Burnt Out On Life In Your 30's

For my fellow 30 something's I am curious if this has happened to you. I'm in my late 30's and have extreme fatigue/low tolerance for anything anymore.

The cliche of being jaded in your dirty 30's is unfortunately true. I pretty much know it would be impossible for me to finish college because I support myself full-time. And I've done the whole working and going to school full time schtick. It didnt work, I was barely busting a B - average.

I think I've done pretty well for someone that didnt finish school. But it took years of working my butt off just to get to that point.

I'm not planning on or (unplanning) having kids. I like kids, but I am more of a uncle type where I get them a couple hours for a day and I'm good. I worked at a daycare center in high school and it was the best form of birth control I ever had. I really dont think I have the finance nor patience to have kids at any point in the future.

At this point in my life, I just want a respectable little job that can cover rent without roommates.

Also, when it comes to relationships, I am just drained. I believe in true love but not for my life. There are good women but I always attract ones who pretend to be good but in the end are not.

Not saying I am a saint BTW. I can be self-centered at times and irritable, but I really do go above and beyond for someone I am dating if we are exclusive. I have always gotten women who like the abusive relationship template be it emotional or physical. They have histories of jealous, controlling, and abusive men and dont know how to function without it.

i dont understand why a guy who gives you space, isnt jealous, controlling, but does show appreciation for you, is dominant sexually, and stands up for themselves if someone is out of line isnt enough. I'm beginning to think my parents relationship was a needle in a haystack. My parents marriage was based off love and mutual respect. There was no one in charge, but people were held accountable if being out of line on something.

I'm totally in the mindset of "screw my brains out and you can do whatever you want" I just dont want the stress of drama.

I'm trying to watch my health and I really dont want to have a heart attack over unwarranted drama brought on by someone else. My father had heart problems for years related to stress beginning in his mid 30's. And I dont want to end up like that.

Simple things such as traveling, educating myself, hanging out with friends, and good passionate no strings sex makes me happy.

Has anyone been able to get out of this train of thought? Did you meet someone who ended up crushing you in a sense that made you believe in relationships again? Where you've been together for a long time and still like each other?

Because I am really at the threshold of not thinking it will ever happen for me. Which is fine, provided I have some type of casual relationship that fills the sex quota.

Posted by slowdive80
There are good women but I always attract ones who pretend to be good but in the end are not.

Dating is all about pre-qualifying people. Yes there are bad eggs, but also some good ones.

Whats your chart look like?

Early midlife crisis?

You'll be fine, have more trust in yourself, your abilities and the timing of life.

@Ladyneptune- As I said, I know there are good women out there. But I dont usually attract them. And the rare ones I do, always are the child-rearing types (ones who want kids). As I said, I like kids, but I am not interested in raising them.

I do a lot of pre-qualifying but trouble is my first gut feeling is usually right. I used to believe in giving the benefit of the doubt despite red flags.

As I am not perfect myself, but what usually happened is my gut feeling was right on point. And I ended up getting hurt really badly. I'm still grieving over some people I lost a few years ago. Im very careful with things that could mess up my mental health.

I had met one person months after I lost a loved one and she ended up hurting me really bad. To the point where I dove into a massive depression. (Wasnt just her, there other factors such as grief, being in a nightmarish living situation , etc.) But I was able to come back and be in a good place again.

I'm leery of anything that risks putting me into that mental state again. BTW I have both Sag Moon, and Mars along with Leo Rising.

In regards to potential new love, I'm open to something that looks promising, but I am screening the hell out of it. My wall emotionally is pretty much Fort Knox at this juncture.

Living in places like LA where I was for 2 1/2 years really hardens you emotionally. There is so much of that "I'll scratch your back, you knife mine" mentality over there. There was a lot of backstabbing that went down over there, not just with women but friends too.

@Aqua - I'm not sure if it's a mid-life crisis. Although yours and mines definations may defer. My take on a midlife crisis are older people trying to do foolish young people things like party at clubs all the time, doing substance abuse, or only chasing people in their early 20's.

I think it is just complete disillusionment at this point for me.

Posted by slowdive80
@Ladyneptune- As I said, I know there are good women out there. But I dont usually attract them. And the rare ones I do, always are the child-rearing types (ones who want kids). As I said, I like kids, but I am not interested in raising them.

I do a lot of pre-qualifying but trouble is my first gut feeling is usually right. I used to believe in giving the benefit of the doubt despite red flags.

As I am not perfect myself, but what usually happened is my gut feeling was right on point. And I ended up getting hurt really badly. I'm still grieving over some people I lost a few years ago. Im very careful with things that could mess up my mental health.

I had met one person months after I lost a loved one and she ended up hurting me really bad. To the point where I dove into a massive depression. (Wasnt just her, there other factors such as grief, being in a nightmarish living situation , etc.) But I was able to come back and be in a good place again.

I'm leery of anything that risks putting me into that mental state again. BTW I have both Sag Moon, and Mars along with Leo Rising.

In regards to potential new love, I'm open to something that looks promising, but I am screening the hell out of it. My wall emotionally is pretty much Fort Knox at this juncture.

Living in places like LA where I was for 2 1/2 years really hardens you emotionally. There is so much of that "I'll scratch your back, you knife mine" mentality over there. There was a lot of backstabbing that went down over there, not just with women but friends too.

@Aqua - I'm not sure if it's a mid-life crisis. Although yours and mines definations may defer. My take on a midlife crisis are older people trying to do foolish young people things like party at clubs all the time, doing substance abuse, or only chasing people in their early 20's.

I think it is just complete disillusionment at this point for me.

I live in LA and I don't feel that way. Its maybe just the group you surrounded yourself with, or maybe the type your attracted to/attract.

So you should just lock down a monogamous fuck buddy. Then go on dates but keep it non-sexual. Really get to know her before you dick her down. They say most people start showing their true colors a year+ into the relationship.

Self love is underrated! I don't give a phuck about the opposite sex anymore! My ideal situation is meeting a like-minded individual for Friday nights, weekend getaways and the occasional holiday but we live separate lives and live in different homes. Like a committed, permanent, monogamous date without the shite 🙂

" I live in LA and I don't feel that way. Its maybe just the group you surrounded yourself with, or maybe the type your attracted to/attract. "

@Ladyneptune - First of all, I appreciate your advice. And to be fair when it comes to LA it can depend on where. If it's say Laguna Beach, Manhattan Beach, Mission Viejo, Thousand Oaks I can see what you are saying.

But I lived in West Hollywood AKA the Hellmouth, one of the darkest places to live. Nothing redeeming about that dump. When you are living in LA like I was, its hard to see the dark vibe about the place.

Unless A) you live there for a very very long time, or B) move to a nicer place that has good vibes like Santa Barbara. When I moved to SB a year and half ago, it was night and day from LA. People were so much more nice, cleaner air, less crime, just a good vibe about it.

But I understand why some people wouldnt like SB. Its a smaller city, and I think you have to live in a lot of big cities like I have to really appreciate it. Or at least travelled the world a bit.

I am really fighting to stay here, but i need a little higher salary to be able to leave my living situation. I've been living with 2 other roommates for the past year and a half. Its starting to feel claustrophobic.

I'd like to earn enough to be able to roommate with just one person. It's impossible to live alone in SB unless you are wealthy. But living here to me is so worth it, If I cant pull off getting down to 1 roomie or head in that direction, I will start working on leaving around Feb of next year.

But anyway you'll know the difference after living in SB for a decent period of time. People from LA stick out like sore thumbs here sadly.

Sun sign?

Rather not say. I dont feel it describes me at all. Moon In Sag pretty much sums me up.

BTW You know who would be a great FWB? Jessica Drake. She is one of the few pornstars that has a healthy attitude towards sex and isnt damaged.

Although it would be intimidating since she is a sex instructor mostly now. Pressure would be insane

Posted by slowdive80
" I live in LA and I don't feel that way. Its maybe just the group you surrounded yourself with, or maybe the type your attracted to/attract. "

@Ladyneptune - First of all, I appreciate your advice. And to be fair when it comes to LA it can depend on where. If it's say Laguna Beach, Manhattan Beach, Mission Viejo, Thousand Oaks I can see what you are saying.

But I lived in West Hollywood AKA the Hellmouth, one of the darkest places to live. Nothing redeeming about that dump. When you are living in LA like I was, its hard to see the dark vibe about the place.

Unless A) you live there for a very very long time, or B) move to a nicer place that has good vibes like Santa Barbara. When I moved to SB a year and half ago, it was night and day from LA. People were so much more nice, cleaner air, less crime, just a good vibe about it.

But I understand why some people wouldnt like SB. Its a smaller city, and I think you have to live in a lot of big cities like I have to really appreciate it. Or at least travelled the world a bit.

I am really fighting to stay here, but i need a little higher salary to be able to leave my living situation. I've been living with 2 other roommates for the past year and a half. Its starting to feel claustrophobic.

I'd like to earn enough to be able to roommate with just one person. It's impossible to live alone in SB unless you are wealthy. But living here to me is so worth it, If I cant pull off getting down to 1 roomie or head in that direction, I will start working on leaving around Feb of next year.

But anyway you'll know the difference after living in SB for a decent period of time. People from LA stick out like sore thumbs here sadly.

Laguna and mission viejo is oc. Thousand oaks is ventura county.

I feel your pain though. Born and raised here and I would NEVER live in weho. Overcrowded, overpriced, and the traffic, bleh. Same thing in santa monica, it gets all this hype and you pay premium prices and you still have a transient population riffling through your trashcans. Meh.

Santa Barbara is good for a weekend getaway but its way too expensive to live there. Idk how your surviving.

Posted by slowdive80


Living in places like LA where I was for 2 1/2 years really hardens you emotionally. There is so much of that "I'll scratch your back, you knife mine" mentality over there. There was a lot of backstabbing that went down over there, not just with women but friends too.

How many native angelenos did you actually date?

It's the transplants that give LA a bad rap . Not the natives.



Honestly , if you want to talk about being hardened emotionally...move to the east coast.

People swear at the disabled in crosswalks here.

God I miss LA. I miss my home.

and Santa Barbara is super vanilla. No diversity.

@Ladyneptune -

West Hollywood was a dump. I lived in the Hollywood Boulevard area for 2 1/2 years. Complete nightmare.

I have so many f--d up stories. I tried giving it a go in LA, but I was never able to make it out of my living situation. I was working for my room and working contract jobs other half of the time. But never got a decent paying permanent gig that would get me out of my sh--- living situation.

My boss was a psychotic abusive man who exploited people every chance he could. The only regret I have about LA is a could have been relationship with a Virgo Sun Sag Moon girl.

She was a match, we had the same sad family background, same taste in music, movies, etc. Problem was she ran with the rich and famous crowd. And had a drinking problem.

It was never able to go anywhere with her due to me not getting out of my room in the concentration camp. I wonder what could have been at times, but if it was meant to ne I would have got a permanent job to get away from my douchebag boss.

She would have been the only reason I stayed in LA. Otherwise, I grew to hate the place. Too many bad memories.

I live with 2 other roommates, I am trying to get to the point of just living with one. But I need to get a job that pays a little more first. Its funny though that half of the jobs in Sb actually somewhat match the cost of living unlike LA

@adreamuponwaking - have to agree with you about New York City. It is worse than LA. If I lived in New York I would miss LA too. But otherwise, I opt out of debating people about why SB is better than LA.

If you think its not diverse, I'm not gonna fight you on it.

By the way when I say the following it's not regarding you adream. I'm sure you might be a cool person, I am talking about other people who actually hate SB.

I like misconceptions about SB. If negative perceptions helps keep SB clear of shady peeps, I'm all for it. People here are nice and crime is pretty low so I would like it to stay that way.

@Redbull - I dont care about being in relationships, just rather have sex on a consistent basis. I have a few dating options but cant pull the trigger on any of them till I get out of my living situation. The privacy level is too low where I live. But that is a huge advantage of living here being there is more women then men. If a girl plays games, I can walk away without taking it unlike in LA or Austin.

@Rinderoo - LA has changed massively since you lived there. It's gotten more claustrophobic and dark. Orange county in places like laguna, dana pointe are nice. But if you are living in the downtown area or west hollywood, its a sh-t hole. The air is cleaner in SB for me. It doesnt reek of weed everywhere like LA. Dont get me wrong there are a few spots in Sb you smell it. Other than that, no pollution here and I can see the stars out at night unlike LA.

Posted by slowdive80
@Ladyneptune -

West Hollywood was a dump. I lived in the Hollywood Boulevard area for 2 1/2 years. Complete nightmare.

I have so many f--d up stories. I tried giving it a go in LA, but I was never able to make it out of my living situation. I was working for my room and working contract jobs other half of the time. But never got a decent paying permanent gig that would get me out of my sh--- living situation.

My boss was a psychotic abusive man who exploited people every chance he could. The only regret I have about LA is a could have been relationship with a Virgo Sun Sag Moon girl.

She was a match, we had the same sad family background, same taste in music, movies, etc. Problem was she ran with the rich and famous crowd. And had a drinking problem.

It was never able to go anywhere with her due to me not getting out of my room in the concentration camp. I wonder what could have been at times, but if it was meant to ne I would have got a permanent job to get away from my douchebag boss.

She would have been the only reason I stayed in LA. Otherwise, I grew to hate the place. Too many bad memories.

I live with 2 other roommates, I am trying to get to the point of just living with one. But I need to get a job that pays a little more first. Its funny though that half of the jobs in Sb actually somewhat match the cost of living unlike LA

@adreamuponwaking - have to agree with you about New York City. It is worse than LA. If I lived in New York I would miss LA too. But otherwise, I opt out of debating people about why SB is better than LA.

If you think its not diverse, I'm not gonna fight you on it.

By the way when I say the following it's not regarding you adream. I'm sure you might be a cool person, I am talking about other people who actually hate SB.

I like misconceptions about SB. If negative perceptions helps keep SB clear of shady peeps, I'm all for it. People here are nice and crime is pretty low so I would like it to stay that way.

not a misconception

i know the area

i will say that it is pretty and there is good wine and ice cream (i love McConells)

but if i had kids i would want them to grow up in an area like Venice / Marina Del Rey over SB where there is economic diversity.

i've met people who were born in SB. They are usually super entitled and can't really grasp what reality is like for other people.

that being said

if I were old and rich....I'd retire in a place like SB ( just because it's a slower pace and there is more land if you are extremely wealthy) and have grandkids come visit me for the holidays

yep. time is really cruel.

@adream -

SB is not for everyone. Just like LA isnt for me. I will admit one downside of SB. Even though there are more women here then men, finding someone my age or at least early 30's is a needle in the haystack for dating.

So I'm stuck dating much younger women. Which poses a problem if they ask me my age. Because I still pass for someone who is in their mid-late 20's.

Which has been a blessing and a curse. Curse being that women my age assume I am younger than them and I am dismissed out of hand. Also, that I attract a lot of early 20's girls.

Which again if they ever ask for my age, makes things real awkward real quick.

But I am trying to only date party girls from the younger crowd. Its easier to be casual with them and not be pressured into a relationship.



However I am not apologizing for dating younger women when that is all there is here. But if a girl is under 21 years old, I have no interest at all. Thats too creepy even for me.

Since there is not too many single 30ish gals here, I wish there were more late 20's ones. Late 20's gals have been out in the real world more. Are more realistic about relationships too. But those gals are mostly taken too.

Those gals tend to settle pretty quick because again, there are more girls than guys here.

Naw fuck that I'm just getting started. I'm not givIng up on life or my dreams. There's 50 yrs olds going back to school, starting business and getting in the best shape of their lives. Even Falling in love for the first or umpteenth time.

Life isn't over at 30. I'm going to keep going.

Yes I've had bad days and weeks months and years in life but I'm bigger than that.

I have to say those last few years of my 30s were very unhappy for me too, I would tell ppl, Im taking the next life off because I need a break. Then I turned 40, granted Im only 41 but my 40's are fantastic, its like a new life and I love it, so maybe that will happen to you as well.