Appreciation

This topic was created in the Miscellaneous forum by mzmee on Monday, May 29, 2017 and has 19 replies.
Witnessed an argument today.


Basically a woman, when she was younger, got put out by her mom. Went to stay with a friend and the entire two months there, her friend and the people that lived there treated her like complete crap. This young lady gets her things together and goes to a homeless shelter. Cuts contact with the friend and their family. Fast forward... today.


She sees her old friend and didn't look her way, didn't speak or anything. Old friend comes and tries to hug her, the woman avoids her embrace and told her she cut them off for a reason. In a time of need, she needed a friend yet they treated her like shit. I can elaborate if need be.

Old friend and her mom double teams her telling her she's very unappreciative because they took her in. Woman tells her that complete strangers treated her better in a homeless shelter than they ever did.

Sitting here with family, they're calling this woman all kinds of wrong and ungrateful.

If you were ever in a position of need and a friend took you in yet treated you like "a war criminal" while there, do you appreciate the fact they they allowed you to stay, regardless of the mistreatment or do you cut them off.... forever???

Posted by Astrology101
If someone treated me like crap.. I'd remember it for sure. Just because a boyfriend buys you an expensive watch will you forget the fact he slept with 10 women? (I'm assuming you're into monogamy here)

People remember how you make them feel.


Exactly and yes, I'm a monogamist.

Posted by PVJamz
Posted by mzmee
Witnessed an argument today.


Basically a woman, when she was younger, got put out by her mom. Went to stay with a friend and the entire two months there, her friend and the people that lived there treated her like complete crap. This young lady gets her things together and goes to a homeless shelter. Cuts contact with the friend and their family. Fast forward... today.


She sees her old friend and didn't look her way, didn't speak or anything. Old friend comes and tries to hug her, the woman avoids her embrace and told her she cut them off for a reason. In a time of need, she needed a friend yet they treated her like shit. I can elaborate if need be.

Old friend and her mom double teams her telling her she's very unappreciative because they took her in. Woman tells her that complete strangers treated her better in a homeless shelter than they ever did.

Sitting here with family, they're calling this woman all kinds of wrong and ungrateful.

If you were ever in a position of need and a friend took you in yet treated you like "a war criminal" while there, do you appreciate the fact they they allowed you to stay, regardless of the mistreatment or do you cut them off.... forever???



Not quite as bad, but when I relocated for work I had to stay with a friend. It was week to week and she made me feel like a burden sometimes. Each week I had to ask to stay, even though shre knew I had no other options. I only stayed about 5 weeks and then I hurriedly got my own place. I kind of treated her with a long handed spoon for a while, but I never ended contact completely. She just showed me what type of person she really is.

click to expand
I've actually been there before. Stayed with a cousin tho. When I moved close to my college, didn't want to stay in the dorm, was her idea for me to stay, 2 weeks went by and everything I did was wrong. It got to the point where she didn't want me to clean because, in her eyes, she cleans a certain way and I should ask how she cleans to make sure I do it how she likes.

It was to a point all I wanted to do was stay in my room. I went to my parents for a weekend and came back, she packed all my belongings and sat them at the front door saying if I have somewhere to sleep, I don't need to be there with her. Never spoke to her again.

Posted by PVJamz
Posted by mzmee
Witnessed an argument today.


Basically a woman, when she was younger, got put out by her mom. Went to stay with a friend and the entire two months there, her friend and the people that lived there treated her like complete crap. This young lady gets her things together and goes to a homeless shelter. Cuts contact with the friend and their family. Fast forward... today.


She sees her old friend and didn't look her way, didn't speak or anything. Old friend comes and tries to hug her, the woman avoids her embrace and told her she cut them off for a reason. In a time of need, she needed a friend yet they treated her like shit. I can elaborate if need be.

Old friend and her mom double teams her telling her she's very unappreciative because they took her in. Woman tells her that complete strangers treated her better in a homeless shelter than they ever did.

Sitting here with family, they're calling this woman all kinds of wrong and ungrateful.

If you were ever in a position of need and a friend took you in yet treated you like "a war criminal" while there, do you appreciate the fact they they allowed you to stay, regardless of the mistreatment or do you cut them off.... forever???



Not quite as bad, but when I relocated for work I had to stay with a friend. It was week to week and she made me feel like a burden sometimes. Each week I had to ask to stay, even though she knew I had no other options. I only stayed about 5 weeks and then I hurriedly got my own place. I kind of treated her with a long handed spoon for a while, but I never ended contact completely. She just showed me what type of person she really is.

click to expand
And they will act as if they had no clue as to why you become so distant with them. Hence them coming to the conclusion that you didn't appreciate what they did for you. Crazy!!!

Posted by PVJamz
Posted by mzmee
Posted by PVJamz
Posted by mzmee
Witnessed an argument today.


Basically a woman, when she was younger, got put out by her mom. Went to stay with a friend and the entire two months there, her friend and the people that lived there treated her like complete crap. This young lady gets her things together and goes to a homeless shelter. Cuts contact with the friend and their family. Fast forward... today.


She sees her old friend and didn't look her way, didn't speak or anything. Old friend comes and tries to hug her, the woman avoids her embrace and told her she cut them off for a reason. In a time of need, she needed a friend yet they treated her like shit. I can elaborate if need be.

Old friend and her mom double teams her telling her she's very unappreciative because they took her in. Woman tells her that complete strangers treated her better in a homeless shelter than they ever did.

Sitting here with family, they're calling this woman all kinds of wrong and ungrateful.

If you were ever in a position of need and a friend took you in yet treated you like "a war criminal" while there, do you appreciate the fact they they allowed you to stay, regardless of the mistreatment or do you cut them off.... forever???



Not quite as bad, but when I relocated for work I had to stay with a friend. It was week to week and she made me feel like a burden sometimes. Each week I had to ask to stay, even though shre knew I had no other options. I only stayed about 5 weeks and then I hurriedly got my own place. I kind of treated her with a long handed spoon for a while, but I never ended contact completely. She just showed me what type of person she really is.

I've actually been there before. Stayed with a cousin tho. When I moved close to my college, didn't want to stay in the dorm, was her idea for me to stay, 2 weeks went by and everything I did was wrong. It got to the point where she didn't want me to clean because, in her eyes, she cleans a certain way and I should ask how she cleans to make sure I do it how she likes.

It was to a point all I wanted to do was stay in my room. I went to my parents for a weekend and came back, she packed all my belongings and sat them at the front door saying if I have somewhere to sleep, I don't need to be there with her. Never spoke to her again.



Wow. And that's family. Yeah I wouldn't speak to her either.

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Yes ma'am. No one gets to treat me like shit. Even today, my family on some water under the bridge type shit. Please.

Posted by mzmee
It got to the point where she didn't want me to clean because, in her eyes, she cleans a certain way and I should ask how she cleans to make sure I do it how she likes.
Their house = Their rules

I'm going to take a wild guess that the majority of people have never been in a position where they really had no other place to go. Most people have safety nets they never appreciate.

If they were in that position, they would change their tune real quick and humble themselves.

Like a cynical line in a movie I love goes "You're too poor to afford dignity and pride right now"

Posted by Damnata
Posted by mzmee
It got to the point where she didn't want me to clean because, in her eyes, she cleans a certain way and I should ask how she cleans to make sure I do it how she likes.
Their house = Their rules

I'm going to take a wild guess that the majority of people have never been in a position where they really had no other place to go. Most people have safety nets they never appreciate.

If they were in that position, they would change their tune real quick and humble themselves.

Like a cynical line in a movie I love goes "You're too poor to afford dignity and pride right now"

click to expand
That, I can understand. I could have stayed with my parents still. It was her idea for me to be there.

One weekend, she was gone on a trip. I was there so I cleaned up behind myself. She didn't like it. I clean like my mother. I dusted the ceiling fans and all. I cleaned everything. She was gone. I had no school. I was staying here at the time. This is FAMILY, my best cousin. I never would have thought I'd be scolded for cleaning up while she was away.

This was complete nick picking. I say this because, I would purchase things for the house. The tissue she uses, dish washing liquid, you know, I'm here, it's her house, I used it so I'll replace it. She flat out scolded me saying "I buy my own shit, I don't need a damn thing from you". Ok, point taken. I simply told her that if I use it, I replenish. Out of respect, I'm not gonna use all her stuff and not replace it. Told her this before hand.

Now, I used the tissue and other things, she had a fit about me not buying anything.

I purchased my own damn tissue and stopped using hers, guess what?? She still had some shit to say.

From grocery shopping, I would ask if she needed me to get something specific, she would have rather take my money instead and get what she wants for the house. Despite the fact that I cook there too. If she didn't want me there anymore, she could have said so. I wouldn't treat a dog like that.

Posted by Damnata
Posted by mzmee
It got to the point where she didn't want me to clean because, in her eyes, she cleans a certain way and I should ask how she cleans to make sure I do it how she likes.
Their house = Their rules

I'm going to take a wild guess that the majority of people have never been in a position where they really had no other place to go. Most people have safety nets they never appreciate.

If they were in that position, they would change their tune real quick and humble themselves.

Like a cynical line in a movie I love goes "You're too poor to afford dignity and pride right now"

click to expand
According to the woman, they were the only people she could trust. And uuuhhh, from the stories she told while they were there, they was a piece of shit.

Her only place, a women's shelter.

Their house, their rules, yep. If I'm in your house and you treat me like shit, I will not excuse you because it's your house. You still treated me like shit. Sorry not sorry.

Posted by Shadowcat
Have you seen grave of the fireflies?
I haven't. Netflix?

@Damnata

So in this case, she was not justified in how she felt?
"The best judge of character is how you treat someone who will never be able to pay you back."

What's undignified to me is how they seemed to want some sort of ego stroking? To do "good" only to then hold it over someone's head is just icky. They should leave that woman alone.
Posted by LillyPetal
"The best judge of character is how you treat someone who will never be able to pay you back."

What's undignified to me is how they seemed to want some sort of ego stroking? To do "good" only to then hold it over someone's head is just icky. They should leave that woman alone.
This all day.

Posted by mzmee
Posted by Damnata
Posted by mzmee
It got to the point where she didn't want me to clean because, in her eyes, she cleans a certain way and I should ask how she cleans to make sure I do it how she likes.
Their house = Their rules

I'm going to take a wild guess that the majority of people have never been in a position where they really had no other place to go. Most people have safety nets they never appreciate.

If they were in that position, they would change their tune real quick and humble themselves.

Like a cynical line in a movie I love goes "You're too poor to afford dignity and pride right now"

According to the woman, they were the only people she could trust. And uuuhhh, from the stories she told while they were there, they was a piece of shit.

Her only place, a women's shelter.

Their house, their rules, yep. If I'm in your house and you treat me like shit, I will not excuse you because it's your house. You still treated me like shit. Sorry not sorry.

click to expand
Here's my perspective from the stories people tell: They exaggerate a lot and are quick to claim abuse.

I don't get why this is an either/or question. I will not put up with what I cannot put up with and if I have a place to move, all the better. But if I don't, having a knee jerk reaction isn't helping me since roof over my head is better than no roof over my head. And for that I will appreciate it because I didn't have to fathom what living on the streets is like.

Nothing in the story you shared about your own living situation was abusive behavior in any way yet you end it with you would not treat a dog like that. What you would do or wouldn't do in your house is irrelevant. No one forced you to live with them and you had a safety net which was a family so the path to the door was never blocked. You didn't have to worry you'd end up on the street at any point.

Posted by mzmee
@Damnata

So in this case, she was not justified in how she felt?
I don't think there is value in justification for feelings honestly. People will feel what they want and based on what they feel...they will come up with the subsequent justification. So it's...arbitrary and within that person's call. I don't think her feeling any way is wrong or right.

My perspective? Unless I was imprisoned, I always had the option to just exit the door. I would chuck it up to..not one of the best moments of my life but I would appreciate someone accepting me into their home if I had no other option but them.
Posted by Damnata
Posted by mzmee
Posted by Damnata
Posted by mzmee
It got to the point where she didn't want me to clean because, in her eyes, she cleans a certain way and I should ask how she cleans to make sure I do it how she likes.
Their house = Their rules

I'm going to take a wild guess that the majority of people have never been in a position where they really had no other place to go. Most people have safety nets they never appreciate.

If they were in that position, they would change their tune real quick and humble themselves.

Like a cynical line in a movie I love goes "You're too poor to afford dignity and pride right now"

According to the woman, they were the only people she could trust. And uuuhhh, from the stories she told while they were there, they was a piece of shit.

Her only place, a women's shelter.

Their house, their rules, yep. If I'm in your house and you treat me like shit, I will not excuse you because it's your house. You still treated me like shit. Sorry not sorry.

Here's my perspective from the stories people tell: They exaggerate a lot and are quick to claim abuse.

I don't get why this is an either/or question. I will not put up with what I cannot put up with and if I have a place to move, all the better. But if I don't, having a knee jerk reaction isn't helping me since roof over my head is better than no roof over my head. And for that I will appreciate it because I didn't have to fathom what living on the streets is like.

Nothing in the story you shared about your own living situation was abusive behavior in any way yet you end it with you would not treat a dog like that. What you would do or wouldn't do in your house is irrelevant. No one forced you to live with them and you had a safety net which was a family so the path to the door was never blocked. You didn't have to worry you'd end up on the street at any point.

click to expand
Let's not exaggerate, yeah my cousin did treat me very unfair. To say abuse, nope, never. I made no knee jerk reaction, she packed my things. She was family too, I'm trying to see your point. Help me, seriously. No sarcasm involved.

I wasn't near her position, nope I wasn't. My form of sympathy probably wasn't deep enough. No I can't relate to it having an option at the time but to think what if I had no other choice when I was with my cousin is damn scary.

Posted by Damnata
Posted by mzmee
@Damnata

So in this case, she was not justified in how she felt?
I don't think there is value in justification for feelings honestly. People will feel what they want and based on what they feel...they will come up with the subsequent justification. So it's...arbitrary and within that person's call. I don't think her feeling any way is wrong or right.

My perspective? Unless I was imprisoned, I always had the option to just exit the door. I would chuck it up to..not one of the best moments of my life but I would appreciate someone accepting me into their home if I had no other option but them.
click to expand
Back to the point, after all was said and done, her not embracing them was a form of unappreciation and being ungrateful?



Oh she was grateful they took her in and showed her who they really were.

She simply said thank you cause she had no where to go when she got put out, yet She'll never speak to them again because they treated her like her mom on drugs treated her.

Naw my situation wasn't like hers, no where near, but no, I'm good.

Posted by -elle-
I have been on both sides of this coin and all I can say is it takes all kinds of people to make this world go round.

The guests I had that were the best....moved on and became self sufficient.

The guests that I had...that I now wouldn't piss on if they were on fire.....bounce from house to house with the same sob story and the last person they lived with is always "a horrible person.....how dare they treat me like a dog."

You really don't know unless you were with them to witness it.

I had one chic use the..."my mom was on drugs, please help me" story and she ended up being no better than her mother and she's on the fourth living arrangement hustle now.
Going from what I heard at the cookout, they knew her situation. They were the ones that mentioned it. She was 18 at the time. To justify the way they treated her, they brought up the fact that she didn't have many clothes and they weren't clean, hygiene products or basic necessities.

If she had a mother that abused the way they mentioned, I can understand why she didn't have basic necessities. No one apologized, she just simply said she'd prefer to never speak to them again.

She said she went to a shelter and there were women who actually helped her, sat her down and showed her how things are supposed to be done as a young woman.

Oh she mentioned how there were nights she would hear them making fun of her and her situation.

She's a coworker of my aunt. This is the third family gathering I've seen her at. My aunt tells me she pretty much has no family.

I know one thing, if I was ever faced with that situation, my son and I will go to a homeless shelter to sort things out on my own. Might be the hard way but I hear so many stories about how it's cool to help the first few days then after a while, it changes.

My best friend is staying with me since April now. I love her being here. First thing she said was she's glad she doesn't have those problems. We like peanut butter and jelly. I'm the peanut butter.