Death of someone close...how do you deal with it?

Hey everyone. I have never lost anyone really close to me until today. The surgeon I work for died this morning and he was like a father to me. I am so grief stricken and heartbroken and just can't even wrap my brain around it at all.
He was not only the best employer I have ever had but he was the most decent, compassionate and caring person I have ever met. He helped me and my family out personally and he was the one who encouraged me to start school to become an RN and was my cheerleader all the time and used to tell me what a great nurse I would be because of my empathy and compassion. I aspire to be like him not only as an RN but just as a human being as he embodies love and kindness and exuded strength and wisdom like no one I have known personally.
He epitomized what a doctor and the Hippocratic oath is all about and had the best bedside manner you can imagine with his corny jokes before his direct approach that he tempered with sweetness and empathy.
He is the doctor that all the nurses were excited to work with and the one that would say hi and chat with the janitorial staff to the doctors and hospital directors and while doing so would treat them all on the same level.
He was a true saint and as I called him and his wife, "angels with skin on". He saw the poor and not charge them and write off balances that couldn't be paid. He saw the people on public assistance and treated them the same as the doctors and "VIP" people that came through his office. Every patient had his cell phone number and every patient was important to him. The mold is broke and it's too bad b/c we need people in the world like him so badly!
All of this I had to tell you so that you could see how deep the grieving for me will be but how much greater it will be for his family that is left behind.
😢

i feel for you i lost my grandma in 2006 my mother's mom in july the second family death i exp i was very close to her i didnt cry until after the wake and the service the next day and i look my aunt in 2007 boy i was so messed up cuz i was young also i lost another aunt that was to beast cancer 2004.


so i really feel for ya i do its gonna be hard but u will heal.

wish you well.

Focus on the good memories ....helps ease the loss and the pain. It will get better with time. Keep doing what you are doing and talk about what you are feeling. When my mother died ....I learned that there is no one way to grieve it is all on your own....and the healing is also on your own timeline. ((hugs)) What a special opportunity to work with such a great man from the sounds of it. ((Big Hugs))

PD

Thanks to all of you sooo much! I am at work having to deal with an unbelievable amount of calls which are just making the pain feel so raw again. I know time heals and I do know that he would want us to continue doing things that make us happy b/c that is how he was. I have an opera to go to tonight b/c one of my BFF's bought us tickets and I was going to cancel but my office manager told me he would've been upset if I canceled. I am going to see "La Traviata" and I was already going to be crying for that and now I know I will be so I am going to bring lots of tissues.
@Gemtaur-That was so sweet! Thank you. 🙂
@PP-you are right and he was such a jovial and funny prankster that he would be mad if we let ourselves get too depressed so I will try and stay happy by remembering all the awesome memories we have.
@Pisces_Dream-Yes, I was very blessed to have been able to have not only worked with him and with his family but to have become a part of his family and for that I will be forever grateful!
@Mermaidbabe73-Well, I guess I have a lot to prepare for as I become an RN and I will have to "harden" up a bit b/c I know I will be seeing a lot more deaths.
@DP-Luckily the office manager is one of my besties and we are helping each other and we have had so much support coming from all around us and I reminisced with my children who knew him and that was good.
(((HUGS)) to all of you and again thank you all for being here for me as well!!!! I appreciate my fellow DXPers!!!

Posted by aPiscesPrincess
awww I don't know what to say.. but sorry you're going through that now 😢

Thank you sweetie-kins b/c it's hard to have words in these situations. 🙂

((((HUGS))))) StPat, I know this is hard. The world will be poorer for his loss, this I know.
I concentrate on every good thing. Every laugh, every smile, every kiss, every hug. I gather her to me greedily. Every precious memory. I touch her picture, I kiss it. I hold it to my heart. I have candles for her. I try to fill myself with her Light, not the Shadow. Never that. That our feeling and bond are eternal. And I try every day to remind myself that she would want me to laugh and smile. Not to be sad, not to cry. —

Sorry for your loss 😢

♥

I'm sorry for your loss.

I lost one of my closest friends 2 months ago and to be honest I didn't deal with it very well. He was the same age as me, wasn't ill health it was a car accident so came as a total shock. It took a couple of weeks to sink in actually, for a while I was just numb didn't believe it had actually happened. Then on the day of the funeral I just completely broke down couldn't even function. After that came anger and I found myself lashing out for no reason.

I still have my moments but what helped me get through was the thought that I wasn't honouring him by moping about and not living, because he no longer had that choice. I just felt guilty being happy or doing anything because it felt disrespectful. But he was the life and soul such a character and was genuinely liked by everyone who knew him. So I picked myself up and got on with it, telling myself that he wouldn't want me to be down and that if he could speak to me he'd tell me to live my life to the fullest.

He won't ever be forgotten that's for sure, by me or anyone else who knew him.

You'll get there, it's hard I know but you will.

I'm sorry for your loss. The best way to deal with it is your way. Everyone grieves differently. The most important thing is to honor their memory as best as you possibly can. It's going to be hard for a while and everyday little things are going to get to you but find solace in knowing that those little things remind you of them for a reason. As long as you remember who they were and how they impacted other people's lives including your own then they're never really gone.

Hello again everybody! Thank you so very much for all of your kind words and advice! It has helped and I am slowly but surely trekking along in my experience with this awful thing called grief. I am trying to deal with it as best as I can as I think of how he would've wanted us to handle it. A patient shared a picture with us today she took of him with her phone and it truly captured the very essence of who he was and it made me feel better and also made me breakdown a bit at the same time. He was smiling and holding up his gifted and magnificent surgeon hands and he even had a stain on his shirt which was so like him as he would have spills when he ate at times...lol. He looked so alive and vibrant and that is how he truly was everyday! 😄

The other thing I am having to deal with at the same time is getting a new job. That is such a sad prospect to me as I have been so very spoiled in everything from money to the atmosphere and the wonderful, fabulous and super duper people I worked with! Uuuuuuggggghhhh....
I have kind of thought that maybe it is a time to pursue my acting for just a tiny bit of time but then I remember that I need money coming in and more than what unemployment offers. 😢

Overall though, I am a tiny bit more mended and I hope to interact more with all of you again. 🙂

Posted by Stpatrickspisces
Hey everyone. I have never lost anyone really close to me until today. The surgeon I work for died this morning and he was like a father to me. I am so grief stricken and heartbroken and just can't even wrap my brain around it at all.
He was not only the best employer I have ever had but he was the most decent, compassionate and caring person I have ever met. He helped me and my family out personally and he was the one who encouraged me to start school to become an RN and was my cheerleader all the time and used to tell me what a great nurse I would be because of my empathy and compassion. I aspire to be like him not only as an RN but just as a human being as he embodies love and kindness and exuded strength and wisdom like no one I have known personally.
He epitomized what a doctor and the Hippocratic oath is all about and had the best bedside manner you can imagine with his corny jokes before his direct approach that he tempered with sweetness and empathy.
He is the doctor that all the nurses were excited to work with and the one that would say hi and chat with the janitorial staff to the doctors and hospital directors and while doing so would treat them all on the same level.
He was a true saint and as I called him and his wife, "angels with skin on". He saw the poor and not charge them and write off balances that couldn't be paid. He saw the people on public assistance and treated them the same as the doctors and "VIP" people that came through his office. Every patient had his cell phone number and every patient was important to him. The mold is broke and it's too bad b/c we need people in the world like him so badly!
All of this I had to tell you so that you could see how deep the grieving for me will be but how much greater it will be for his family that is left behind.
😢

I just saw this! Oh my ... I'm late but .... ): My condolences I'm so sorry ..

OMG, I had people close to me pass away and I've been affected in many ways. However, none like my father. Holy cow, when he went, it took years to get over it. I didn't even really breakdown until like my senior in high school. After walking across the stage and then going home to get ready for the senior all night party. It was then that it hit me -- he missed alot of things,
my my 1st homecoming,
my 1st prom,
other academic accomplishments and personal ones,
and now he had missed my senior graduation ... it all came at me and I balled like crazy omg I couldn't help it. My friends pushed me to go to the all-night party because after all that stuff hit me, I didn't want to go. I'm glad I did, although I had to leave early for other reasons, I'm still glad I went. It was suppose to be a happy time, not a time to be in my room crying a river.

Yeah, I don't think any other death really took over my being like that, maybe it's because I waited so long to actually let other all out. I mean, I cried when he passed away but I didn't really cry until years later, I was suppose to be the strong one, someone had to be ...

Posted by Stpatrickspisces
Hello again everybody! Thank you so very much for all of your kind words and advice! It has helped and I am slowly but surely trekking along in my experience with this awful thing called grief. I am trying to deal with it as best as I can as I think of how he would've wanted us to handle it. A patient shared a picture with us today she took of him with her phone and it truly captured the very essence of who he was and it made me feel better and also made me breakdown a bit at the same time. He was smiling and holding up his gifted and magnificent surgeon hands and he even had a stain on his shirt which was so like him as he would have spills when he ate at times...lol. He looked so alive and vibrant and that is how he truly was everyday! 😄

The other thing I am having to deal with at the same time is getting a new job. That is such a sad prospect to me as I have been so very spoiled in everything from money to the atmosphere and the wonderful, fabulous and super duper people I worked with! Uuuuuuggggghhhh....
I have kind of thought that maybe it is a time to pursue my acting for just a tiny bit of time but then I remember that I need money coming in and more than what unemployment offers. 😢

Overall though, I am a tiny bit more mended and I hope to interact more with all of you again. 🙂

I think that's a great idea 🙂 Plus it will take your mind off of things -- you aren't right there where he use to work. Sometimes we need a change in everything to make life worth it.