Sun Signs - The Downside

Your sole purpose in life is to be right all the time, and you constantly change your mind in order to ensure that fact. You have strong opinions that you always change in the face of disapproval. Since you never act on any of your endless declarations, your friends and family quickly learn that your advice is worthless and ignore it, and you.

Your much-touted intellect is merely an inborn talent for knowing fifty ways to say "On the other hand." This endless hemming and hawing is actually an avoidance mechanism designed to protect you from choosing sides or taking action. Libras flee from decision-making faster than a Sagittarius from a commitment ceremony.

You hate vulgar shouting matches and sordid emotional scenes, unless you are the one losing control. Even when angry, you can't act decisively. You deliberate over all the actions you could take and wonder whether you should ignore the incident or go postal. By the time you decide, the person you are mad at has forgotten you exist and moved to Costa Rica.

You are the most social sign in the zodiac and use any excuse to party. That's because without an audience, you bore yourself to sleep. You can, however, intuitively sense when someone needs help. This is extremely convenient considering it gives you plenty of time to rush home and take the phone off the hook to avoid getting involved.

You are as dedicated a social climber as either Aries or Capricorn; however, you have neither Aries' honesty or Cappy's class. But since you haven't the faintest glimmer of self-awareness, you quite cheerfully assume that no one thinks your sudden interest in an eighty-five-year old Lotto winner is odd.

Libra is the sign of the actor, double agent, transvestite, and paid escort. You also make excellent politicians because of your ability to talk out of both sides of your mouth at once.

You are a font of useless minutiae, forever analyzing your problems, like a cow chomping its cud. You treat the people you love like projects and take perverse pleasure in pointing out their faults, then get offended when they tell you to piss off. You play the If Only game. "You have such beautiful eyes. If only you'd lose some weight, we might be able to see them." "You are so kindhearted. If only you had the common sense to match." And you are so shallow that your feelings get hurt if someone skips your party to check in to the hospital for emergency surgery.

Since you inherited Venus' bed-hopping perspective

on romance, you have secret affairs with people with whom you wouldn't be caught dead in public. That's OK with you because you're so vain that you rationalize one night with you will magically improve their miserable lot in life. You long for a meaningful relationship, but anything less than blind agreement from the one you love sends you to bed with the nearest stranger. You don't want a partner; you want a clone. Old Libra couples are easy to spot because of their matching hairdos.

However, you are capable of pursuing a goal with a single-minded determination that borders on obsession. Your deeply held beliefs set you apart from the rest of the world. Once you learn to avoid the petty jealousies and soap-opera theatrics in which you frequently indulge, you soon learn that no sign alive can distract you from your dreams.