to call ....or not to call

It's been 3 weeks since my Libra has gone-a-missing. This is the second time around for us in terms of being "in" then "out" of a relationship with each other. Prior to agreeing to getting back together this time we both agreed to set some boundaries with each other in order to have realistic expectations and considerations for one another. He stated he wanted no pressure in seeing one another because of his schedule. I said I could do that if he would agree to have more contact with me other then to do his regular sessions of being unavailable for huge amounts of time. Mind you I don't call, email, or tm but once or twice a week but he doesn't respond but once a week for awhile and then......he vanishes for 1 or 2 weeks.

Some say that's normal for a Libra. Others say it's not normal for a man that was the one asked me for the exclusive/committed relationship and who says he loves me frequently. Well, after 2 months into the relationship this time, things are no different then they were in the past. Then 3 weeks ago a friend of mine took her life and I was really devastated. My Libra guy was really sweet and a few days after the news he spent an evening doing his best to cheer me up. The time with him was good medicine it made me very happy that he was there for me. (albeit only the one evening). The problem is I haven't heard from him at all since that time. Nothing. I would have thought that he could have called at least once in that time to see how I was coping. But nothing. I didn't call him because I was going through a lot but now I'm moving forward. I could have called him during these past few weeks but under the circumstances I felt he should have called me. And why hasn't he? I decided I did not want a relationship with a person who isn't that concerned about me and how I'm doing when we're not together.

Some advise I have received on this matter was to just walk away and say nothing to him. Let him figure it out and one day he'll start to miss me and come looking for me. Other advise I've received is to call him and tell him how he has let me down. Both seem like a good idea but..which one would be the wisest choice in this situation? Call or wait until he calls. Or how about not talking to him ever again even if he tries to contact me in the future?

Well you know my point of view on the subject....if he has left you be for 3 weeks?? (even I never had that with mine and he was truly a hard one to figure out)

You know my own story, you know the story about my friend and she had to terminate an unwanted pregnancy and he has NOT once called to see how she is and OMG that is tragic!!!!!

He'll be back in time to screw her over again Im sure. Give it a month and I'll be back on here writing how she took him back once all emotions are gone - they're no good with emotional things....yes that would be very selfish of him to come back though, but hell we know how selfish they can be too right?? The broken ones that is.

I have now seen first hand that the broken ones (as I have always been told by the lovely people on this board) are best left alone....I have learnt the hard way too.

The BEST revenge sweetie— is to be happy and show him you can well and truly live without this man in your life....no doubt he'll be back (just as I wrote about my friend above) but you must move on with your own life and not wait on this guy. Let HIM hurt by knowing you can well and truly live without him 🙂

My suggestion is to just stop and think, stop thinking of him for 2 hours, get out and meet with friends, check out other guys and see that he is not the only one for you...in fact, he's not the one for you....he's being selfish!! To be out of your life for 3 weeks when he has "committed" to an "exclusive relationship" with you— unheard of, well actually if you read through some posts from about 6 months ago somewhere on the board, I went through EXACTLY the same thing but at the end of the day it was just to keep me hanging!!!

Go out and enjoy life - its there to be lived and close that door on him, open some windows and see the world as it really is:....BLOODY WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!

Oh and what to say if he calls??

"Its been quite a while, I thought you'd run away and joined the circus....I wasn't interested in buying a ticket to see the performance....in the meantime I found Prince Charming, and you my dear blew it so good luck in finding what and who you are looking for...goodbye"

You are a wonderful woman with a good heart. This guy doesnt deserve you for one more minute.

Librans can get very self involved and really side tracked and lack communication with loved ones and even people they are in a relationship with fo a day or two, but weeks... I don't get it. I can't see how he could be serious about your relationship. I am telling you most times when a libra is interested in me we talke every day, several times a day. I swear...

Yep not even mine left me hanging more than 4 days...it would have been very unusual.

Its time to kick his ass to the kerb 😛

(Saying "Hi" to Chatz immediately----not waiting 3 weeks).

Chatz, I have already kicked him PAST the curb. He just doesn't know it yet because we haven't communicated. As time goes by,he'll figure it out.

Strange, but QS what you wrote really makes sense to me. In the past I accepted all his excuses why he had been too busy because they all seemed valid and of course he seemed so sweet and sincere about how sorry he was not being able to make time. Now I feel he had just been playing me all along. I have more clarity with my emotions and amazingly I don't have any desire to call him anymore either after all this time of wanting him to.

The last week was the hardest to resist the urge to call him but now..........I don't want to see him or speak to him at all. I never thought I'd ever be saying that or feeling that way about him before now. But sure, you are right. When (if) he does call I'll be short and brief in telling him that the only one left in the relationship is him as I had moved on in his absence awhile ago.

I hope I am fortunate enough to meet someone before his should arrive. I would love nothing more then to add "I've already met someone new."

Chatz, keep your friend strong and don't let her fall back into that relationship again. I'm feeling her pain too and sending her lots of strength and courage to break the emotional chain that binds her to him. Hope she's kicked him past the curb too!!! Hope she gets clarity!

**I meant to say - -I hope I am fortunate enough to meet someone before his CALL should arrive**

I'll be monitoring your progress with your new Libra Chatz .....just in case I meet another Libra after this one. Not sure if I want to get involved with another one ever again. It would take an exceptional one to change my mind!

***I'll be monitoring your progress with your new Libra Chatz .....just in case I meet another Libra after this one. Not sure if I want to get involved with another one ever again. It would take an exceptional one to change my mind✨**

I will tell you, like I told Chatz.... They are not all the same. Don't give up on them all because of one bad one... Hell I have been involved with several, some good, some bad and I still haven't written Librans off completely. Although, I am starting to believe they are better friends than mates for me... Starting to really believe that. As my friendships with them are forever lasting.

* This is the second time around for us in terms of being "in" then "out" of a relationship with each other.

There is something about this relationship that isn't working. Find someone else.

* It's been 3 weeks since my Libra has gone-a-missing.

This isn't the actions of someone who is inlove.

* The problem is I haven't heard from him at all since that time. Nothing. I would have thought that he could have called at least once in that time to see how I was coping. But nothing. I didn't call him because I was going through a lot but now I'm moving forward. I could have called him during these past few weeks but under the circumstances I felt he should have called me. And why hasn't he?

Because he is an ass? Either that or he was trying to give you space to heal. It doesn't matter what his reasons are what matters is you want someone who is there for YOU in a manner that works for YOU. You guys just don't get each other and aren't compatible.

* I decided I did not want a relationship with a person who isn't that concerned about me and how I'm doing when we're not together.

YES! This!

Do what is right for you. Personally, I would probably call or write and say this relationship isn't working for me. It isn't compatible with what I want for myself from a relationship. That I wish the person well but that the timing is wrong and things aren't working.

The only person I haven't done that with is the Leo and I still feel bleeded out about that because I never got closurer. It would really be stupid to do it now, almost a year later, whne we are both dating other people. LOL! I really wish I had gotten closure of some sort though. It will just bleed as long as it bleeds.

Short and sweet is better than long and drawn out. When you have big conversations they don't solve the problem, they just go round and round and raound and make everyone frustrated.

Just keep it simple. Sorry this isn't working. I think we have either lousy timing or are just fundamentally incompatible. I wish you well but this just doesn't work for me.

then block him.

* he got it, and what it said, and what do i mean by that? He always ask what do you mean by that?

We don't like a lot of emotional crap. If it was a long thing about your feelings, it probably made him very uncomfortable so he took a step back until you were over whatever it was that set you off. We consider it polite.

* you know the story about my friend and she had to terminate an unwanted pregnancy and he has NOT once called to see how she is and OMG that is tragic!!!!!

WOW! What a jackass!

Stuff like this infuriates me because I know she will take him back. He will continue to walk all over her till he finds someone else who respects themselves.

Some people just demand to be treated badly because they won't walk away. They think having a broken-hear or being alone is the worse thing that could ever happen to them. I am here to say it isn't!

She will play victim and take no ownership over her part of the problem. As Dr. Phil says, "You train people how to treat you." Women often think this means they should moan, complain, cry, shout, and behave badly but it really means you should know when to say no thanks and walk away forever.

I hope I am wrong and she ends her relationship with him. My sneaking suspicion is she won't though.

* it really means you should know when to say no thanks and walk away forever.

Not threaten. Not congole. Really walk away.

* My sneaking suspicion is she won't though.

I think she will just bang her head on a wall trying to make someone love her who won't because she doesn't respect herself or love herself to say enough. I deserve better and REALLY act upon it.

As I said, I hope I am wrong.

Thanks LS for being so direct and honest. Your thoughts on the matter give me an enormous insight to where his thoughts and actions may be. You're right, maybe (just maybe) he was intending to give me space to heal but I think this long is too long by anyones standards.

I'm normally on the same page as you are about getting the closure and wishing the other person well. But I'm not feeling he deserves the privilege of me giving him that honor. Which makes me twice as sad because after we stopped dating the first time we were still friendly. Not so much friends....just respectful and friendly and kept in touch over the holidays wishing one another well. It will grief me for awhile but I won't be dwelling on it.

OK, QS if you say not to give up on Libra's.....then I'll still be open to the possibilities! 😉
Can't find fault with any of your advise as per usual.

**I would say though like Chatz they tend to pop up just as you have considered it over and what sucks is that most times they appear as if nothing happened and just sail into where they left off.** Well when ( and if) he does happen to "POP" up in the future I'm not going to be responding and I'll let my silence speak to him like his has spoken to me.

I guess i'm leaning more towards the "don't call choice" unless someone can convince me that contacting him would be considerably more beneficial to me rather than for him, I don't think I'll be doing it. The more time goes by the easier it is for me to not want to do it.

good girl 🙂 🙂

And yes LS I think she will probably fall for his tricks again 😢

I don't think this will relate at all, but I was interrested in a Libra girl whom I had known almost all of my life but were nothing more than pleasant aquantances until after leaving home for several years I took a trip back to my hometown and randomly ran into her at a starbucks where she was delighted to see me and gave me a very sincere hug. I left the state to go back home the following day but kept in contact for over a year, becomming closer and closer friends and equally displaying the desire to see if we could be more.

I flew back to Ca. just to see her randomly for a weekend. This becomming of a reality from a fantasy I think scared her a bit, and there were complications because of it while I was there. however, none of this tainted the respect for her I had as a friend, and the prospect of something more. Her feelings on the situation were understandable, even though they were not favorable for the direction I wanted the relationship to go.

I told you all of that so I could tell you this. As soon as I got back to Phoenix Sky Harbor I texted her to inform her that I landed safely and even though the trip did not go as either of us were imagining, I really appreciated the time I spent with her even if there was a lot of surface frustration during the trip and that I would gladly do it again some time.

Several days went by without a reply to that text message (I texted instead of calling because she was exhausted from the trip and had to be up at 4 am the next day for work, as not to wake her and the message would be waiting for her in the morning) and I started to wonder what was going on....I even posted about it on this board with some venomous interpretations of the situation.

About a week after that I noticed that the message I texted her was sitting in the "drafts" folder on my cell phone....there was some error in sending it, maybe because of the crappy signal at the airport but the failure went unnoticed by me until this point. I Have not been able to get ahold of her since, nor had a reply from any of my attempts to.

The point is....it sounds like there were problems already, they can easily be exasperated by simple miscommunications or wrongfully interpreting circumstances ESPECIALLY WHEN DEEP EMOTIONS ARE INVOLVED when it comes to Libras.

Take that for what you will. I am not excusing anything, more implying that there seems to be something missing. Not contacting you for three weeks is an asshole move and your su

Nico- That really is something to consider. Thanks so much for your input. Would love to know what the rest of your message had to offer (as it was cut off).

I am not the type of person to hold a grudge. I know eventually I'll get over it and him as well. I just hate how lousy this situation makes me feel because I thought we were better friends then this. If he did try to contact me and there was some technical problem I feel he should have tried again. The fact that he hasn't, well......the silence just says so much. I know, if it had been me in his position, I would have tried again, like you did, when you realized what had happened. But he hasn't.

How do you feel now about your friend after all this time that you haven't been able to reach her and connect with her again and she has made no attempts to contact you? Would you try again sometime in the future? EVER? (to contact her)or would you just surrender this up to fate? Are your feelings diminishing or increasing towards her over time,distance, and absence?

temple, you aren't communicating with him, so how is he to know what you're thinking?

"He just doesn't know it yet because we haven't communicated. As time goes by,he'll figure it out." How do you know he'll figure it out, especially since you haven't talked to him about this?

"I don't want to see him or speak to him at all." I don't get. What's the point in this blog is you don't want to see or speak to him?

You mention that the two of you are in and out, that he has been kicked to the curb without his knowledge, and that he doesn't deserve the priviledge of wishing him well. If anyone isn't being fair, it's you.

Seriously, if you want to walk away from him, then do it. I don't think he gave you much thought when it came to your emotional needs, but on the same token, you didn't communicate what you needed from him.

When you call him "Your Libra", is he your exclusive boyfriend? Is that what he considers himself? When you two go out in public, does he introduce as such?

Your relationship doesn't sound like it's a strong one. So if you're ready to walk, then walk.

**Prior to agreeing to getting back together this time we both agreed to set some boundaries with each other in order to have realistic expectations and considerations for one another**

HP, please re-read the opening blog. I stated I had made it VERY clear that HE needs to communicate more and more often or it isn't going to work for me as some the boundaries and realistic Expectations we had for one another. I also made it VERY clear I am extremely uncomfortable when he disappears for more then a few days without HIM communicating back with me. HE was the one who came looking for me and asked ME to be in an exclusive/committed relationship. Before I accepted that I told him I didn't want to ruin the friendship I cherished it and HE said he knew that, he reached for my hand, looked deep into my eyes, and told me that he loved me and wanted to please try again.

As far as you accuse me of not being the one to communicate with him....where in all of this it to be my responsibility to initiate contact first? The mere fact that he hasn't concerned himself once in how I was coping with my circumstances after all this time or that this was the kind of disappearing act that I was very specific about what I would not tolerate when i agreed to be in the relationship that HE wanted does this obligate me to be the one to be calling and looking for him.

No my dear, these actions SPEAK loud and clear that over the fruition of time he does not honor or respect me, nor is he a man of his word. What I am learning from this experience is that it takes an incident or sometimes a tragedy to open your eyes so that you can see clearly.

By my choosing to NOT call him, to walk away without a word, perhaps the message he'll understand is that I'm not tolerating his disrespect. Since clearly speaking to him and telling him what is acceptable and not acceptable to me doesn't work for him, then maybe disappearing (like he does) is the only thing he'll understand. It seems to be his "unspoken" language.

After all of this time not hearing from him HP you are right, I've turned a corner after all this time and NOW I "no longer want to hear from him or speak to him." The value of his Words apparently have no significance or meaning when he gives them without honoring them.

I don't remember who said it (in another blog from long long ago) but either LS or Queen Scorp said that when they love you (or anyone for that matter) and they tell you they love you they show you. Does his actions sound like someone who loves the other person (me)?

I took that advise awhile back and asked myself that very question and the immediate answer I got was a painful NO.

It's been 3 weeks since my Libra has gone-a-missing.""

ok, missy. good luck with everything.

**but let him vanish if hes that type of libra the people who are now closest to me are the ones who accepted this with no griping and now i cant stand to be apart from them they are part of my daily thoughts and activities...but this is only for the patient and most determined**

LOVELYLIBRA, from this statement of yours I get the implication that you tend to lose track of time as well and you too frequently vanish from your partner or loved one often. If you are just this type of Libra too then is it that you deliberately conduct yourself this way in order to test people? I am just curious that if you too are implying you have these vanishing sequences with people in your life and you state only those that were patient and determined are the ones that are the closest to you... Is it a test of their loyalty to you on your part? Do you consider them "close" because everyone else has rejected the behavior walked away and the only ones left are the ones that keep-on-keeping-on that you eventually consider them a friend because their so willing to stick around for more?

Please help me to understand this because I really want to view this specific aspect and behavior from your side personally and for that of being a Libra too.

I realize every Libra is different but I am very interested in your comment and the motivations behind the behavior.

3 weeks is a very long time to go without seeing or talking to someone who you are supposedly in love with. That's something I don't get with this guy.

You didn't answer my previous questions...When you call him "Your Libra", is/was he your exclusive boyfriend? Is that what he considers/considered himself? When you two go/went out in public, does/did he introduce as such?

Help me understand why you want to understand more about his possible behavior when you've already proclaimed you've given up and walked away.

Exclusive and committed means exactly that HP. It too was discussed when HE came looking for me and asked for the exclusive/committed relationship. I asked him SPECIFICALLY what he meant and he said we "only see each other". "There is no one other either of us would be dating or be intimate with". (Not too hard to misinterpret that.)I loved the idea that we were going to be exclusive and that he was asking ME for something more in doing so.

Since we got back together this time there haven't been any opportunities to run into anyone for any introductions as "girlfriend" or anything like that. But there were very clear definitions discussed to what he wanted and what we both expected from each other once we did commit.

HP I want to understand this behavior regardless of my choice. Because I choose to not continue to be a human doormat for his exits and re-appearances does that mean I (or others) don't need to learn more from the behavior behind the motivation that causes it? Since it isn't obviously just my Libra that vanishes for Epoch amounts of time and then just shows up as if they were only gone but a moment.

Getting focused and lost in work, or projects which require intense concentration is certainly understandable and I for one can lose track of time on things like that as well. But when days turn into a week? or a week turns into more? And in LovelyLibra's point on the matter she seems fully aware of doing it. Why do it?

"Why do it?"
because he's not into you as much as you hope him to be....

He talked the talk, but couldn't/didn't back it up.

You have a damaged Libra.

Just by the way you're responding defensively to my comments I can tell you're not going to like the fact that I've told you he's not as into you as you'd hope or that he's damaged.

I'm sorry, but almost everyone here knows I don't sugarcoat things and call it as I see it. Don't take it personally; you're here for advice and opinions; I'm giving you mine.

OMG yes I have been on the receiving end of HP's bluntness hehehehe......she comes with good intentions though.

3 weeks + is too long in anybodys' book....don't give him more of your precious time....he aint worth it.....tis time to party it up with others 😛

LIke HP said, he is too broken to worry about and you don't owe him any of your concern...sometimes (and yes I do know), you never get the answers you're looking for. Some things just aren't meant to be

LOL, sorry HP if you think I'm being defensive. I'm just trying to keep up with your line of questioning when you state things such as:

Why do it?"
because he's not into you as much as you hope him to be....

Yea, I guess I should have figured that out immediately when he chased me down and asked me for the committed/exclusive relationship in the first place and kept telling me he loved me. That should have been my first clue maybe!

Or, when you asked me **When you call him "Your Libra", is/was he your exclusive boyfriend? Is that what he considers/considered himself?**

Yep! That was his proclamation not mine and I'm pretty sure I stated that several times.

Please don't take offense to my response ..........I really do value your opinion particularly un-sugar coated ones.

I am glad we both agree that this particular Libra is a damaged one for sure.

The original question was to call or not to call? It mattered to me the relevance of doing one decision over the other and the outcome of events that might come from either choice.

So far, everyone who has contributed thus far to this question have ALL been helpful and hopefully not just for me.

3 weeks and no contact from him is a very loose relationship. there is no way my boyfriend or me for that matter would go that long without talking.

his fingers haven't done any walking; so don't burn any calories using yours.

"...and sometimes you get the answers when you are just not looking...a lot of us tend to get caught up in what ifs, or whys...and if we just continue living our lives, the answers can come to us in the most unusal ways"

THAT is also very true 😛

Yes, I'm with you on that....**answers coming in the most unusual ways. Getting caught up in the what ifs, or why's** for a moment can sometimes produce the answers you're looking and if not....like you stated....after a while you may not have to look at all. The answers can sometimes show up, on their own, in the most unusual ways.

Just in case the answers don't show up anytime soon....I've taken your advise Chatz to get out and have a lot of fun.

L.S. I'm taking your advise too. I'm not going to be a willing victim with this broken Libra by hanging around waiting for a crumb of his attention. I'm walking away as quickly as I can.

Lovely Libra, no libra man vanishes that long from the woman he loves and wants to be with... I dunno about you (or other libra women) but this isn't a normal trait for a libra man... Sorry.

Oh and by the way, I know you guys may think you are worth leaving people dangling and that might work for some. I would hope most people have enough respect and confidence in themselves to know that they don't have to wait dangling... With that attitude you must miss out on some awesome people lovely libra. You probably wouldn't know because they didn't stay around to dangle.

It would be incredibly spooky and ironic if I ran into a Libra right away like Chatz has. Mostly because her posts in the past with her Libra were almost IDENTICAL to the same exact things that went on with me and my Libra in the past. It was as if I was watching myself and my situation literally repeated by what she was going through in such amazing coincidences.

I'd like to meet an unbroken Libra just to "balance" a new experience with a positive one to counter the bad one I've had. I REALLY hope Chatz that will be your experience with meeting this new Libra you've been seeing.

I promise QS I will not condemn all Libra's just because of this one pathetically damaged one.

Good choice TJ, don't waste your time.

My thought is this: he's waiting for you to call or make the move.
3 weeks is a long time, but not long if you've not been involved deeply with him yet.
This may confuse you further, but you can curse and swear at him and vow to cut him off from your life, but you'll keep going back.

Why? you're playing a game with him. He's not calling and you're not calling. You're both waiting for the other. He hasn't forgotten you and will not, as he probably is sentimental.

Don't invest so much anger in it. It will only make him push to the forefront of your mind.

I haven't got much back-up for what I said, except that which I have gone through. I know how not-fun it is, and if you don't think as I do, disregard my opinion, because I have no remedy for this except to sit it out and see what you learn about yourself from this whole thing.

And if you think about it, you can't really blame him because he did nothing to you except not meet yours or society's expectations of what he should do. It's one of those elusive moves that makes you unable to persecute him.

"It would be incredibly spooky and ironic if I ran into a Libra right away like Chatz has. Mostly because her posts in the past with her Libra were almost IDENTICAL to the same exact things that went on with me and my Libra in the past. It was as if I was watching myself and my situation literally repeated by what she was going through in such amazing coincidences" Yes though, our experiences have been very similar - spooooky indeed!!!

LOL....I wouldn't deliberately get involved with another Libra...it just happened and hey, Im just not ready to take it to the level he'd like to (how ironic I hear you all thinking, how ironic). Im still a little jaded from the last experience and he is aware of this, but don't put any blame on Libra 1....it just wasnt meant to be and he was right, the timing wasn't right for us and we both wanted different things....In time, I will hear from him again...he has given me space to heal - he isn't all bad, he just knows this is the best for now so in a way he was looking out for me. The best way though for me to heal, is to go out and get back on the horse so to speak but things are going to go at my pace this time or Im out 🙂

Temple, Im glad you're going to go out and have fun....things ALWAYS happen when you least expect them, so don't look for anything right now, just enjoy your freedom coz we all know once you're committed to somebody you have to answer to them, etc....so again, enjoy your FREEDOM to have FUN!!! I can't say this enough...if he is going to do this to you now so early on (if there is in fact a r/ship in his mind) imagine how it would go further on down the track..you deserve better).

It truly is up to you whether you call this guy...but at the end of the day are you sure it wouldn't be your hormones that want to make him know how you feel? He is getting way too much of your time right now and I guess we all know at some point he will make contact, yes probably when he thinks all is forgotten, yada yada yada

There's a lot of truth in what you say Spica but there is no game if I don't continue to play. I'm not playing his game or any game. If I call.......then I'm still in the game.

Walking away, going out & having fun, taking a new path all mean the game is over (for me). There can't be a game if I don't play. Yet even that probably seems like part of the game no matter what action I take. It could trigger his need to come looking again someday. Just like Chatz's Libra .....he knew just exactly when to pop up in her life and want to get things started again.

NO. I'd have to say I've not only learned a lot from my own personal experience with him but I have learned a tremendous amount of insight from this site and everyone who contributes to it. And not necessarily from the Libra board.

It's been very therapeutic reading other posts that share the same problems and are or have been working through them "with" them, as well as sharing,healing, & offering opinions and advise from my own experiences. Can't say enough how amazing the support is from here too!! (very grateful for that indeed)

I may not get my answers or ever learn the truth.....but you never know. Sometimes the truth arrives from the dialog and you get one of those "ah-hah!" moments when something just suddenly makes sense and then........you get it! Maybe not exactly what you were looking for but for the time being you got what you needed.

kind of like going to the grocery store to buy things without a list. When you get home you discover you have a lot more then what you went for and you forgot all the things you went to the store to get in the first place.

templeofjaguar, I won't pretend I know exactly what your relationship (or Chatz' for that matter) is like, because I really don't. I can't really relate, except to little bits of pieces here and there that makes me go 'aha!'.

But from what I read, your Libra sounds a teeny bit like what I've come across. Wild guess: he's a late libra, beyond Oct 19. And I do not know your sign, perhaps Libra too?

The thing is, funny, where I may be wrong, but when I read your posts of him in the negative, as in no you won't contact him anymore, I sense a bit of trying to convince yourself. Because you write like you adore him, and that doesn't vanish like the sun (which incidentally, comes up again).

Psh, I'd just say I've been through that and do understand slightly where you're at.
You could also say life's a game, set in a stage of reality, where everyone comes out to play. Your libra sounds like a boy still holding on tightly to the reigns of his youth. Very soon he will have to grow up, but yet only at his own time. If you still hold a candle for him, you will have to play along, else go date others (like what I did), knowing all along who you really like.

Love's a game of denial, because the truth is not easy to handle. If you can really let him go, do it as soon as possible, but if you can't you can't force it. I'm still in the process of learning this particular truth, and to accept my heart's voice without the pitter-patter of logic from my head.

..because I learn time and again no amount of logic or convincing can pull you away without it bouncing back. and the truth (in my case) may lie not in that the other party cares not, but in their own insecurities and fear, which does not by magic disappear .. at all.

So there.. TMI 😛

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I would think you're playing the game, actually by not calling, because leaving it hanging is not closure. To forget him once and for all, pick up the phone, call him, ask him what's up and (why he didn't call), and you get the answer then and there.

I know it sounds simple but hard to do. Not calling is playing because things are still open. It's like waiting at the court knowing at the back of your mind that someday, a ball would fly over and you have to hit it.

Good POINT.

Also, I don't like the word "damaged" with reference to a Libra or a human, for that matter, because it sounds like "damaged goods". Humans can self heal; damage is not damage forever. I would think an "undamaged" libra would have it far worse because (s)he would fly through in their romantic fantasies and expect things to be in the way they imagined. Then it someday comes crashing down and that's when it gets better, because they then mature and see things as they are.

Yes BTW, you are absolutely correct he is a late Libra (Sept 30) I am however a Pisces with a strong Leo in my chart. It is tremendously difficult to just stop loving someone no matter what a jerk they are or how they behave like one. We do (he and I), after all, have a history together that started out romantically a few years ago, went to just being friends, and then only recently HE wanted to change the dynamics of the situation back to something more. To recapture whatever fond memories he kept replaying in his mind and make them real albeit for a minute I suppose.

I am more reluctant to NOT call for a wide variety of reasons that include not wanting to chase after him, unable to resist his charms when I feel too vulnerable right now to them if I did call, doubting the truth, if it is there, in whatever he had to say, placating his ego if it was a test, if I call and confront him about this... then it shows I still care about this particular behavior problem he has since THAT would be the reason I would be calling to discuss it and then get accused of pressuring him over it. I don't think I should have to repeat to him again what we had already discussed I would not tolerate regarding gross absences from the relationship prior to getting involved this 2nd time around. (probably didn't mention that in the transcript originally but that was specifically discussed)

It doesn't stray too far from my thoughts either that he created all of this drama in an attempt to placate his ego just to see if he could seduce me back into a relationship with him by saying and promising all the things he knew were the only way I would agree to entering into a more intimate relationship again...and then pulling his vanishing act. That too is a possibility that cuts into my heart like a knife.

Yes the immaturity of his behavior is too much for me to handle again and again. Like Chatz stated....if he is doing this now....he's going to do it again and again (like U said..until he grows up). I neglected to post the positive aspects of WHY I fell in love with him in the first place. There are many wonderful reasons and more. Why do any of us fall in love with someone in the first place? It's just that the negative(s) (or even if it is just one thing) can sometimes weigh so heavy against all the good things eventually it just isn't worth fighting for anymore.

Hi girly-You already know how I feel . i think you should call him and say whats on your mind. You have a history with him... the least he can do is talk to you. I dont think you have anything to lose by talking to him and so much to gain.

******I am more reluctant to NOT call for a wide variety of reasons that include not wanting to chase after him, unable to resist his charms when I feel too vulnerable right now to them if I did call, doubting the truth, if it is there, in whatever he had to say, placating his ego if it was a test, if I call and confront him about this... then it shows I still care about this particular behavior problem he has since THAT would be the reason I would be calling to discuss it and then get accused of pressuring him over it. I don't think I should have to repeat to him again what we had already discussed I would not tolerate regarding gross absences from the relationship prior to getting involved this 2nd time around. (probably didn't mention that in the transcript originally but that was specifically discussed)*****

At some point one of you is going to have to give in or else you are going to continue feeling badly and there is no reason you have to, you have a right to know what is going on. I dont see it as you pressuring him. He initiated this , he owes you an explination.
((hugs))
Call him..

Whether it is denial as you suggested, or just the suppression of love and desire one still has for another, anger, or fear, whatever it is that drives us to move onward in our lives and let go of the thing that keeps us there, there is something within that "process" that has to take place in order for a shift or a change to take place.

**Love's a game of denial, because the truth is not easy to handle. If you can really let him go, do it as soon as possible, but if you can't you can't force it. I'm still in the process of learning this particular truth, and to accept my heart's voice without the pitter-patter of logic from my head.

..because I learn time and again no amount of logic or convincing can pull you away without it bouncing back.***Sure a lot of denial is going on with both of us and for completely different reasons, no doubt. I do still love him deeply, for sure, but this is one time it might be better to deny any further contact so that growth can take place. (mine and his) Keeping it all going just enables him to keep doing what he's doing and for me to keep getting what I was getting.

**It's like waiting at the court knowing at the back of your mind that someday, a ball would fly over and you have to hit it.*** Not if you pack up your racket, leave the court, and refuse to play with someone who doesn't play fair. 😉

Hello Sweet Lola, (thanks for the hugs) I agree with you, one of us would have to call eventually (thanks for thinking it should be me) and I do deserve an explanation FOR SURE but as each day passes it puts another mile/klm between us and with the distance my pain is gradually subsiding. I am not feeling that strong need, as I once did, a few weeks or even days past to WANT to make the call. (probably the denial kicking in we mentioned earlier) Like other relationships that get left in the past...like this one,they were all a necessary part of personal growth & development. They were wonderful why they lasted, they hurt like hell when they crashed, and I each time I came out of the experiences a different person. New and improved I'd like to think but not without a few cuts, bruises, and scrapes.

I am keeping track of the number of posts and the great reasons that each say to call and those that say NOT to call and you've been duly noted for one more vote to the "CALL" list with good reason. But I'm still standing (as you can see) on the side of the NOT TO CALL list.......... (so far.)