How Not To Get A Job
This topic was created in the Miscellaneous forum by Qbone on Friday, April 7, 2006 and has 2 replies.
Hilarious?.
Vice presidents and Personnel Directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees:
? A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
? Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
? Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.
? Candidate explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.
? Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
? Balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
? Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
? Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
? Candidate brought large dog to interview.
? Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.
? Candidate dozed off during interview.
The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates:
? "What is it that you people do at this company?"
? "What is the company motto?"
? "Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"
? "What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"
? "Why do you want references?"
? "Do I have to dress for the next interview?"
? "I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"
? "Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"
? "Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"
? "Does your health insurance cover pets?"
? "Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"
? "Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"
? "Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"
? "Why am I here?"
?
Also included are a number of unusual statements made by candidates during the interview process:
? "I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement."
? "At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking."
? "I feel uneasy indoors."
? "Sometimes I feel like smashing things."
? "Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars."
? "I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington."
? "I get excited very easily."
? "Once a week, I usually feel hot all over."
? "I am fascinated by fire."
? "I like tall women."
? "Whenever a man is with a woman, he is usually thinking about sex."
? "People are always watching me."
? "If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back."
? "Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct."
? "I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker."
? "I never get hungry."
? "I know who is responsible for most of my troubles."
? "If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival."
? "I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me."
? "My legs are really hairy."
? "I think I'm going to throw up."
These quotes are taken from real r?sum?s and cover letters and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine. (Note: all typographical errors, etc., are as intended.)
? "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
? "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms."
? "Received a pl
Vice presidents and Personnel Directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees:
? A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
? Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
? Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.
? Candidate explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.
? Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
? Balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
? Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
? Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
? Candidate brought large dog to interview.
? Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.
? Candidate dozed off during interview.
The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates:
? "What is it that you people do at this company?"
? "What is the company motto?"
? "Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"
? "What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"
? "Why do you want references?"
? "Do I have to dress for the next interview?"
? "I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"
? "Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"
? "Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"
? "Does your health insurance cover pets?"
? "Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"
? "Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"
? "Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"
? "Why am I here?"
?
Also included are a number of unusual statements made by candidates during the interview process:
? "I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement."
? "At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking."
? "I feel uneasy indoors."
? "Sometimes I feel like smashing things."
? "Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars."
? "I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington."
? "I get excited very easily."
? "Once a week, I usually feel hot all over."
? "I am fascinated by fire."
? "I like tall women."
? "Whenever a man is with a woman, he is usually thinking about sex."
? "People are always watching me."
? "If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back."
? "Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct."
? "I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker."
? "I never get hungry."
? "I know who is responsible for most of my troubles."
? "If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival."
? "I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me."
? "My legs are really hairy."
? "I think I'm going to throw up."
These quotes are taken from real r?sum?s and cover letters and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine. (Note: all typographical errors, etc., are as intended.)
? "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
? "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms."
? "Received a pl
oooppss
http://www.meyerweb.com/other/humor/interview.html
sorry forgot that..
http://www.meyerweb.com/other/humor/interview.html
sorry forgot that..
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