need some advice...

Hi all,
ok. heres the situation:
I am a dedicated martial artist who wishes to further his education. Im not well adjusted living in conventional society-therefore as a career path I wish to be a martial arts guide.
I currently reside in NYC but my teacher lives in Texas. I have been contemplating moving down there to complete my training which will take years.
The problem: my girlfriend(who has been very guarded and cautious for the past few years) has opened up alot and we have grown very close in the past year. We are considering moving in together.
If I go to Texas I will have to leave her behind(she has no interest in moving there with me). This will break my heart as well as hers.
If I dont go and continue to grow this relationship it may prove to be a very worthwile endeavor-but I will be haunted for the rest of my life with the idea that I never gave my training a chance; and I am getting older each day...precious time is ticking away.
So in searching the way of truth-(seeking heart, non-attachment, true warriorship), I loose the woman I love and the opportunity of the adventures that lie in conventional "living"(getting married, children, career, house, car, so on).As well as taking a womans heart that has been badly hurt, armored for years, and then gently removed through some of my efforts, and breaking it again.
In going the path of societal planning I will feel like a pansy who didnt have the balls to face truth and fell into the comfortable arms of a "secure life" or a life built on attaining and building "security".

Any words will help.
Thanks
TLH

Hello Tealeafhunter,

I may be over-simplifying your problem a-bit, but, why can't find another trainer who will give you the wisdom and guideance you need in NYC?

Hi TLH

I have only 3 words for you as my part.

FOLLOW YOUR PASSION.
🙂

hi. i guess i know what i want to do. its just difficult when i consider the feelings of my mate. to watch someone grow out of fear and into trust is a wonderful thing to see. i hope she understands and does not zip back into her armor and get pissed off with me and with herself. its not cool to experience a person who is both hurt AND pissed.

STD-if you knew the man i speak of, this kind of "being" comes into existence only once in a while. there are none like him here.

PLlax-i hope youre not mocking the situation, but thats the weird thing about pulling the eastern card-it may hit home, it may poke you in the "I"...

Q-thanks man. simple truth is hard to look at...

If anyone is curious, explore his website: www.artofcombat.com
Thanks all.
SweetP-thanks for the parallel story. think i will read it a couple of more times...

hi. i guess i know what i want to do. its just difficult when i consider the feelings of my mate. to watch someone grow out of fear and into trust is a wonderful thing to see. i hope she understands and does not zip back into her armor and get pissed off with me and with herself. its not cool to experience a person who is both hurt AND pissed.

STD-if you knew the man i speak of, this kind of "being" comes into existence only once in a while. there are none like him here.

PLlax-i hope youre not mocking the situation, but thats the weird thing about pulling the eastern card-it may hit home, it may poke you in the "I"...

Q-thanks man. simple truth is hard to look at...

If anyone is curious, explore his website: www.artofcombat.com
Thanks all.
SweetP-thanks for the parallel story. think i will read it a couple of more times...

oops.

tealeafhunter,

It seems like you are truly torn down the middle regarding the decision you must make. Try to remember this if you will! There are many different paths this story could take that are not being concidered. First if you go it is very possible that your love interest will rethink things and decide to compromise and follow you (even if this is not their preference) as they feel you are important enough to them to do so.

Second if you dont follow this path that your heart wants it will come back to haunt you down the line. At some point you will feel remorse for not choosing to complete the training. But more importantly it will be extremely difficult for you not to eventually have feelings that your mate is partly responsible for this lost opportunity. No matter how much you love her and dont want to hurt her again you must do what is right for you.

If even part of the decision to stay is so that she will not be hurt again, then what I am saying is spot on. Your not staying because she is your soul mate right? That you just can not imagine life without her right? Yes you love her dearly, but the relationship will not stand the test of time if she is not inside your heart fully. So if you stay and have the home kids and all the rest instead of following your heart, there will come a day that you realize that there is resentment in your heart towards your mate. It will become apparent that what was important was making a home together if you love each other this much, not the geogaphical location of that home.

What I mean is this, if she loves you enough she will follow you to Texas, if not then there was not sufficient love there to base a lifetime commitment on anyway. She could very well let you leave only to find that she cares so deeply that she changes her mind and follows. I would go and leave an invitation open to her, tell her you want her with you but her happiness is important to you. So you understand if she doesnt wish to move with you. But you have to be true to yourself before you can be true to anyone else, and this dream is just to important to let go. Besides what kind of mate would you be if not happy. And you will not be happy if you let this dream die.

Take it for what its worth, if it were me I would want to know that the person I was to commit my life to would be with me no matter where I was. It is the person that is important not the place. Try to see it from this view point as you should not have been asked to make such a choice in the first place.

Is she everything you need and want from like? Only you can answer this!

Best of luck, I hope you go and she follows. I know I have followed more than once for the love in my heart, even if I hated the place. I adapted and we not only survived, we thrived in this new place together.

TW2

thanks tw2.

well i suppose im done with this thread. thanks for the advice.
i wrote to my teacher.
we'll see what happens...

Parallax,
nah, just a lot of info on a bunch of skeletons found in the ground. but no real dinosaurs here or in the bible.

TLH...

Your choice... What ever it is, is respected man?. Don?t you dare to give a second thought?!
I was in the same situation before at least 10,000 times... and punishing myself that what it would be like if I said hello to 2nd choice?.!

Never doubt about what you do... at that moment you've decided for the right choice?it was and still is a right choice? "Moments decide what is right or wrong" not the options.!

So?. What ever you do is the correct one and I wish you good luck with your choice

Takecare buddy