I Fucking Hate You

Have you ever cared about a person to the point that you beat yourself up for every dumb thing you do in front of them even when it's extremely insignificant in the grand scheme of things? You know that you should be way above being affected by your own hypothetical prediction of their opinion of you that you try to keep somewhat spotless but your emotions always win and you boil in frustration. You hate them for making you care so much and it just makes you livid and you wanna free yourself but you can't let go. The worst part is, you don't even know them well enough to know if you'd even be better off with them, it's just a ridiculous fatal attraction.

You've made me the maddest I've ever been and I don't even know you.

sorry, this is in the wrong category. to tired to think properly...

*too

it's not even a pedestal thing as much as a you're better than anyone I've ever met in my life thus far thing. shit yeah, she's human. but she's a human i like. a lot. plus, i can't turn it off like her. PLUS, it's not nearly as hard for her cause she has someone to go home to.

i just wanna break public property and light shit on fire.

a big part of it is her, but not all of it. i just find myself frustrated a lot.

Elle, you don't have to respond. Your advice is always really good and very much appreciated but I'm warning you I'm in a negative bitching mood and even positive logical reasoning I want to shoot down into oblivion..

and even the fact that i even posted this dumb thread is probably some subconscious (and I suppose now conscious) cry for attention.

true and i know that. i think my imagined her is probably better than the real her but my mind has to know for sure that i'm not missing out.

also, for me it's not comforting to think that you will always meet someone better for the reason that with 7 billion people in the world, even "the one" probably isn't the one for you in comparison to all the people you'd be amazing with that you don't even know. Unless you believe in some sort of divine intervention in marriage but with a 50% divorce rate, i doubt that's the case. I feel like if there is some intervention where the person you're with is actually the person you're "supposed to be with", it's reserved for the pure at heart who are totally committed but with that kind of dedication, you probably don't need the total perfect match cause you made this choice to make it work.

and that's the thing, i have a good feeling we aren't a really good match but...

part of it might be that i don't like letting go because every time you do so I feel it makes your "love" in a ways less valid if every 6 months you're like "I found her."

I should probably get with someone a little more easy going but I'm drawn to the intensity.

Posted by ellessque
lol...I can handle it. I'm a scorpio 😛

bitch til you pass out, I will still think you are adorable as all hell 😄

stop putting a smile on me
































*blushage*

temporarily unattainable.

and because life is twisted and ironic, the instant i get with someone, she'll be freed up and all over me...

i'm calling it now.

ugh.. i just want somebody...

life is just really slow right now. and disappointing.

i need to do something to change it up.

taking notes is smart but i'm sick of it. i wanna go on the field trip...