gotten off reading herself type too.
So in summary - if someone tells you more about you than you tell them about yourself, they are full of shit
Awww, sweetie.. what part makes me full of shit? The part where he said he's in love with someone else and can't be in a relationship with Sky, but asked her to still continue with him in spite of that? Or the part where I said she was worth more than being some guy's non-committed part-time lover, and to not settle for such a bullshit relationship?
Also.. Fish I may be, technically. But being born at 7:45 A.M. on the day Pisces starts, I have barely any Water in me.. yeah, my Aqua-ness no longer baffles me
Nefer? A fish? Wow you may be the first pisces I've ever liked. You're really good at advice for Elle and I. I am still planning on being a friend, although I DONT have very much time to spend with anyone who's not into me in a serious way. Like, really don't. He has been nothing but nice to me though, with this exception, and helped me out a lot. I like a lot of things about him. But my friend rules: NO TOUCHING. Like, not even with a fingertip. I'm VERY black and white. And I am hurt. Will probably make a point of avoiding him for at least a little while so I can heal.
Posted by THEKingofLibra
Skykomish, I'll give you the most impartial advise you'll receive here, simply because I don't have to suck any libra's dick tonight.
Stick it out with him. Be patient. He will come around and it will all work out.
Surely you jest, KoL... she should continue sleeping with the guy who laid it all out.. he doesn't love her, he loves someone else... he can't be in a relationship with her, but still wants all the benefits of one? That's bullshit.
We KNOW what's in it for the Libra - sex with no strings, no commitment, nothing can be expected of him cuz he laid it all out. But what's in it for Sky, besides feeling increasingly USED by a guy she has feelings for, because this IS being used to fill an empty space?
And, KOL, thanks.. your advice is noted.. esp since you're also Lib/Sco. I am very hurt right now. I am only going to be friends right now. He gets over this chick and still likes me, we'll talk. *shrug* I'm not ruling it out entirely.
LOL Sky.. yes, I'm a Fish. 00 Degrees Pisces Sun. (it's actually .59 of a degree when the chart is specific enough!) Pisces Rising and Mercury.. and Vesta. NO other Water anywhere. I'm more Air than Water. Hell, I'm more Fire and Earth than Water LOL
And if you can truly be friends with him, go for it. Especially if YOU have rock-solid boundaries on what "friendship" entails, so that the lines don't get blurred and turn into FWB. I don't have trouble being friends with exes.. but sometimes I need a bit of time first, so it doesn't feel weird or hurtful.
Funny thing about Libras (Airs).. they especially seem to work best with relationships that combine friendship and love. Pure "romance" rarely gives them the mental stimulation they require. And no, my Libra is not a cusper.. he's straight up middle Libra, with far too many Libra placements. He's so textbook Libra that his disbelief in Astrology amuses me.
And if you can truly be friends with him, go for it. Especially if YOU have rock-solid boundaries on what "friendship" entails, so that the lines don't get blurred and turn into FWB. I don't have trouble being friends with exes.. but sometimes I need a bit of time first, so it doesn't feel weird or hurtful.
Funny thing about Libras (Airs).. they especially seem to work best with relationships that combine friendship and love. Pure "romance" rarely gives them the mental stimulation they require. And no, my Libra is not a cusper.. he's straight up middle Libra, with far too many Libra placements. He's so textbook Libra that his disbelief in Astrology amuses me.
And KoL, read again.. I never called him an asshole. In fact I said he's NOT a dick. All I said is it's disrespectful when a man tells a woman she's not good enough to date or have a relationship with, but she's just good enough to sleep with anyway... Libra or not. That you don't find that disrespectful speaks volumes about YOU.
Talk about projection, KoL.
This Libra was pretty straight-forward. You don't tell a woman you're in love with someone else (who doesn't return the feeling) unless you're hedging your bets. This is his "foot out the door".. his trump card to play when she brings up the commitment he already said he can't give her.
And YOU tend to talk to and about women like they're pieces of meat, and good for little beyond sex and sammiches... so I'm really not surprised you're telling HER to settle for something she doesn't actually want in hopes of it maybe someday turning into something else.
I'm about SKY doing what's good for SKY and not settling for less than she really wants... what are YOU about? Making sure the Scorp chick keeps putting out and ignoring how she really feels about the situation?
This Libra was pretty straight-forward. You don't tell a woman you're in love with someone else (who doesn't return the feeling) unless you're hedging your bets. This is his "foot out the door".. his trump card to play when she brings up the commitment he already said he can't give her.
And YOU tend to talk to and about women like they're pieces of meat, and good for little beyond sex and sammiches... so I'm really not surprised you're telling HER to settle for something she doesn't actually want in hopes of it maybe someday turning into something else.
I'm about SKY doing what's good for SKY and not settling for less than she really wants... what are YOU about? Making sure the Scorp chick keeps putting out and ignoring how she really feels about the situation?
Posted by Skykomish
Jeesh Nefer, you made me cry. But yeah, that's pretty much what I said.
Clearly, SHE (you know, the one who was there with Mr. Libra while he was laying this all out?) saw what he was doing.. SHE saw that he won't give her a relationship, but wants to keep her around... because SHE had to tell him she's not going for it because it doesn't meet up with what she really wants.
First off, I like this...
To the thread in general,
Wait wait wait, I'm the other cusp but damn...
Why would she wait for a guy who's already said he loves someone else? I get the indecision but that ain't what going on here, he made his choice and it's not her. Why should she keep pursuing him? So that one day if he gets over the unrequited love he can come back to her? If someone doesn't want me, I ain't waiting for them to change their mind, to hell with that.
Posted by THEKingofLibra
There is no evil plan, there is no conspiracy. We want to be in a stable, long term relationship. Its time consuming to chase after random women we don't know, its annoying having to get to know them, and its a fucking waste of money trying to court them. We just want the one. OURS. Not a slut who gives attention to everyone, not Ms. Popular, not someone who is loud and obnoxious and will draw attention to us as a couple, but just OUR slice of heaven.
To the thread in general,
Wait wait wait, I'm the other cusp but damn...
Why would she wait for a guy who's already said he loves someone else? I get the indecision but that ain't what going on here, he made his choice and it's not her. Why should she keep pursuing him? So that one day if he gets over the unrequited love he can come back to her? If someone doesn't want me, I ain't waiting for them to change their mind, to hell with that.
I never called the guy a pig, either. LOL In fact, I defended his being on dating sites and getting close/intimate with women, even though he's still pining for another girl. That's human, that's understandable. What's NOT understandable is him expecting her to ignore what he's really saying/offering and expecting her to do something that doesn't feel good to her, something that doesn't meet her wants or needs. Just cuz the Libra would still like to sleep with her without strings, that does NOT mean she should.
He has every right to feel the way he does and to want what he wants.. but.. so does Sky! He didn't ask her to be patient while he "worked it out", didn't say, "Hey, I really like you but I can tell you're falling in love with me. I need more time. I'm still in love with this other woman who doesn't love me back. So be patient with me, we'll work this out."
Ask Sky.. ask her what he proposed for them while he's still stuck on Miss Elusive. It wasn't good, cuz otherwise she wouldn't be here bitching about why do guys DO this, this torn between two women thing, this offering some sort of FWB thing in lieu of a real relationship when shit got too close for comfort?
If she can be friends with him, GREAT. But under no circumstances should she go against her own boundaries and accept some shitty deal just to have some little part of this guy. THAT'S where women fuck themselves up.
He has every right to feel the way he does and to want what he wants.. but.. so does Sky! He didn't ask her to be patient while he "worked it out", didn't say, "Hey, I really like you but I can tell you're falling in love with me. I need more time. I'm still in love with this other woman who doesn't love me back. So be patient with me, we'll work this out."
Ask Sky.. ask her what he proposed for them while he's still stuck on Miss Elusive. It wasn't good, cuz otherwise she wouldn't be here bitching about why do guys DO this, this torn between two women thing, this offering some sort of FWB thing in lieu of a real relationship when shit got too close for comfort?
If she can be friends with him, GREAT. But under no circumstances should she go against her own boundaries and accept some shitty deal just to have some little part of this guy. THAT'S where women fuck themselves up.
What do you think "I still want to be with you" means, KoL? Maybe THAT'S what the breakdown in communication here is, what's got all of us "bitches" being dumb, and YOU being the only smart one?
If what he offered was reasonable to her she wouldn't be here, bitching about it, and saying that she turned down his offer.. she'd have taken the offer. Stop making this about the Libra and what he wants. This isn't about what Libra wants, KoL - and plenty of men would like to keep a warm body around even if he can't give her a relationship.. this is about Sky not settling for something that makes her feel awful and used and second best, which is why she declined his generous offer to keep it going, even though he already professed his heart's in another place. A man can make an offer like that to a woman.. it's HER choice what to do with the offer. We've all seen the results of the woman who take the "FWB" offer.. most of the time, they get burned even worse down the road. RARELY does a situation like this turn into more. But on that 1 in 100k chance, she should compromise her own needs and sense of self-worth?
None of this is to get him to "chase" her... he will do what he wants to do. This is to help Sky keep HER head clear, and not accept less than she deserves from a man, to not become a statistic.
If what he offered was reasonable to her she wouldn't be here, bitching about it, and saying that she turned down his offer.. she'd have taken the offer. Stop making this about the Libra and what he wants. This isn't about what Libra wants, KoL - and plenty of men would like to keep a warm body around even if he can't give her a relationship.. this is about Sky not settling for something that makes her feel awful and used and second best, which is why she declined his generous offer to keep it going, even though he already professed his heart's in another place. A man can make an offer like that to a woman.. it's HER choice what to do with the offer. We've all seen the results of the woman who take the "FWB" offer.. most of the time, they get burned even worse down the road. RARELY does a situation like this turn into more. But on that 1 in 100k chance, she should compromise her own needs and sense of self-worth?
None of this is to get him to "chase" her... he will do what he wants to do. This is to help Sky keep HER head clear, and not accept less than she deserves from a man, to not become a statistic.
Posted by THEKingofLibra
Are you bitches blind??
What part of THIS you don't comprehend:
"Well last night he tells me he's in love with someone else. Unrequited"
+
"he still wants to be with me"
HE
STILL
WANTS
TO
BE
WITH
ME
You can have my body but not my heart...
No thanks, moving on. Unless she was in to just FWB but she already said she wants more than that.
Posted by THEKingofLibra
Again, you keep using your feelings instead of READING what I typed.
If she wants to be with him (and she does) then she needs to give him a chance because otherwise he WON'T fall for her. Emotional transference is common for libras, and for them to fall for someone else they have to get over the previous fling. For him to get over he needs an alternative presented to him
This is the catch-22 you don't understand. If she wants him, she has to be with him, cause that is the only way he can let go of the past and move on. Otherwise she walks away, he stays infatuated with the previous girl and nobody gets anything.
Yeah but he's still pining over the other chick, he needs to sort that shit out before anything else. And not by becoming infatuated with someone new. It's unrequited love and he won't get past it... drop him anyway. If he wants to get his house in order then he can come talk. I wouldn't play second fiddle to anyone.
OMG KoL you're a hoot! AND you see nothing wrong with spreading yourself thin and expecting a chick to give you the good stuff while you keep on with your unrequited "loves" in your mind.
No, she doesn't want HIM specifically... as in him and only him, he's the one and only guy she can ever love... she wants a loving RELATIONSHIP.
He doesn't want a relationship with her, he's in love with another.. but he wants a warm body, and she'll do.
Ergo, the two do not match up.
And the only way to get what you want is by NOT settling for what you don't want.
Stop projecting, KoL. I think you're just pissed she's done giving the nookie to this guy, ya fuckin' womanizer
No, she doesn't want HIM specifically... as in him and only him, he's the one and only guy she can ever love... she wants a loving RELATIONSHIP.
He doesn't want a relationship with her, he's in love with another.. but he wants a warm body, and she'll do.
Ergo, the two do not match up.
And the only way to get what you want is by NOT settling for what you don't want.
Stop projecting, KoL. I think you're just pissed she's done giving the nookie to this guy, ya fuckin' womanizer
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Posted by THEKingofLibraPosted by PandorasBox
Thats weak.
And now you know Libras.click to expand
Fuck that, that's not LIBRA. That's straight up womanizer.
That's a guy who professes to still be in "love" with four women AND drawn to ONE above the others... so.. when you get involved with a new chick, you use her for therapy? You TELL her your heart is already taken, but she can keep on giving herself to you.. YOU'D hate her to say, "Not good enough, I deserve better." and walk away. Even though you KNOW.. if any of the four would come to you.. ESP the ONE.. you'd drop your Therapy Girl like a hot potato with a, "But I told you what was what. I never made you any promises."
You're projecting again, KoL.
Posted by THEKingofLibra
I am faced with a very similar situation right now. I have this gemini girl that likes me, and this cancer chick that I liked a whole lot. Well the cancer is unrequited love interest, and it took me 3 weeks but I moved on, I feel nothing for her right now. But the Gemini girl is creeping into my mind and I wonder about her. Too bad she didn't stick around.
Projection.
No offense, but yeah too bad for you. She wanted a relationship and you weren't ready, she moved on and now you want her back because #1 choice is gone. That's fucked up dude.
Really, KoL.. let's say she takes your advice, sticks around. Lets Libra know she's there for him, while he struggles with his unrequited love for another.
How long should she wait? How long should she stick around? Should she ignore how awful she feels, how USED, now that she knows he's not interested in a relationship with her, but still wants the rest of the stuff that comes with one? Should she just shut up about how low it makes her feel inside to be this guy's FWB, but not good enough to be his real girl?
How long should she wait?
Oh.. and it took you three weeks to get over "love" you say? Pfft. Doubt it was love then. But the "unrequited" was fuckin' magnetic to ya, huh?
How long should she wait? How long should she stick around? Should she ignore how awful she feels, how USED, now that she knows he's not interested in a relationship with her, but still wants the rest of the stuff that comes with one? Should she just shut up about how low it makes her feel inside to be this guy's FWB, but not good enough to be his real girl?
How long should she wait?
Oh.. and it took you three weeks to get over "love" you say? Pfft. Doubt it was love then. But the "unrequited" was fuckin' magnetic to ya, huh?
HAHAHA... SO your second option Gemini girl is STILL YOUR SECOND OPTION!! She only moved up to first option spot by DEFAULT, when your "unrequited" Cancer turned out to be a slut. Awww shucks and damn.. but Gemini girl didn't stick around to be your second option. Lucky her to have left before you made her #1 by default, CUZ THAT'S STILL FUCKED UP!
Know what I think though? If your Gem girl stuck around... even AFTER the Cancer whore betrayed you (though I don't understand how an UNREQUITED love interest can BETRAY you).. you wouldn't want the Gem girl. You only want her cuz she's gone.
That "unrequited" magnet must be a BITCH for you, KoL! Imagine only wanting what you can't have, and never really wanting what you've got until it's gone.
Know what I think though? If your Gem girl stuck around... even AFTER the Cancer whore betrayed you (though I don't understand how an UNREQUITED love interest can BETRAY you).. you wouldn't want the Gem girl. You only want her cuz she's gone.
That "unrequited" magnet must be a BITCH for you, KoL! Imagine only wanting what you can't have, and never really wanting what you've got until it's gone.
So she'd still be #4 until each girl removed herself from the equation and moved her up.
And all FOUR of these girls are varying stages of "unrequited".. you only want what you can't have.
That's fucked up, KoL.
And all FOUR of these girls are varying stages of "unrequited".. you only want what you can't have.
That's fucked up, KoL.
Honestly, this was my first opinion too. I read the thread when it first went up and I typed out a response similar to this...
I'm in a similar spot right now. I'm not ready to fully deal with a new relationship so I'm not starting one. It's wrong to do that to someone. The right answer for everyone is to walk away and fix yourself before you involve someone else. And to advise anyone to sit and wait while this dude is trying to find a specific someone else is just cruel.
Posted by THEKingofLibra
I honestly think when she says that he wants to be with her - HE honestly wants to be with her, but is currently trying to get over the emotions OVER WHICH he has no control.
You can't help who you hate or love. You can only control how you react to it.
He knows he can't have the unrequited love interest. And he knows you want him.
The logical solution is to give it time and trust, without which nothing will work out
I'm in a similar spot right now. I'm not ready to fully deal with a new relationship so I'm not starting one. It's wrong to do that to someone. The right answer for everyone is to walk away and fix yourself before you involve someone else. And to advise anyone to sit and wait while this dude is trying to find a specific someone else is just cruel.
I'll be back shortly...
Posted by PandorasBox
No no, of course. One has to keep their options open. Thats a given when dating.. But do all these girls know youre sleepin around with all of them? Do they know about your list at all?
I could be mistaken.. but I don't think he's actually WITH any of them. They're all unrequited. So any NEW girl he gets involved with won't know at first that she's got 4 chicks "ahead" of her.. 4 chicks that could show up and fuck things up. But KoL is of the type that believes even if he TELLS the new girl she's #5 or #6 or not even on the list yet, that he doesn't want a relationship with her but wants to still be with her, and that the others come before her.. that new girl needs to just STAY PUT and keep on giving him all that good stuff that normally comes with a relationship, while he makes up his mind who he wants the most, and waiting for those other girls to piss him off and get knocked off the list.
Cuz that's just what good bitchez do.
If that's what it takes to get into your heart, KoL.. I'd rather you just keep on hating me, playa.
Sky was not "some random hookup" with this guy.. they've been seeing each other and when she started catching feelings, he's played the, "I'm in love with someone else and can't give you a relationship. But we can keep doing all the rest, right?" card. She chose to pack up her toys and go home.
No one here is telling her to go fuck some other guy -- we're only telling her to NOT sell herself short. If he needs a friend and she can be his FRIEND, that's even better.. *I* even said Libras mix friendship and love. But FRIENDSHIP has boundaries.. friendship does not encompass what that guy asked of her. He was asking her to settle for some half-assed bullshit while he works through his inner struggle. That's not fair to Sky, or to any girl who gets tangled up in something like this, especially when she has feelings for the guy. Recipe for disaster.
Funny that you talk about whores so much.. yet you're telling Sky she should whore herself out for a guy who just told her that he can't commit to her but wants to still get the goodies, that she's a runner up and could probably lose him at any time if the other girl came calling.
Your logic baffles me, KoL. Plus, you're an asshole.
No one here is telling her to go fuck some other guy -- we're only telling her to NOT sell herself short. If he needs a friend and she can be his FRIEND, that's even better.. *I* even said Libras mix friendship and love. But FRIENDSHIP has boundaries.. friendship does not encompass what that guy asked of her. He was asking her to settle for some half-assed bullshit while he works through his inner struggle. That's not fair to Sky, or to any girl who gets tangled up in something like this, especially when she has feelings for the guy. Recipe for disaster.
Funny that you talk about whores so much.. yet you're telling Sky she should whore herself out for a guy who just told her that he can't commit to her but wants to still get the goodies, that she's a runner up and could probably lose him at any time if the other girl came calling.
Your logic baffles me, KoL. Plus, you're an asshole.
Oh God.
It just hit me... KoL isn't identifying with the Libra guy.. he's identifying with SKY!
He's telling HER to sit on the back burner, to settle for wanting someone who doesn't want her.. just like HE does! He doesn't know any better, and he's comfortable in this miserable place.. it sucks, it BURRRRNS, but it's familiar... and so that's what he advises Sky should do too. Sit and wait.. love someone who doesn't love you back.. want what you can't have... cuz standing up and saying, "Enough. I deserve better." is just too scary.
It just hit me... KoL isn't identifying with the Libra guy.. he's identifying with SKY!
He's telling HER to sit on the back burner, to settle for wanting someone who doesn't want her.. just like HE does! He doesn't know any better, and he's comfortable in this miserable place.. it sucks, it BURRRRNS, but it's familiar... and so that's what he advises Sky should do too. Sit and wait.. love someone who doesn't love you back.. want what you can't have... cuz standing up and saying, "Enough. I deserve better." is just too scary.
Posted by THEKingofLibraPosted by Nefer
Oh God.
It just hit me... KoL isn't identifying with the Libra guy.. he's identifying with SKY!
Again with letting your imagination run wild?
So what if SKY is a runner up to some other girl. The other girl isn't interested. His interest in the other girl is time dependent AND situation dependent. Like I said, if you apply enough attention and devotion, there is a good chance the guy will reciprocate.
Unless of course your solution is to just walk away. Give up and look for another guy. Then you deserve to be labeled a slut, and don't confuse this feeling with self preservation. This was never about finding a relationship, this was about you trying to control it.
Stop deluding yourself. You are not interested in the guy, only in establishing dominance over the relationship and THEN deciding if you want to be in love with him.click to expand
Option A: Take 2nd place. Be a FWB and hide the pain that you want this person but they love someone else. Sleep with them then lay there wishing they felt the same way. Maybe one day, they'll give up pursuing their first pick and settle in with you.
Option B: Say that while you may not win this person's heart, that it should at least be up for grabs before they start dating. Cut your losses and maybe find someone who is at least emotionally available.
And you say Option B earns the slut label?
I don't want to be someone's 2nd choice.
If you try to box a kangaroo I want video damn it!
Hate to burst your bubble, but I'm a firm believer in NOT controlling another person, or a relationship, or ANYTHING beyond yourself and your choices/actions. Relationships SHOULD flow, WITHOUT one person trying to exert power and control over another. I never told her to control him.. I told her to control herself, to remind herself that she's worth getting what she wants.
This Libra guy is trying to control the (non)relationship, and not in a leading-it-let's-see-where-it-goes kinda way... in a I-Don't-Love-You-I-Love-Another-But-Stick-Around-And-Be-My-Fallback-Plan kinda way.. they made an acronym for that.. FWB. And she doesn't want that and doesn't want to settle for that. And you say that makes her a slut? You're fuckin' cuckoo, man - Option A is far sluttier AND has the higher probability of backfiring and jacking her up worse than she was.
Again.. SKY is what's important here.. NOT the Libra who just tried to put her in the backseat of the Lovemobile so that shotgun was still open for the one he really loves.
But why would YOU care how Sky feels inside, how she feels about herself when she keeps giving the goodies to a guy who SAID she's only an option and not worth as much to him as some chick he can't have? I've YET to see you make a post on here that is in any way, shape, or form respectful of women. It's like you keep messing with triflin' bitches (that unrequited magnet?) then calling ALL women the same, because of the women YOU keep dealing with.
Stop making this about Libra getting his unhindered access to poon.. and stop telling Sky to be a masochist like you are. She deserves better than this guy is offering, and WAY better than you keep telling her she should settle for.
This Libra guy is trying to control the (non)relationship, and not in a leading-it-let's-see-where-it-goes kinda way... in a I-Don't-Love-You-I-Love-Another-But-Stick-Around-And-Be-My-Fallback-Plan kinda way.. they made an acronym for that.. FWB. And she doesn't want that and doesn't want to settle for that. And you say that makes her a slut? You're fuckin' cuckoo, man - Option A is far sluttier AND has the higher probability of backfiring and jacking her up worse than she was.
Again.. SKY is what's important here.. NOT the Libra who just tried to put her in the backseat of the Lovemobile so that shotgun was still open for the one he really loves.
But why would YOU care how Sky feels inside, how she feels about herself when she keeps giving the goodies to a guy who SAID she's only an option and not worth as much to him as some chick he can't have? I've YET to see you make a post on here that is in any way, shape, or form respectful of women. It's like you keep messing with triflin' bitches (that unrequited magnet?) then calling ALL women the same, because of the women YOU keep dealing with.
Stop making this about Libra getting his unhindered access to poon.. and stop telling Sky to be a masochist like you are. She deserves better than this guy is offering, and WAY better than you keep telling her she should settle for.
Gotta go to work. Read all but pages 9-11 so far.. I have to say that *I* agree with Nefer and the rest.. but that its very very interesting to me because some of the things KOL said are actually direct quotes of my Lib/Sco.
You all will probably change your tune and hate me for this, but I was the one who originally got scared and backed off.. kinda flipped out and redefined everything. I suggested FWB first. And then I realized I couldn't actually DO that because I'm too black and white, it would hurt too much because I WOULD get feelings. What I REALLY want, is what I said in the first post, that I want a relationship that leads to marriage and the whole deal, yada yada. But I got scared. So sue me.
But I'm NOT willing to be with him (at all, even in a relationship) if one day she turns around and is like 'I love you too *mushy mushy*" and he bails on me. That isn't fair and I know just how devastated I would be. I'm hurt NOW and its only been a couple of weeks! I REALLY agree with whoever said he needs to go work on himself first. You shouldn't BE in the dating scene when you're in love with someone else... how fair is that?
You all will probably change your tune and hate me for this, but I was the one who originally got scared and backed off.. kinda flipped out and redefined everything. I suggested FWB first. And then I realized I couldn't actually DO that because I'm too black and white, it would hurt too much because I WOULD get feelings. What I REALLY want, is what I said in the first post, that I want a relationship that leads to marriage and the whole deal, yada yada. But I got scared. So sue me.
But I'm NOT willing to be with him (at all, even in a relationship) if one day she turns around and is like 'I love you too *mushy mushy*" and he bails on me. That isn't fair and I know just how devastated I would be. I'm hurt NOW and its only been a couple of weeks! I REALLY agree with whoever said he needs to go work on himself first. You shouldn't BE in the dating scene when you're in love with someone else... how fair is that?
Holy crap! Is this the guy we're talking about?
Posted by woundedbird
you are stupid. why dont you head back to england where you can blend in with
the gay black muslim freaks over there!
Oh god damn it, you're an American? I was hoping for Polish or something...
Posted by woundedbird
everything you say is a lie! everything that comes out of you mouth is a lie.
And everything you say is hateful/ignorant/stupid/etc.
Posted by woundedbird
i am going to pull the covers on you and expose you
Fair warning, I sleep nude...
Posted by woundedbird
for the sick social morally bankrupt, piece of garbage that you are!
Oh wow, I thought we were talking about something else...
Posted by woundedbird
TERRORIST!click to expand
MOAR TERRORISTS?!!?!
Thank baby jebus you're here to point them all out to us.
OMG I see some!
That was close but me and the lego men got the quote in before the post was hidden...
Was that.. a DOUBLE drive-by? o.o
Posted by woundedbird
GO TAKE UR VIAGRA AND JERK OFF TO THE GUIDING LIGHT OR YOUNG AND RESTLESS. OR GO RUB URSELF WHILE
SALAVATING OVER UR COPY OF THE 1949 SEARS AND ROE BUCK CATALOG, WOMENS BRA AND PETTYCOAT SECTION.
I tried to follow your advice but the Viagra got stuck in my throat. Now I have a stiff neck So anyway, you seem to like giving orders and I wanted to play along. So I went and got my season 1 collecters dvd set of The Young and The Restless, and my Sears catalog. It took a while to find the right one, my dad gave me his subscription when I turned 18. But I found it! Uhhh those pettycoats mmmm. Okay, so I'm settling in to follow your instructions and I'm drooling everywhere like you said to and then it occurred to me that no one would see me anyway and I struck a sexy pose. Then I started rubbing myself. My neck is still stiff so I started there but it wasn't feeling any better. I figured that must be what the magazine was for so I rolled it up and figured a nice smack would pop my neck back into shape. As I drew my arm back the dog jumped up and took the newspaper and ran outside. So here I am chasing my dog down the street... naked, covered in drool, unable to turn my neck (still rubbing myself though).
I must admit I was surprised how kind the neighbors were. I stopped and talked with one couple who was celebrating their 60th anniversary. Good folks but I wasted too much time with them, the lady wouldn't let me leave for some reason... She just kept talking. Her sunglasses blocked her eyes, but I knew. By this time I'd already lost sight of my dog which means I lost my Sears catalog. All in all it was a pretty rough afternoon. I couldn't even follow two sentences or instructions and was feeling pretty frustrated so I put on some reruns of The Golden Girls and rubbed one out.
Well fuck me, I'm embarrassed. I never said he was a jerk though, whoever extrapolated that. Only that it wasn't fair and I don't get how anyone could do something so unfair. Because he knew from day 1 what I wanted, before we ever met. Obviously he felt the same way then. Despite knowing what I really want/ed, he still decided it was okay to get involved with me while being in love with someone else.
Think I may just disappear from everyone for a while now. He kind of just took away my place to vent and get advice.
Think I may just disappear from everyone for a while now. He kind of just took away my place to vent and get advice.
Sky... no. Stop. Take a deep breath. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Truly.
No, you never called the Libra names - KoL's the one that kept up with accusing people of calling him names. You came to vent and get this off your chest and maybe have a good cry. You have every right to your feelings. Heck, you even came forward and said that you DID offer and go along with the FWB arrangement at first, but that it was soon obvious you couldn't handle that situation when you had feelings for a guy, and so you decided it couldn't continue. I'm sure no one here (except maybe KoL?) would think that hey, you signed up for it, so no fair changing your mind now, gotta keep playing along.
He seems like a decent enough guy, this Libra. No better or worse than most. Being such a thoughtful and fair sign, I'm sure he too understands that you don't feel good about continuing the way you've been.
Please don't leave DXP over it.
Cuz I don't have any Scorp placements.. how'm I gonna hunt you down?
No, you never called the Libra names - KoL's the one that kept up with accusing people of calling him names. You came to vent and get this off your chest and maybe have a good cry. You have every right to your feelings. Heck, you even came forward and said that you DID offer and go along with the FWB arrangement at first, but that it was soon obvious you couldn't handle that situation when you had feelings for a guy, and so you decided it couldn't continue. I'm sure no one here (except maybe KoL?) would think that hey, you signed up for it, so no fair changing your mind now, gotta keep playing along.
He seems like a decent enough guy, this Libra. No better or worse than most. Being such a thoughtful and fair sign, I'm sure he too understands that you don't feel good about continuing the way you've been.
Please don't leave DXP over it.
Cuz I don't have any Scorp placements.. how'm I gonna hunt you down?
Fuck you osf. you really don't get it do you? I am not trying to look like ANYTHING other than how I really feel. Nefer, you really do get me. Wow. One of the few. And I really am crying now. I feel really really betrayed. I love the people on here, I consider you internet friends. Esp certain ones. I felt safe here, that I could tell how I'm really feeling and wouldn't be judged. Anonymous. I trusted HIM enough to let him see this, so he could possibly understand me a little better, and I wouldn't be so confusing. I don't think I can come back here. But I don't know if I can leave. Fuck I hate crying.
Damnit.. I want a Scorp Mars LIKE NOW... this freakin' Taurus Mars is too slow, practical and stubborn to do the dirty, dirty deed and drag yo ass back here by the hair :p
The fuck are you on about NOW, KoL? I haven't flip-flopped. Since the beginning, I've said they BOTH have a right to their feelings, AND she has a right to do what feels best for her, up to and including not continuing FWB with a guy she has feelings for. That's STILL my stance. I never called the guy names, never blamed him for his wants and his feelings... but YOU blame Sky for hers.. she should just shut up and put up with the awful way she feels inside.. cuz it's what Libra would want?? Really? Libra's a big boy, he can handle his own shit. Let Sky handle hers.
As for #1 and #2 Suck it. Everything I type is from my own head.. if I cut and paste and QUOTE, THEN it's from someone else :p
As for #1 and #2 Suck it. Everything I type is from my own head.. if I cut and paste and QUOTE, THEN it's from someone else :p
Oy. She wouldn't be the first woman to get into an FWB with a guy and catch feelings. Whether it was a "failship" or not, every woman has a right to do what's best for herself.. if she starts feeling bad about the FWB (even if she once felt fine about it!) she needs to get out.
And YES, my myopic misogynistic fucktard.. SHE DESERVES BETTER THAN FWB THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT - ALL WOMEN DO! Mistakenly getting into something and not knowing at the time that you can't handle it does NOT preclude her deserving of love and a wonderful relationship. Period.
She came here and vented.. I actually DEFENDED the Libra guy's stance, him being in love but dating, him going with FWB, etc.. he's NOT an asshole, a dick, OR a pig.. not ONCE did I call him anything like that.
"At what point is her ability to make relationship decisions null and void??"
NEVER. She ALWAYS has the right to make her own relationship decisions. WTF?
"I say if you can't drive the failship, let the man do the courtship."
That's not a courtship.. that's continuing FWB. They did it, they had fun, she caught feelings and he loves another, now she wants to discontinue the FWB. Pretty straightforward. All the "constructive advice" YOU offered was for her to ignore that she was feeling increasingly bad inside and just keep on keepin' on with it, cuz it would "help" Libra get over his unrequited love. That's not her job, you know. And even if she'd have stuck it out and TRIED.. do you have ANY idea how completely emotionally fucked she'd be IF/WHEN the guy finally "chose" her? Of course not.. I wouldn't expect someone like YOU to understand a woman's emotions. LOL
And YES, my myopic misogynistic fucktard.. SHE DESERVES BETTER THAN FWB THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT - ALL WOMEN DO! Mistakenly getting into something and not knowing at the time that you can't handle it does NOT preclude her deserving of love and a wonderful relationship. Period.
She came here and vented.. I actually DEFENDED the Libra guy's stance, him being in love but dating, him going with FWB, etc.. he's NOT an asshole, a dick, OR a pig.. not ONCE did I call him anything like that.
"At what point is her ability to make relationship decisions null and void??"
NEVER. She ALWAYS has the right to make her own relationship decisions. WTF?
"I say if you can't drive the failship, let the man do the courtship."
That's not a courtship.. that's continuing FWB. They did it, they had fun, she caught feelings and he loves another, now she wants to discontinue the FWB. Pretty straightforward. All the "constructive advice" YOU offered was for her to ignore that she was feeling increasingly bad inside and just keep on keepin' on with it, cuz it would "help" Libra get over his unrequited love. That's not her job, you know. And even if she'd have stuck it out and TRIED.. do you have ANY idea how completely emotionally fucked she'd be IF/WHEN the guy finally "chose" her? Of course not.. I wouldn't expect someone like YOU to understand a woman's emotions. LOL
Actually, PB.. I don't think it's been all that long.. weeks, in fact.
But if she's THIS emotionally messed up by having an FWB relationship with a guy she's developed feelings for after only a few weeks... think how shitty it'll be for her in a few MONTHS, should this continue!
But that's exactly the "constructive advice" KoL offered her. Basically "put up and shut up and fuck how you FEEL"
But if she's THIS emotionally messed up by having an FWB relationship with a guy she's developed feelings for after only a few weeks... think how shitty it'll be for her in a few MONTHS, should this continue!
But that's exactly the "constructive advice" KoL offered her. Basically "put up and shut up and fuck how you FEEL"
KOL, I was going to listen to you (sort of). Until I came home and found out that my trust in him was betrayed. Now I am so hurt I don't even know what to think.
PB, only a couple of weeks. I'm not in love with him. I think I said that somewhere.. but I felt a connection with him I've never felt with anyone, ever. Scorpios do not usually open up this quickly. I should NOT have let myself. If I could do it over, I wouldn't have. Now I have to deal with the pain.
PB, only a couple of weeks. I'm not in love with him. I think I said that somewhere.. but I felt a connection with him I've never felt with anyone, ever. Scorpios do not usually open up this quickly. I should NOT have let myself. If I could do it over, I wouldn't have. Now I have to deal with the pain.
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