
HeavyEntertainmentShow
@HeavyEntertainmentShow
8 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 4555 · Posts: 7614 · Topics: 100



Posted by stillstillwater
Kind of confused ... if you’ve already been intimate .. what is it exactly you want that he can’t give you?




Posted by ShadowdayPosted by MyStarsShine
......but he's 20 and not gay....
Sounds gay as fuxxk to meclick to expand

Posted by edgelordPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by ShadowdayPosted by MyStarsShine
......but he's 20 and not gay....
Sounds gay as fuxxk to me
Well I believe Heavy when he says he isn't.....how would we know?
Lol
i have a male ex that if i had met him even 5 years later we'd still be together and i'd have married him. he's very straight. and he knows how gay i am. we were two people who vibed regardless of labels or gender. and honestly that's what heavy has as well. though being the jed in this >_> i never outwardly stated or believed i couldn't love mine the way he loved me. the sexuality is malleable that's not the issue. if he legit convinces himself that he can't love heavy back the way heavy loves him it's a self fulfilling prophesy. and honestly something he shouldn't thought abut way before this moment. heavy and i are not friends. we don't get along. but i am gonna put him in my prayers for a while to see if he can get any guidance from stuff that shows him what he needs to be doing.
sorry for the wall of text.click to expand


Posted by stillstillwater
Kind of confused ... if you’ve already been intimate .. what is it exactly you want that he can’t give you?


Posted by Arielle83
Maybe he was 21 and trying things out.

Posted by ShadowdayPosted by MyStarsShine
......but he's 20 and not gay....
Sounds gay as fuxxk to meclick to expand


Posted by Impulsv
Welcome to my world
Understand completely
Catch 22
You want him to want you as much as you do n won’t accept less but can’t imagine anything without him
I don’t know the answer dear
But I e seen others turn a blind eye meaning they weren’t loved equally n accept that n
live happily ever ?? Or so it seems

Posted by edgelordPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by ShadowdayPosted by MyStarsShine
......but he's 20 and not gay....
Sounds gay as fuxxk to me
Well I believe Heavy when he says he isn't.....how would we know?
Lol
i have a male ex that if i had met him even 5 years later we'd still be together and i'd have married him. he's very straight. and he knows how gay i am. we were two people who vibed regardless of labels or gender. and honestly that's what heavy has as well. though being the jed in this >_> i never outwardly stated or believed i couldn't love mine the way he loved me. the sexuality is malleable that's not the issue. if he legit convinces himself that he can't love heavy back the way heavy loves him it's a self fulfilling prophesy. and honestly something he shouldn't thought abut way before this moment. heavy and i are not friends. we don't get along. but i am gonna put him in my prayers for a while to see if he can get any guidance from stuff that shows him what he needs to be doing.
sorry for the wall of text.click to expand

Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by ShadowdayPosted by MyStarsShine
......but he's 20 and not gay....
Sounds gay as fuxxk to me
Well I believe Heavy when he says he isn't.....how would we know?
Lolclick to expand

Posted by pisceswoman123
I feel for you, but you deserve someone that loves you completely and worship the ground you walk too.
Personally that is the first requirement for me to fall in love in the first place and being in a relationship. If I don’t feel loved and they are not totally crazy about me I just fall out of love myself pretty quickly.



Posted by LethalFantasia
You are sooo brave for sharing this and he is a nice dude for admitting what he admitted. He obviously respects you very much and realizes how much you love him for him to admit that, most people would just take advantage.
I'm not sure what kind of advice to give since I have never been in a situation like this? I just think that when you're both ready maybe it's time to move on? I think sometimes you have to let people go so they can think back a year or two from now and realize how great they had it.

Posted by AneemA04
Wait wait wait,
I thought the two of you have agreed to become exclusive?
And does it mean he isn't gay? Or is he a bi?
How long in total, have you been with him?

Posted by ASCoppVenus
Awwww... so sorry to hear about this. Based on what you posted, you seem to really love him. But, sometimes loving means letting go. I know its so cliché but its the way it is. The more you hang on, the more he will slip away and you will get hurt. Its best for you to focus on yourself. Love yourself. And thank him for whatever you have learned in this experience. Someone out there will love you. You think your man right now is the best. But how can he be the best for you if he cant love you the way you love him? The best person for you is someone who loves you just as much as you love him. 33 us not old. 33 is still a good age and will give you enough time to meet someone special.
Now cry over it. It helps. But believe you will meet someone just for you.


Posted by Jade_Alexander
It sounds like it’s time for you two to part ways.
He may have so much to offer, but deep down you know this needs to end.
I’m so sorry, break ups are painful. But staying and being resentful won’t help on the long run.


Posted by nanobot
A lot of boys in their late teens/early twenties want to fuck other men and esp have an interest in trans. Yes, even when they consider themselves straight. Horny boy complex.

Posted by Endless
you say you don't want to be with someone that doesn't love you the way you want, can you clarify?
he say he thinks he can't love you like you love him, is that what you want? cuz that's sound imposible, I believe ve age, maturity, personality and all that change the way we love.
so, whatever, interesting what you're considering thought.



Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShowPosted by Endless
you say you don't want to be with someone that doesn't love you the way you want, can you clarify?
he say he thinks he can't love you like you love him, is that what you want? cuz that's sound imposible, I believe ve age, maturity, personality and all that change the way we love.
so, whatever, interesting what you're considering thought.
I'm not expecting him to love me the same amount as I do, because we all love differently. But what I do want is romantic love. The love that only another gay man can give me.
Jed can love me as a best friend or like a brother, but not as a boyfriend or a partner. If he's as straight as he claims to be or thinks he is, that is.
It's like I said, I'm 33 years old. The time for flings is over, for me anyway. That's not what I want anymore, otherwise there's plenty more interested young meat around I could eat.
Gotta love Fish suns, eh? Not even earth moons can fix that shit. I can keep a gay man around because I'm perfect partner material and I won't have to worry about him falling for a girl.click to expand


Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShowPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by ShadowdayPosted by MyStarsShine
......but he's 20 and not gay....
Sounds gay as fuxxk to me
Well I believe Heavy when he says he isn't.....how would we know?
Lol
And I tell you what he tells me. I only have his word to go by (and his conflicting actions but that's another story).
I'm also suspecting something else. While for the most part his family have been accepting of us, they are still mildly conservative. So it wouldn't surprise me if he's not ready to fully come out of the closet. He could easily dismiss the past 18 months as a "phase" to appease his family and then hook up with a girl and that's all she wrote.
After all, I don't have a family to appease. I'm completely free in that department so it's easier for me to be completely myself. Not so easy for a young boy who's very close with his big family, and whose family means the world to him. As opposed to mine, that I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I saw them all die in front of me.
So if I were to take his word for it when he says he's also been aroused by women, and seeing how easily he's aroused by ME, then I would assume he's bisexual.click to expand

Posted by Arkansassy
I love it when I'm right lol

Posted by DMV
I can empathize with your post.
I was feeling a guy 14 years younger then me.
I felt like I was settling way b4 we went out on a date but also my scorpio moon wanted to explore the unknown.
I knew I was settling throughout the first date and the second. Maybe I stuck around because I was waiting for the passion.
Grown woman/man passion!!
Ugh never came. The only thing that developed was the feeling of inequity between us. Like with you!
I cant handle feeling like I'm giving more than what I put out.
Plus I'm grown and so are you.
Grown gotta match grown.
Leave him be finding his way through the world. That's what his 20s are for.
I didnt want to rob my date of his sowing years

Posted by ArkansassyPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by Arkansassy
I love it when I'm right lol
But it's easy to be right when you're not involved in something
I think he is very brave to post this, i admire his courage, not everyone would do this
💙
I think it's hypocritical.. but sure if that's how you want to look at it.click to expand


Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by DMV
I can empathize with your post.
I was feeling a guy 14 years younger then me.
I felt like I was settling way b4 we went out on a date but also my scorpio moon wanted to explore the unknown.
I knew I was settling throughout the first date and the second. Maybe I stuck around because I was waiting for the passion.
Grown woman/man passion!!
Ugh never came. The only thing that developed was the feeling of inequity between us. Like with you!
I cant handle feeling like I'm giving more than what I put out.
Plus I'm grown and so are you.
Grown gotta match grown.
Leave him be finding his way through the world. That's what his 20s are for.
I didnt want to rob my date of his sowing years
Wisdom here ^^^
I felt the same way.....robbing and also stunting their growth in some way
Letting go is so important in these situations....click to expand

Posted by DMVPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by DMV
I can empathize with your post.
I was feeling a guy 14 years younger then me.
I felt like I was settling way b4 we went out on a date but also my scorpio moon wanted to explore the unknown.
I knew I was settling throughout the first date and the second. Maybe I stuck around because I was waiting for the passion.
Grown woman/man passion!!
Ugh never came. The only thing that developed was the feeling of inequity between us. Like with you!
I cant handle feeling like I'm giving more than what I put out.
Plus I'm grown and so are you.
Grown gotta match grown.
Leave him be finding his way through the world. That's what his 20s are for.
I didnt want to rob my date of his sowing years
Wisdom here ^^^
I felt the same way.....robbing and also stunting their growth in some way
Letting go is so important in these situations....
My ego didnt want to let go but I have a female cousin who is 26 or so and is marrying a 51 year old.
I felt like he is robbing her of her youth and eat pray love years.
I had to take my own advice
click to expand

Posted by Prince_Pisces
I couldn't imagine being 33 and giving my time to a 20 year old. And I say that as someone who was with someone 33 when I was 20 LOL!

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down?

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShowPosted by stillstillwater
Kind of confused ... if you’ve already been intimate .. what is it exactly you want that he can’t give you?
I almost said man-to-man love is less risky (and then I remembered anyone can cheat if they really want), but at least I wouldn't have to worry about him falling in love with a woman.
You know, since I can be so perfect and everything, he wouldn't need to look at anyone else.
click to expand

Posted by ShadowdayPosted by MyStarsShine
......but he's 20 and not gay....
Sounds gay as fuxxk to meclick to expand

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShowPosted by pisceswoman123
I feel for you, but you deserve someone that loves you completely and worship the ground you walk too.
Personally that is the first requirement for me to fall in love in the first place and being in a relationship. If I don’t feel loved and they are not totally crazy about me I just fall out of love myself pretty quickly.
Only another Fish would completely understand my need to be loved back
click to expand




Posted by tizianiPosted by MyStarsShine
"I would not want to build a commitment with a 21 year old on paper, not even a willing one let alone this"
I probably needed to hear this a few years ago but even then I doubt my fixed sun and moon would have listened
Looking back it was hugely deluded lol😳
Thanks @tiziani 👍
The story more reminded me of the times I took something as a personal rejection when it didn't need to be taken that way. It just had me turning qualities of the relationship into "omg is that all they ever liked me for??" and yeah I relate to the OP's neurosis in that way. It happens.click to expand

Posted by Fallen2PiscesPosted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
Would you give up the man of your dreams if you couldn't have all of him?
I never wanted to make this thread, but some things in life are inevitable. So I'm making this thread. I value honesty above everything else but sometimes it's not always the best policy. Blissful ignorance is what the doctor ordered on occasion.
My boy is a real trier. He loves life and loves to make the best of it. He's a week away from only his 21st birthday and he's inexperienced in "adult couple matters" but that doesn't stop him from giving. However, even his capabilities have limits. He's not gay like me, so when he recently confessed that he doesn't think he can love me the same way I love him.......yeah it really sucked. I appreciated his honesty but I felt my insides go ice cold like something died. It took me several days to shake that feeling.
The previous weekend was almost a blessing in disguise. I got in a fight with a 300-pound gorilla and both of us had a real hard time walking at the conclusion of it. I don't handle enforced downtime well, especially when I'm mentally antsy about emotional matters. I'm like a wounded animal and a terrible patient, so we thought it was a good idea to put some distance between us while I'm recuperating. I offered to move back into my own home for a week or two, but my boy insisted on me staying put until I grow stronger. He took the opportunity to visit good friends out of town, and he's coming back tomorrow.
Now that I've had some head space to reassess everything, I find it really difficult to stomach his words. I don't need to remind anyone that I love him to death, but at the same time I have to do what's right for myself. I don't know if I can be with someone who can't love me back in the romantic sense. I do believe he thinks the world of me and that he loves me, but not in the way I want him to love me. In your eyes I'm rough around the edges and more or less insufferable, but I'm still a human being just like the rest of you, and![]()
I'm also 33 years old and if I want to settle down (which I do), I need to find that someone who can love me back pronto. This boy breathed new life into me and gave me my fire back. I will love him till the end of my days but looking at the big picture and the intensity of my feelings, the magnitude of angst I've experienced in the last 18 months has done a real number on me, mentally and emotionally.
Being the neurotic freak that I am, I also can't help but wonder if he wants to have me around for purely selfish reasons as well. I mean
- I virtually worship the ground he walks on
- I shower him with compliments & affection daily
- I appreciate his physical attributes in the way no woman can
- I treat him like the most priceless thing in the world
- I'm mighty accomplished in the sac department
I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down? Ok ok I know he appreciates me more than that because I'm also an amazing friend, but my neurotic side can't help it sometimes.
It's been 18 months since we unspokenly became exclusive and it's been the most delicious rollercoaster I've ever had, but the honeymoon period is over and I want to make things official at some stage. But that can't happen if only one of us is "all in", and I don't know if I can live with that.
🎵I would do anything for love............but can I do "that"?🎵
The worst thing about this sucky situation is how am I supposed to settle for an inferior partner when I've had the absolute best this world has to offer? I'm not in the habit of lowering my standards, so who could possibly measure up?![]()
I always love how real, honest and loyal you are. Gay and all.. the love you demonstrate is where we should all be at. But when u say gorilla I'm guessing a big black guy. That's alright . But he's only 21 and u 33. And you pushed him to this gay world.. my add kicked in and I lost where o was going with this but I hear you where YOU lost the faith in him returning the love that you shower him with. Understand he is still young a baby and understanding his #lust, curiosity and all the sugar and cream gllong between the oreo. Hold up did yall get fked by this gorilla? And ur asshole is torn that you can't be with ur boy? Lol oh I'm so confused. But as Pisces fk ur Leo dominance wherver star thay comes from? I think he just being too nice and doesn't want to hurt you. I thought y'all were so deep in eachothers booty hole the l8ve was strong. Why u running away now. I think today we Pisces are going thru something cuz we're all drowning in sand atm.. I'll continue on but I lost track secclick to expand

Posted by MyStarsShine
"I would not want to build a commitment with a 21 year old on paper, not even a willing one let alone this"
I probably needed to hear this a few years ago but even then I doubt my fixed sun and moon would have listened
Looking back it was hugely deluded lol😳
Thanks @tiziani 👍



Posted by SpaceBirdPosted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
Would you give up the man of your dreams if you couldn't have all of him?
I never wanted to make this thread, but some things in life are inevitable. So I'm making this thread. I value honesty above everything else but sometimes it's not always the best policy. Blissful ignorance is what the doctor ordered on occasion.
My boy is a real trier. He loves life and loves to make the best of it. He's a week away from only his 21st birthday and he's inexperienced in "adult couple matters" but that doesn't stop him from giving. However, even his capabilities have limits. He's not gay like me, so when he recently confessed that he doesn't think he can love me the same way I love him.......yeah it really sucked. I appreciated his honesty but I felt my insides go ice cold like something died. It took me several days to shake that feeling.
The previous weekend was almost a blessing in disguise. I got in a fight with a 300-pound gorilla and both of us had a real hard time walking at the conclusion of it. I don't handle enforced downtime well, especially when I'm mentally antsy about emotional matters. I'm like a wounded animal and a terrible patient, so we thought it was a good idea to put some distance between us while I'm recuperating. I offered to move back into my own home for a week or two, but my boy insisted on me staying put until I grow stronger. He took the opportunity to visit good friends out of town, and he's coming back tomorrow.
Now that I've had some head space to reassess everything, I find it really difficult to stomach his words. I don't need to remind anyone that I love him to death, but at the same time I have to do what's right for myself. I don't know if I can be with someone who can't love me back in the romantic sense. I do believe he thinks the world of me and that he loves me, but not in the way I want him to love me. In your eyes I'm rough around the edges and more or less insufferable, but I'm still a human being just like the rest of you, and![]()
I'm also 33 years old and if I want to settle down (which I do), I need to find that someone who can love me back pronto. This boy breathed new life into me and gave me my fire back. I will love him till the end of my days but looking at the big picture and the intensity of my feelings, the magnitude of angst I've experienced in the last 18 months has done a real number on me, mentally and emotionally.
Being the neurotic freak that I am, I also can't help but wonder if he wants to have me around for purely selfish reasons as well. I mean
- I virtually worship the ground he walks on
- I shower him with compliments & affection daily
- I appreciate his physical attributes in the way no woman can
- I treat him like the most priceless thing in the world
- I'm mighty accomplished in the sac department
I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down? Ok ok I know he appreciates me more than that because I'm also an amazing friend, but my neurotic side can't help it sometimes.
It's been 18 months since we unspokenly became exclusive and it's been the most delicious rollercoaster I've ever had, but the honeymoon period is over and I want to make things official at some stage. But that can't happen if only one of us is "all in", and I don't know if I can live with that.
🎵I would do anything for love............but can I do "that"?🎵
The worst thing about this sucky situation is how am I supposed to settle for an inferior partner when I've had the absolute best this world has to offer? I'm not in the habit of lowering my standards, so who could possibly measure up?![]()
How do you know he doesn't love you in the same way as you love him? Maybe he does he just shows it diff?
click to expand

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
Would you give up the man of your dreams if you couldn't have all of him?
I never wanted to make this thread, but some things in life are inevitable. So I'm making this thread. I value honesty above everything else but sometimes it's not always the best policy. Blissful ignorance is what the doctor ordered on occasion.
My boy is a real trier. He loves life and loves to make the best of it. He's a week away from only his 21st birthday and he's inexperienced in "adult couple matters" but that doesn't stop him from giving. However, even his capabilities have limits. He's not gay like me, so when he recently confessed that he doesn't think he can love me the same way I love him.......yeah it really sucked. I appreciated his honesty but I felt my insides go ice cold like something died. It took me several days to shake that feeling.
The previous weekend was almost a blessing in disguise. I got in a fight with a 300-pound gorilla and both of us had a real hard time walking at the conclusion of it. I don't handle enforced downtime well, especially when I'm mentally antsy about emotional matters. I'm like a wounded animal and a terrible patient, so we thought it was a good idea to put some distance between us while I'm recuperating. I offered to move back into my own home for a week or two, but my boy insisted on me staying put until I grow stronger. He took the opportunity to visit good friends out of town, and he's coming back tomorrow.
Now that I've had some head space to reassess everything, I find it really difficult to stomach his words. I don't need to remind anyone that I love him to death, but at the same time I have to do what's right for myself. I don't know if I can be with someone who can't love me back in the romantic sense. I do believe he thinks the world of me and that he loves me, but not in the way I want him to love me. In your eyes I'm rough around the edges and more or less insufferable, but I'm still a human being just like the rest of you, and
I'm also 33 years old and if I want to settle down (which I do), I need to find that someone who can love me back pronto. This boy breathed new life into me and gave me my fire back. I will love him till the end of my days but looking at the big picture and the intensity of my feelings, the magnitude of angst I've experienced in the last 18 months has done a real number on me, mentally and emotionally.
Being the neurotic freak that I am, I also can't help but wonder if he wants to have me around for purely selfish reasons as well. I mean
- I virtually worship the ground he walks on
- I shower him with compliments & affection daily
- I appreciate his physical attributes in the way no woman can
- I treat him like the most priceless thing in the world
- I'm mighty accomplished in the sac department
I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down? Ok ok I know he appreciates me more than that because I'm also an amazing friend, but my neurotic side can't help it sometimes.
It's been 18 months since we unspokenly became exclusive and it's been the most delicious rollercoaster I've ever had, but the honeymoon period is over and I want to make things official at some stage. But that can't happen if only one of us is "all in", and I don't know if I can live with that.
🎵I would do anything for love............but can I do "that"?🎵

Posted by Black-MambaPosted by Arkansassy
@Black-Mamba
wow so he molested a teenage boy and teenage boy is like fuk off priest i got my own life
and now he's madclick to expand

Posted by VenusAquariusPosted by HeavyEntertainmentShow
Would you give up the man of your dreams if you couldn't have all of him?
I never wanted to make this thread, but some things in life are inevitable. So I'm making this thread. I value honesty above everything else but sometimes it's not always the best policy. Blissful ignorance is what the doctor ordered on occasion.
My boy is a real trier. He loves life and loves to make the best of it. He's a week away from only his 21st birthday and he's inexperienced in "adult couple matters" but that doesn't stop him from giving. However, even his capabilities have limits. He's not gay like me, so when he recently confessed that he doesn't think he can love me the same way I love him.......yeah it really sucked. I appreciated his honesty but I felt my insides go ice cold like something died. It took me several days to shake that feeling.
The previous weekend was almost a blessing in disguise. I got in a fight with a 300-pound gorilla and both of us had a real hard time walking at the conclusion of it. I don't handle enforced downtime well, especially when I'm mentally antsy about emotional matters. I'm like a wounded animal and a terrible patient, so we thought it was a good idea to put some distance between us while I'm recuperating. I offered to move back into my own home for a week or two, but my boy insisted on me staying put until I grow stronger. He took the opportunity to visit good friends out of town, and he's coming back tomorrow.
Now that I've had some head space to reassess everything, I find it really difficult to stomach his words. I don't need to remind anyone that I love him to death, but at the same time I have to do what's right for myself. I don't know if I can be with someone who can't love me back in the romantic sense. I do believe he thinks the world of me and that he loves me, but not in the way I want him to love me. In your eyes I'm rough around the edges and more or less insufferable, but I'm still a human being just like the rest of you, and
I'm also 33 years old and if I want to settle down (which I do), I need to find that someone who can love me back pronto. This boy breathed new life into me and gave me my fire back. I will love him till the end of my days but looking at the big picture and the intensity of my feelings, the magnitude of angst I've experienced in the last 18 months has done a real number on me, mentally and emotionally.
Being the neurotic freak that I am, I also can't help but wonder if he wants to have me around for purely selfish reasons as well. I mean
- I virtually worship the ground he walks on
- I shower him with compliments & affection daily
- I appreciate his physical attributes in the way no woman can
- I treat him like the most priceless thing in the world
- I'm mighty accomplished in the sac department
I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down? Ok ok I know he appreciates me more than that because I'm also an amazing friend, but my neurotic side can't help it sometimes.
It's been 18 months since we unspokenly became exclusive and it's been the most delicious rollercoaster I've ever had, but the honeymoon period is over and I want to make things official at some stage. But that can't happen if only one of us is "all in", and I don't know if I can live with that.
🎵I would do anything for love............but can I do "that"?🎵
This is about you; not him. Aaaaalllll you. Look at your pattern of choices and nonchoices. Do you know your Venus sign?
This really has nuthin to do wit him.click to expand
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I never wanted to make this thread, but some things in life are inevitable. So I'm making this thread. I value honesty above everything else but sometimes it's not always the best policy. Blissful ignorance is what the doctor ordered on occasion.
My boy is a real trier. He loves life and loves to make the best of it. He's a week away from only his 21st birthday and he's inexperienced in "adult couple matters" but that doesn't stop him from giving. However, even his capabilities have limits. He's not gay like me, so when he recently confessed that he doesn't think he can love me the same way I love him.......yeah it really sucked. I appreciated his honesty but I felt my insides go ice cold like something died. It took me several days to shake that feeling.
The previous weekend was almost a blessing in disguise. I got in a fight with a 300-pound gorilla and both of us had a real hard time walking at the conclusion of it. I don't handle enforced downtime well, especially when I'm mentally antsy about emotional matters. I'm like a wounded animal and a terrible patient, so we thought it was a good idea to put some distance between us while I'm recuperating. I offered to move back into my own home for a week or two, but my boy insisted on me staying put until I grow stronger. He took the opportunity to visit good friends out of town, and he's coming back tomorrow.
Now that I've had some head space to reassess everything, I find it really difficult to stomach his words. I don't need to remind anyone that I love him to death, but at the same time I have to do what's right for myself. I don't know if I can be with someone who can't love me back in the romantic sense. I do believe he thinks the world of me and that he loves me, but not in the way I want him to love me. In your eyes I'm rough around the edges and more or less insufferable, but I'm still a human being just like the rest of you, and
I'm also 33 years old and if I want to settle down (which I do), I need to find that someone who can love me back pronto. This boy breathed new life into me and gave me my fire back. I will love him till the end of my days but looking at the big picture and the intensity of my feelings, the magnitude of angst I've experienced in the last 18 months has done a real number on me, mentally and emotionally.
Being the neurotic freak that I am, I also can't help but wonder if he wants to have me around for purely selfish reasons as well. I mean
- I virtually worship the ground he walks on
- I shower him with compliments & affection daily
- I appreciate his physical attributes in the way no woman can
- I treat him like the most priceless thing in the world
- I'm mighty accomplished in the sac department
I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down? Ok ok I know he appreciates me more than that because I'm also an amazing friend, but my neurotic side can't help it sometimes.
It's been 18 months since we unspokenly became exclusive and it's been the most delicious rollercoaster I've ever had, but the honeymoon period is over and I want to make things official at some stage. But that can't happen if only one of us is "all in", and I don't know if I can live with that.
🎵I would do anything for love............but can I do "that"?🎵
The worst thing about this sucky situation is how am I supposed to settle for an inferior partner when I've had the absolute best this world has to offer? I'm not in the habit of lowering my standards, so who could possibly measure up?