WHY DO LIBRAS TAKE EVERYTHING SO PERSONAL
This topic was created in the Libra forum by chi on Monday, July 31, 2006 and has 28 replies.
I HAVE MET PLENTY AND I WONDER WHY DO THEY ALWAYS FEEL SOMEONE IS TALKING TO THEM WRONG OR DOING THEM WRONG. PLUS WHY DO U ALWAYS HAVE TO BE IN AGGREANCE TO GET ALONG WITH THEM..
Don't get me wrong chi, I have never known a Libran to get too close to anything...they are usually the ones telling everyone to not take things personally....strange...I hope I meet a Libran like that....If I feel your point works, and it is in AGGREANCE with mine, yeah, I'll take a look...but if not screw you; I know librans where it's the other way around; they tend to cling to you, and I don't 'balance' for anyone; I am too self ruled for that, and won't eat of anyones bs... and perhaps, they are sidreal virgos...I would think a true libran would need you, not the other way around; they need people, or at least want them; they are air signs, so socializing is important; I'd never known a true libran to be so stubborn in mind...wow..
I would check out the rising sign etc before generalising on this.
Libra
Libra
I sorta agree with other people seems like you've got yourself an ass or bitch on your hands,its not something to take out on a starsign realistically
Some of the ones I know,generally are very neutral to all personalities,not saying your situation isn't true or anything,its just not really a starsign thing and more of a people in general defect thing.
Some of the ones I know,generally are very neutral to all personalities,not saying your situation isn't true or anything,its just not really a starsign thing and more of a people in general defect thing.
Libran always finds out that someone was unfair with him. tats his basic nature and ofcourse they would hv been unfair with him. and we are 100% practical and dont live on solid theories like virgos do. We keep inventing and reinventing more precise and accurate methods to a problem and solve it. and never takes anything as it is until we ourselfs inverstigate and see all the sides in our own way. may be u might hv misinterpreted the situations.
I am pretty neutral. I tend to think in terms of compatiblity rather than someone being "bad" or "good". In other words, I never take what you do personaly but I see it as a sign we are/aren't compatible. Such thoughts allow me to remain objective and detached. It is also closer to the truth, since everything we do is a reflection of who we are in that moment.
*** We keep inventing and reinventing more precise and accurate methods to a problem and solve it.
True. Our minds are never at rest and constantly seek the next level of perfect thought.
True. Our minds are never at rest and constantly seek the next level of perfect thought.
Librans rule! We keep things in balance.
My libra husband is extremely sensitive perhaps to balance out my somewhat dry analytical scorpio nature. (conflict: dry anlylsis to create deeper emotional connections? Yes I see the problem here!) I see him also taking the other end of the scale from my over active mind. He would prefer not to think about this crap.
I am the one who brought up the compatability issue lately. He takes that as an assault on him, our marriage, and our history together. I am just wondering if we have incompatability issues, what way we can work with what we have to make it work better. His point of view is that this is only my issue and I should solve it alone without him to the greater degree. He basically says that when I have an answer and know what I'm going to do, then get back to him.
Am I making too much out of everything? I would just love to be light, happy, and free.
I am the one who brought up the compatability issue lately. He takes that as an assault on him, our marriage, and our history together. I am just wondering if we have incompatability issues, what way we can work with what we have to make it work better. His point of view is that this is only my issue and I should solve it alone without him to the greater degree. He basically says that when I have an answer and know what I'm going to do, then get back to him.
Am I making too much out of everything? I would just love to be light, happy, and free.
Kriz
I don't know if it's so much compatibility issues as intimacy problems. A few of the signs (Scorpio, Leo, Taurus, etc.) need a good argument every now and then to strengthen the connection with their partner and verify that he/she has a backbone. It gives us more respect for that person, even if not much is resolved.
It sounds like your husband isn't up for that kind of thing, hopefully you can come to some kind of compromise. From everything I've read about Libra's liking a lively debate, it doesn't translate to reality...
I don't know if it's so much compatibility issues as intimacy problems. A few of the signs (Scorpio, Leo, Taurus, etc.) need a good argument every now and then to strengthen the connection with their partner and verify that he/she has a backbone. It gives us more respect for that person, even if not much is resolved.
It sounds like your husband isn't up for that kind of thing, hopefully you can come to some kind of compromise. From everything I've read about Libra's liking a lively debate, it doesn't translate to reality...
Hey SoftCookie,
Oh gawd, if it's true I'm just testing his backbone then that's exactly why he hates it! Yeah, I would be up for some lively give and take if it didn't result in hurt feelings. I'm fairly detached from the outcome but it turns ugly before we get anywhere. I don't mean that I want to spar just rile him up, I think the exchange of ideas could be enlightening and helpful. He is just wary of me at this point. The waryness is making me unsure and my self-esteem is suffering. Am I evil and doing this to hurt him? Am I just mean and hateful? Lord! My opinion is no.
Yeah, we're gun shy to intimacy at this point I think. We see each other as hostile to each others feelings. He's the bright sort of person whose opinions are interesting and thoughtful. He's skittish about anything I say even if it's about myself.
Oh gawd, if it's true I'm just testing his backbone then that's exactly why he hates it! Yeah, I would be up for some lively give and take if it didn't result in hurt feelings. I'm fairly detached from the outcome but it turns ugly before we get anywhere. I don't mean that I want to spar just rile him up, I think the exchange of ideas could be enlightening and helpful. He is just wary of me at this point. The waryness is making me unsure and my self-esteem is suffering. Am I evil and doing this to hurt him? Am I just mean and hateful? Lord! My opinion is no.
Yeah, we're gun shy to intimacy at this point I think. We see each other as hostile to each others feelings. He's the bright sort of person whose opinions are interesting and thoughtful. He's skittish about anything I say even if it's about myself.
Little Sparrow, sure you don't have a little Angel in ya?....lol!!
** I am the one who brought up the compatability issue lately. He takes that as an assault on him, our marriage, and our history together.
how is it not? from what I gather you just told him you were incompatible. Incompatible = you do not accept him as he is
** Libra's liking a lively debate
debate ideas not personal attack
** I think the exchange of ideas could be enlightening and helpful. He is just wary of me at this point.
Because you aren't exchanging ideas you are criticising him
** The waryness is making me unsure and my self-esteem is suffering. Am I evil and doing this to hurt him? Am I just mean and hateful?
pretty much. Your self-esteem is your own responsibility.
It sounds like you are unhappy and are blaming him. I think that is what is really going on. If you want your relationship to work, accept him as he is. Sure you might have incompatibility issues but look at the whole of your relationship. Are these the hill you want to die on or is this relationship worth saving?
how is it not? from what I gather you just told him you were incompatible. Incompatible = you do not accept him as he is
** Libra's liking a lively debate
debate ideas not personal attack
** I think the exchange of ideas could be enlightening and helpful. He is just wary of me at this point.
Because you aren't exchanging ideas you are criticising him
** The waryness is making me unsure and my self-esteem is suffering. Am I evil and doing this to hurt him? Am I just mean and hateful?
pretty much. Your self-esteem is your own responsibility.
It sounds like you are unhappy and are blaming him. I think that is what is really going on. If you want your relationship to work, accept him as he is. Sure you might have incompatibility issues but look at the whole of your relationship. Are these the hill you want to die on or is this relationship worth saving?
*** how is it not? from what I gather you just told him you were incompatible. Incompatible = you do not accept him as he is
which is fine but he will react because you are saying something about him you can't live with because you want different things. He will react because he probably didn't know you felt this way. He also probably feels betrayed because he was probably this way before you married him and now you see it as a problem.
which is fine but he will react because you are saying something about him you can't live with because you want different things. He will react because he probably didn't know you felt this way. He also probably feels betrayed because he was probably this way before you married him and now you see it as a problem.
little sparrow,
I see that this is a clear issue of sensitivity because often in our exchanges he is the one to point out that I need to change . He takes what I say about myself and turns it back on himself. I am more interested in looking for those things in both of us that seem incompatible and work with them. But first it's easier to discover what those things are before one can move forward and work with them. I told him the other evening that I recognize things I want to work on but haven't found the switch to change it instantly! He gets that of course. This whole thing started by doing work on myself, walking myself through our history and discovering mistakes I had made that grew into patterns. If I had acted differently during some of those moments chances are we wouldn't still be together. I compromised some of myself to keep the relationship going. I think it became an insideous trait. I've decided to reclaim some of myself and if it's done with care and communication, I believe that the results will ultimately be enriching because of our history together. If on the otherhand, my re-discovered self is incompatible with him, we're in trouble. I've already been breaking out and expressing myself more at work. A safe place with no emotional attachments. I hear people's minds thinking by their looks, "what's up with her?" Not in a bad way, cause I feel happy about the developments. BTW I did share the complexity of Libra article with him last night and he looked up his birth chart! I have Mars in Libra and he has Venus in my sun sign Scorpio! I don't know what that means exactly but it sounds interesting! We had a good conversation which led to some much needed tenderness.
I see that this is a clear issue of sensitivity because often in our exchanges he is the one to point out that I need to change . He takes what I say about myself and turns it back on himself. I am more interested in looking for those things in both of us that seem incompatible and work with them. But first it's easier to discover what those things are before one can move forward and work with them. I told him the other evening that I recognize things I want to work on but haven't found the switch to change it instantly! He gets that of course. This whole thing started by doing work on myself, walking myself through our history and discovering mistakes I had made that grew into patterns. If I had acted differently during some of those moments chances are we wouldn't still be together. I compromised some of myself to keep the relationship going. I think it became an insideous trait. I've decided to reclaim some of myself and if it's done with care and communication, I believe that the results will ultimately be enriching because of our history together. If on the otherhand, my re-discovered self is incompatible with him, we're in trouble. I've already been breaking out and expressing myself more at work. A safe place with no emotional attachments. I hear people's minds thinking by their looks, "what's up with her?" Not in a bad way, cause I feel happy about the developments. BTW I did share the complexity of Libra article with him last night and he looked up his birth chart! I have Mars in Libra and he has Venus in my sun sign Scorpio! I don't know what that means exactly but it sounds interesting! We had a good conversation which led to some much needed tenderness.
Oh, strike that third to the last sentence. He has Mars in Scorpio and I have Venus in Libra. Thanks little_sparrow btw, I will examine closely if I have been overly ccritical
I dunno if mars and venus and birthchart plays any role in a libra-scorpio relationship. Both are emotionally attached to each other and still unable to get along with each other no matter whatever they try.
>>>>.
He expects that you can change like the way a libran can change his ways instantly. But for a water, change is a very long process and cannot be achieved the way air wishes. You need to make him understand that your default configuration is not like librans and changing a scorpio is like changing the course of a river. Esp when you are way stubborn and not ready to completely listen to a liran, it does give him a lot of frustration.
He can understand better than you do. He can manipulate himself to fit into ur character is he himself gives it a try. But he need to stop being optimistic about changing a scorpion the way he changes other peoples life.
>>>>.
He expects that you can change like the way a libran can change his ways instantly. But for a water, change is a very long process and cannot be achieved the way air wishes. You need to make him understand that your default configuration is not like librans and changing a scorpio is like changing the course of a river. Esp when you are way stubborn and not ready to completely listen to a liran, it does give him a lot of frustration.
He can understand better than you do. He can manipulate himself to fit into ur character is he himself gives it a try. But he need to stop being optimistic about changing a scorpion the way he changes other peoples life.
Hello thelibran
I can say mars and venus play a bigger role than just the sunsigns. you probly have to look a lot deeper into the charts as well.
Kriz:
I also am Scorpio with Venus in Libra, and am in a relationship with a Libra - a rather intense affair. Prior to this I was involved with Pisces ladies. She has Venus in Leo, and is a Cancer Rising, Tuarus Moon and Virgo Mars. Our synastry overlay is almost a mirror. I've learned one thing, sometimes just keep my trap shut! and don't rock the boat for smoother sailing. I don't mean the relationship sailing, I mean the sailing going on within you. A lot of time, I think i am heavy on the self (deep brooding moody etc typical scorp stereotypes), and then project out, which might just be throwing your Scales off balance, which impacts the sailing between you 2.
I can say mars and venus play a bigger role than just the sunsigns. you probly have to look a lot deeper into the charts as well.
Kriz:
I also am Scorpio with Venus in Libra, and am in a relationship with a Libra - a rather intense affair. Prior to this I was involved with Pisces ladies. She has Venus in Leo, and is a Cancer Rising, Tuarus Moon and Virgo Mars. Our synastry overlay is almost a mirror. I've learned one thing, sometimes just keep my trap shut! and don't rock the boat for smoother sailing. I don't mean the relationship sailing, I mean the sailing going on within you. A lot of time, I think i am heavy on the self (deep brooding moody etc typical scorp stereotypes), and then project out, which might just be throwing your Scales off balance, which impacts the sailing between you 2.
Hi
I?m Scorp. w venus in libra and a fishy moon
Had a long term with a libra woman. It was also intense with a very powerful attraction. I think it?s a great but challenging match and I?d definitely do it again if I had the chance.
I learned to late that libra ?shallowness? is often just a defensive mechanism for avoiding conflict, and concealing upsetting feelings. Though it may appear to border on self deception to you ? it?s just a way of coping for libra. Just like obsessing over the same thing probably is for you.
If you probe and force the realization within them, which is easy to do, you will actually hurt them much more than you intend. Libra may then retreat into greater shallowness, which will do the same to you. If that cycle becomes competitive and combative ? you are both screwed.
Little sparrow is right if you held those aspects of your nature in check, and you now want to unleash them- its betrayal. And in my experience if you persist you will cause very serious damage. Your natural insight was to keep yourself in check. In general libra does not have any capacity for, or understanding of such self- sacrifice so don?t expect quid pro quo or even gratitude. Better to find a more creative and constructive channel for that energy. Art is good ? and libra can understand art.
I?m Scorp. w venus in libra and a fishy moon
Had a long term with a libra woman. It was also intense with a very powerful attraction. I think it?s a great but challenging match and I?d definitely do it again if I had the chance.
I learned to late that libra ?shallowness? is often just a defensive mechanism for avoiding conflict, and concealing upsetting feelings. Though it may appear to border on self deception to you ? it?s just a way of coping for libra. Just like obsessing over the same thing probably is for you.
If you probe and force the realization within them, which is easy to do, you will actually hurt them much more than you intend. Libra may then retreat into greater shallowness, which will do the same to you. If that cycle becomes competitive and combative ? you are both screwed.
Little sparrow is right if you held those aspects of your nature in check, and you now want to unleash them- its betrayal. And in my experience if you persist you will cause very serious damage. Your natural insight was to keep yourself in check. In general libra does not have any capacity for, or understanding of such self- sacrifice so don?t expect quid pro quo or even gratitude. Better to find a more creative and constructive channel for that energy. Art is good ? and libra can understand art.
Thanks people,lots of interesting feedback here. A few days ago we made a breakthrough. Through reexamining our history I had to focus on his ongoing "affair" with an ex girlfriend. He honestly carried on a spiritually adulterous relationship with her. She is a sexual predator of a sort and admitted it to him. He felt guilty for treating her badly once and kept the relationship alive to assuage for it I guess. Anyway it has been a major backdrop to our marriage. Most of his romantic and spiritual connection has always been with her so I am left with the physical dimension of the relationship. After finding another email from her, he left his mail file open. I saw where they were discussing whether or not to go someplace together. Anyway, either by my prompting or his volition he finally said he couldn't continue to carry on like this. It did however span 19 years of our relationship. I am floundering for a way to see through this. If scorpios don't forgive and I can't ever seem to forget things even if I want to. I want know if we even have a chance. All along his soul has belonged to her. We want to start over but we're both so busy, tired, stressed, emotionally raw. I'm an effing bundle of nerves.
((((kriz)))
*** All along his soul has belonged to her.
I believe your assessment is correct.
*** I want know if we even have a chance.
In answer to your question, I don't know. Do you even want a chance? If you have been together for twenty years and you aren't his true mate ... I don't know.
I wish you guys would have figured this all out sooner. It seems like such a tragedy. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you need a shoulder, pm me. I can't promise any wise words but I can always listen.
*** All along his soul has belonged to her.
I believe your assessment is correct.
*** I want know if we even have a chance.
In answer to your question, I don't know. Do you even want a chance? If you have been together for twenty years and you aren't his true mate ... I don't know.
I wish you guys would have figured this all out sooner. It seems like such a tragedy. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you need a shoulder, pm me. I can't promise any wise words but I can always listen.
I guess I was keeping myself in check to keep the good part of our relationship alive, the physical, the intellectual, the ability to work together, our great children, our house and the good times. The deeper dimensions of spiritual connection, romantic giving, unconditional sharing have been missing. We definately connect during sex. but beyond that it feels cool to cold, strained.
We share a lot of major aspects in our charts or he's square and I'm trine. I have not done a layover or anything like that.
The day after we made our breakthrough, instead of connecting romantically he fell asleep on the couch reading. We have not been able to really reach out to each other since. We have had mini spats but tried to make a date for Saturday. I had already set to go someplace with my daughter.
He is truly sorry i think. He has often accused me of disregarding our wedding vows but it has been he who been unfaithful. He realizes how much it has hurt me. I want to move on but am afraid. Not afraid of infidelity, afraid we are not destined to be connected. Wouldn't we feel it if it was there? I am willing to work on it, honestly, but not alone.
We share a lot of major aspects in our charts or he's square and I'm trine. I have not done a layover or anything like that.
The day after we made our breakthrough, instead of connecting romantically he fell asleep on the couch reading. We have not been able to really reach out to each other since. We have had mini spats but tried to make a date for Saturday. I had already set to go someplace with my daughter.
He is truly sorry i think. He has often accused me of disregarding our wedding vows but it has been he who been unfaithful. He realizes how much it has hurt me. I want to move on but am afraid. Not afraid of infidelity, afraid we are not destined to be connected. Wouldn't we feel it if it was there? I am willing to work on it, honestly, but not alone.
Thanks little sparrow, you know I have tried through out the years to figure this out with him. He has been thoroughly resistent and has wanted to pin the responsibility on me. Maybe he's stinging a bit from the realization himself. I am going to try counseling next month.
He says he's not sure if he knew how to be faithful. We both would like to try to start over. I doubt it will be easy. There are many ingrained patterns.
He says he's not sure if he knew how to be faithful. We both would like to try to start over. I doubt it will be easy. There are many ingrained patterns.
Kriz
I feel for you I really do. I went through alot of the same myself. Here's how I dealt with it. You already have the keys.
Focus on the good connections:
"the physical, the intellectual, the ability to work together, our great children, our house and the good times"
Forget the bad ones:
"The deeper dimensions of spiritual connection, romantic giving, unconditional sharing have been missing" Persisting is gonna really flip him out.
I believe these are beyond his comprehension. Give those things for and of yourself. Don't expect direct return. It will nevertheless create a more positive environment. He wont understand how or why but it will.
Last and this is very important you should try to overcome your natural jealousy and possesiveness.
good luck
I feel for you I really do. I went through alot of the same myself. Here's how I dealt with it. You already have the keys.
Focus on the good connections:
"the physical, the intellectual, the ability to work together, our great children, our house and the good times"
Forget the bad ones:
"The deeper dimensions of spiritual connection, romantic giving, unconditional sharing have been missing" Persisting is gonna really flip him out.
I believe these are beyond his comprehension. Give those things for and of yourself. Don't expect direct return. It will nevertheless create a more positive environment. He wont understand how or why but it will.
Last and this is very important you should try to overcome your natural jealousy and possesiveness.
good luck
Yeah, that seems like a really good starting point VAL! The good stuff. At least that's active and there are those things to work with. We watched "Walk the line" last night. I admired the love connection between June and Johnny, but felt more like I related to the jilted wife. I guess it shut me down a bit and did bring up some possesive feelings.
Part of the problem is that during all of this I was acting as non-possesive as possible and trusting him so I didn't have to feel jealous. The threat and the fear let those negative and destructive emotions out of the bag. I'm probably more jealous than I think I am.
Part of the problem is that during all of this I was acting as non-possesive as possible and trusting him so I didn't have to feel jealous. The threat and the fear let those negative and destructive emotions out of the bag. I'm probably more jealous than I think I am.
Kriz,
I know where you are coming from. Be yourself. At all times possible. I think the real you is finally coming out. You have felt restricted by your libra. Libra's really do mean well. Its nothing against them. But your need for emotional, spiritual, and loyal connection is strong. Dont be lost. You have actually found yourself. And you should be proud of that.
I know where you are coming from. Be yourself. At all times possible. I think the real you is finally coming out. You have felt restricted by your libra. Libra's really do mean well. Its nothing against them. But your need for emotional, spiritual, and loyal connection is strong. Dont be lost. You have actually found yourself. And you should be proud of that.
This forum has been great for this point in my life. I've come too far to let myself be lost now! That would be a real waste.
I am starting to see clear through this. His fantasy life with her had depth alright and emotion but it was security seeking looking for safety in the past. It's good for me that his emotional commitment to her is not as deep as it would be if I was doing the same thing! I am projecting scorpio emotional bonding on him. Thinking back, it was his intelligence that first struck me, I could "see" the cool interior, which matches my reserved, not easy to crack persona. I realized that I expected that as our relationship grew our emotional committment would develop about equally. HA! The weight of expectation is now lifting!
Thanks VAL, ScorpoiSweetie, little_sparrow, notso_07, thelibran, Sco3pio, and all!
I am starting to see clear through this. His fantasy life with her had depth alright and emotion but it was security seeking looking for safety in the past. It's good for me that his emotional commitment to her is not as deep as it would be if I was doing the same thing! I am projecting scorpio emotional bonding on him. Thinking back, it was his intelligence that first struck me, I could "see" the cool interior, which matches my reserved, not easy to crack persona. I realized that I expected that as our relationship grew our emotional committment would develop about equally. HA! The weight of expectation is now lifting!
Thanks VAL, ScorpoiSweetie, little_sparrow, notso_07, thelibran, Sco3pio, and all!
No problem Kriz thats what friends are for.
Keep the faith.
Keep the faith.
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