What to do with a Libra friend?
This topic was created in the Libra forum by coach41 on Sunday, May 21, 2006 and has 8 replies.
Hi All,
I have a situation with a old Libra female friend of mine and curious what people think.
I'm an Aries and have known her since high school and she was really great to me. She deserves a ton of credit for helping me get to where I am in life right now. She lives in the East Coast now and I remained in the West Coast after high school.
In any case, this same friend of mine has really annoyed me of late. While work and being busy is a legitimate excuse, the fact is my friend doesn't answer her cell phone when called. I don't recall the last time I called her cell phone and she picked up. Our mutual friends have noted the same problem.
To compound matters, she very rarely calls back even when people leave messages asking her to. This has become annoying and has caused me to minimize any contact attempts with my friend recently.
In any case, without going to all the details, I was curious about how folks deal with Libras when they are upset at them. I am definitely upset at my friend and have let her know by voice mail and email.
Yet, despite my repeated requests to "talk about things", she has yet to call me. I'm at the point where I have told her: "The Ball's in your court. If you want to talk, then you know where to find me".
Let me know what your opinions are.
I have a situation with a old Libra female friend of mine and curious what people think.
I'm an Aries and have known her since high school and she was really great to me. She deserves a ton of credit for helping me get to where I am in life right now. She lives in the East Coast now and I remained in the West Coast after high school.
In any case, this same friend of mine has really annoyed me of late. While work and being busy is a legitimate excuse, the fact is my friend doesn't answer her cell phone when called. I don't recall the last time I called her cell phone and she picked up. Our mutual friends have noted the same problem.
To compound matters, she very rarely calls back even when people leave messages asking her to. This has become annoying and has caused me to minimize any contact attempts with my friend recently.
In any case, without going to all the details, I was curious about how folks deal with Libras when they are upset at them. I am definitely upset at my friend and have let her know by voice mail and email.
Yet, despite my repeated requests to "talk about things", she has yet to call me. I'm at the point where I have told her: "The Ball's in your court. If you want to talk, then you know where to find me".
Let me know what your opinions are.
I do this sometimes.
I get so overwhelmed with work that I tend to just focus on what matters most at that moment. I have good intentions of returning phone calls and emails, etc. But sometimes time passes and before I realize it, feelings get hurt.
What happens is that I put it off, telling myself that I'll call/email once I get a chance to really sit down and pay attention because I don't want to just shoot off a few words. I want to have time to sit down and concentrate on the replies. But obviously, like I said earlier, time passes too quickly.
In your case, if there is absolutely no reason why she would be avoiding you, then yes, I would chaulk it up to her being very busy.
If you are "nagging" then that really doesn't help the situation. Give her space and when she comes around again, she'll have a good explanation for being away.
Best of luck
I get so overwhelmed with work that I tend to just focus on what matters most at that moment. I have good intentions of returning phone calls and emails, etc. But sometimes time passes and before I realize it, feelings get hurt.
What happens is that I put it off, telling myself that I'll call/email once I get a chance to really sit down and pay attention because I don't want to just shoot off a few words. I want to have time to sit down and concentrate on the replies. But obviously, like I said earlier, time passes too quickly.
In your case, if there is absolutely no reason why she would be avoiding you, then yes, I would chaulk it up to her being very busy.
If you are "nagging" then that really doesn't help the situation. Give her space and when she comes around again, she'll have a good explanation for being away.
Best of luck
Librat,
Thanks for the insight. A few years ago, when another situation occured, I did nag my friend. This most recent incident, while I have made some very pointed comments a few times, I have backed off for the most part. I did this mainly because I realized no matter what I do, my friend will not adjust her ways.
However, it is interesting that you made the statement: "I tend to just focus on what matters most at that moment" because my friend said that to me almost verbatim several years ago.
Unfortunately, with this recent incident, we are going on 6 months now since I have talked to my friend. Even the most patient person in the world would feel frustrated. Does my friend have a reason to avoid me? I have no idea. She knows I'm not real happy with her so perhaps she is just hoping things will simmer down.
Thanks for the insight. A few years ago, when another situation occured, I did nag my friend. This most recent incident, while I have made some very pointed comments a few times, I have backed off for the most part. I did this mainly because I realized no matter what I do, my friend will not adjust her ways.
However, it is interesting that you made the statement: "I tend to just focus on what matters most at that moment" because my friend said that to me almost verbatim several years ago.
Unfortunately, with this recent incident, we are going on 6 months now since I have talked to my friend. Even the most patient person in the world would feel frustrated. Does my friend have a reason to avoid me? I have no idea. She knows I'm not real happy with her so perhaps she is just hoping things will simmer down.
Coach41
I recognize this behaviour but my angle is a different one. But before I explain I do want to stress that I agree with the above as well - I do that too...
Personally I feel that your friend is unhappy with something in her life - unrelated to you. I shut off completely when I go through something heavy. I don't want to bother anybody and I don't want to explain, because I don't want to talk about it. Because I am unbalanced at that moment and sitting on the issue. In general when I am happy I call and share and want to meet up so you can see me glow but when I am upset (again, not related to you) I go into hiding. The line 'I tend to just focus on what matters most at that moment' is still be applicable here.
In terms of how to respond - she'll come around. Pretend you did not notice. She is very aware of herself and her own behaviour. No need to rub it in...
Hope this helps
Libra
I recognize this behaviour but my angle is a different one. But before I explain I do want to stress that I agree with the above as well - I do that too...
Personally I feel that your friend is unhappy with something in her life - unrelated to you. I shut off completely when I go through something heavy. I don't want to bother anybody and I don't want to explain, because I don't want to talk about it. Because I am unbalanced at that moment and sitting on the issue. In general when I am happy I call and share and want to meet up so you can see me glow but when I am upset (again, not related to you) I go into hiding. The line 'I tend to just focus on what matters most at that moment' is still be applicable here.
In terms of how to respond - she'll come around. Pretend you did not notice. She is very aware of herself and her own behaviour. No need to rub it in...
Hope this helps
Libra
Libra,
That's another interesting perspective. When my friend and I had our "situation" several years ago, it took 6 months from the time that things happened before she decided to talk to me when she came into town.
It was then she "admitted" some stuff was happening back home and she was reluctant to talk to me about it. I was sympathetic to the problem, but ultimately, I got left holding the bag because it took so long to clear the air.
Unfortunately, I feel like we're headed down the same road again.
The good news, if there is any, is that I learned from my previous experience. I placed a lot of burden on my friend. She was really the "only one" I really talked to about everything going on in my life. That caused some major issues with me several years ago when I was upset at her for those 6 months.
Since then, I have finally learned to diversify and talk to my friends who are local to me. That has been the best choice I've made. It's nothing personal against my friend, but placing all my "eggs into one basket" really hurt the both of us.
That is the reason I am somewhat relaxed when it comes to her right now. I want her to be happy but I cannot make her want to talk to me. I'll just go on with life until she decides she wants to come around again.
That's another interesting perspective. When my friend and I had our "situation" several years ago, it took 6 months from the time that things happened before she decided to talk to me when she came into town.
It was then she "admitted" some stuff was happening back home and she was reluctant to talk to me about it. I was sympathetic to the problem, but ultimately, I got left holding the bag because it took so long to clear the air.
Unfortunately, I feel like we're headed down the same road again.
The good news, if there is any, is that I learned from my previous experience. I placed a lot of burden on my friend. She was really the "only one" I really talked to about everything going on in my life. That caused some major issues with me several years ago when I was upset at her for those 6 months.
Since then, I have finally learned to diversify and talk to my friends who are local to me. That has been the best choice I've made. It's nothing personal against my friend, but placing all my "eggs into one basket" really hurt the both of us.
That is the reason I am somewhat relaxed when it comes to her right now. I want her to be happy but I cannot make her want to talk to me. I'll just go on with life until she decides she wants to come around again.
I do it too!
I can go a couple of months of call screening where I don't answer the phone.
Sometimes you just get peopled out, and there is nothing better than the unadulterated freedom of sitting on your couch in your flannels answering to no one.
I am not good at keeping in touch with old friends. The longer they are gone from my daily world, the more I move on to other people, who I have more of a now connection with. I constantly reinvent myself and people just grow apart when they no longer share the same life.
As a result, finding and making new friends is one of my favorite hobbies.
I only have one friend that I have kept in touch with for years of not being in the same place. We only talk/email every couple of months. She also comes to visit once or twice a year. She is an aqua and a light touch relationship.
Otherwise, I just move on.
Sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear.
I can go a couple of months of call screening where I don't answer the phone.
Sometimes you just get peopled out, and there is nothing better than the unadulterated freedom of sitting on your couch in your flannels answering to no one.
I am not good at keeping in touch with old friends. The longer they are gone from my daily world, the more I move on to other people, who I have more of a now connection with. I constantly reinvent myself and people just grow apart when they no longer share the same life.
As a result, finding and making new friends is one of my favorite hobbies.
I only have one friend that I have kept in touch with for years of not being in the same place. We only talk/email every couple of months. She also comes to visit once or twice a year. She is an aqua and a light touch relationship.
Otherwise, I just move on.
Sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear.
little_sparrow,
Your comments are appreciated. While the comments are not something I want to face or hear, I believe it's becoming a reality. My friend and I are thousands of miles apart and have been for MANY years now. We've managed to keep in touch relatively well but recently, things have not gone so well.
Maybe I'm just stubborn or slow to face reality. However, I have begun the process to spread my wings to other friends and let things go with my friend as they may. I am thinking that perhaps our friendship has served it's purpose and now it's time to either evolve it to something else, or just move on.
Your comments are appreciated. While the comments are not something I want to face or hear, I believe it's becoming a reality. My friend and I are thousands of miles apart and have been for MANY years now. We've managed to keep in touch relatively well but recently, things have not gone so well.
Maybe I'm just stubborn or slow to face reality. However, I have begun the process to spread my wings to other friends and let things go with my friend as they may. I am thinking that perhaps our friendship has served it's purpose and now it's time to either evolve it to something else, or just move on.
kennyg,
HEH - Unfortunately, I probably do fall into the typical hot-headed Aries. But you know, maybe it's just me, but I don't think I anger all that easily anymore. I think I've mellowed out a bit since my younger days. It takes a lot to get me really fired up and pissed off. This is not to say I don't get annoyed. Annoyance is one of those "GRRRR" moments and then I get over it and move on.
However, even though I think I am fairly patient, perhaps not as much as a Libra.
But I do agree that I get rather intense and maybe I have scared off my libra friend for a while.
HEH - Unfortunately, I probably do fall into the typical hot-headed Aries. But you know, maybe it's just me, but I don't think I anger all that easily anymore. I think I've mellowed out a bit since my younger days. It takes a lot to get me really fired up and pissed off. This is not to say I don't get annoyed. Annoyance is one of those "GRRRR" moments and then I get over it and move on.
However, even though I think I am fairly patient, perhaps not as much as a Libra.
But I do agree that I get rather intense and maybe I have scared off my libra friend for a while.
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