I just wanna die

I hate living in this superficial world. I just wanna work open up different insurance policies and pay on them until I die and leave it with my family. This world doesn't love anymore people are about themselves and what u can do for them. That's not true love and without love this world will never be a better place. So preparing for my death I feel is the best option instead of creating dreams and goals just to be enslaved by them and wait 5 more years for a crappy president and raised prices on basic necessities bcuz ppl are greedy. The doctors don't even know what they are doing these days patients coming back over and over because ur health insurance only covered the guy who cheated off the doctor you couldn't afford. Tell me what was so good about the double cheeseburgers then than what they have now to raise the price to $ 2? I mean it was "probably" beef but I'm sure they cut many corners along the way which probably made it 1% beef © I mean what's so different with anything with a higher price now than before? What I should pay $ 200 more on health insurance so u can throw in a tote & a plush puppy advertising u?!?!?! The fcK? FcK u pay me for my advertising!!! What? U can only give me something free bcuz it benefits u? All the resources and they only benefit 1 or a few? This world is so screwed up?!?! I have to pay u for data on my cell over and over and here u can't afford enough towers and gouge the poor and fatten the rich?!?!?! Telling me this promotion isn't available to me bcuz of my zip code b!tch CUT IT! & I'm talkin prices!

The world & society treats people like trees...use them and recycle them damaging what God has created but even then I loose hope bcuz the way I luv I could never inflict pain like this intentionally leaving no room to spend time with family always working dying and never seeing retirement or missing out on experiencing all that God has made. Leaving the tv and entertainment and etc to raise our kids filling the world with a future of abandonment & misdiagnosis of mental health & not dealing with the root of the problem or just having the time to deal with everything working hard while everything falls apart. I feel so hopeless sometimes in God it seems like when I try to hope for the best I get the worst and the opposite always happens so I'm just sittin her like birdman.....

i didn't like sharing oxygen with you anyway

smells a Neptune square Saturn awakened person here.

Yep. It's makes you wonder why this is considered actual life. Why is each day we wake the things we perceive as reality and society life? Why did the universe shit out galaxies, then millions of years later the milky way shit out our solar system? Its such a mystery and a beautiful yet unfathomable to process when considering the size of it all. You have to admit, it's kind of a special thing having no control over anything. How can rocks and dust have absolutely no control over anything, yet eventually become animated and vivid just because you splashed a bit of water and light on it. Life both good and bad is amazing imo.

@blackphase i do © I'm tired of that as well it seems like everybody is depending on me and I'm left with at least 30min to myself with 4hrs of sleep and just to get up and do it again....I don't feel free and I have no mate and I do have ppl that I take care of but if I'm trying to save the world who will save me?...Me? After I'm done with the list of other things. If only I can move pass it like u have if that day even exist. It's like constantly withdrawing but who's depositing? Nothing matters to me I leave here as I came with nothing to take with me. Material things don't matter and ppl are swinging doors even family. I have no other desires in this world and I feel like I don't belong here just put here to be a martyr used up and wasted until I'm replaced.

Thank u all I'll try to consider those things and see how it goes and @starlover no I don't but I'm the youngest and everybody is looking to me when I should be looking to them. Even I friendships I am surely drained.

I know for sure on my journey I'm going to stop being nice. Ppl try to take advantage of nice ppl and treat ppl with bad attitudes with respect and luv. Don't want those things (no value) just don't like to be taken advantage of or disrespected

You have to learn how to be strong. This world is harsh and it will chew you up and destroy you if you can't find a way to be happy. I'm glad I'm a Leo and I don't suffer from depression for very long. Things weigh on my mind but I don't stay down for long. I hope that you can find some peace a quiet and some time to relax.

This is where you go off the grid

Posted by everlynn

Posted by Sssupes
You have to learn how to be strong. This world is harsh and it will chew you up and destroy you if you can't find a way to be happy. I'm glad I'm a Leo and I don't suffer from depression for very long. Things weigh on my mind but I don't stay down for long. I hope that you can find some peace a quiet and some time to relax.

And so what's astrology has to do with being depressed? So you's a Leo, whoopidy doo " rolls eyes".

click to expand

Blow me queer

Posted by P3n3lop3
The world & society treats people like trees...use them and recycle them damaging what God has created but even then I loose hope bcuz the way I luv I could never inflict pain like this intentionally leaving no room to spend time with family always working dying and never seeing retirement or missing out on experiencing all that God has made. Leaving the tv and entertainment and etc to raise our kids filling the world with a future of abandonment & misdiagnosis of mental health & not dealing with the root of the problem or just having the time to deal with everything working hard while everything falls apart. I feel so hopeless sometimes in God it seems like when I try to hope for the best I get the worst and the opposite always happens so I'm just sittin her like birdman.....

well it sounds like you have a plan, i'm not endorsing it as the best plan.... but it involves people you care about, who probably care about you also....
i think that's the key thing to remember, life does get difficult at times... when it does, i think a good fall-back is to remember your true friends and family.
it might not seem like it, but there are people who you can talk to, whether you know them or not. they are interested in your right to a healthy and happy life.

Posted by everlynn

Posted by Sssupes

Posted by everlynn

Posted by Sssupes
You have to learn how to be strong. This world is harsh and it will chew you up and destroy you if you can't find a way to be happy. I'm glad I'm a Leo and I don't suffer from depression for very long. Things weigh on my mind but I don't stay down for long. I hope that you can find some peace a quiet and some time to relax.

And so what's astrology has to do with being depressed? So you's a Leo, whoopidy doo " rolls eyes".

Blow me queer

😕 I don't understand that.

Everybody gets depressed from time to time. And if you wanna put astrology in this, I'll add my two cents and say that fire signs are the least likely to suffer from depression. I wouldn't expect someone like you who's fiery to suffer deep depressions. So giving the op advice about having to be strong etc etc etc, you might want to save that cuz you never went thru serious depressions like wanting to commit suicide, wanting to kill people just for looking at you, raging anger towards people and whatnot. I've been thru this. I feel the op on this. Tho I'm not a water sign, I'll tell you this much. As much water I have in my chart, I suffer depressions. Heck I doubt you even get emotional let alone depressed.

click to expand

You are wrong (as usual) to assume that I've never been depressed or thought about suicide. I thought about it ONCE. Lasted about 2 seconds.

Posted by P3n3lop3
I know for sure on my journey I'm going to stop being nice. Ppl try to take advantage of nice ppl and treat ppl with bad attitudes with respect and luv. Don't want those things (no value) just don't like to be taken advantage of or disrespected

I really doubt most people genuinely respect those with bad attitudes (their character), it's more like they're impressed by their boldness and low key envious of their 'IDGAF about being liked' mindset. But yeah: as a nice person, it's like you either grow an asshole edge or continue to be shitted on. People seem to think being nice means you're asking to be dissed, tested, used etc.

Posted by P3n3lop3
The world & society treats people like trees...use them and recycle them damaging what God has created but even then I loose hope bcuz the way I luv I could never inflict pain like this intentionally leaving no room to spend time with family always working dying and never seeing retirement or missing out on experiencing all that God has made. Leaving the tv and entertainment and etc to raise our kids filling the world with a future of abandonment & misdiagnosis of mental health & not dealing with the root of the problem or just having the time to deal with everything working hard while everything falls apart. I feel so hopeless sometimes in God it seems like when I try to hope for the best I get the worst and the opposite always happens so I'm just sittin her like birdman.....

Awwww...I feel you sweetie. But we NEED people like you !

Watch that it will help

Modern society breeds depression. If you can try to create a small tribe or network of friends and neighbors you can rely on. We aren't designed to carry these heavy burdens by ourselves

I am joining an eco village myself.

Don't lose hope! You, everyone who commented and many others can make a difference in their immediate surroundings at least... When we succeed in seeing the point in contributing to a change, we acquire a powerful mindset and nothing and no one could make us question or underestimate our efforts
This is the result of our disciplinary and consumerist society - one constituted by Western hegemonies...treetrunking Western figures of authority... the biggest hypocrats

We have to challenge them by not abiding by everything that is dictated

Posted by Vixen2
Life can be very cruel...
Sometimes when contemplating...you wonder what our soul purpose is...is it just to live to die? To constantly run on a hamster wheel...working harder and harder just to go nowhere ? It can be bleak.

What helps me trying to change my perspective. We are all just trying to make it. To me, life isn't about anything other then love. All the trials and tribulations are all painful lessons. Why some have more then others...I just don't know and it's unfair, but I believe that our souls are very aware what life they are to live before we are born and we knowingly agree to live the very path we are on.

Without great love there cannot be great pain. It's the yin/yang of life.

"The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran is a great book and I recommend reading it, hopefully it will help you like it did me. Keep swimming .

I would never have chosen to live this shit life and I think it's super non compassionate to say everyone does, considering the ridiculous amount of horrendous suffeting in the world. Tell the african mother who has lost all her children to aids or starvation that that was meant to happen. I guess Africans just chose to suffer more than Americans though

Knowingly agree, haha

Posted by P3n3lop3
I hate living in this superficial world. I just wanna work open up different insurance policies and pay on them until I die and leave it with my family. This world doesn't love anymore people are about themselves and what u can do for them. That's not true love and without love this world will never be a better place. So preparing for my death I feel is the best option instead of creating dreams and goals just to be enslaved by them and wait 5 more years for a crappy president and raised prices on basic necessities bcuz ppl are greedy. The doctors don't even know what they are doing these days patients coming back over and over because ur health insurance only covered the guy who cheated off the doctor you couldn't afford. Tell me what was so good about the double cheeseburgers then than what they have now to raise the price to $ 2? I mean it was "probably" beef but I'm sure they cut many corners along the way which probably made it 1% beef © I mean what's so different with anything with a higher price now than before? What I should pay $ 200 more on health insurance so u can throw in a tote & a plush puppy advertising u?!?!?! The fcK? FcK u pay me for my advertising!!! What? U can only give me something free bcuz it benefits u? All the resources and they only benefit 1 or a few? This world is so screwed up?!?! I have to pay u for data on my cell over and over and here u can't afford enough towers and gouge the poor and fatten the rich?!?!?! Telling me this promotion isn't available to me bcuz of my zip code b!tch CUT IT! & I'm talkin prices!

So are you a scorpio?

I think you just need to die....

in a metaphorical sense lol, you said you're sick of being nice well you're right of one thing, no one ever got anywhere being mediocre in life, being just "nice" in this world just doesn't cut it. once you hit rock bottom after people have stepped all over you is the only time you can start to rebuild yourself.

the reason you feel shit about life is because you're not contributing enough......you think that being "nice" you can slip under the radar and people will excuse your bad qualities saving you from your insecurities being exposed.....once you start wearing your dirt as armour people youll be invincible

Well I appreciate all the input and will give it sum thought....either or putting those things in place is a good idea and could give the ones I love a new start if things don't workout for me or health fails me....I never want them to pile on debt having me on life support or anything & its just a waste. & there is the example/sample of the inconsiderate ppl of society u aren't to judge anyone as Gods ppl we r to luv no matter what not to belittle one another and ostracize them 4 there so called "flaws" we should support one another and forgive. With God mercy and grace is renewed everyday...ppl die over things like that even though name calling can go over ones head 4 another it's a smack on the 4 so we should still handle each other with care,consideration, & patience. Time is the most valuable thing that u can't give back and just that moment of actually stopping to see how someone is doing at least once a day that would be a start instead of saying Hi Hyd? & keep walking with ur back turned shows u really don't care I feel ppl should take out time I don't have a lot of time but I make time. Ppl make time for what they want so why not sacrifice a little and give an ear. We wonder why we have so many killings & massacres but it all could have been prevented if someone stopped to reach out & no one does that anymore so think about the guy who killed all those ppl at the movies in Aurora...ppl just wanted to c The Dark Knight Rises & I'm sure they weren't expecting 4D special effects with Smith & Wesson

@Swagittarius no Pisces Aqua Rising

I really appreciate all the input just finished reading the other messages and I greatly appreciate it and will take it all in. I'm a loner as well. I feel so crazy sometimes....it's like I get over c-suicide and it comes back. I'm learning to control my emotions I even thought about running my car off a bridge and one time I almost ran it off the freeway while heavily intoxicated from drugs & drink thinking that I wouldn't realize what happened but I did & It only had to be God bcuz I really don't remember what made me snap out of it but my tire rim was a mess.

My dear find the little things that makes you happy