"But I won't do that"

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Would you give up the man of your dreams if you couldn't have all of him?

I never wanted to make this thread, but some things in life are inevitable. So I'm making this thread. I value honesty above everything else but sometimes it's not always the best policy. Blissful ignorance is what the doctor ordered on occasion.

My boy is a real trier. He loves life and loves to make the best of it. He's a week away from only his 21st birthday and he's inexperienced in "adult couple matters" but that doesn't stop him from giving. However, even his capabilities have limits. He's not gay like me, so when he recently confessed that he doesn't think he can love me the same way I love him.......yeah it really sucked. I appreciated his honesty but I felt my insides go ice cold like something died. It took me several days to shake that feeling.

The previous weekend was almost a blessing in disguise. I got in a fight with a 300-pound gorilla and both of us had a real hard time walking at the conclusion of it. I don't handle enforced downtime well, especially when I'm mentally antsy about emotional matters. I'm like a wounded animal and a terrible patient, so we thought it was a good idea to put some distance between us while I'm recuperating. I offered to move back into my own home for a week or two, but my boy insisted on me staying put until I grow stronger. He took the opportunity to visit good friends out of town, and he's coming back tomorrow.

Now that I've had some head space to reassess everything, I find it really difficult to stomach his words. I don't need to remind anyone that I love him to death, but at the same time I have to do what's right for myself. I don't know if I can be with someone who can't love me back in the romantic sense. I do believe he thinks the world of me and that he loves me, but not in the way I want him to love me. In your eyes I'm rough around the edges and more or less insufferable, but I'm still a human being just like the rest of you, and

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I'm also 33 years old and if I want to settle down (which I do), I need to find that someone who can love me back pronto. This boy breathed new life into me and gave me my fire back. I will love him till the end of my days but looking at the big picture and the intensity of my feelings, the magnitude of angst I've experienced in the last 18 months has done a real number on me, mentally and emotionally.

Being the neurotic freak that I am, I also can't help but wonder if he wants to have me around for purely selfish reasons as well. I mean

- I virtually worship the ground he walks on

- I shower him with compliments & affection daily

- I appreciate his physical attributes in the way no woman can

- I treat him like the most priceless thing in the world

- I'm mighty accomplished in the sac department

I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down? Ok ok I know he appreciates me more than that because I'm also an amazing friend, but my neurotic side can't help it sometimes.

It's been 18 months since we unspokenly became exclusive and it's been the most delicious rollercoaster I've ever had, but the honeymoon period is over and I want to make things official at some stage. But that can't happen if only one of us is "all in", and I don't know if I can live with that.

🎵I would do anything for love............but can I do "that"?🎵

The worst thing about this sucky situation is how am I supposed to settle for an inferior partner when I've had the absolute best this world has to offer? I'm not in the habit of lowering my standards, so who could possibly measure up?

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Posted by edgelord

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Shadowday

Posted by MyStarsShine

......but he's 20 and not gay....


Sounds gay as fuxxk to me


Well I believe Heavy when he says he isn't.....how would we know?

Lol


i have a male ex that if i had met him even 5 years later we'd still be together and i'd have married him. he's very straight. and he knows how gay i am. we were two people who vibed regardless of labels or gender. and honestly that's what heavy has as well. though being the jed in this >_> i never outwardly stated or believed i couldn't love mine the way he loved me. the sexuality is malleable that's not the issue. if he legit convinces himself that he can't love heavy back the way heavy loves him it's a self fulfilling prophesy. and honestly something he shouldn't thought abut way before this moment. heavy and i are not friends. we don't get along. but i am gonna put him in my prayers for a while to see if he can get any guidance from stuff that shows him what he needs to be doing.

sorry for the wall of text.
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Interesting story edgelord and you are very kind with the prayer thing. I will too. It can be torture walking away, but the benefits do eventually outweigh that. I have had four rships with younger ones....a friend of mine said to me "you really take a long time to learn your lessons". Haha she was right!

I let mine go on a long time too, but also i think i needed to until it was not doable anymore...it's not over till the fat lady sings kind of thing

Life hey?

🙂



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Posted by stillstillwater

Kind of confused ... if you’ve already been intimate .. what is it exactly you want that he can’t give you?


I almost said man-to-man love is less risky (and then I remembered anyone can cheat if they really want), but at least I wouldn't have to worry about him falling in love with a woman.

You know, since I can be so perfect and everything, he wouldn't need to look at anyone else.

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Posted by Impulsv

Welcome to my world

Understand completely

Catch 22

You want him to want you as much as you do n won’t accept less but can’t imagine anything without him

I don’t know the answer dear

But I e seen others turn a blind eye meaning they weren’t loved equally n accept that n

live happily ever ?? Or so it seems




Yeah, ignorance is bliss if you let it. But I'm too self conscious and too neurotic for that. Sooner or later, reality will rear its ugly head and slap you awake like a cold fish. And then your world will disintegrate. I'd rather be one step ahead of it all. Forearmed is forewarned.

The ironic part of all this is that I thought I would completely disintegrate at the thought of having to leave him. But I'm sitting here munching on CC (the chips, not the fruitloop)

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and I'm perfectly calm. No butterflies, no racing mind. Almost like there's nothing wrong. Maybe it's my Virgo moon preparing me for the storm tomorrow when he gets back.

What happened to you?
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Posted by edgelord

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Shadowday

Posted by MyStarsShine

......but he's 20 and not gay....


Sounds gay as fuxxk to me


Well I believe Heavy when he says he isn't.....how would we know?

Lol


i have a male ex that if i had met him even 5 years later we'd still be together and i'd have married him. he's very straight. and he knows how gay i am. we were two people who vibed regardless of labels or gender. and honestly that's what heavy has as well. though being the jed in this >_> i never outwardly stated or believed i couldn't love mine the way he loved me. the sexuality is malleable that's not the issue. if he legit convinces himself that he can't love heavy back the way heavy loves him it's a self fulfilling prophesy. and honestly something he shouldn't thought abut way before this moment. heavy and i are not friends. we don't get along. but i am gonna put him in my prayers for a while to see if he can get any guidance from stuff that shows him what he needs to be doing.

sorry for the wall of text.
click to expand



I think that's because our too-similar energy clashes (my Aries stellium Vs your Aries moon). But that's also due to the hectic trolls-galore energy of DXP. When we come here we're on edge because we're expecting to be trolled or attacked at any time, or get triggered by stupid people (way too many of those around here).

Whereas on other sites I'm the poster boy for "Joe Cool", and you probably are too. I'm fairly sure if you and me managed to have a chat away from DXP, we could actually become friends.

And Jed, he's a very confusing man. He speaks one thing but his actions speak a completely different thing. He says he doesn't know if or he doesn't think he can love me that way, but then his possessive side comes out and acts like a jealous husband. And that's just the tip of it. Here's hoping he spent some time thinking things over as I have.
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Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Shadowday

Posted by MyStarsShine

......but he's 20 and not gay....


Sounds gay as fuxxk to me


Well I believe Heavy when he says he isn't.....how would we know?

Lol
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And I tell you what he tells me. I only have his word to go by (and his conflicting actions but that's another story).

I'm also suspecting something else. While for the most part his family have been accepting of us, they are still mildly conservative. So it wouldn't surprise me if he's not ready to fully come out of the closet. He could easily dismiss the past 18 months as a "phase" to appease his family and then hook up with a girl and that's all she wrote.

After all, I don't have a family to appease. I'm completely free in that department so it's easier for me to be completely myself. Not so easy for a young boy who's very close with his big family, and whose family means the world to him. As opposed to mine, that I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I saw them all die in front of me.

So if I were to take his word for it when he says he's also been aroused by women, and seeing how easily he's aroused by ME, then I would assume he's bisexual.
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Posted by pisceswoman123

I feel for you, but you deserve someone that loves you completely and worship the ground you walk too.

Personally that is the first requirement for me to fall in love in the first place and being in a relationship. If I don’t feel loved and they are not totally crazy about me I just fall out of love myself pretty quickly.


Only another Fish would completely understand my need to be loved back

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Posted by LethalFantasia

You are sooo brave for sharing this and he is a nice dude for admitting what he admitted. He obviously respects you very much and realizes how much you love him for him to admit that, most people would just take advantage.

I'm not sure what kind of advice to give since I have never been in a situation like this? I just think that when you're both ready maybe it's time to move on? I think sometimes you have to let people go so they can think back a year or two from now and realize how great they had it.


A fire needs a space to burn, a breath to build a glow

I've heard it said a thousand times but now I know

'Cause finding what you got sometimes means finding it alone

And you can finally see my light when I let go

'Cause you don't know what you've got

Until it's gone




Yeah the assault was almost like a blessing in disguise, gave us the opportunity to take a breather. Gotta make the best out of every situation. Let's see if distance really makes the heart grow fonder, and if he realized what he's got.
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Posted by AneemA04

Wait wait wait,

I thought the two of you have agreed to become exclusive?

And does it mean he isn't gay? Or is he a bi?

How long in total, have you been with him?


18 months give or take.

He's been attracted to girls before & since so going by the physical evidence (him getting aroused by me as well), it would make him bisexual. But I suspect he's reluctant to fully admit it because of his mildly conservative family. It would be easier for him to pass me off as a phase and just carry on with a girl in the future.
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Posted by ASCoppVenus

Awwww... so sorry to hear about this. Based on what you posted, you seem to really love him. But, sometimes loving means letting go. I know its so cliché but its the way it is. The more you hang on, the more he will slip away and you will get hurt. Its best for you to focus on yourself. Love yourself. And thank him for whatever you have learned in this experience. Someone out there will love you. You think your man right now is the best. But how can he be the best for you if he cant love you the way you love him? The best person for you is someone who loves you just as much as you love him. 33 us not old. 33 is still a good age and will give you enough time to meet someone special.

Now cry over it. It helps. But believe you will meet someone just for you.


Well, aside from his conflicting sexuality, it's like he was designed to be the perfect man for me and then magically brought to life.

And for some reason I am 100% calm. He'll be back within 12 hours and I thought I'd be disintegrating at the possibility of losing him. But I'm just fine. No headaches, no loss of appetite for food or water. I can probably get some great sleep if I wanted to right now. But I couldn't cry even if my life depended on it. I probably have my Virgo moon to thank for that.

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Posted by Jade_Alexander

It sounds like it’s time for you two to part ways.

He may have so much to offer, but deep down you know this needs to end.

I’m so sorry, break ups are painful. But staying and being resentful won’t help on the long run.


I suppose I'll find out in 12 hours or so.

But then again, all this is just my own point of view. After all, I was dead set against being intimate with him in the very beginning because I was too afraid I would want more of him, and that only one time wouldn't be enough and it would drive me crazy.

But I thought about it for a few weeks and reached the conclusion of "he's given me the opportunity of a lifetime, so I should take said opportunity to create priceless memories that I'll cherish all the way to my deathbed".

So I put my Big Boy outfit on and........well, you get the idea:

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Posted by nanobot

A lot of boys in their late teens/early twenties want to fuck other men and esp have an interest in trans. Yes, even when they consider themselves straight. Horny boy complex.


Well I'm damn glad I never went through that. If I was meant to be attracted to anything female-looking I would've been born straight.

Even the hottest guy in history couldn't excite me while wearing even a single piece of feminine clothing.
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Posted by Endless

you say you don't want to be with someone that doesn't love you the way you want, can you clarify?

he say he thinks he can't love you like you love him, is that what you want? cuz that's sound imposible, I believe ve age, maturity, personality and all that change the way we love.

so, whatever, interesting what you're considering thought.


I'm not expecting him to love me the same amount as I do, because we all love differently. But what I do want is romantic love. The love that only another gay man can give me.

Jed can love me as a best friend or like a brother, but not as a boyfriend or a partner. If he's as straight as he claims to be or thinks he is, that is.

It's like I said, I'm 33 years old. The time for flings is over, for me anyway. That's not what I want anymore, otherwise there's plenty more interested young meat around I could eat.

- Scorp sun Sag mooner

- Bull sun Scorp mooner

- Leo sun Leo mooner

- Scorp sun Leo mooner who thinks he's a tough nut to crack (then again so did Jed once upon a time)

- hell even that Cancer sun Bull mooner me & Jed verbally emasculated months ago. He was a persistent focker and most likely a closet freak, the verbal abuse he got was probably foreplay to him.

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Gotta love Fish suns, eh? Not even earth moons can fix that shit. I can keep a gay man around because I'm perfect partner material and I won't have to worry about him falling for a girl.
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I can empathize with your post.

I was feeling a guy 14 years younger then me.

I felt like I was settling way b4 we went out on a date but also my scorpio moon wanted to explore the unknown.

I knew I was settling throughout the first date and the second. Maybe I stuck around because I was waiting for the passion.

Grown woman/man passion!!

Ugh never came. The only thing that developed was the feeling of inequity between us. Like with you!

I cant handle feeling like I'm giving more than what I put out.

Plus I'm grown and so are you.

Grown gotta match grown.

Leave him be finding his way through the world. That's what his 20s are for.

I didnt want to rob my date of his sowing years
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Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by Endless

you say you don't want to be with someone that doesn't love you the way you want, can you clarify?

he say he thinks he can't love you like you love him, is that what you want? cuz that's sound imposible, I believe ve age, maturity, personality and all that change the way we love.

so, whatever, interesting what you're considering thought.


I'm not expecting him to love me the same amount as I do, because we all love differently. But what I do want is romantic love. The love that only another gay man can give me.

Jed can love me as a best friend or like a brother, but not as a boyfriend or a partner. If he's as straight as he claims to be or thinks he is, that is.

It's like I said, I'm 33 years old. The time for flings is over, for me anyway. That's not what I want anymore, otherwise there's plenty more interested young meat around I could eat.

Gotta love Fish suns, eh? Not even earth moons can fix that shit. I can keep a gay man around because I'm perfect partner material and I won't have to worry about him falling for a girl.
click to expand


"But what I do want is romantic love"

you talk about sex, about possessiveness, and about long walks over bridges holding hands, at least one of them is romantic.

what else do you ask of someone trying that hard, the worse thing in that relationship is that constant feeling of not being "right" that somethings missing, but I don't see it.

and shut up, you keep trying to chew more that you want to eat.

"Gotta love Fish suns, eh? Not even earth moons can fix that shit"

I'm not sure, is cute at the beginning, but you keep day dreaming too much, everyone wants you or your boy, nobody got time for that.

also, I fixed that for you, you keep blabbering about idc who.
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Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Shadowday

Posted by MyStarsShine

......but he's 20 and not gay....


Sounds gay as fuxxk to me


Well I believe Heavy when he says he isn't.....how would we know?

Lol


And I tell you what he tells me. I only have his word to go by (and his conflicting actions but that's another story).

I'm also suspecting something else. While for the most part his family have been accepting of us, they are still mildly conservative. So it wouldn't surprise me if he's not ready to fully come out of the closet. He could easily dismiss the past 18 months as a "phase" to appease his family and then hook up with a girl and that's all she wrote.

After all, I don't have a family to appease. I'm completely free in that department so it's easier for me to be completely myself. Not so easy for a young boy who's very close with his big family, and whose family means the world to him. As opposed to mine, that I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I saw them all die in front of me.

So if I were to take his word for it when he says he's also been aroused by women, and seeing how easily he's aroused by ME, then I would assume he's bisexual.
click to expand



Yes, he is a 20 year old guy, probably isn't anywhere close to knowing who he is or what he wants?

Will you be okay?

I know you are besotted by the guy.....I was there more than once, but always reached a point where I knew when it was time to get out

It's like tearing your❤️heart out of the body isn't it?

I can remember that feeling so well

Be gentle and kind to yourself

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Posted by DMV

I can empathize with your post.

I was feeling a guy 14 years younger then me.

I felt like I was settling way b4 we went out on a date but also my scorpio moon wanted to explore the unknown.

I knew I was settling throughout the first date and the second. Maybe I stuck around because I was waiting for the passion.

Grown woman/man passion!!

Ugh never came. The only thing that developed was the feeling of inequity between us. Like with you!

I cant handle feeling like I'm giving more than what I put out.

Plus I'm grown and so are you.

Grown gotta match grown.

Leave him be finding his way through the world. That's what his 20s are for.

I didnt want to rob my date of his sowing years




Wisdom here ^^^

I felt the same way.....robbing and also stunting their growth in some way

Letting go is so important in these situations....
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Posted by Arkansassy

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Arkansassy

I love it when I'm right lol


But it's easy to be right when you're not involved in something

I think he is very brave to post this, i admire his courage, not everyone would do this

💙




I think it's hypocritical.. but sure if that's how you want to look at it.
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Yes sir, that's how I look at it......I've been there to some degree more than once, so can empathise with the situation....

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Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by DMV

I can empathize with your post.

I was feeling a guy 14 years younger then me.

I felt like I was settling way b4 we went out on a date but also my scorpio moon wanted to explore the unknown.

I knew I was settling throughout the first date and the second. Maybe I stuck around because I was waiting for the passion.

Grown woman/man passion!!

Ugh never came. The only thing that developed was the feeling of inequity between us. Like with you!

I cant handle feeling like I'm giving more than what I put out.

Plus I'm grown and so are you.

Grown gotta match grown.

Leave him be finding his way through the world. That's what his 20s are for.

I didnt want to rob my date of his sowing years




Wisdom here ^^^

I felt the same way.....robbing and also stunting their growth in some way

Letting go is so important in these situations....
click to expand



My ego didnt want to let go but I have a female cousin who is 26 or so and is marrying a 51 year old.

I felt like he is robbing her of her youth and eat pray love years.

I had to take my own advice
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Posted by DMV

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by DMV

I can empathize with your post.

I was feeling a guy 14 years younger then me.

I felt like I was settling way b4 we went out on a date but also my scorpio moon wanted to explore the unknown.

I knew I was settling throughout the first date and the second. Maybe I stuck around because I was waiting for the passion.

Grown woman/man passion!!

Ugh never came. The only thing that developed was the feeling of inequity between us. Like with you!

I cant handle feeling like I'm giving more than what I put out.

Plus I'm grown and so are you.

Grown gotta match grown.

Leave him be finding his way through the world. That's what his 20s are for.

I didnt want to rob my date of his sowing years




Wisdom here ^^^

I felt the same way.....robbing and also stunting their growth in some way

Letting go is so important in these situations....


My ego didnt want to let go but I have a female cousin who is 26 or so and is marrying a 51 year old.

I felt like he is robbing her of her youth and eat pray love years.

I had to take my own advice

click to expand



I agree with you one hundred percent DMV👍

It's selfish of the older person to hang on.....
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Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down?


Lol is that so? My dude is leo-dominant and I'm not worshiping him. Whoops doing it all wrong I guess. Oh well.
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Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by stillstillwater

Kind of confused ... if you’ve already been intimate .. what is it exactly you want that he can’t give you?


I almost said man-to-man love is less risky (and then I remembered anyone can cheat if they really want), but at least I wouldn't have to worry about him falling in love with a woman.

You know, since I can be so perfect and everything, he wouldn't need to look at anyone else.

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so the main difference is that you're just gay and he's bisexual? And you worry that he has more chances to be unfaithful?
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Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Posted by pisceswoman123

I feel for you, but you deserve someone that loves you completely and worship the ground you walk too.

Personally that is the first requirement for me to fall in love in the first place and being in a relationship. If I don’t feel loved and they are not totally crazy about me I just fall out of love myself pretty quickly.


Only another Fish would completely understand my need to be loved back

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Posted by tiziani

Posted by MyStarsShine

"I would not want to build a commitment with a 21 year old on paper, not even a willing one let alone this"

I probably needed to hear this a few years ago but even then I doubt my fixed sun and moon would have listened

Looking back it was hugely deluded lol😳

Thanks @tiziani 👍


The story more reminded me of the times I took something as a personal rejection when it didn't need to be taken that way. It just had me turning qualities of the relationship into "omg is that all they ever liked me for??" and yeah I relate to the OP's neurosis in that way. It happens.
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Yes...

It happens

Shit happens

Life hey?

💙
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Posted by Fallen2Pisces

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Would you give up the man of your dreams if you couldn't have all of him?

I never wanted to make this thread, but some things in life are inevitable. So I'm making this thread. I value honesty above everything else but sometimes it's not always the best policy. Blissful ignorance is what the doctor ordered on occasion.

My boy is a real trier. He loves life and loves to make the best of it. He's a week away from only his 21st birthday and he's inexperienced in "adult couple matters" but that doesn't stop him from giving. However, even his capabilities have limits. He's not gay like me, so when he recently confessed that he doesn't think he can love me the same way I love him.......yeah it really sucked. I appreciated his honesty but I felt my insides go ice cold like something died. It took me several days to shake that feeling.

The previous weekend was almost a blessing in disguise. I got in a fight with a 300-pound gorilla and both of us had a real hard time walking at the conclusion of it. I don't handle enforced downtime well, especially when I'm mentally antsy about emotional matters. I'm like a wounded animal and a terrible patient, so we thought it was a good idea to put some distance between us while I'm recuperating. I offered to move back into my own home for a week or two, but my boy insisted on me staying put until I grow stronger. He took the opportunity to visit good friends out of town, and he's coming back tomorrow.

Now that I've had some head space to reassess everything, I find it really difficult to stomach his words. I don't need to remind anyone that I love him to death, but at the same time I have to do what's right for myself. I don't know if I can be with someone who can't love me back in the romantic sense. I do believe he thinks the world of me and that he loves me, but not in the way I want him to love me. In your eyes I'm rough around the edges and more or less insufferable, but I'm still a human being just like the rest of you, and

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I'm also 33 years old and if I want to settle down (which I do), I need to find that someone who can love me back pronto. This boy breathed new life into me and gave me my fire back. I will love him till the end of my days but looking at the big picture and the intensity of my feelings, the magnitude of angst I've experienced in the last 18 months has done a real number on me, mentally and emotionally.

Being the neurotic freak that I am, I also can't help but wonder if he wants to have me around for purely selfish reasons as well. I mean

- I virtually worship the ground he walks on

- I shower him with compliments & affection daily

- I appreciate his physical attributes in the way no woman can

- I treat him like the most priceless thing in the world

- I'm mighty accomplished in the sac department

I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down? Ok ok I know he appreciates me more than that because I'm also an amazing friend, but my neurotic side can't help it sometimes.

It's been 18 months since we unspokenly became exclusive and it's been the most delicious rollercoaster I've ever had, but the honeymoon period is over and I want to make things official at some stage. But that can't happen if only one of us is "all in", and I don't know if I can live with that.

🎵I would do anything for love............but can I do "that"?🎵

The worst thing about this sucky situation is how am I supposed to settle for an inferior partner when I've had the absolute best this world has to offer? I'm not in the habit of lowering my standards, so who could possibly measure up?

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I always love how real, honest and loyal you are. Gay and all.. the love you demonstrate is where we should all be at. But when u say gorilla I'm guessing a big black guy. That's alright . But he's only 21 and u 33. And you pushed him to this gay world.. my add kicked in and I lost where o was going with this but I hear you where YOU lost the faith in him returning the love that you shower him with. Understand he is still young a baby and understanding his #lust, curiosity and all the sugar and cream gllong between the oreo. Hold up did yall get fked by this gorilla? And ur asshole is torn that you can't be with ur boy? Lol oh I'm so confused. But as Pisces fk ur Leo dominance wherver star thay comes from? I think he just being too nice and doesn't want to hurt you. I thought y'all were so deep in eachothers booty hole the l8ve was strong. Why u running away now. I think today we Pisces are going thru something cuz we're all drowning in sand atm.. I'll continue on but I lost track sec
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The gorilla was the (white) uncle of our friend's ex. She got a restraining order against him and he was not happy about it. I accompanied her to her home so she could pick up a few things & move temporarily in with some friends, but the ex and his gorilla uncle had broken into her place and were still tearing shit up when we arrived. I was having a bad evening, and the gorilla didn't appreciate being called a trespassing bitch. He gave me a dislocated shoulder, bruised face and internal injuries. I gave him a punch to the throat among other places, a broken leg & full charges. Gotta love the fact they both have priors.
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HeavyEntertainmentShow
@HeavyEntertainmentShow
8 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 4555 · Posts: 7614 · Topics: 100
Posted by MyStarsShine

"I would not want to build a commitment with a 21 year old on paper, not even a willing one let alone this"

I probably needed to hear this a few years ago but even then I doubt my fixed sun and moon would have listened

Looking back it was hugely deluded lol😳

Thanks @tiziani 👍


Maybe. Good thing we're not all the same.

PS: don't forget who you're talking to, gorgeous. Even when I lose, I win.

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Thank you for your input, everyone. I've been accused before of asking questions to which I already know the answer, but that's far from the truth. When you're both unpredictable, the best you can do is:

1) get as much feedback as possible

2) look at all the angles

3) go with your gut

I suddenly crave Baci ice cream from that icecream shop down by the beach...........22:40pm, yeah they're still open.

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HeavyEntertainmentShow
@HeavyEntertainmentShow
8 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 4555 · Posts: 7614 · Topics: 100
Posted by SpaceBird

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Would you give up the man of your dreams if you couldn't have all of him?

I never wanted to make this thread, but some things in life are inevitable. So I'm making this thread. I value honesty above everything else but sometimes it's not always the best policy. Blissful ignorance is what the doctor ordered on occasion.

My boy is a real trier. He loves life and loves to make the best of it. He's a week away from only his 21st birthday and he's inexperienced in "adult couple matters" but that doesn't stop him from giving. However, even his capabilities have limits. He's not gay like me, so when he recently confessed that he doesn't think he can love me the same way I love him.......yeah it really sucked. I appreciated his honesty but I felt my insides go ice cold like something died. It took me several days to shake that feeling.

The previous weekend was almost a blessing in disguise. I got in a fight with a 300-pound gorilla and both of us had a real hard time walking at the conclusion of it. I don't handle enforced downtime well, especially when I'm mentally antsy about emotional matters. I'm like a wounded animal and a terrible patient, so we thought it was a good idea to put some distance between us while I'm recuperating. I offered to move back into my own home for a week or two, but my boy insisted on me staying put until I grow stronger. He took the opportunity to visit good friends out of town, and he's coming back tomorrow.

Now that I've had some head space to reassess everything, I find it really difficult to stomach his words. I don't need to remind anyone that I love him to death, but at the same time I have to do what's right for myself. I don't know if I can be with someone who can't love me back in the romantic sense. I do believe he thinks the world of me and that he loves me, but not in the way I want him to love me. In your eyes I'm rough around the edges and more or less insufferable, but I'm still a human being just like the rest of you, and

Image Not Found

I'm also 33 years old and if I want to settle down (which I do), I need to find that someone who can love me back pronto. This boy breathed new life into me and gave me my fire back. I will love him till the end of my days but looking at the big picture and the intensity of my feelings, the magnitude of angst I've experienced in the last 18 months has done a real number on me, mentally and emotionally.

Being the neurotic freak that I am, I also can't help but wonder if he wants to have me around for purely selfish reasons as well. I mean

- I virtually worship the ground he walks on

- I shower him with compliments & affection daily

- I appreciate his physical attributes in the way no woman can

- I treat him like the most priceless thing in the world

- I'm mighty accomplished in the sac department

I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down? Ok ok I know he appreciates me more than that because I'm also an amazing friend, but my neurotic side can't help it sometimes.

It's been 18 months since we unspokenly became exclusive and it's been the most delicious rollercoaster I've ever had, but the honeymoon period is over and I want to make things official at some stage. But that can't happen if only one of us is "all in", and I don't know if I can live with that.

🎵I would do anything for love............but can I do "that"?🎵

The worst thing about this sucky situation is how am I supposed to settle for an inferior partner when I've had the absolute best this world has to offer? I'm not in the habit of lowering my standards, so who could possibly measure up?

Image Not Found


How do you know he doesn't love you in the same way as you love him? Maybe he does he just shows it diff?

click to expand



Because he's not gay (according to him) and because he said so.
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"So I can show off my gold chain, gold ring. Roll through the hood on them gold thangs"
@VenusAquarius
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 4341 · Posts: 13269 · Topics: 69
Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Would you give up the man of your dreams if you couldn't have all of him?

I never wanted to make this thread, but some things in life are inevitable. So I'm making this thread. I value honesty above everything else but sometimes it's not always the best policy. Blissful ignorance is what the doctor ordered on occasion.

My boy is a real trier. He loves life and loves to make the best of it. He's a week away from only his 21st birthday and he's inexperienced in "adult couple matters" but that doesn't stop him from giving. However, even his capabilities have limits. He's not gay like me, so when he recently confessed that he doesn't think he can love me the same way I love him.......yeah it really sucked. I appreciated his honesty but I felt my insides go ice cold like something died. It took me several days to shake that feeling.

The previous weekend was almost a blessing in disguise. I got in a fight with a 300-pound gorilla and both of us had a real hard time walking at the conclusion of it. I don't handle enforced downtime well, especially when I'm mentally antsy about emotional matters. I'm like a wounded animal and a terrible patient, so we thought it was a good idea to put some distance between us while I'm recuperating. I offered to move back into my own home for a week or two, but my boy insisted on me staying put until I grow stronger. He took the opportunity to visit good friends out of town, and he's coming back tomorrow.

Now that I've had some head space to reassess everything, I find it really difficult to stomach his words. I don't need to remind anyone that I love him to death, but at the same time I have to do what's right for myself. I don't know if I can be with someone who can't love me back in the romantic sense. I do believe he thinks the world of me and that he loves me, but not in the way I want him to love me. In your eyes I'm rough around the edges and more or less insufferable, but I'm still a human being just like the rest of you, and

I'm also 33 years old and if I want to settle down (which I do), I need to find that someone who can love me back pronto. This boy breathed new life into me and gave me my fire back. I will love him till the end of my days but looking at the big picture and the intensity of my feelings, the magnitude of angst I've experienced in the last 18 months has done a real number on me, mentally and emotionally.

Being the neurotic freak that I am, I also can't help but wonder if he wants to have me around for purely selfish reasons as well. I mean

- I virtually worship the ground he walks on

- I shower him with compliments & affection daily

- I appreciate his physical attributes in the way no woman can

- I treat him like the most priceless thing in the world

- I'm mighty accomplished in the sac department

I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down? Ok ok I know he appreciates me more than that because I'm also an amazing friend, but my neurotic side can't help it sometimes.

It's been 18 months since we unspokenly became exclusive and it's been the most delicious rollercoaster I've ever had, but the honeymoon period is over and I want to make things official at some stage. But that can't happen if only one of us is "all in", and I don't know if I can live with that.

🎵I would do anything for love............but can I do "that"?🎵




This is about you; not him. Aaaaalllll you. Look at your pattern of choices and nonchoices. Do you know your Venus sign?

This really has nuthin to do wit him.
Profile picture of HeavyEntertainmentShow
HeavyEntertainmentShow
@HeavyEntertainmentShow
8 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 4555 · Posts: 7614 · Topics: 100
Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by HeavyEntertainmentShow

Would you give up the man of your dreams if you couldn't have all of him?

I never wanted to make this thread, but some things in life are inevitable. So I'm making this thread. I value honesty above everything else but sometimes it's not always the best policy. Blissful ignorance is what the doctor ordered on occasion.

My boy is a real trier. He loves life and loves to make the best of it. He's a week away from only his 21st birthday and he's inexperienced in "adult couple matters" but that doesn't stop him from giving. However, even his capabilities have limits. He's not gay like me, so when he recently confessed that he doesn't think he can love me the same way I love him.......yeah it really sucked. I appreciated his honesty but I felt my insides go ice cold like something died. It took me several days to shake that feeling.

The previous weekend was almost a blessing in disguise. I got in a fight with a 300-pound gorilla and both of us had a real hard time walking at the conclusion of it. I don't handle enforced downtime well, especially when I'm mentally antsy about emotional matters. I'm like a wounded animal and a terrible patient, so we thought it was a good idea to put some distance between us while I'm recuperating. I offered to move back into my own home for a week or two, but my boy insisted on me staying put until I grow stronger. He took the opportunity to visit good friends out of town, and he's coming back tomorrow.

Now that I've had some head space to reassess everything, I find it really difficult to stomach his words. I don't need to remind anyone that I love him to death, but at the same time I have to do what's right for myself. I don't know if I can be with someone who can't love me back in the romantic sense. I do believe he thinks the world of me and that he loves me, but not in the way I want him to love me. In your eyes I'm rough around the edges and more or less insufferable, but I'm still a human being just like the rest of you, and

I'm also 33 years old and if I want to settle down (which I do), I need to find that someone who can love me back pronto. This boy breathed new life into me and gave me my fire back. I will love him till the end of my days but looking at the big picture and the intensity of my feelings, the magnitude of angst I've experienced in the last 18 months has done a real number on me, mentally and emotionally.

Being the neurotic freak that I am, I also can't help but wonder if he wants to have me around for purely selfish reasons as well. I mean

- I virtually worship the ground he walks on

- I shower him with compliments & affection daily

- I appreciate his physical attributes in the way no woman can

- I treat him like the most priceless thing in the world

- I'm mighty accomplished in the sac department

I'm a permanent confidence boost, and for a Leo-dominant that's pretty much at the top of their list. They want someone who appreciates them in every way & makes them the center of their world. I tick all those boxes and then some. Who in their right mind would turn that down? Ok ok I know he appreciates me more than that because I'm also an amazing friend, but my neurotic side can't help it sometimes.

It's been 18 months since we unspokenly became exclusive and it's been the most delicious rollercoaster I've ever had, but the honeymoon period is over and I want to make things official at some stage. But that can't happen if only one of us is "all in", and I don't know if I can live with that.

🎵I would do anything for love............but can I do "that"?🎵




This is about you; not him. Aaaaalllll you. Look at your pattern of choices and nonchoices. Do you know your Venus sign?

This really has nuthin to do wit him.
click to expand



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It's a 2-3 month old thread, luv. Fire Venusians like both of us move pretty fast onto the next stage of madness lol. This is almost ancient history.

@Black-Mamba

told ya, Sag rising trumps Leo moon. You are rattled out of your knickers. Even your mammoth-sized delusion can't save you from the truth I speak.

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you still lose.
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