*Here is a controversial Topic*

This topic was created in the Miscellaneous forum by Sag898 on Wednesday, September 12, 2018 and has 87 replies.
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Do you think it's okay to hit children?

When I grew up I got the belt ( from dad ) a few times, the threaten to cut my hair if I was bad stuff ( from mom) on a rare ocassion a slap over the head or on wrist and my brother would play fight me and pretended not to hear me when I'd say get off or stop lol

Aside from my bitch ass brother, I feel all these were just disciplinary techniques. The thing is it made me not act out as a kid that much cause I knew what the consequences were if I did.


What do you think?
Posted by Black-Mamba

they just implemented hitting kids with a paddleboard in some school in the South...it's coming back
Oh man haha
They say it has long term effects but I've never been in a relationship with anyone who hit me or anything so I guess it's different for everyone
This is a delicate subject.

In the state of CA you’re legally allowed corporal punishment as long as it leaves no marks.

I have spankwd my children. It’s eitehr last resort or because it was a major safety concern (swatting hand when they want to touch stove)...

The point of ANY discipline is to redirect their thinking. Reactive and angry parenting won’t do that.

I think it's the emotional warfare parents can do that really can screw you up
No. It’s never okay to hit children. Not even if your excuse is ‘discipline’.
Posted by Primrose

Posted by Sag898

Do you think it's okay to hit children?

When I grew up I got the belt ( from dad ) a few times, the threaten to cut my hair if I was bad stuff ( from mom) on a rare ocassion a slap over the head or on wrist and my brother would play fight me and pretended not to hear me when I'd say get off or stop lol

Aside from my bitch ass brother, I feel all these were just disciplinary techniques. The thing is it made me not act out as a kid that much cause I knew what the consequences were if I did.


What do you think?
In my experience, as much as possible, no.

I have psychological trauma I still carry to this day stemmed from that kind of "discipline".
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I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah I mean I didn't like it or anything. I don't know if it effected me or not.

I remember going to a therapist before and trying to talk about it and in theory I get why therapy can help and what not.

But it was also like talking to someone about the past. Like it already happened how does it help?

One thing that really effected me was how controlling my parents were tho, arg!
Posted by solidsnake

Posted by LadyNeptune

No. It’s never okay to hit children. Not even if your excuse is ‘discipline’.
Lol

hollywood parenting 101
click to expand
Take notes, follower.
Posted by Redbull

Posted by Sag898

Do you think it's okay to hit children?

When I grew up I got the belt ( from dad ) a few times, the threaten to cut my hair if I was bad stuff ( from mom) on a rare ocassion a slap over the head or on wrist and my brother would play fight me and pretended not to hear me when I'd say get off or stop lol

Aside from my bitch ass brother, I feel all these were just disciplinary techniques. The thing is it made me not act out as a kid that much cause I knew what the consequences were if I did.


What do you think?
Yep on one hand it can teach the concept of consequences. Therefore keeping someone from "going too far" as they know there are consequences. This is my own experience having come up in a scenario of belts. At the same time...it can teach and transmit violence, anger...I was a little Bull after all if forced to see red...where does it go? dissipate and disappear? I dont know about that. I dont know or have the answer because I can see it having kept me on a more straight and narrow path...eventually. At the same time if it comes to hitting kids...what has it even come too? speaking as someone who doesnt have kids. Cant say one way or another.
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True
There can be such a thin line between Discipline and abuse. Given my background I don't think I would ever do it however I do understood that a spank is sometimes warranted.
I was spanked and I’m fine 🤷🏼‍♀️

Posted by RooSagicorn

I started out as a parent spanking my son. But when I realized that I would have to beat the hell out of him to get his stubborn ass to comply, I decided to never spank him again. I don’t believe in beatings. He’s also ADHD so we did a lot of behavioral mod with him. More rewards than punishment but I don’t think that works that great either.

I never spanked my daughter.. boy didn’t ever need to. The poor kid got scared anytime she heard a louder than normal voice.

I really don’t think teaching fear & just do as I say is valuable, but teaching why things are important and morals and doing the right thing is more important.. and listening to your kids. Yes I have a 23 yo & a 17 yo and they aren’t perfect but have never been in any serious trouble and are caring, loving humans.
That's sweet. You sound like a good mom.

My parents are kind of self obsessed greedy people lol They aren't necessarily mean but not really nice either.

I hope not to be like them when I grow up but I feel like that's everyone's tragedy right? It rubs off on you a bit haha
Posted by RooSagicorn

I started out as a parent spanking my son. But when I realized that I would have to beat the hell out of him to get his stubborn ass to comply, I decided to never spank him again. I don’t believe in beatings. He’s also ADHD so we did a lot of behavioral mod with him. More rewards than punishment but I don’t think that works that great either.

I never spanked my daughter.. boy didn’t ever need to. The poor kid got scared anytime she heard a louder than normal voice.

I really don’t think teaching fear & just do as I say is valuable, but teaching why things are important and morals and doing the right thing is more important.. and listening to your kids. Yes I have a 23 yo & a 17 yo and they aren’t perfect but have never been in any serious trouble and are caring, loving humans.
Same here. Stopped when I realized I am 6 times bigger! And got so ashamed of myself.

It’s NOW I know she is Libra with 5 Scorpios and it wouldn’t work anyway...lol

So...spanking is easier than repeating 100 times why it’s not a good thing to do! So parents used to spank!

Explaining things takes time. But that’s what parenting is...
Posted by solidsnake

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by solidsnake

Posted by LadyNeptune

No. It’s never okay to hit children. Not even if your excuse is ‘discipline’.
Lol

hollywood parenting 101
Take notes, follower.
Getting ass whoopings builds character & creates fond memories that you can share with others who have had similar experiences. The ass whipping experience bring us together. Better than young boys acting like powerpuff girls?
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I have 3 younger brothers (1 a Virgo) and none of them at their weakest moments come close to your bitch ass. So that can’t be it.

who knowsLaughing

I say, it depends on the kid and the age, Idk why some people think kids don't come with their own personality, and here they are on an astrology site Lmao.

I know my imperative saggy cousin didn't get punishment enough, he started to change when the police did the punishing after he hitted 18

I was punished, at least that was what my mom said, but I was so small I can't remember, surely it taught me consequences, cuz what I remember was avoiding lectures when I was above 6 and being told to go to my room and all that.

I doubt going monkey mode on a kid will have any use, but a small child doesn't have the cognitive abilities to understand just words, but if you're spanking a kid that's like 7 or something, you already failed as a parent.
Posted by topes

Go to your room!
Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by Sag898

Posted by RooSagicorn

I started out as a parent spanking my son. But when I realized that I would have to beat the hell out of him to get his stubborn ass to comply, I decided to never spank him again. I don’t believe in beatings. He’s also ADHD so we did a lot of behavioral mod with him. More rewards than punishment but I don’t think that works that great either.

I never spanked my daughter.. boy didn’t ever need to. The poor kid got scared anytime she heard a louder than normal voice.

I really don’t think teaching fear & just do as I say is valuable, but teaching why things are important and morals and doing the right thing is more important.. and listening to your kids. Yes I have a 23 yo & a 17 yo and they aren’t perfect but have never been in any serious trouble and are caring, loving humans.
That's sweet. You sound like a good mom.

My parents are kind of self obsessed greedy people lol They aren't necessarily mean but not really nice either.

I hope not to be like them when I grow up but I feel like that's everyone's tragedy right? It rubs off on you a bit haha
Actually I chose to do parenting different than my parents. My mom & stepdad were self-absorbed and we had to follow what they wanted & had no choices or free-will.

My dad was an emotional mess & unavailable basically.

So I did not want to raise my kids like that. I changed it.
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Exactly how I grew up!

That's great you did it your way. That's my fantasy too if I have children.

For now it's just my little puppy smile she's an aqua w a libra moon and venus in aqua we have lots of puppy friends and do lots of fun puppy things Big Grin lol
Posted by Arachnophobia

Posted by LadyNeptune

No. It’s never okay to hit children. Not even if your excuse is ‘discipline’.
Just take their ipad off them these days, it'l have the same effect.
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Brutal. 10 outta 10 would prefer to be hit I’m sure.
Bullies are a good thing. As is hitting your kid every now and then. Not to the point you literally fuck them up, but to the point to make them fear you a bit, then put them in a corner for like 30 minutes to think about it.



Abusing kids is obviously a recipe for disaster. Completely coddling them and letting them walk all over you is equally the same disaster however.
Posted by topes

Posted by Sag898

Posted by topes

Go to your room!

Ah the golden years.
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It needed to end so long ago lol
Posted by TheRabbit

"Don't spank your kids!!! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to Planned Parenthood and get this fetus scraped out of my uterus"
Op asked if it’s kosher to hit a kid.
Posted by LaMadrina

Posted by LadyNeptune

No. It’s never okay to hit children. Not even if your excuse is ‘discipline’.
I was watching the nature channel. It was about elephants. The baby elephant went away from the crowd. The lions were about that day. Mother elephant went crazy, looking for her son. She found him and explored him with her trunk to make sure he wasn't hurt. Once she knew he was okay, she smacked him with her trunk, yelling. He learned never to stray again.

So discipline is important, even in the animal kingdom.
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Cute story. People aren’t elephants tho
I know of a guy whose father used to spank him ("never did me any harm" kind of atttide). The son grew up and went on to strike others

When he was 18 he came home and told his dad "i have something for you dad" and landed a left hook on him. Guess what? The father threatened to press chargesLaughing. The son laughed in his face and never went back home again. Double standards ... 🙄

It's illegal to strike an animal....you'll have the RSPCA on your back

It's illegal to strike an adult....you'll have the Police arrest you for GBH

But it's legal to strike a child....huge double standard

I was spanked once by my dad, I was very young and after it happened my whole body broke out in a rash. My father never forgave himself and broke down crying more than once apologising

It taught me never to lay my hands on anyone. Imagine a small child having a big hand coming down on them.....

I taught our kid it wasn't acceptable to hit anyone...he never has, as I never did

❤️

In here is illegal.
Posted by pisceswoman123

In here is illegal.
I heard that they're thinking of legislation in the U.K. too
It'd been illegal here since 2015.....hopefully it makes up for, in some ways, all the shitty treatment children went through here in the past, treated like second class citizens 👎🏻
Posted by mudra

This is how it works with me

I tell you to stop because this and that BECAUSE it's this and that

You keep going?

Things like TV, special toys taken, etc

You keep going?

The look. Warning for big trouble.

Going some more?

Final warning before a swat on the ass

Oh? More?

Ass swat. Room.

After things calm down...

Ask how she feels and listen to her. Explanation for WHY it got to that point. REASSURANCE that even when things get hard, I am still always there for her and love her with everything. It seems like you should do that stuff before it all happens but I'm telling you... when they get in a mood... theres nothing you can say or do that will talk them out of it. If you just let them do it, they run shit and disrespect you. I see little kids running their family at parks and at school. The ones with the no spanking policy lol.

Luckily it rarely gets to that point. It usually stops with getting stuff taken away.


You’re a good mom 🤗

This is how it was with my parents too

They didn’t beat me by any means and I wasn’t hit out of anger...by the time I was spanked they had just tried everything else and felt a good ol swat on the ass was the only thing left.

It wasn’t meant to inflict pain as much as it was to get my attention and humble me a little. It reminded me who was in charge rather I liked it or not
Nope not ok but also not effective as discipline. There's studies done that concludes that spanking doesn't work that well and that kids who've never been hit tend to be happier well behaved and adjusted children.

I think of it this way, if you, a grown ass 100lb+ adult can't find any other way to discipline and guide your kid without raising your hand, to this like one fifth of your size child...I think that says a lot about you as a person and a parent.
Posted by tiziani

Posted by FireStarter

Nope not ok but also not effective as discipline. There's studies done that concludes that spanking doesn't work that well and that kids who've never been hit tend to be happier well behaved and adjusted children.

I think of it this way, if you, a grown ass 100lb+ adult can't find any other way to discipline and guide your kid without raising your hand, to this like one fifth of your size child...I think that says a lot about you as a person and a parent.
Yeah that's true on the last part. I'm thinking just send them off to military school.
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Personally don't think that's much better at least in the US. But that's your choice. Not saying somewhat strict discipline isn't valuable. But for high strung unruly kids you could try a youth group something outdoorsy or active, or a team sport. When I was younger I took martial arts classes taught me discipline, patience, and some moral lessons too. I'm still impatient but I'm better than I was lol
Posted by topes

Posted by Sag898

Posted by topes

Posted by Sag898

Posted by topes

Go to your room!

Ah the golden years.
It needed to end so long ago lol
1993-about 96 were their best years. It all went downhill when Lionel Hutz and Troy McClure left. Those times were by far the funniest.
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Agreed. We’re you a futurama fan?
Posted by LaMadrina

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by LaMadrina

Posted by LadyNeptune

No. It’s never okay to hit children. Not even if your excuse is ‘discipline’.
I was watching the nature channel. It was about elephants. The baby elephant went away from the crowd. The lions were about that day. Mother elephant went crazy, looking for her son. She found him and explored him with her trunk to make sure he wasn't hurt. Once she knew he was okay, she smacked him with her trunk, yelling. He learned never to stray again.

So discipline is important, even in the animal kingdom.
Cute story. People aren’t elephants tho
YouTube it. We are all mammals though.
click to expand
Adult male penguins rape the young.

Chimpanzees sometimes torture and kill their young.

Female sloths will many times eat their young right after birth.

I could go on...

Holding up animal behavior as a measure of morality in humans is gonna get messy fast.

Please let us know how it goes when you defend hitting your kid to CPS with the excuse that elephants do it too. I’m sure it’ll be fine 👍

Posted by tiziani

User Submitted Image

credit to Muderface for introducing me to JJBA
Catch ya on the flip side!
The older I get, the more averse I become towards this. I have learned to reason very well over the years, something I knew when I was younger I needed to develop before becoming a mother. I feel like a lot of parents turn to hitting bc they do not know how to use their words effectively. Now, this is coming from someone who has no children. My upbringing had quite a few slaps to the face, some hairbrush spankings but nothing I would consider over the top. My mother also quit doing this when we were very young. But we also learned to be obedient. I may have needed the heavy hand who knows. But I do remember the lack of actual conversations surrounding what I "did wrong". I picture myself as a parent who never has to rely on these things but who knows really. I know I don't hit my dog when he is bad, I talk to him. If anyone were to hit my dog, for any reason, idk how I'd react bc I'm extremely protective. I also don't like to hurt the ones I love. I can understand how my mom might have thought, it's like giving a shot, it hurts for a second, and really sucks to give, but helps in the long run. I just don't know if I will have to rely on the same tactics bc we are different people. I realize now that my mom had a very hard time expressing and talking about emotions. I understand she was trying to be strong for all of us on her own so I don't hold anything against her at all. She did her best. My best hope is that I marry a man who is far superior to my own father, who actually wants to be one. I see how the stress caused her to raise us a certain way. This is a contributor as to why im not married with kids yet. If the optimal conditions do not present themselves, I'm ok with that too. I don't have to have kids but i would like to. I've always dreamed of being a mom.
Posted by AbbyNormal

The older I get, the more averse I become towards this. I have learned to reason very well over the years, something I knew when I was younger I needed to develop before becoming a mother. I feel like a lot of parents turn to hitting bc they do not know how to use their words effectively. Now, this is coming from someone who has no children. My upbringing had quite a few slaps to the face, some hairbrush spankings but nothing I would consider over the top. My mother also quit doing this when we were very young. But we also learned to be obedient. I may have needed the heavy hand who knows. But I do remember the lack of actual conversations surrounding what I "did wrong". I picture myself as a parent who never has to rely on these things but who knows really. I know I don't hit my dog when he is bad, I talk to him. If anyone were to hit my dog, for any reason, idk how I'd react bc I'm extremely protective. I also don't like to hurt the ones I love. I can understand how my mom might have thought, it's like giving a shot, it hurts for a second, and really sucks to give, but helps in the long run. I just don't know if I will have to rely on the same tactics bc we are different people. I realize now that my mom had a very hard time expressing and talking about emotions. I understand she was trying to be strong for all of us on her own so I don't hold anything against her at all. She did her best. My best hope is that I marry a man who is far superior to my own father, who actually wants to be one. I see how the stress caused her to raise us a certain way. This is a contributor as to why im not married with kids yet. If the optimal conditions do not present themselves, I'm ok with that too. I don't have to have kids but i would like to. I've always dreamed of being a mom.


Had your mother slapped someone else in the face or whacked them with a hairbrush, she would face prosecution...

Unintelligent parenting.
I don't talk much about my past, because well, it's my past. It's over and done with, and no sense it really letting it control who I am now. I dislike people using past traumas for validation, an excuse as to why their life sucks, or to garner sympathy.

For this topic, I will simple state my past in a factual way. My family has a history of abusive corporal punishment that has gone on for generations. My mom learned it from her mom, and so on and so forth. Growing up, there were times that I received punishments deservedly. Those were usually when I was getting out of line, and I received verbal warnings many times. But as I grew older, other issues began to arise. What I didn't know then, but I know now, is my mother's depression was increasing exponentially. By the time I was 11, those beatings I deserved because of my actions, were morphed into a stress relief for my mother, at the cost of my flesh. She would find any excuse to do it. What was a wack on the bottom with a hand, became a beating with any object she could get her hands on, on any part of my body. By the time I was 16, it had reached its peak. The beatings were so severe, that blood vessels were popped, and bruises that took months to heal, were left. Most of the time, it could be something as little as eating in the living room, or getting a 94 on a test that would be used as the excuse for doing so. I could go into more detail about it, but there is no point. That didn't include the mental warfare she conducted on me as well.

For a long time, when I was younger. I was terrified that I would perpetuate the history of my family. It was one of the issues I obsessed over during my postpartum depression. And I believed that I would never use corporal punishment, so I would continue the cycle. However, as my son grew older, and tested his boundaries, I realized for myself, that spanking was effective on my son for certain situations. I educated myself enough to align my behaviors much to @mudra's way of parenting. I can say, that neither my ex, nor I have had to use corporal punishment on him in more than 3 years. He is a well adjusted child, that understands consequences now.

So I do believe in corporal punishment. But I don't believe in abuse. There is a difference.
Posted by LaMadrina

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by LaMadrina

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by LaMadrina

Posted by LadyNeptune

No. It’s never okay to hit children. Not even if your excuse is ‘discipline’.
I was watching the nature channel. It was about elephants. The baby elephant went away from the crowd. The lions were about that day. Mother elephant went crazy, looking for her son. She found him and explored him with her trunk to make sure he wasn't hurt. Once she knew he was okay, she smacked him with her trunk, yelling. He learned never to stray again.

So discipline is important, even in the animal kingdom.
Cute story. People aren’t elephants tho
YouTube it. We are all mammals though.
Adult male penguins rape the young.

Chimpanzees sometimes torture and kill their young.

Female sloths will many times eat their young right after birth.

I could go on...

Holding up animal behavior as a measure of morality in humans is gonna get messy fast.

Please let us know how it goes when you defend hitting your kid to CPS with the excuse that elephants do it too. I’m sure it’ll be fine 👍

Reaching a bit aren't you? With all the unnecessary attitude. I'm 53 and I don't have kids. But I do have parents who disciplined me and my siblings. It's not as bad as everyone makes it.

Who is trying to justify anything to who? Point is, it's parental instinct to discipline kids when they get out of line. A tap means hey, you went to dangerous levels and I'm trying to keep you safe. Explain hot to a child when they want to touch the stove. Explain hit by a car if they suddenly dash across the street. If you don't get it, that's on you Chica.
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Explain does not = hitting a child.

Zero attitude here. Also never used the word justify. Just pointing out the obvious.
Posted by -Apis-

Theres rageful beating and theres discipline.

There is a difference
This this this!
My parents "didn't believe" in spanking, but my mother in particular certainly had no problem with mental abuse, and on occasions, throwing wine in my face. "Thanks for the antioxidants, bitch". She didn't like that.

Don't do this type of shit.

As for spanking, I don't see how it would even scare a kid. A gentle tap? I'm pretty sure they get bumped into harder just walking through a crowded mall. So why do it?
Posted by dadjokes

My parents "didn't believe" in spanking, but my mother in particular certainly had no problem with mental abuse, and on occasions, throwing wine in my face. "Thanks for the antioxidants, bitch". She didn't like that.

Don't do this type of shit.

As for spanking, I don't see how it would even scare a kid. A gentle tap? I'm pretty sure they get bumped into harder just walking through a crowded mall. So why do it?
Lol Right
Posted by mudra

Posted by nikkistar

I don't talk much about my past, because well, it's my past. It's over and done with, and no sense it really letting it control who I am now. I dislike people using past traumas for validation, an excuse as to why their life sucks, or to garner sympathy.

For this topic, I will simple state my past in a factual way. My family has a history of abusive corporal punishment that has gone on for generations. My mom learned it from her mom, and so on and so forth. Growing up, there were times that I received punishments deservedly. Those were usually when I was getting out of line, and I received verbal warnings many times. But as I grew older, other issues began to arise. What I didn't know then, but I know now, is my mother's depression was increasing exponentially. By the time I was 11, those beatings I deserved because of my actions, were morphed into a stress relief for my mother, at the cost of my flesh. She would find any excuse to do it. What was a wack on the bottom with a hand, became a beating with any object she could get her hands on, on any part of my body. By the time I was 16, it had reached its peak. The beatings were so severe, that blood vessels were popped, and bruises that took months to heal, were left. Most of the time, it could be something as little as eating in the living room, or getting a 94 on a test that would be used as the excuse for doing so. I could go into more detail about it, but there is no point. That didn't include the mental warfare she conducted on me as well.

For a long time, when I was younger. I was terrified that I would perpetuate the history of my family. It was one of the issues I obsessed over during my postpartum depression. And I believed that I would never use corporal punishment, so I would continue the cycle. However, as my son grew older, and tested his boundaries, I realized for myself, that spanking was effective on my son for certain situations. I educated myself enough to align my behaviors much to @mudra's way of parenting. I can say, that neither my ex, nor I have had to use corporal punishment on him in more than 3 years. He is a well adjusted child, that understands consequences now.

So I do believe in corporal punishment. But I don't believe in abuse. There is a difference.
Dude. It's that Asian parent abuse. Not every Asian does it but mine sure af did. She beat me bloody more times than I can count. She was just the weekend mom too and I remember hating weekends, even thinking about ways to run away or even kill her lol. All over the dumbest things. Always screaming. She was so reactive and had no self control. Her way of apologizing was taking me shopping for whatever I wanted but never talking to me. I spent years being resentful constantly running away as a teenager. And even as I'm almost 30 and she has calmed down a great deal in her older age, she still doesnt truly, genuinely know me. What I like, what I'm about, etc. Its strictly that maternal love that is by effortless obligation.

I made a vow to myself and my girl that I would never take it that far. Children deserve chances. They deserve explanations. They deserve love and reassurance. But they still need to know they don't run shit. And you can do that in a respectful, reasonable and fair way for both parties where you both learn from each other through good communication.
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Asian Tiger moms. It is an Asian cultural thing. I, however, really only had my mom to rely on. She is definitely not the same person, to that extent anymore. We had a conversation about it all, in my mid 20's. I think that was when I stopped being resentful to her. Though not an excuse, she was human, with demons I never knew about. I always assumed she was superwoman in many ways. It was interesting to see she was actually very flawed. I had never seen her cry a day in my life, until that day of the conversation and subsequent apology.

She still struggles with using me as her emotional stress relief. But instead of ignoring it, and her behavior, she always calls back and apologizes. For all the wrongs my mom did to me, I forgave her along time ago. And I am glad, I didn't continue the behavior and worked very hard not to. As I am sure you are as well.
Posted by TheRabbit

The spankings I received from my mother did far less damage to me than the emotional and psychological abuse and neglect inflicted by my step mother.

Instead of an immediate and concrete example of my actions having consequences I received from a swift smack on the behind, I was left with no sense of why I deserved the extended torture and no idea of how people could be so evil.
I will have to agree with it. I remember my mother beating me a lot less then the words she said, while doing it.
Posted by TheRabbit

The spankings I received from my mother did far less damage to me than the emotional and psychological abuse and neglect inflicted by my step mother.

Instead of an immediate and concrete example of my actions having consequences I received from a swift smack on the behind, I was left with no sense of why I deserved the extended torture and no idea of how people could be so evil.
Jesus Christ, Rabbit😥

Do you still speak to those two women?

😡
Yes I think it's okay to pop/whoop kids, now I don't think it's okay to beat children.
Posted by TheRabbit

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by TheRabbit

The spankings I received from my mother did far less damage to me than the emotional and psychological abuse and neglect inflicted by my step mother.

Instead of an immediate and concrete example of my actions having consequences I received from a swift smack on the behind, I was left with no sense of why I deserved the extended torture and no idea of how people could be so evil.
Jesus Christ, Rabbit😥

Do you still speak to those two women?

😡
Well the step mom is dead, so no to that one.

I rarely speak to either of my parents, but that has nothing to do with spanking.
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Very sad 😢
Posted by nikkistar

Posted by mudra

Posted by nikkistar

I don't talk much about my past, because well, it's my past. It's over and done with, and no sense it really letting it control who I am now. I dislike people using past traumas for validation, an excuse as to why their life sucks, or to garner sympathy.

For this topic, I will simple state my past in a factual way. My family has a history of abusive corporal punishment that has gone on for generations. My mom learned it from her mom, and so on and so forth. Growing up, there were times that I received punishments deservedly. Those were usually when I was getting out of line, and I received verbal warnings many times. But as I grew older, other issues began to arise. What I didn't know then, but I know now, is my mother's depression was increasing exponentially. By the time I was 11, those beatings I deserved because of my actions, were morphed into a stress relief for my mother, at the cost of my flesh. She would find any excuse to do it. What was a wack on the bottom with a hand, became a beating with any object she could get her hands on, on any part of my body. By the time I was 16, it had reached its peak. The beatings were so severe, that blood vessels were popped, and bruises that took months to heal, were left. Most of the time, it could be something as little as eating in the living room, or getting a 94 on a test that would be used as the excuse for doing so. I could go into more detail about it, but there is no point. That didn't include the mental warfare she conducted on me as well.

For a long time, when I was younger. I was terrified that I would perpetuate the history of my family. It was one of the issues I obsessed over during my postpartum depression. And I believed that I would never use corporal punishment, so I would continue the cycle. However, as my son grew older, and tested his boundaries, I realized for myself, that spanking was effective on my son for certain situations. I educated myself enough to align my behaviors much to @mudra's way of parenting. I can say, that neither my ex, nor I have had to use corporal punishment on him in more than 3 years. He is a well adjusted child, that understands consequences now.

So I do believe in corporal punishment. But I don't believe in abuse. There is a difference.
Dude. It's that Asian parent abuse. Not every Asian does it but mine sure af did. She beat me bloody more times than I can count. She was just the weekend mom too and I remember hating weekends, even thinking about ways to run away or even kill her lol. All over the dumbest things. Always screaming. She was so reactive and had no self control. Her way of apologizing was taking me shopping for whatever I wanted but never talking to me. I spent years being resentful constantly running away as a teenager. And even as I'm almost 30 and she has calmed down a great deal in her older age, she still doesnt truly, genuinely know me. What I like, what I'm about, etc. Its strictly that maternal love that is by effortless obligation.

I made a vow to myself and my girl that I would never take it that far. Children deserve chances. They deserve explanations. They deserve love and reassurance. But they still need to know they don't run shit. And you can do that in a respectful, reasonable and fair way for both parties where you both learn from each other through good communication.
Asian Tiger moms. It is an Asian cultural thing. I, however, really only had my mom to rely on. She is definitely not the same person, to that extent anymore. We had a conversation about it all, in my mid 20's. I think that was when I stopped being resentful to her. Though not an excuse, she was human, with demons I never knew about. I always assumed she was superwoman in many ways. It was interesting to see she was actually very flawed. I had never seen her cry a day in my life, until that day of the conversation and subsequent apology.

She still struggles with using me as her emotional stress relief. But instead of ignoring it, and her behavior, she always calls back and apologizes. For all the wrongs my mom did to me, I forgave her along time ago. And I am glad, I didn't continue the behavior and worked very hard not to. As I am sure you are as well.
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Bless you Nikki 💙
Posted by TheRabbit

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by TheRabbit

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by TheRabbit

The spankings I received from my mother did far less damage to me than the emotional and psychological abuse and neglect inflicted by my step mother.

Instead of an immediate and concrete example of my actions having consequences I received from a swift smack on the behind, I was left with no sense of why I deserved the extended torture and no idea of how people could be so evil.
Jesus Christ, Rabbit😥

Do you still speak to those two women?

😡
Well the step mom is dead, so no to that one.

I rarely speak to either of my parents, but that has nothing to do with spanking.
Very sad 😢
Not really.

It's not sad to limit people's toxicity in your life.
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Well it's sad for me to hear, being a loving mother but good for you for handling it so well 👍
I got beat pretty bad as a kid, soaking in a tub and bleeding, bad. I would never be able hit a child.

I used to shake when I got hit. Just a horrible experience and I don’t think it taught me much except to be afraid.
Posted by LaMadrina

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by LaMadrina

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by LaMadrina

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by LaMadrina

Posted by LadyNeptune

No. It’s never okay to hit children. Not even if your excuse is ‘discipline’.
I was watching the nature channel. It was about elephants. The baby elephant went away from the crowd. The lions were about that day. Mother elephant went crazy, looking for her son. She found him and explored him with her trunk to make sure he wasn't hurt. Once she knew he was okay, she smacked him with her trunk, yelling. He learned never to stray again.

So discipline is important, even in the animal kingdom.
Cute story. People aren’t elephants tho
YouTube it. We are all mammals though.
Adult male penguins rape the young.

Chimpanzees sometimes torture and kill their young.

Female sloths will many times eat their young right after birth.

I could go on...

Holding up animal behavior as a measure of morality in humans is gonna get messy fast.

Please let us know how it goes when you defend hitting your kid to CPS with the excuse that elephants do it too. I’m sure it’ll be fine 👍

Reaching a bit aren't you? With all the unnecessary attitude. I'm 53 and I don't have kids. But I do have parents who disciplined me and my siblings. It's not as bad as everyone makes it.

Who is trying to justify anything to who? Point is, it's parental instinct to discipline kids when they get out of line. A tap means hey, you went to dangerous levels and I'm trying to keep you safe. Explain hot to a child when they want to touch the stove. Explain hit by a car if they suddenly dash across the street. If you don't get it, that's on you Chica.
Explain does not = hitting a child.

Zero attitude here. Also never used the word justify. Just pointing out the obvious.
Tap on the ass with explanation works. Some kids don't listen to words alone. One method doesn't work for all kids. A swift tap doesn't equal beating kids.
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Yes being spanked is not the same as hitting your child.

My original post said ‘hitting is not okay’. Getting?
Posted by


saggurl88


I got beat pretty bad as a kid, soaking in a tub and bleeding, bad. I would never be able hit a child.

I used to shake when I got hit. Just a horrible experience and I don’t think it taught me much except to be afraid.
Oh God ... that is horrible 😢
Posted by Arkansassy

I been a bad boy. I need a spanking.
Is it legal for me to say what I'd do to you?
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