Unwanted Suitors

Sooo ... it appears I have an unwanted suitor at my part-time job. He is a very nice, sensitive man .... whom I have no interest in. He has taken to giving me a lift home in the evenings because he lives just east of where I live, and I am very grateful.

Last night, he said I was sweet and very attractive. I am not interested in him at all.

So how do I nicely discourage him without hurting him and making things awkward at work? I really hope he does not ask me out as it would embarrass us both and make life very uncomfortable.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

I am trying to save him embarrassment of asking me out. I really don't care about the ride and/or the aquaintenship. He is 15-20 yrs my senior plus I get the unstable vibe from him in relation to women. I am trying to avoid an uncomfortable scene.

I am thinking about droping the boyfried line on him.

Nah. He is a needy, insecure man. I think things will get weird if I say I am not interested. Hell, things get weird if I don't say hi when he walks in. He lurks about waiting for me so he can offer me a ride home. I actually had to go the other way one night and he sulked for two days.

I rather head it off before it begins.

You really think the my boyfriend ..... is a bad way to go?

Oh that is a good suggestion.

Although, I have noticed if you tell a man you don't want to date right now ... they reproach you several months later, but atleast that will buy me several months.

perhaps Prime.

But the stories I could tell you. Would make your hair curl. 🙂

Sometimes men hear what they want to hear. Trust me, I have said no in ways a deaf person could hear and had men come back a few months later after they were long forgotten. Sometimes men think if they are *nice* to you, you owe them.

i attract this kind of attention too! If i am nice to someone and really friendly (like my neighbor, for instance) they get all "stalkish" suddenly and then i get mad, becuause all i was doing was being a friendly person. So then i get into this awkward situation where i start to avoid the person and when i do see them i am very short with them and then eventually we dont even talk at all. i dont get it...i see plenty of women who are friendly to men and they dont get stalked and are actually able to keep them as friends. anyway, i would definitely use the boyfriend card. although it's a big fat lie, I hate hurting anyone's feelings and have used this with men before. what have you been doing to hold him off so far?

Hi Sparrow,

I hate to say this, but just try to avoid him. Just don't make it too obvious. Stay away from the rides home. By being in his car, he has you in a closed in area and he has more opportunity to talk to you about personal matters.

If he does ask you out, tell him that your policy is never to date co-workers. No need to tell him your GAY as the Harem Master suggested (he can be so full of CACA sometimes. We really need to have a chat with him). And no need to pull the boyfriend excuse.

If you want, you can bring up the issue in 3rd person....."A friend of mine just called me and she's really upset because the guy she was dating, who she met at WORK, broke up with her and now there's big problems......I would never do something like that....etc..etc.

He saves face that way.

Good luck my dear. Being irresistable can be so difficult!

Talk about "womens troubles" near him, its a real turn off for me, mention menopause and things like that, and you have lots of docs appointments for down below.

It might work.

When i was younger a slightly older woman bought me a drink at a party, so later on i bought her one back, as you do, nothing else, months of unwanted attention after that i got though, she must have thought i was keen when i was just being polite.

just be honest and tell him u are not interested...u will probably feel better afterwards. he might get upset but what are u gonna do? if he persists after that then he is looking to get hurt even though u are not interested and those are his issues not yours. find a different way to get home.

totally agree with cj7, I'm all for the honest approach, direct to the point as other things said can be read into the wrong way and then find another way home. And sometimes you have to be snobbish or even rude to make them understand that you won't put up with his unwanted attention. That's the worst part cos it goes against you as a person.

Good luck with which ever way you go.

Hi,

The Boyfriend excuse..He can come back a few months later and ask how it's going and if there's a possibility of going out now, etc. You will have to maintain the lie indefinitely.

The Gay excuse...he can tell all his friends and then eventually a lesbian girl will find out and start hitting on you...Let's not go there OK?

The Honest answer....I believe in honesty in 99.9% of cases. However, this will just opne up the conversation as to WHY you're not interested. They you will say age or what have you, then he will try to come up with an answer to that, etc. etc. Or you run the possibility of getting him angry and then the job could be affected. Plus, you mentioned something about him seeming a little unstable....Well, chances are he will not take the honest approach in a good way anyway.

So, "I don't date co-workers" seems like the best option. He cannot argue with it and it closes the door immediately. He cannot counter. AND he can still save face because in reality you are not "Turning him down."

You have to structure it in such a way as to close all doors without giving him an opportunity for a comeback or making him angry. Again, the instability issue brings up red flags.

You know Sag ... that isn't a half bad plan.

Um when u slap someone means u like da person,lol.If u punch him however then now u talking.

Do his best friend! J/k

Describe the kind of guy you like to him, but make sure its the total opposite of him, tell him you are really into younger guys or whatever. You don't even have to have a friend come and pretend he's your boyfriend, just make someone up and talk about him like he's the greatest thing on the planet, again make sure the guy sounds nothing like him...he should get the picture eventually.

Sparrow i have a question for you, this girl i like is your age (i'm 26) a tad bit younger, i have had older (but like way older it was a different situation...u get the idea) do u think the 5 yr age difference is wierd? or is it a non-issue?

GEM

I don't like younger guys, but libragirl ... my soon to be new roommate ... LOVES younger guys. I mean LOVES them. And they love her. They flock to her in droves.

I think it really depends on the girl. Most of my libra friends have married someone the same age as them. I prefer older.

Libragirl is hilarious. I took libragirl to a *target rich environment* lots of business guys in their 30s & 40s .... she found the only 27 year old in a five block radius. I couldn't believe it! We had a good laugh about it the next day.