Anyone here who desexualize themselves because of sexual abuse in the past? did you get over it?,if you did get over it what steps did you do?
Desexualizing
Posted by Moon_River
wut?
?
havoca is a good place for these type of questions
Posted by Arinoaqua
Not me personally but I will always recommend finding a good therapist to everyone. That’s my answer to everything because it’s the only thing that works.
I know therapy can be expensive (I pay out of pocket) I would look for self help books on overcoming abuse. Literally anything other than DXP. 😬
“Often it isn’t the initiating trauma that creates seemingly insurmountable pain, but the lack of support after.”
im from the philippines,we lack great therapist here,but i would search online and will hope that there is because to be honest i cant even tell it to my significanr other
Posted by PhoenixStorm
Not sexual abuse, but yes.
why do you need or want to dexualize yourself if you dont mind me asking,i did it keep men away from me for fear of being sexually abused again.
It’s something that I did subconsciously because I was pretty young when first abused and was so confused about it. Was it something I did or said that invited it?? After that I had a very jealous, controlling boyfriend where I was wearing baggy clothes and no makeup just to avoid being noticed. I would walk hunched over to pull my chest in and look at the ground. Growing up is hard enough without all the bullshit! As someone already touched on, your sense of self worth is affected which bleeds into pretty much every aspect of your life like decision making. I had very low self worth and esteem for a long time. It wasn’t until I got off drugs and got serious about healing that I got a good therapist to help me work through everything that led me down that path.
If you’re still having problems with it, problems you don’t even feel comfortable revealing to your significant other, you need to either A.) get a therapist. You can video chat with therapists all over the world now thanks to covid. Or B.) take some alone time to figure things out. The underlying problems after the abuse will cause problems in your relationships. And if you can’t explain to them why you are responding the way you do to certain things, how can they ever understand? Therapy is key, hell even a serious support group can be helpful.
If you’re still having problems with it, problems you don’t even feel comfortable revealing to your significant other, you need to either A.) get a therapist. You can video chat with therapists all over the world now thanks to covid. Or B.) take some alone time to figure things out. The underlying problems after the abuse will cause problems in your relationships. And if you can’t explain to them why you are responding the way you do to certain things, how can they ever understand? Therapy is key, hell even a serious support group can be helpful.
Posted by PhoenixStormPosted by ArinoaquaPosted by PhoenixStormPosted by Aquarius3189Posted by PhoenixStorm
Not sexual abuse, but yes.
why do you need or want to dexualize yourself if you dont mind me asking,i did it keep men away from me for fear of being sexually abused again.
Because in my early 20s I was in love with a cancer that I had been involved with and he basically told me that I was a girl that fantasies are made of but not the type of girl he would take home to his mother. I was head over heels for this guy so it was a blow to my self esteem and sense of worth. So over the years I have sheltered and downplayed my sexuality so I can come across as being rigid now to some, although I am highly sexual.
It helps keep away the men who only want to have casual sex and I have finally started to attract men who take me seriously. I was young and wore tight, revealing clothing as most girls do in their early 20s.
Yuck! A cancer did something similar to me too in my early 20s. I don’t even want to repeat what he said...he is disgusting.
That shit was devastating and such a blow to my self esteem. lol he apologized a few times after thatclick to expand
Cancers are not good with words. They need to brush up on their social skills 9unless their mercury is in gemini, then they're skills are maximized). Try never to dilute your energy down. There's other ways to tell if a guy's serious or not. Also, guys have their own ways of telling what a girl's in it for, so if you're out for a committed relationship, it'll be revealed. However, there might be behaviours that you could relax a bit, if you infact do them at all; like pursuing the guy first, or even dressing with too much flesh showing. Dresses and tops exist that reveal your curves while covering your skin; a girl can't be faulted for having curves that just expose through fabric;
Posted by PhoenixStormPosted by MikeNYNYCPosted by PhoenixStormPosted by ArinoaquaPosted by PhoenixStormPosted by Aquarius3189Posted by PhoenixStorm
Not sexual abuse, but yes.
why do you need or want to dexualize yourself if you dont mind me asking,i did it keep men away from me for fear of being sexually abused again.
Because in my early 20s I was in love with a cancer that I had been involved with and he basically told me that I was a girl that fantasies are made of but not the type of girl he would take home to his mother. I was head over heels for this guy so it was a blow to my self esteem and sense of worth. So over the years I have sheltered and downplayed my sexuality so I can come across as being rigid now to some, although I am highly sexual.
It helps keep away the men who only want to have casual sex and I have finally started to attract men who take me seriously. I was young and wore tight, revealing clothing as most girls do in their early 20s.
Yuck! A cancer did something similar to me too in my early 20s. I don’t even want to repeat what he said...he is disgusting.
That shit was devastating and such a blow to my self esteem. lol he apologized a few times after that
Cancers are not good with words. They need to brush up on their social skills 9unless their mercury is in gemini, then they're skills are maximized). Try never to dilute your energy down. There's other ways to tell if a guy's serious or not. Also, guys have their own ways of telling what a girl's in it for, so if you're out for a committed relationship, it'll be revealed. However, there might be behaviours that you could relax a bit, if you infact do them at all; like pursuing the guy first, or even dressing with too much flesh showing. Dresses and tops exist that reveal your curves while covering your skin; a girl can't be faulted for having curves that just expose through fabric;
This was 20 years ago so I don’t dress the way I did back then, I’ve done a lot of growing over the years myself. We live and we learn. I was not slutty but I did pretty much everything he asked me to, thinking that he would grow to love me. (Venus in Virgo - acts of service) In turn it just helped him come to the conclusion that I was good enough fantasy material but not wife material. He ended up marrying an overweight church girl (we are still friends on fb).click to expand
His hang up over how you dressed was probably like the out of place thread appearing on the sweater; even just a little tug would reveal more and more ill-thought out opinions and bad craftmanship in his judgements. Considering how you're talking right now, i'll bet it's his loss.
Pretty much everyone was molested and sexually abused in their youth, no thanks to Greg Ga11ett! and the fact that he just won't go away or stay dead.
A lot of people mistakenly think they weren't molested because their memory was dumped (no, I'm not talking about hard drive storage, I mean your literal memories, as in, events from your past). But pretty much everybody was corrupted, no matter what the rest of your upbringing or background was like.
A lot of people mistakenly think they weren't molested because their memory was dumped (no, I'm not talking about hard drive storage, I mean your literal memories, as in, events from your past). But pretty much everybody was corrupted, no matter what the rest of your upbringing or background was like.
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