...

For the life of me, I DO NOT understand the concept of helping people wallow.

I don't.

It's not practical, the hugging and the petting and all the other mushy stuff. Neither does it help.

I don't get how a person's pain doesn't make them ANGRY (and therefore spur them on to pick themselves up eventually).

Because I'm TRYING to show sympathy right now, but there's that nagging voice at the back of my head that tells me doing so will only make things worse.

I KNOW it will.

This isn't an "aquarius not knowing how to handle emotions" moment. This is a "Uh-oh: someone's about to become a physical, mental and emotional vegetable" one.

But this is someone I care about. Too much. So I feel bad for being so hard on them.

What the f**k am I supposed to do?

For the life of me, I DO NOT understand the concept of helping people wallow.


Why would anyone in right mind do that..?

Don't give a shit and don't give a damn ..! you are not running a popularity concept on here, aren't you..? Other people's problem is not yours..!


Live and let live!

Posted by jade_dragon
Instead of letting them 'wallow', be their sounding board. Usually people just need to vocalize their pain to someone who cares, and by doing so, they begin their healing journey.

Don't forget- not everyone reacts to pain (emotional, physical, etc.) in the same fashion; some WILL either externalize or internalize their anger, while others will cloister themselves away from others, and sink into a depression. Take special care with the latter types.


And I would disagree with you about the hugging: a caring, platonic physical embrace can usually work wonders for many people.

It's funny, Jade: I'm actually the latter kind of person (who sinks into depression and isolates).

Which only makes it HARDER to sympathize.

I mean, I feel their pain... but... when you've hugged and told someone it's going to be okay for the thousandth time, you will feel drained.

I don't even go there. You know. Where you think "I've been through it and have come out stronger. Why Can't you?"

I try not to, anyway. But...

If tough love is your modus operandi &2, go with that. Insincerity isn't anything anyone needs. On the flip side of you emerging stronger than this person; not everyone is strong.

Jade..

But if your friend asked you for help, would you turn them away?

I actually think about this comments for many years (believe me on this), my friends (very few) never asking for helps (because I never asked and never will ask for any helps).

To my reality (I was born naked and alone to this world and when I depart I??ll be alone and naked too), I was referring to the natural point of arrival and departure for every living being on this tiny planet, what happens in between and how anyone react to it is a personal choice.

If you have a broad shoulder and want to tap on the other human fellow for comfort is your choice or if you want to kick their asses is your choice too??_

You??ll be not around to see what happen next after your previous actions.. good or bad??_



That is the ultimate truth and justice..! as far as I know anyway..!

My point also directed to the original post and poster..!


If you want to care, then do it without any expectations and let it be you PERSONAL CHOICE and never talk about disappointment??_

Remember what I said..?? You were born to this world (naked and alone —like anyone else??) never expect anything else when you depart..!



So stop whining..!


(edited for one stupid typo)

Posted by FeistyAquarian
I dunno, if someone gets too depressive, it does get annoying. I usually just let them have someone else step in and take over...I've got too much shit to do to just sit there and listen to someone cry every week over whatever new drama pops up in their life. I guess it's not as bad if you can actually cheer them up but I swear that some people enjoy being miserable. I sure don't!

See, feisty, you summed up the situation pretty f**king perfectly. And I would leave... if these people weren't blood.

It's like I fail to see the point: okay, sh** is bad, we're feeling sorry for ourselves... now what? You know?

What're we -- and by we I mean you -- gonna do about it?

When I feel like crap my next instict is to fight. Viciously. Destroy myself internally, and start looking at things differently. To rationalize by thinking of worse scenarios I could be in. To think about a brighter future and do something little everyday to get there.

It's like the focus is only on the pain with my bro (aries) and mum (virgo). Nothing else.

Which bothers me.

You know: when the heat gets unbarable isn't it a reflex action to get your hand (in this case mind, body, soul) out of there as soon as?

What kind of personality is that? Where you accept things will always be sh**ty?

It's like if you've accepted that why areyou still complaining?

It gets annoying, but he's my f**king brother for christ's sake. I have to fix him, no matter what.

is it a confidence thing?

wtf?

it's like you show sympathy they feel good and crawl deeper into their cocoon. You kick 'em a little, they get inspired... and then crawl deeper into their cocoon.

You use logic, that don't work. You use emotion, sharing worse stuff you've been through, and they sit up and listen, come to the conclusion that "Yeah, that is pretty bad" but feel no inclination to change their situaion, even with a living breathng blueprint of someone who's been there and is still standing telling them it isn't permanent.

I mean I know some aries people are lazy but come the f**k on, man, do something!

Or is it bcause I'm an aquarius? The intellectual bullsh** and crappy communication style ? Does it sound to complex? Or to vague?

I have issues with anger, I accept that, and am working on it. Which makes it hard to be blunt because my tone of voice comes out vicious and stuff.

But I don't know how to speak simply because everything is tied together.

I mean, look, right this moment, the thread is about sympathising with others, yet I've been talking a lot about myself.

And it's not because of a self importance, I want to HELP. And I know that one way or another I am partly responsible for the delayed recovery.

So how can I speak to someone who takes things literally and barely understand you when you stupidly begin to tie in the grand scheme of things into an arguably simple situation?

F**king, somebody tell me.

and the grand scheme of things DOES apply. It DOES apply to every stuation. Even the little ones. Everything ties into everything.

I don't know what i'm saying anymore...

but why don't people fight after being in an emotional funk for so long? You admit it ain't comfortable, you agree things could be better but you do nothing?

Why?

Who knows why? Why is the sky blue, why does the sun shine, snow sparkle? Forget science, this is about emotion. Some people just enjoy wallowing. If I may interject my own experience. My little sister has traveled a hard road, by HER own choice. She only surfaces long enough to cry that she's no place to live, bail me out, SAVE ME. I had to just stop. And I urged my parents to do the same. Time to grow up. Even though I love my sister dearly I had to come to grips with the fact that she enjoyed being miserable. All mouth and no trousers. Poor her. Life is awful, no one loves her, no one is helping her. She expected everyone to drop everything and bail her out.
You have to step outside of the emotional box and reflect on what it's doing to you. Just say 'enough now'.

I had a GF like that once I think I shot her. or left her somewhere were she could not find her way home.