Child adoption and the "RACE" issue.

This topic was created in the Miscellaneous forum by Queenofthepheasantfairies on Thursday, January 11, 2018 and has 101 replies.
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All these comments about white people adopting black children has to be some of the most disgusting posts I have read!


Why I am feeling the need to rant about this. I will explain:


UNICEF stats


17.8 million children worldwide have lost both parents (“double orphan”)

153 million children worldwide have lost either one parent (“single orphan”) or both parents

Worldwide, there are 168 million who are child laborers, accounting for almost 11 percent of children

264 million children and youth are out of school

There are 62.8 million children worldwide who suffer from acute malnutrition. 1 in 7 children were estimated to be underweight in less developed regions 16% of the under 5. Nearly half of all deaths in children under 5 are attributable to undernutrition. This translates into the unnecessary loss of about 3 million young lives a year.

66 million primary school-age children attend classes hungry across the developing world, with 23 million in Africa alone. About 45% of all child deaths are linked to malnutrition


Top eleven affected countries:


United Republic of Tanzania - Orphan population: 3.1 million

South Africa - Orphan population: 3.5 million

Brazil - Orphan population: 3.7 million

Pakistan - Orphan population: 4.2 million

Congo - Orphan population: 4.2 million

Indonesia - Orphan population: 4.8 million

Ethiopia - Orphan population: 4.8 million

Bangladesh - Orphan population: 4.8 million

Nigeria - Orphan population: 12 million

China - Orphan population: 20.6 million

India - Orphan population: 31 million


So if some white family wants to adopt a child who is not of their race, who the hell are you to judge!


That child is going to have a better life or would you prefer they be part of the 168 million child laborers, and god only knows those that are affected by trafficking.


#rantover!

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Posted by Juliiette
who is judging? and why would we care. you will always have assholes. best thing is to ignore them.


CC and her comments again. It's sad reading them.


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Posted by Juliiette
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by Juliiette
who is judging? and why would we care. you will always have assholes. best thing is to ignore them.


CC and her comments again. It's sad reading them.




she has issues with loosing touch with their culture i think. cause many adopters decide not to tell their kids about their origin. which i can agree it's not a good thing. i mean the kids will get it at some point. my family friends who adopted kids decided from the start to tell their kids that they are adopted, and i takes balls for that. that's what i would as well.


but i doubt she would ever claim that is better to be an orphan, than to have parents of other race.


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I understand what you are saying about culture and heritage but her posts didn't read that way to me. Not sure if you read them?


cultural exchange and cultural appropriation are always going to be blurred. Always. But don't insult someone who is giving another person a chance at life, just because of their skin color.




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Posted by TheRabbit
As an adoptive parent, I can tell you there are plenty of children in the US that need homes, so we don't need to be pillaging orphans from other countries.


Agreed. But other adoptive parents should not be shamed for their choice of where the child comes from if they are willing to give a child a loving home.

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I am all for adopting children in or from your own country/background when and if possible.... but lets be honest, how many parents from the worst affected countries like Africa can afford to adopt then. As long as a child gets a happy and loving home, it should not matter where they originate from.
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Posted by TheRabbit
And it's not THAT difficult to adopt in the US.


In fact, depending on the child, the states will pay YOU to adopt and will provide a subsidy until they're 18 years old.


What IS difficult is find a baby or toddler because those are in high demand. The older children get left behind. So instead of adopting an older child locally, these adoptive parents do what any good westerner would do: Throw money at the problem.


That's also a very good point.


I have a friend here in the UK who has adopted her second child. The first little boy she got when he was 6. The second little boy she adopted was 3.

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Posted by TheRabbit
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
I am all for adopting children in or from your own country/background when and if possible.... but lets be honest, how many parents from the worst affected countries like Africa can afford to adopt then. As long as a child gets a happy and loving home, it should not matter where they originate from.
Except it does matter.


Those local children in the foster care system, if not adopted, never leave the "system". They just get transferred from foster care to rehab or prisons when they turn 18.




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I don't disagree with any of your points. But I still say, if someone is giving a child a loving home it's still better than that child ending up/staying in the system.
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Posted by Distilled
Posted by TheRabbit
Posted by Distilled
Posted by TheRabbit
And it's not THAT difficult to adopt in the US.


In fact, depending on the child, the states will pay YOU to adopt and will provide a subsidy until they're 18 years old.


What IS difficult is find a baby or toddler because those are in high demand. The older children get left behind. So instead of adopting an older child locally, these adoptive parents do what any good westerner would do: Throw money at the problem.
Older children in the system unfortunately have an unfair disadvantage.


Did you adopt someone you already knew?


No.
Over where I am a lot of people do what is called foster parenting, which many times is older children. The government pays the foster parent to have the child (or children) to live with them for an amount of time, some families choose permanence, but this is very rare.




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My parents did that. Fostered two kids. Lee was 13 when he first came to stay with us. Felicia was 14, but they fostered her a couple years after Lee


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Posted by Distilled
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by Distilled
Posted by TheRabbit
Posted by Distilled
Posted by TheRabbit
And it's not THAT difficult to adopt in the US.


In fact, depending on the child, the states will pay YOU to adopt and will provide a subsidy until they're 18 years old.


What IS difficult is find a baby or toddler because those are in high demand. The older children get left behind. So instead of adopting an older child locally, these adoptive parents do what any good westerner would do: Throw money at the problem.
Older children in the system unfortunately have an unfair disadvantage.


Did you adopt someone you already knew?


No.
Over where I am a lot of people do what is called foster parenting, which many times is older children. The government pays the foster parent to have the child (or children) to live with them for an amount of time, some families choose permanence, but this is very rare.




My parents did that. Fostered two kids. Lee was 13 when he first came to stay with us. Felicia was 14, but they fostered her a couple years after Lee


There are actually a lot of options if people look into them.

There are also support communities for all these options.


People have reasons for wanting babies, I try not to judge stuff like that because I feel that it's very personal. Raising a baby is not a walk in the park, either. Older children get lost in the system because many people are not aware of the options they have. Many people want to help children for different reasons too, some being that they don't want to just be a parent, they truly want to be immersed in the community, and spread the wealth, both materialistic and spiritual. These children are raised as their own. These families pay it forward. And yes, many of these families already have their own biological children.


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True. My parents tried to adopt Lee, when he was 17. It was blocked by his mother. Sad


To this day I still have contact with both of them. Both now married with their own children


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Posted by TheRabbit
As an adoptive parent, I can tell you there are plenty of children in the US that need homes, so we don't need to be pillaging orphans from other countries.


I was told by woman who adopted Chinese girl that main reason people adopt from overseas is that security of the child isn’t going to be taken away because biological parents changed their mind and wand a kid back. So people adopt from abroad.
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Posted by TheRabbit
And it's not THAT difficult to adopt in the US.


In fact, depending on the child, the states will pay YOU to adopt and will provide a subsidy until they're 18 years old.


What IS difficult is find a baby or toddler because those are in high demand. The older children get left behind. So instead of adopting an older child locally, these adoptive parents do what any good westerner would do: Throw money at the problem.
Absolutely correct! I was about to foster a child when mine was 4. I went trough classes and at the end I was told that for safety of my daughter I should look for a same sex child as close to her age as possible and those are almost impossible to find. So we didn’t get any. Because I wasn’t about to jeopardize my own child’s life by bringing 10 y/old boy and I was told stories...it’s not fun.
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Posted by Distilled
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by Distilled
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by Distilled
Posted by TheRabbit
Posted by Distilled
Posted by TheRabbit
And it's not THAT difficult to adopt in the US.


In fact, depending on the child, the states will pay YOU to adopt and will provide a subsidy until they're 18 years old.


What IS difficult is find a baby or toddler because those are in high demand. The older children get left behind. So instead of adopting an older child locally, these adoptive parents do what any good westerner would do: Throw money at the problem.
Older children in the system unfortunately have an unfair disadvantage.


Did you adopt someone you already knew?


No.
Over where I am a lot of people do what is called foster parenting, which many times is older children. The government pays the foster parent to have the child (or children) to live with them for an amount of time, some families choose permanence, but this is very rare.




My parents did that. Fostered two kids. Lee was 13 when he first came to stay with us. Felicia was 14, but they fostered her a couple years after Lee


There are actually a lot of options if people look into them.

There are also support communities for all these options.


People have reasons for wanting babies, I try not to judge stuff like that because I feel that it's very personal. Raising a baby is not a walk in the park, either. Older children get lost in the system because many people are not aware of the options they have. Many people want to help children for different reasons too, some being that they don't want to just be a parent, they truly want to be immersed in the community, and spread the wealth, both materialistic and spiritual. These children are raised as their own. These families pay it forward. And yes, many of these families already have their own biological children.


True. My parents tried to adopt Lee, when he was 17. It was blocked by his mother. Sad


To this day I still have contact with both of them. Both now married with their own children





Angry

The system is funny like that.


Many times legal guardians such as spouses, grandparents, aunts, uncles, are also blocked and have no voice after being the only and sometimes sole parent role. Quite the slap in the face I say.


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It is


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US international adoptions has been in a steep decline for a while now.


User Submitted Image

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Posted by TheRabbit
And it's not THAT difficult to adopt in the US.


In fact, depending on the child, the states will pay YOU to adopt and will provide a subsidy until they're 18 years old.


What IS difficult is find a baby or toddler because those are in high demand. The older children get left behind. So instead of adopting an older child locally, these adoptive parents do what any good westerner would do: Throw money at the problem.
There's also a chance either of the birth parents or family members can come back at any point down the line and dispute the adoption.


Meaning even if the child has been *yours* for 6 years, you have to give them back if the Courts say so.


That was the reason my parents went overseas.
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Posted by Distilled
Posted by Gemitati
Posted by TheRabbit
And it's not THAT difficult to adopt in the US.


In fact, depending on the child, the states will pay YOU to adopt and will provide a subsidy until they're 18 years old.


What IS difficult is find a baby or toddler because those are in high demand. The older children get left behind. So instead of adopting an older child locally, these adoptive parents do what any good westerner would do: Throw money at the problem.
Absolutely correct! I was about to foster a child when mine was 4. I went trough classes and at the end I was told that for safety of my daughter I should look for a same sex child as close to her age as possible and those are almost impossible to find. So we didn’t get any. Because I wasn’t about to jeopardize my own child’s life by bringing 10 y/old boy and I was told stories...it’s not fun.
And no one brings stuff like that up. It's that even if you try and do a good thing it can go against you and is beyond your control.


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I haven’t thought about this at all and I appreciate people actually cared enough for MY child safety regardless...

So there is a possibility of control!

It’s part of those classes to educate prospective foster parents on what’s right to do! We were explained that teens are mostly adopted by people who’s kids are grown up and out of the house. Or people who are retired from military and police or retired teachers. And those were coming lecturing us on adoption safety.

So it IS brought up. No one should call trouble upon themselves just because ‘I didn’t think about it’...
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@OrGasMe


Thank you for those stats. It breaks my heart reading them. Sad

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I have a friend who was fostered as a kid, moved from home to home, until she met her forever parents at 14...they adopted her at 15 along with her sister (not biological). There are good people out there. But mostly you just hear the horror stories of abuse these children have to endure.


Adopting another human being into your heart and bank account is about the most noble of acts.

Mad kudos 👍
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My former landlord was going through the adoption process (here in the US) and she was telling me how hard the process was as a single not a couple. She wasn’t looking to adopt a young child either, she wanted one 10years or older.


Because of my talks with her I’m gonna freeze my eggs in another 2 years so that I have some options in the future.
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Posted by LadyNeptune
My former landlord was going through the adoption process (here in the US) and she was telling me how hard the process was as a single not a couple. She wasn’t looking to adopt a young child either, she wanted one 10years or older.


Because of my talks with her I’m gonna freeze my eggs in another 2 years so that I have some options in the future.
Freezing eggs is the most mind boggling thing to me. (not in a bad way)


This was in the news the other day, it blows my mind....


Emma Wren, born on November 25 this year, was conceived in 1992

Her adoptive mother Tina Gibson, 26, was conceived in 1991

Tina married her husband Benjamin when she was 19 and he was 26 because he has cystic fibrosis (CF), a fatal disease with a life expectancy in the 30s

Fertility is often an issue with CF so they decided they would adopt, and they fostered several children to prepare for it

Then they heard they could adopt an embryo and have a pregnancy experience

The embryo was cryopreserved until March this year, making it 24 years frozen

It is the longest time an embryo has been frozen, after one in Virginia which was frozen for 19 years and a few months

Experts say this successful birth 'suggests the shelf life of an embryo could be infinite'



Read more: #ixzz53tJoKVhH" data-url="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5195629/Woman-26-delivers-baby-frozen-embryo-24-YEARS.html#ixzz53tJoKVhH" target="_blank">http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5195629/Woman-26-delivers-baby-frozen-embryo-24-YEARS.html#ixzz53tJoKVhH

Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook


Frozen for 24 years! and now a little human is with us :-)


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In all honesty, I love that celebrities are adopting black kids and raising them. It gives them that much more of a chance to succeed in this world. Black people in general don't have enough education or money, unless they were born into it, to succeed. There are a few who make it successfully but not enough, in my opinion. Let white people or any other rich, educated person, adopt these babies and teach them the secrets of success and show them the ins and outs of rich people privileges. It's all about who you know, when you have some money. We need more open minded, rich and successful black kids. All these black adoptees by celebrities have one up on all of us normal black people.
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Posted by Ixion
So long as they don't shame the cultures and heritages that the kids come from and don't fail to equip those children with an understanding of the world they were born into with all of its hangups and obstructions because of race so be it...End of the day, a loving home is a loving home.



Truth be told most adoptive parents of black children tend to learn super quick that the world is racist af especially to black people...it is the ultimate lesson and eye-opener of the contours of their privilege and how that privilege isn't necessarily extended to the child that they love so dearly.



Hard to be in denial when your baby experiences things and learns things that you would never have to go through or learn.
You have highlighted some very good points here. I believe the child should know where it comes from and all that goes with it.


But how do you think a child would feel if the truth was very hurtful to them?

Also at what age do you think is a good one to let a child know they are adopted. Obviously there would be questions early on if the parents are of different nationality etc.


My best friend was adopted. She is of Portuguese heritage. Her parents told her early on that she was adopted, but when she heard her mother kept her brother, she didn't care to find her real mum.


My ex Cap was also adopted. Again he found his family here in the UK. His mum had 5 other children, not only that, his sister is only 1 year younger than he is. He was the only child his mum gave up. To this day they don't have any sort of relationship. He does see his sister now and then know and 1 of his brothers.


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Posted by Ixion
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by Ixion
So long as they don't shame the cultures and heritages that the kids come from and don't fail to equip those children with an understanding of the world they were born into with all of its hangups and obstructions because of race so be it...End of the day, a loving home is a loving home.



Truth be told most adoptive parents of black children tend to learn super quick that the world is racist af especially to black people...it is the ultimate lesson and eye-opener of the contours of their privilege and how that privilege isn't necessarily extended to the child that they love so dearly.



Hard to be in denial when your baby experiences things and learns things that you would never have to go through or learn.
You have highlighted some very good points here. I believe the child should know where it comes from and all that goes with it.


But how do you think a child would feel if the truth was very hurtful to them?

Also at what age do you think is a good one to let a child know they are adopted. Obviously there would be questions early on if the parents are of different nationality etc.


My best friend was adopted. She is of Portuguese heritage. Her parents told her early on that she was adopted, but when she heard her mother kept her brother, she didn't care to find her real mum.


My ex Cap was also adopted. Again he found his family here in the UK. His mum had 5 other children, not only that, his sister is only 1 year younger than he is. He was the only child his mum gave up. To this day they don't have any sort of relationship. He does see his sister now and then know and 1 of his brothers.


I mean I think that will ultimately come down to the individual situations..but once broached by the child the parents shouldn't be avoidant of the most pertinent questions that the child can actually manage to articulate..


Like for instance...if a kid ask "Mom, why do they call you white and me black? or "Mom, why can't I wear my hair like you?" or "What is a nigger?" Well...you best be ready to have those conversations.


The distress of not knowing likely would do much more damage to the relationship if the information was withheld or sugar coated to the point that it distorts the truth.


IMHO it will be better for the parents to do it at their leisure than let the world at large do it for them.
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True. As the parent you will know when the time is right. I also think not knowing is worse than not being able to make up your own mind about it later in life (from the child's point of view)


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Posted by Supes
Posted by LittleStar
If you want to ignore that a child has a different race than you and has literally lost their entire culture you should not adopt. Period.
How is it possible to teach them a different culture than your own?
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Good question because in part even an immigrant adapts their culture when they relocate to a country that is not their own to a certain degree

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Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by Juliiette
who is judging? and why would we care. you will always have assholes. best thing is to ignore them.


CC and her comments again. It's sad reading them.


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Ands being pregnant set her off. She’s just projecting her own disappointment that no one wants to procreate with her.


That’s what all her noise about other people’s parenting choices is about. She’s hurting and it’s easier for her to rage and cast judgement than face her failure in obtaining her hearts dearest desire.


This white devil feels pity for her.

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Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by Juliiette
who is judging? and why would we care. you will always have assholes. best thing is to ignore them.


CC and her comments again. It's sad reading them.




Ands being pregnant set her off. She’s just projecting her own disappointment that no one wants to procreate with her.


That’s what all her noise about other people’s parenting choices is about. She’s hurting and it’s easier for her to rage and cast judgement than face her failure in obtaining her hearts dearest desire.


This white devil feels pity for her.

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That's actually heart breaking to read and I guess we all do react to situations differently. But in the same breath I will answer there are lots of African babies to adopt nothing stopping a single black woman from doing it If any other woman of race or colour is able to and doing so.


Practise what we preach


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Posted by OCJack
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
CC and her comments again. It's sad reading them.

CC is universally hated here. She's a minority of at max, 3, along with Ixion and Ehmendo. On the opposite end of the spectrum from Alicia who is a total bad bitch and doesn't take the racial subject to a level of retardation.


I wouldn't touch CC with a 100ft pole. Now Alicia or TaurusInShiana on the other hand...
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I don't hate her. I think she is intelligent and does have some good posts that I've reach of hers on here but I think she is unhappy in life. It's sad to see someone with such views no matter what race they are.


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Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Posted by TheRabbit
As an adoptive parent, I can tell you there are plenty of children in the US that need homes, so we don't need to be pillaging orphans from other countries.


And making them wear dresses at 5 years old
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What is so wrong with that? Because society says only girls should bear dresses?


As I posted in the comment you made children explore and experience things. Why is this not aloud. She said herself they thought her job entails her working at Halloween. I would bet they see her in character. She is dressing up. They in turn will want to dress up. Why should she bring up her children with similar views to you that a boy must not wear pink. A boy cannot wear a dress while woman wear trousers. Scott's wear kilts. The entire Scottish men's population is therefore gay right?


And so what if he is gay or gender confused or whatever. Good for him for feeling comfortable enough to express it early on in a society that should not judge him for it.


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Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Posted by TheRabbit
As an adoptive parent, I can tell you there are plenty of children in the US that need homes, so we don't need to be pillaging orphans from other countries.


And making them wear dresses at 5 years old
What is so wrong with that? Because society says only girls should bear dresses?


As I posted in the comment you made children explore and experience things. Why is this not aloud. She said herself they thought her job entails her working at Halloween. I would bet they see her in character. She is dressing up. They in turn will want to dress up. Why should she bring up her children with similar views to you that a boy must not wear pink. A boy cannot wear a dress while woman wear trousers. Scott's wear kilts. The entire Scottish men's population is therefore gay right?


And so what if he is gay or gender confused or whatever. Good for him for feeling comfortable enough to express it early on in a society that should not judge him for it.


Bexcuse African boys aren't girls


You fuking liberal turd


You do understand environment had a huge impact on identity

.you can realize that there are cultures in the world who want to remain intact and not forced to adjust to this idiotic gender fluidity movement right


Just Bexcuse someone thinks differently than you doesn't mean they're wrong


How can a5 year old be gay? Confused? Or anything else


At that age kids act at their parents whims


What's going to confuse him when he grows up is his mother dressing him as a girl


That's what going to confuse him


South Africa Africa should have never let that loser adopt
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I'll just highlight and point out your last sentence in that reply.

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Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
A child's brain doesn't finish development tool age 22


Y'all are the most idiotic ppl on earth to suggest a 5 year old can even comprehend identity


Loooooool
When did you first comprehend you were a girl. How old were You?



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Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
A child's brain doesn't finish development tool age 22


Y'all are the most idiotic ppl on earth to suggest a 5 year old can even comprehend identity


Loooooool
When did you first comprehend you were a girl. How old were You?



You really are mentally asinine aren't you.


Do you think boys need their fathers? Let's start off with that


Since according to you. Science doesn't exist. Neither does biology


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Children need a parent/parents who love, care, and support them.


Something you will appreciate when you become a mother.

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Posted by OrGasMe
User Submitted Image


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Yas Queen


OMG CC look! First pic. Father taking pic of his son in an Elsa dress.


What a fucked up patent he must be.


I've answered your questions CC you have yet to answer mine. How old were you when you knew you were a girl?


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a child needs unconditional love above anything else

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Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
A child's brain doesn't finish development tool age 22


Y'all are the most idiotic ppl on earth to suggest a 5 year old can even comprehend identity


Loooooool
25 years for fully developed brain
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I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like their family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
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Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Do you mind if I ask you a question and I don't mean any disrespect?


Do you think or have you thought about how you would feel if it were opposite? Adopted by a black family and missed out on any white cultures or heritage?


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Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by CaramelizedCoffee
Posted by TheRabbit
As an adoptive parent, I can tell you there are plenty of children in the US that need homes, so we don't need to be pillaging orphans from other countries.


And making them wear dresses at 5 years old
What is so wrong with that? Because society says only girls should bear dresses?


As I posted in the comment you made children explore and experience things. Why is this not aloud. She said herself they thought her job entails her working at Halloween. I would bet they see her in character. She is dressing up. They in turn will want to dress up. Why should she bring up her children with similar views to you that a boy must not wear pink. A boy cannot wear a dress while woman wear trousers. Scott's wear kilts. The entire Scottish men's population is therefore gay right?


And so what if he is gay or gender confused or whatever. Good for him for feeling comfortable enough to express it early on in a society that should not judge him for it.


Bexcuse African boys aren't girls


You fuking liberal turd


You do understand environment had a huge impact on identity

.you can realize that there are cultures in the world who want to remain intact and not forced to adjust to this idiotic gender fluidity movement right


Just Bexcuse someone thinks differently than you doesn't mean they're wrong


How can a5 year old be gay? Confused? Or anything else


At that age kids act at their parents whims


What's going to confuse him when he grows up is his mother dressing him as a girl


That's what going to confuse him


South Africa should have never let that loser adopt
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Charlise is South African. Of course they will let her adopt. And of course she will pass her culture down to her kids.


Your acting pretty spoiled rn crying about the mistreatment of these kids. What’s worse...abuse, preyed on by adults, starvation, poverty, etc as an orphan?


Or having a celebrity adopt you and getting to choose which designer threads you want to wear? Best education money can buy. Trust fund. House in your native country + LA + NY.


Tough decision 🙄

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Posted by Supes
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Because it’s impossible for someone to do that.


I couldn’t raise a child in an African American culture. It’s impossible.


Sounds like they raised you the best they could, as a person. A human being.
click to expand


Where did I say they had to raise me in African American culture? What I said was I feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because they decided it wouldn't matter and that's a misstep on their part. It is important. It does matter. But if you can't do something like acknowledge your kid is black and is a part of black culture and figure out what that means for them..well then you should.


I spent a good part of my childhood being way to self-conscious of being proper/acceptable so I didn't stand out with certain family members and that isn't healthy.



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Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Do you mind if I ask you a question and I don't mean any disrespect?


Do you think or have you thought about how you would feel if it were opposite? Adopted by a black family and missed out on any white cultures or heritage?


click to expand


I don't mind at all.


I used to when I was younger but not in the sense that I would miss out on white culture but in the sense that I would be viewed as not fully black. Not good enough.




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Posted by Supes
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Because it’s impossible for someone to do that.


I couldn’t raise a child in an African American culture. It’s impossible.


Sounds like they raised you the best they could, as a person. A human being.
click to expand
I’m actually agreeing with you on this.

If you want to blame a lack of culture on someone blame it on the biological parents who failed you. Not the adoptive parents who’ve given you everything else.
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Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Supes
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Because it’s impossible for someone to do that.


I couldn’t raise a child in an African American culture. It’s impossible.


Sounds like they raised you the best they could, as a person. A human being.
I’m actually agreeing with you on this.

If you want to blame a lack of culture on someone blame it on the biological parents who failed you. Not the adoptive parents who’ve given you everything else.
click to expand



It's about helping a kid that you've brought into your family. The failures of their biological parents isn't a green light for you to be lazy.

details
Posted by Plutonian
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Supes
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Because it’s impossible for someone to do that.


I couldn’t raise a child in an African American culture. It’s impossible.


Sounds like they raised you the best they could, as a person. A human being.
I’m actually agreeing with you on this.

If you want to blame a lack of culture on someone blame it on the biological parents who failed you. Not the adoptive parents who’ve given you everything else.



It's about helping a kid that you've brought into your family. The failures of their biological parents isn't a green light for you to be lazy.

click to expand
Lazy how?
details
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Plutonian
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Supes
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Because it’s impossible for someone to do that.


I couldn’t raise a child in an African American culture. It’s impossible.


Sounds like they raised you the best they could, as a person. A human being.
I’m actually agreeing with you on this.

If you want to blame a lack of culture on someone blame it on the biological parents who failed you. Not the adoptive parents who’ve given you everything else.



It's about helping a kid that you've brought into your family. The failures of their biological parents isn't a green light for you to be lazy.

Lazy how?
click to expand


Lazy in that you're using the failures of the biological parents for reason of not teaching your hypothetical black kid that well they're black and what that means.
details
Posted by Supes
Posted by Plutonian
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Supes
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Because it’s impossible for someone to do that.


I couldn’t raise a child in an African American culture. It’s impossible.


Sounds like they raised you the best they could, as a person. A human being.
I’m actually agreeing with you on this.

If you want to blame a lack of culture on someone blame it on the biological parents who failed you. Not the adoptive parents who’ve given you everything else.



It's about helping a kid that you've brought into your family. The failures of their biological parents isn't a green light for you to be lazy.

What do you feel like they could’ve done better?
click to expand


I would start with talking to them and asking them how they feel about being the only person of color in the family. Ask them if they would like to know more about being black and show them films/books that talk about it. I'm not asking you to pretend you're something you're not but I think I would have really respected certain family members more if they had found that part of me important and helped me figure out what it means. My mom made the most effort, she would get me black dolls and made sure to have conversations with me about what I was feeling. I didn't get that from my dad, sis, brother, and definitely got the complete opposite from my grandma.
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Posted by Plutonian
Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Do you mind if I ask you a question and I don't mean any disrespect?


Do you think or have you thought about how you would feel if it were opposite? Adopted by a black family and missed out on any white cultures or heritage?




I don't mind at all.


I used to when I was younger but not in the sense that I would miss out on white culture but in the sense that I would be viewed as not fully black. Not good enough.




click to expand
It is really hard for someone who does not experience the same feelings as you to understanding to that depth I can imagine.


As for family member distant or near and the challenges you faced again on a level I have to imagine how hard it was.


Do you think you would have faced other difficulties if you wee adopted by a mixed race couple?


My children are mixed race not in the same sense as you are but I'm South African/ British and their father is Portuguese. Though both fit into the "white" category our cultures are very different


details
Posted by Plutonian
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Plutonian
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Supes
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Because it’s impossible for someone to do that.


I couldn’t raise a child in an African American culture. It’s impossible.


Sounds like they raised you the best they could, as a person. A human being.
I’m actually agreeing with you on this.

If you want to blame a lack of culture on someone blame it on the biological parents who failed you. Not the adoptive parents who’ve given you everything else.



It's about helping a kid that you've brought into your family. The failures of their biological parents isn't a green light for you to be lazy.

Lazy how?


Lazy in that you're using the failures of the biological parents for reason of not teaching your hypothetical black kid that well they're black and what that means.
click to expand


You can’t teach someone what it means to be black if your not black 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

That’s not lazy, that’s obvious.

details
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Plutonian
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Plutonian
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Supes
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Because it’s impossible for someone to do that.


I couldn’t raise a child in an African American culture. It’s impossible.


Sounds like they raised you the best they could, as a person. A human being.
I’m actually agreeing with you on this.

If you want to blame a lack of culture on someone blame it on the biological parents who failed you. Not the adoptive parents who’ve given you everything else.



It's about helping a kid that you've brought into your family. The failures of their biological parents isn't a green light for you to be lazy.

Lazy how?


Lazy in that you're using the failures of the biological parents for reason of not teaching your hypothetical black kid that well they're black and what that means.


You can’t teach someone what it means to be black if your not black 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

That’s not lazy, that’s obvious.

click to expand


you're right!
details
Posted by Supes
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Supes
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Because it’s impossible for someone to do that.


I couldn’t raise a child in an African American culture. It’s impossible.


Sounds like they raised you the best they could, as a person. A human being.
I’m actually agreeing with you on this.

If you want to blame a lack of culture on someone blame it on the biological parents who failed you. Not the adoptive parents who’ve given you everything else.
I want to hear solutions. I want to hear how it’s fixed
click to expand
Being supportive of their journey to discover their origins. Whether it’s the culture, biological parents, country of origin etc.


But changing the fabric of who you are to be a caricature of what you perceive black culture to be, seems disingenuous.


Anyways most parents are more focused on making sure their children are healthy and happy, getting a good education. Paying the bills, saving for college, planning for the future, this is what will make a difference in the child’s life.
details
Posted by Supes
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Supes
Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Supes
Posted by Plutonian
I'm biracial (half black and half white) and was also adopted by an all white family. I was always taken care of and loved but I grew up extremely confused about my racial identity which isn't uncommon in my situation. The thing is that kid/child is different and they will experience things you've never had to even think about. They will have periods throughout their life where they will feel like they're family loves them because they're the acceptable kind of "black" and they will also, more than likely, have to be surrounded by racist family members/views. I know I did. I also feel like a part of my culture was taken from me because my family is all white and at the time decided it wasn't important enough and would make feel like an "outsider".
Because it’s impossible for someone to do that.


I couldn’t raise a child in an African American culture. It’s impossible.


Sounds like they raised you the best they could, as a person. A human being.
I’m actually agreeing with you on this.

If you want to blame a lack of culture on someone blame it on the biological parents who failed you. Not the adoptive parents who’ve given you everything else.
I want to hear solutions. I want to hear how it’s fixed
Being supportive of their journey to discover their origins. Whether it’s the culture, biological parents, country of origin etc.


But changing the fabric of who you are to be a caricature of what you perceive black culture to be, seems disingenuous.


Anyways most parents are more focused on making sure their children are healthy and happy, getting a good education. Paying the bills, saving for college, planning for the future, this is what will make a difference in the child’s life.
That’s exactly my point and why it’s impossible
click to expand
But why is that a bad thing?


Culture isn’t inherited or genetic, it’s taught. Immigrants take on the culture of their new country. Families move overseas to ‘expose’ their children to a different perspective. Culture never stays static, it’s in a constant state of change.


As long as the essentials remain the same..., physical needs met, emotionally supported, everything else is just perspective. Everyone struggles to find their identity. It’s part of the human experience.


I remember watching this really interesting oprah vid about this black woman raised by Jewish folks. She is raising her kids in the faith and is fiercely proud of her culture.


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Posted by ellesbelles
I didn't adopt but I have children who are multiracial.


I tried to celebrate Kwanzaa, I only allowed black Santa Clauses and Christmas Angels.....would find a mall with a black Santa (sometimes had to drive hours)...wrapping paper couldn't have white people on it....band aids had prints because you couldn't find any skin tone but white. They had every hair style they ever wanted....my oldest even wanted straight hair once....we tried with a store bought relaxer and we cried together as we shaved it all off...


#WhiteMomFail


Their father ridiculed me something fierce over all of it.


My sons laughed at me.....


Until now....they have their own kids. At 25 and 27....they are now thanking me.


Their was a huge contrast between culture in my family and their dad's.....and they experienced both. Their step father was Kenyan....so a third culture was also in the mix.


Despite my eccentric ways and sometimes hyper sensitive awareness to making sure they got the best and worse of all worlds....


They are the most awesome (and self aware) men and fathers I know.
can I just say thank you for even making the effort though? Seriously. Incorporating a black santa may seem small but it's not.
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