All pain is the same

Agree or disagree?

Example: Would it be fair to say that the pain 1 person endured from being emotionally abused is more painful or more significant than the pain a person endured from being cheated on or stolen from?

All pain is pain, but is it all the same?!

This couple on TV is arguing about whose life/pain is the hardest.

The guy is saying, "I've been abused, abandoned & neglected all my life! You have no idea how painful that is!" He then went on to say that although he acknowledges that she's been through some F'd up things too, that his pain is still much more painful than hers.

The girl is saying, "I've been abused, cheated on & lost both of my parents! You have no idea how painful that is!"

It's like they're competing for whose pain hurts the most. And they bring up an interesting argument b/c sometimes I wonder if all pain is the same. I get that there are different ways to hurt others, but if 2 people are hurt in 2 different ways, should it all be considered the same, even though their demons are different?

Dr. Phil brought up a good point. He said that the minute we start a competition about pain, 1 person's pain will always be minimized, unacknowledged, and trivialized, while the other person's pain is acknowledged, put on a pedestal & given credibility.

I can't help but to agree. According to his theory, the guy in the relationship is basically implying that his girlfriend's pain isn't that big of a deal compared to his. And by implying that, it's making the woman feel that her pain isn't significant & doesn't matter, which just further progresses the depression & neglect she's feeling.

Posted by tw1nk1e
It's impossible to compare pain. People don't have the same experiences.

However people experience things that have less or more weight..

For example, being cheated on vs having your whole family die. It's all in perspective.

Exactly. Does the person whose been sexually abused have the right to feel just as sorry for themselves or just as hurt vs. the person who just lost 2 of their loved ones?

Does the person whose been cheated on their entire life have the right to feel sorry for themselves or just as hurt as the person who is dealing with excruciating physical pain?

We should all be able to feel sorry for ourselves equally. Just not all the time though. No one likes someone who is constantly pity partying.

Posted by krysrenee7

Posted by tw1nk1e
It's impossible to compare pain. People don't have the same experiences.

However people experience things that have less or more weight..

For example, being cheated on vs having your whole family die. It's all in perspective.

Exactly. Does the person whose been sexually abused have the right to feel just as sorry for themselves or just as hurt vs. the person who just lost 2 of their loved ones?

Does the person whose been cheated on their entire life have the right to feel sorry for themselves or just as hurt as the person who is dealing with excruciating physical pain?

click to expand

Pain is relative.

But this seems to be about who has a "right" to self-pity.

One person's pain does NOT invalidate another's, because someone thinks it is somehow worse-- just to be clear.

Posted by krysrenee7
Dr. Phil brought up a good point. He said that the minute we start a competition about pain, 1 person's pain will always be minimized, unacknowledged, and trivialized, while the other person's pain is acknowledged, put on a pedestal & given credibility.

I can't help but to agree. According to his theory, the guy in the relationship is basically implying that his girlfriend's pain isn't that big of a deal compared to his. And by implying that, it's making the woman feel that her pain isn't significant & doesn't matter, which just further progresses the depression & neglect she's feeling.

Just saw this, Krysrene-- I started at the bottom of the page.

I agree-- but people do it all the time; fight for ownership of the Pity and/or Victim card.

It's ridiculous.

Posted by sandynads
maybe it's just me but i don't believe empathy like fuck you u dunno how i feel! 😛

you can read me perhaps u can figure out why i act the way i act put me in a little box and shit but u'll never know.

+1

I agree. I don't think it's fair to minimize someone else's pain just b/c they didn't go through the exact same situation as you.

So there's the case of revenge: A girl finds out she's been cheated on. She slanders & shames him publicly. The guy who cheated suffered greatly b/c of this (loss of reputation, emotional distress, etc.). When he tells her about all the pain/trouble she's causing him, she goes on to claim that not only should he not be upset b/c he deserved it, BUT also that his pain is no where near as great as hers.

Usually when you hear about people suffering consequences b/c of something they've done wrong to others, people are like yep, you deserved it! But if those consequences involved suffering/pain, technically they are now hurting just as much as the original victim.

The problem is that some people will hurt you or cause you pain & not feel as badly about it b/c they justify it by saying that their pain was greater than yours. Which makes this topic so significant. Everybody seems to think that their hell and their pain is the worst, & then there's people like me who say oh hush b/c all pain is the same, no matter who suffered 1st

I agree that pain cannot be compared

My concern is that the people who are greatly suffering tend to disagree. Some people think that their pain is somehow more significant or worse than everybody else's. And they use the fact that others may not have technically been in the exact same situation to justify why they disagree. Problem is, when a person starts to magnify their own pain & minimize yours, they start to feel alone & misunderstood. And feeling that way def. slows down healing b/c it affects your ability & willingness to reach out for help.

This is unfortunate.

Posted by krysrenee7
Agree or disagree?

Example: Would it be fair to say that the pain 1 person endured from being emotionally abused is more painful or more significant than the pain a person endured from being cheated on or stolen from?

All pain is pain, but is it all the same?!

I can see why you maj. the way you did...

No it is not... because we live in a world with energy... and people care different energy... Each one of these influences would be different based on the person and environment they where in... as well as anyone involved...

This is the problem... when people get to scientific about things... sure it stimulates the same area which releases the chemical of pain... but it is the current state of our mind that really matters... as your mind can run wild or take you to places easier depending on what matters to you most... This is then all influences by the persons personal sensitivity... also don't forget to include general intelligent and rationality/ability to even share with others what is going on... Which can often end in outward destructive behavior... that results when people feel rejected from society... Again it is not often that our feelings are real but they really influences our general choices in the world greatly...

You remind me of my Uncle that was a Doc. in child psychology... You seek these answers for your self... and not the world... so you are still blinded by interpretations of text that have been ingrained in you as the correct why when your natural gift in this area would be more effective but you hold back...

I am happy though their are people like you around... you help some of the most lost people one day find their way...

namaste

Posted by krysrenee7
I agree that pain cannot be compared

My concern is that the people who are greatly suffering tend to disagree. Some people think that their pain is somehow more significant or worse than everybody else's. And they use the fact that others may not have technically been in the exact same situation to justify why they disagree. Problem is, when a person starts to magnify their own pain & minimize yours, they start to feel alone & misunderstood. And feeling that way def. slows down healing b/c it affects your ability & willingness to reach out for help.

This is unfortunate.

Ahh-- the terminally unique.

Those people don't want to heal, or they're afraid to heal because they may have to give up their "comfort zone", or current "coping mechanisms".

It's a justification for unjustifiable behavior.

IMO, anyway.

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by krysrenee7
I agree that pain cannot be compared

My concern is that the people who are greatly suffering tend to disagree. Some people think that their pain is somehow more significant or worse than everybody else's. And they use the fact that others may not have technically been in the exact same situation to justify why they disagree. Problem is, when a person starts to magnify their own pain & minimize yours, they start to feel alone & misunderstood. And feeling that way def. slows down healing b/c it affects your ability & willingness to reach out for help.

This is unfortunate.

Ahh-- the terminally unique.

Those people don't want to heal, or they're afraid to heal because they may have to give up their "comfort zone", or current "coping mechanisms".

It's a justification for unjustifiable behavior.

IMO, anyway.

click to expand

Aaah! I like that term. Terminally unique.

I think some people do become this way on purpose b/c it gains them sympathy, & keeps them in a box that they know best: pain. Even if others aren't isolating or misunderstanding them, they still refuse to accept that they are not alone. They still refuse to accept that all pain is the same, b/c accepting that means that they're just as obligated to stop the self-pity & seek healing. Unfortunately though, some people don't want healing. They like the attention & the sympathy from others much too much. They like that others are extra sensitive & extra catering to them. For some reason, those are the things they'd prefer experiencing moreso than healing

Some simply don't want to believe that all pain is the same b/c the minute they realize they are suffering in a F'd up world like everybody else, they can no longer use the excuse that their pain is too hurtful to heal/change.

The people who are in pain in relation to neglect, abuse or abandonment can sometimes maximize the significance of their pain & minimize the significance of other's b/c they enjoy the extra treatment that they get from others (attention, sympathy, extra catering that they wouldn't have gotten). i.e. they use their pain as a means of drawing out of others what they feel they haven't/couldn't get when their pain hadn't yet happened

Sad reality, but it's true for some people. They think that holding onto their pain & putting their own pain in it's own separate box, as to say that their pain is worse than anybody else's, is a sure way to finally get all of the love, acceptance & extra sensitivity to their feelings. They think getting these things from others is only possible when you're a victim. It's a distorted mentality. But hey, pain can cause a distorted mentality

There's no way to know.

We would have to quantify it, which we are unable to.

Posted by krysrenee7
Some simply don't want to believe that all pain is the same b/c the minute they realize they are suffering in a F'd up world like everybody else, they can no longer use the excuse that their pain is too hurtful to heal/change.

The people who are in pain in relation to neglect, abuse or abandonment can sometimes maximize the significance of their pain & minimize the significance of other's b/c they enjoy the extra treatment that they get from others (attention, sympathy, extra catering that they wouldn't have gotten). i.e. they use their pain as a means of drawing out of others what they feel they haven't/couldn't get when their pain hadn't yet happened

Sad reality, but it's true for some people. They think that holding onto their pain & putting their own pain in it's own separate box, as to say that their pain is worse than anybody else's, is a sure way to finally get all of the love, acceptance & extra sensitivity to their feelings. They think getting these things from others is only possible when you're a victim. It's a distorted mentality. But hey, pain can cause a distorted mentality

Maybe-- I think we may saying the same thing.

I was thinking of behaviors like mistreating others, drug/alcohol abuse, breaking the law, not pulling one's own weight-- and using the IDEA that their pain is unique to justify it.

It ties in, anyway-- but I've seen people do it with ANY kind of suffering.

This is silly, but for example: "Well, if you were married to my wife, you'd drink, too!" 😛

A more "logical" one may be: "Well, if you had my childhood, you'd shoot dope, too."

The reality is that there are a ton of people out there who had perfectly screwed up childhoods who are doing the best they can, in spite of their upbringing.

That isn't to say that the junkies pain is invalid-- not at all.

They just seem to be be unwilling, afraid, or possibly unaware of how to heal.

oooh ok I get what you're saying Montgomery. You're right. Even though all pain is the same, some people are more concerned with fixing it so that they can go on about their damn lives vs. the people who capitalize on their pain to use it as a means of justifying some crazy life style .

The people who blame their pain on why they have made bad decisions is easy to judge. But I'm not surprised b/c pain def. does affect certain people mentally. Their entire lives can change in the blink of an eye b/c of a pain that was too endurable.

As a society, we sympathize with those who kill themselves b/c of problems stemming from pain but yet we don't sympathize with those who hurt others or steal for a living, or whatever! lol you get my point

People don't mind you being in pain when you are the only one suffering the consequences or being affected by that pain. But oh boy, when others start to be affected by your pain, all hell breaks lose & the next thing you know, people are attacking you & telling you to get over it!!

Ugh that phrase, "Get over it" is probably both the best AND worst thing a person whose hurting can ever hear. Should they move on eventually? Well of course lol But telling someone to get over it implies that you're minimizes their pain & when people feel that you're doing that, they shut down and enter an even darker tunnel

Craziness!