What is he really saying?
This topic was created in the Libra forum by Maygirl on Friday, October 19, 2007 and has 29 replies.
Hey everyone,
I've had this on-again, off-again relationship with a Libra guy I've known since high school. We have been seeing each other for the last 14 months, but not exclusive. Throughout this relationship, I tend to be the one that calls and leaves messages (sometimes he answers right away, sometimes he calls back later, but more often than not he doesn't call until he can spend a long time on the phone with me). He has said he's okay with the phone calls, and likes the messages, he's just not that good about answering his phone or returning messages.
I felt there was some more distance this summer, and I felt like I was pursuing more than I should, so I backed off (I used to call maybe once a week or so). Two weeks went by and he called me! We talked for about an hour and were going to get together the next day but then he had to cancel. Another three weeks and a few messages from me, and then we talked and go together yesterday.
So near the end of our time together, I asked him to be honest with me and I asked if he would prefer that I not call as often. He said, yes (and had a good reason why but I don't want to get into it now). So I told him I'm not going to call him anymore. He said, no, you can still call. I said I felt like I was bothering him too much to the point of being a little puppy begging for scraps. Again he said no, he would tell me if I was annoying him.
So what I'm wondering is, is he really okay with me calling and would want to hear from me but just not as often? Or is he nicely trying to tell me he really doesn't want me to call him anymore?
Also, during the conversation, I told him it seemed to me like he was willing to let me call and set up things because then he could say he didn't initiate it, he just went along with it. Do Libra guys think like this? Like, I really can't be responsible because I wasn't the one doing it.
We get along great when we are together, and we have talked on the phone several times in the past, and he said there will still be times when we can talk with each other. I just don't want to keep pursuing something that might have changed for him.
I've had this on-again, off-again relationship with a Libra guy I've known since high school. We have been seeing each other for the last 14 months, but not exclusive. Throughout this relationship, I tend to be the one that calls and leaves messages (sometimes he answers right away, sometimes he calls back later, but more often than not he doesn't call until he can spend a long time on the phone with me). He has said he's okay with the phone calls, and likes the messages, he's just not that good about answering his phone or returning messages.
I felt there was some more distance this summer, and I felt like I was pursuing more than I should, so I backed off (I used to call maybe once a week or so). Two weeks went by and he called me! We talked for about an hour and were going to get together the next day but then he had to cancel. Another three weeks and a few messages from me, and then we talked and go together yesterday.
So near the end of our time together, I asked him to be honest with me and I asked if he would prefer that I not call as often. He said, yes (and had a good reason why but I don't want to get into it now). So I told him I'm not going to call him anymore. He said, no, you can still call. I said I felt like I was bothering him too much to the point of being a little puppy begging for scraps. Again he said no, he would tell me if I was annoying him.
So what I'm wondering is, is he really okay with me calling and would want to hear from me but just not as often? Or is he nicely trying to tell me he really doesn't want me to call him anymore?
Also, during the conversation, I told him it seemed to me like he was willing to let me call and set up things because then he could say he didn't initiate it, he just went along with it. Do Libra guys think like this? Like, I really can't be responsible because I wasn't the one doing it.
We get along great when we are together, and we have talked on the phone several times in the past, and he said there will still be times when we can talk with each other. I just don't want to keep pursuing something that might have changed for him.
He likes you as a person for sure. Sex doesn't equal love at all to them. They can have casual sex with no attachment. He isn't in love with you or wants a serious relationship with you at this time. If they are into you and want a serious relationship they call very often and they make that clear. Trust me.
I wouldn't call him more than I call my other friends unless it was about something I needed from him on whichever level you need. If FWB is fine with you and you don't have to have more with him. Then continue, if your feelings are getting involved than walk away, you can get your feelings hurt.
I wouldn't call him more than I call my other friends unless it was about something I needed from him on whichever level you need. If FWB is fine with you and you don't have to have more with him. Then continue, if your feelings are getting involved than walk away, you can get your feelings hurt.
Queenscorpio we tend to think the same way. When you'll dealing with a Libra if its one thing you'll know its how much or how less we like you. Leave his a*@ alone or don't give him any that will do it. Remember he's a man first so watch out and lock up the booty, lol.
Thanks QS. I know you're very insightful on these Libra guys.
I know he likes me as a person, and we click on a lot of ways. I think we would be great friends, if we could be just friends, but whenever we are together, there is always that sexual undertone, and more often than not it gets acted on. Even if we are in bed together, even though we might be laying there naked next to each other doing things with our hands and bodies, we still could be talking about some friendly, non-sex-related topic. We can go back and forth very easily. Even if we stop the physical part of our relationship, I would still like to have him in my life, but we never seem to even be able to talk on the phone for long without ratcheting it up a notch!
I agree with you and think you are right on with what he sees between us. It's what I expected on a rational level, but I think I was starting to get too emotionally attached and starting to get overly absorbed.
What I was really wondering though is would he really still want to hear from me now and then, or is he trying to cut me off but not come right out and say it so he doesn't hurt me?
I know he likes me as a person, and we click on a lot of ways. I think we would be great friends, if we could be just friends, but whenever we are together, there is always that sexual undertone, and more often than not it gets acted on. Even if we are in bed together, even though we might be laying there naked next to each other doing things with our hands and bodies, we still could be talking about some friendly, non-sex-related topic. We can go back and forth very easily. Even if we stop the physical part of our relationship, I would still like to have him in my life, but we never seem to even be able to talk on the phone for long without ratcheting it up a notch!
I agree with you and think you are right on with what he sees between us. It's what I expected on a rational level, but I think I was starting to get too emotionally attached and starting to get overly absorbed.
What I was really wondering though is would he really still want to hear from me now and then, or is he trying to cut me off but not come right out and say it so he doesn't hurt me?
Maygirl, its hard to know what he is saying....personally I would run away for the time being and sort your feelings out - you know my story, I had the same situation, a year later Im a little jaded about it all but he is a good friend still...that won't change. I had to end what we did have and we only had what you're going through now. The secretness about why he doesnt want you to call so often? red flag in my opinion...you should be able to call all the time and it be ok (just dont be a stalker LOL). You seem to be ok with the non-exclusive r/ship thing though but are you really?
I would just leave him be for now and yeah, stop the sex...I know its hard coz they are so damned sexy and charming and whoah is all i can say - man those memories!!! But it isn't worth the pain though, remember that
I would just leave him be for now and yeah, stop the sex...I know its hard coz they are so damned sexy and charming and whoah is all i can say - man those memories!!! But it isn't worth the pain though, remember that
***Even if we are in bed together, even though we might be laying there naked next to each other doing things with our hands and bodies, we still could be talking about some friendly, non-sex-related topic. We can go back and forth very easily.***
This is very common. We get emotionaly caught up and confused because of the connection you can have with them on all levels. DON'T READ INTO IT TOO MUCH.
Libra Love ALL people they care for, just not on the level we hope sometimes.
They always want to hear from you sometimes to know their options are open. Let him contact you.
This is very common. We get emotionaly caught up and confused because of the connection you can have with them on all levels. DON'T READ INTO IT TOO MUCH.
Libra Love ALL people they care for, just not on the level we hope sometimes.
They always want to hear from you sometimes to know their options are open. Let him contact you.
I whole-heartedly agree with QS. Let his fingers do the walking. However, you are asking for our opinions, but you have left out why he prefers that you not call him. I think hearing that may help us give you more in-tuned opinions.
My Libra boyfriend is not much of an initiator. It bothered me, too, at first. But it's just how they are.
I don't think he sees you as more than a friend, if anything, he sees you as a convenience because he doesn't have to do the work. You initiate everything from what I can tell and he's taken advantage of that. Step back and do things that are important to you; put him on the back burner and let him make the next few moves.
My Libra boyfriend is not much of an initiator. It bothered me, too, at first. But it's just how they are.
I don't think he sees you as more than a friend, if anything, he sees you as a convenience because he doesn't have to do the work. You initiate everything from what I can tell and he's taken advantage of that. Step back and do things that are important to you; put him on the back burner and let him make the next few moves.
* I said I felt like I was bothering him too much to the point of being a little puppy begging for scraps.
If it feels like you are begging for scraps (and I know that feeling) why would you continue with the same action? You are overinvested and not having your needs met.
Let this one go or as my friends would say "release him back into the wild." This will not be a fufilling relationship for you.
If it feels like you are begging for scraps (and I know that feeling) why would you continue with the same action? You are overinvested and not having your needs met.
Let this one go or as my friends would say "release him back into the wild." This will not be a fufilling relationship for you.
Thanks everyone for the comments. They are all things I've thought as well. It helps to have others say the same thing. I'm thinking we will never be anything serious to each other, or it would have happened already. I think we both genuinely care for each other, and we are both tempted by each other, so we will probably end up hooking up again at some point. At that point, I'll just have to decide if that is what I truly want, knowing there won't be anything more.
I think as women we always are looking for more in relationships. Women always seem to be more emotionally invested in relationships. I know there are very good reasons why this guy and I could not be in a permanent relationship, but even knowing that, you still want to feel like you mean something special to them.
I'm stepping back (I know I was starting to get overly absorbed in this). Knowing our history and how our relationship has gone throughout the years, I'm sure he'll keep in touch, and we'll just go from there.
I think as women we always are looking for more in relationships. Women always seem to be more emotionally invested in relationships. I know there are very good reasons why this guy and I could not be in a permanent relationship, but even knowing that, you still want to feel like you mean something special to them.
I'm stepping back (I know I was starting to get overly absorbed in this). Knowing our history and how our relationship has gone throughout the years, I'm sure he'll keep in touch, and we'll just go from there.
"So near the end of our time together, I asked him to be honest with me and I asked if he would prefer that I not call as often. He said, yes (and had a good reason why but I don't want to get into it now). "
I'm still curious about this...
I'm still curious about this...
Wow. Sounds like the same sh!t im dealing with. Good luck. Im so aggrivated by the whole thing, and its only been like 4 months for me... Uhhh Capricorns and Libras really should never start anything. Im too literal for someone who cant even answer me when I ask a direct question. They play the game of they want you, they dont want you. And in truth you probably won't ever figure it out, because they cant ever figure it out. Do what Im trying to do move on lol even though you are probably like me and a little obsessed with your Libra. Its not your fault though.... Its their damn confusing charm that reels you in everytime....
I think it was QS who said they don't always play that game with you. Once they realize you're part of their future, all bets are off and you should buckle in for a great ride.
***for someone who cant even answer me when I ask a direct question. They play the game of they want you, they dont want you. And in truth you probably won't ever figure it out, because they cant ever figure it out. Do what Im trying to do move on lol even though you are probably like me and a little obsessed with your Libra. Its not your fault though.... Its their damn confusing charm that reels you in everytime....***
uh huh-lol. Are we dating the same guy? lol
uh huh-lol. Are we dating the same guy? lol
you aren't giving them the benefit of the doubt. you talk about walking away or moving on because you're impatient or confused about them. one of the lastqualities they seek in a significant other is giving up on them. You think they're sending you mixed signals; what do you think you're doing when you suddenly stop acting the way you're acting now?
* I think as women we always are looking for more in relationships. Women always seem to be more emotionally invested in relationships.
I dunno about that. I know tons of men who are very emotionally invested in their relationships. The thing is men want someone who can take them or leave them, but chooses to be with them and accepts them as they are. It really isn't something that can be faked.
Women seem to want someone to merge into. We tend to believe being strong involves making a lot of noise about something and kindness is turning a blind eye.
I've been pretty sick the last week so this may not make complete sense to anyone else.
I dunno about that. I know tons of men who are very emotionally invested in their relationships. The thing is men want someone who can take them or leave them, but chooses to be with them and accepts them as they are. It really isn't something that can be faked.
Women seem to want someone to merge into. We tend to believe being strong involves making a lot of noise about something and kindness is turning a blind eye.
I've been pretty sick the last week so this may not make complete sense to anyone else.
HP is right when they know they want you as a partner. They express that from the start. Most times they know when they meet you if they want you as a partner (this has been the case with my relationship with them). Very seldom do they play games initially "if they are sure about wanting you as a partner." If you come out and ask them and they are playing these games, they will probably tell you: No, I see us as friends. I care for you but not interested in a relationship, and depending on your response, they continue or disapear (if your response is negative to them).
QS, how can they KNOW they want you as a partner from the beginning? They don't even know you. Have you got that figured out?
In my experience they tell you straight out, not necessarily day one. They start dropping hints, then they verbally tell me... I have had this happen in all of my relationships with Libras, and maybe one or two with libra involvements, where I didn't feel the same at the time or in one case, I didn't feel the same first then they didn't when I did... LOL!!!
Atom, they don't do the back and forth so much. They initiate contact. As long as you don't smother them. They WANT to spend time with you. In most cases we talk on the phone a couple times a day etc....
"As long as you don't smother them. They WANT to spend time with you.
I think QS can vouch for me when I say this is how my boyfriend is/has been. When you get a Libra who isn't too damaged or scarred, they won't leave you in the dark or have you be the one who initiate contacts.
I think QS can vouch for me when I say this is how my boyfriend is/has been. When you get a Libra who isn't too damaged or scarred, they won't leave you in the dark or have you be the one who initiate contacts.
Atom, from my experience with my boyfriend, they can see right thru ulterior motives and will not see you as someone they get to know. They want to be friends with you first and foremost. So when you ask how do they know when they barely know you...it comes from spending genuine time with that person.
besides, I hate to smothered, so maybe that's why he and I have continued on....because I practice what I preach..lol
I've noticed that when I purposely asked this Libra guy about something (the phone calls for instance), he will give me a straight answer. And I've also noticed (with him and some other Libras I know) that when they do want something, they will come right out and say it. At first they might hint and hedge a bit, I think hoping the other person will pick up on it, but if the other person isn't taking the hint or taking the next step, they will.
And HP, I know the reason why I shouldn't call this Libra guy as often (it's not a secret he's keeping from me; I know why). In the beginning, because of this, I thought it might not be a good idea to call that often and I didn't call that much. But whenever I brought it up, he would say, it's okay, or it would be fine, so gradually I ended up calling more and more until I think I realized it was too much as well. So when I asked him this time to be honest with me about it, I wasn't surprised at his answer.
And HP, I know the reason why I shouldn't call this Libra guy as often (it's not a secret he's keeping from me; I know why). In the beginning, because of this, I thought it might not be a good idea to call that often and I didn't call that much. But whenever I brought it up, he would say, it's okay, or it would be fine, so gradually I ended up calling more and more until I think I realized it was too much as well. So when I asked him this time to be honest with me about it, I wasn't surprised at his answer.
"QS, how can they KNOW they want you as a partner from the beginning? They don't even know you. Have you got that figured out?"
"In my experience they tell you straight out, not necessarily day one. They start dropping hints, then they verbally tell me... I have had this happen in all of my relationships with Libras, and maybe one or two with libra involvements, where I didn't feel the same at the time or in one case, I didn't feel the same first then they didn't when I did... LOL!!!"
I agree with QS, my ex-libra barely knew my name, I met him a about a week before my b-day and he walked through the door with a birthday presents and I think it's been so long ago but it wasn't quite 2 weeks he said he loved me and we were exclusive from day one, so in my opinion a libra in love will make it clear what his/her intentions are right away well atleast in the beginning stages he/she will say if they want more.
Also my libra could be very honest about something he didn't want to do even if it hurt my feelings, if he didn't see a point in doing something he wouldn't do it, no if ands or buts about it...he wouldn't budge when he made up his mind.
"In my experience they tell you straight out, not necessarily day one. They start dropping hints, then they verbally tell me... I have had this happen in all of my relationships with Libras, and maybe one or two with libra involvements, where I didn't feel the same at the time or in one case, I didn't feel the same first then they didn't when I did... LOL!!!"
I agree with QS, my ex-libra barely knew my name, I met him a about a week before my b-day and he walked through the door with a birthday presents and I think it's been so long ago but it wasn't quite 2 weeks he said he loved me and we were exclusive from day one, so in my opinion a libra in love will make it clear what his/her intentions are right away well atleast in the beginning stages he/she will say if they want more.
Also my libra could be very honest about something he didn't want to do even if it hurt my feelings, if he didn't see a point in doing something he wouldn't do it, no if ands or buts about it...he wouldn't budge when he made up his mind.
***Also my libra could be very honest about something he didn't want to do even if it hurt my feelings, if he didn't see a point in doing something he wouldn't do it, no if ands or buts about it...he wouldn't budge when he made up his mind.***
Really Tiki? In my experience, they are the most "go along with it" people I know. Even my ex would do some things that he didn't want to, just because I wanted to. I love this attribute about them, which made me in turn do the same for them.
Really Tiki? In my experience, they are the most "go along with it" people I know. Even my ex would do some things that he didn't want to, just because I wanted to. I love this attribute about them, which made me in turn do the same for them.
***the thing that gets me with these guys is that the average man if he uses a woman for sex he would take it and go or start acting wierd but these libras they take using you for a purpose to a whole other level i am sorry but if i am not the one then go it is most unfair for you to leave me as a second rate option****
Sorry Joi, but they don't use you, you want to have sex with them and they never promised "If you have sex with me we will be a couple" two consentual adults made a decision to have sex. Having sex doesn't promise a relationship with anyone. So no, they don't feel they owe you a relationship because they had sex with you and they shouldn't.
Sorry Joi, but they don't use you, you want to have sex with them and they never promised "If you have sex with me we will be a couple" two consentual adults made a decision to have sex. Having sex doesn't promise a relationship with anyone. So no, they don't feel they owe you a relationship because they had sex with you and they shouldn't.
Again, they tell you what the situation is but, because they are so charming, polite and good to people they care about, then we read too much into it sometimes. Librans have a way of making you feel like the most important person in the world when you are alone with them. This doesn't mean they are "in love" with you. It isn't fair to put that on them. All though we sometimes wish they were. We = women.
My guy is definitely a go with it kinda guy. He's hates to rock the boat, whether it's wiht me or any of his friends. He's just happy to hang out that he pretty much is game for anything.
I always think that my time is precious and when I give someone my time I am letting them know that I care about them.
Me and my Taurus girlfriend recently split for good, at least I'm pretty sure it is finished. We were on and off again for 5 years. She was always breaking up with me because she said I didn't give her enough of my time. I thought I was being nice and kind, the sex was great, and we felt really comfortable with each other..BUT she would hold me to EVERYTHING I ever said I would do. That's just too rigid for me. She was a really good person and was always there for me. She would always get upset when I would do my own thing (which wasn't that often) Now she won't even talk to me. I don't miss the sex with her (even though it was great) I just really miss having her as a companion and confidante. That's a Libra for ya :-)
Me and my Taurus girlfriend recently split for good, at least I'm pretty sure it is finished. We were on and off again for 5 years. She was always breaking up with me because she said I didn't give her enough of my time. I thought I was being nice and kind, the sex was great, and we felt really comfortable with each other..BUT she would hold me to EVERYTHING I ever said I would do. That's just too rigid for me. She was a really good person and was always there for me. She would always get upset when I would do my own thing (which wasn't that often) Now she won't even talk to me. I don't miss the sex with her (even though it was great) I just really miss having her as a companion and confidante. That's a Libra for ya :-)
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