Soul
@Soul
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Comments: 2308 · Posts: 17025 · Topics: 110
People who can't accept apologies
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I can accept an apology if I feel it's sincere, if I find the person understands the issue and is prepared to see to it that whatever happened never happens again...and if it's something I can forgive. Some things are just unforgivable.
So I guess, according to you, I'm mentally dysfunctional.🙂
So I guess, according to you, I'm mentally dysfunctional.🙂
Posted by tizianiI guess the truth is I'm trying to hide and make stuff up to shield myself from the fact that maybe it is fair.
Someone refused to accept my apology this week and told me "not if you're just going to keep doing it again".
Which, frankly... I thought was more than fair enough.
Posted by HappyCapperNo I'm mentally dysfunctional. You see how I take a problem of my own and turn it against the people who did nothing wrong really?
I can accept an apology if I feel it's sincere, if I find the person understands the issue and is prepared to see to it that whatever happened never happens again...and if it's something I can forgive. Some things are just unforgivable.
So I guess, according to you, I'm mentally dysfunctional.🙂
Posted by SoulYou mean in your OP? Mentally dysfunctional - I doubt it. I Think you're a person who is being very hard on yourself. And, yes, I kinda saw what you were doing there.🙂Posted by HappyCapperNo I'm mentally dysfunctional. You see how I take a problem of my own and turn it against the people who did nothing wrong really?
I can accept an apology if I feel it's sincere, if I find the person understands the issue and is prepared to see to it that whatever happened never happens again...and if it's something I can forgive. Some things are just unforgivable.
So I guess, according to you, I'm mentally dysfunctional.🙂click to expand
You accept an apology not for the other person, but because you deserve peace.
If I say I'm sorry, it's on them to 'feel entitled and refuse to accept it and hold onto a grudge ' it won't affect me.
I forgive people who never say sorry and I'm happier that way.
If I say I'm sorry, it's on them to 'feel entitled and refuse to accept it and hold onto a grudge ' it won't affect me.
I forgive people who never say sorry and I'm happier that way.
Coming from someone who doesn't forgive easily, I hold myself to the same standard. If you betray me on purpose, I can't go back to you. And even if I "forgive" I can't forget and will keep that incident with me forever. Yes I do hold negative emotions to the extreme but that's more because I'm afraid that the other person will get what they want. They put me down and want me to move on. If I don't move on I hold something against them. It acts as justice almost.
Everybody misunderstand the concept of an apology.
Sure, it means, *they're sorry*
Maybe it's for this conscience, maybe it's for you. Who cares.
Point Is
Holding onto a grudge is spiritually painful.
People gotta let it go.
Its much harder to forgive myself over anything another person has done to me. I am my own worst enemy.
Live and let live and let bygones be just that, gone and passing by.
Sure, it means, *they're sorry*
Maybe it's for this conscience, maybe it's for you. Who cares.
Point Is
Holding onto a grudge is spiritually painful.
People gotta let it go.
Its much harder to forgive myself over anything another person has done to me. I am my own worst enemy.
Live and let live and let bygones be just that, gone and passing by.
There are many circumstances in life that are not forgivable. Just because the person is sorry, doesn't make what happened "Okay"
Everyone has boundary's. Some are more superficial, and lame than others.
However, the reality is most people just need space to cool off. Gotta give em time.
Everyone has boundary's. Some are more superficial, and lame than others.
However, the reality is most people just need space to cool off. Gotta give em time.
Posted by MohiniDo you really not care if the person who is apologising to you means it or not?
Everybody misunderstand the concept of an apology.
Sure, it means, *they're sorry*
Maybe it's for this conscience, maybe it's for you. Who cares.
Point Is
Holding onto a grudge is spiritually painful.
People gotta let it go.
Its much harder to forgive myself over anything another person has done to me. I am my own worst enemy.
Live and let live and let bygones be just that, gone and passing by.
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
Posted by HappyCapperNo I really don't. Know why? Because me letting it go is a great way to ..Posted by MohiniDon't you really not care if the person who is apologising to you means it or not?
Everybody misunderstand the concept of an apology.
Sure, it means, *they're sorry*
Maybe it's for this conscience, maybe it's for you. Who cares.
Point Is
Holding onto a grudge is spiritually painful.
People gotta let it go.
Its much harder to forgive myself over anything another person has done to me. I am my own worst enemy.
Live and let live and let bygones be just that, gone and passing by.click to expand
1)keep my sanity
2) show them they are not worth my time if they had to apologize.
And
3) move on without emotional hangups.
Why wouldn't someone just let it go? We can go in depth here. But I'm telling you, forgiving is the best act a human can perform.
Posted by PalerioI'm more on this page. Ill say it but that's as far as I take it.
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
Wont find me gravaling.
Posted by MohiniSee, i don't view holding a grudge and not accepting someones apology as the same thing.
Everybody misunderstand the concept of an apology.
Sure, it means, *they're sorry*
Maybe it's for this conscience, maybe it's for you. Who cares.
Point Is
Holding onto a grudge is spiritually painful.
People gotta let it go.
Its much harder to forgive myself over anything another person has done to me. I am my own worst enemy.
Live and let live and let bygones be just that, gone and passing by.
I do have a few people i've iced out. All of which have been totally justified.(imo)
I don't hate them, i don't ever think about what they have done- if i were to see them i wouldn't feel- anything.
It happened, it's done.
However, something to consider - People don't apologize just to apologize. They apologize to you as a way to get back into your life. That's just truth.
If someone is a shady person, who does really messed up things..why would you want them around you?
Posted by xXxAliciaXxXI can express empathy without feeling badly about it.Posted by PalerioIt's the acknowledgment that you realize you did something wrong or hurtful to another person and you feel badly about it.
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
It's expressed empathy.click to expand
In fact, I only apologize after she says "am sorry my lord".
I apologizer but that word will never surface her mind again.
She must learn to avoid apologize as I do with her.
Posted by xXxAliciaXxXwhy do you need to be acknowledged?Posted by PalerioIt's the acknowledgment that you realize you did something wrong or hurtful to another person and you feel badly about it.
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
It's expressed empathy.click to expand
Posted by SoulI feel that people who cannot accept apologies are in for hard road.
I've noticed these type of people are normally mentally dysfunctional....
How do you feel about people who can't accept apologies, also while not putting yourself in their place. Lets pretend you fucked up yourself by mistake, and the person refuses to forgive you.
Because... if they can't forgive* you, can you imagine the hell they must impose
on themselves?
Some of our (dear) Plutonians struggle with this, from what I've seen in my own
family-- I hate it... it's unnecessary.
Esp if saturn is in any way an influence-- it's the formaldehyde that keeps pluto
in the death stage, instead of moving through to the whole 'rebirth' part.
If I fucked up and someone refused to forgive me, there isn't much I could do...
maybe I'm misunderstanding the question?
I wouldn't grovel, if that's what you're asking?
Posted by MohiniI believe most of us deal with their fit of anger indipendently, so by the time the offender apologise it's usually "too late" for them to do it.Posted by PalerioI'm more on this page. Ill say it but that's as far as I take it.
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
Wont find me gravaling.click to expand
Personally, I let things go already on my own.
Posted by MontgomeryWhen I get to the point I feel the need to apologise to a person, that means it must have deeply bothered them, which actually deeply bothers me. I've always been in for a rough time because I can't stop my anger until I've gone and shown my crazy. When I hurt a person I get to the point I feel trapped. For weeks I'll think about it, dream about it, and mentally obsess about it. Then I slowly start putting the blame on them, because I feel It's their fault for not forgiving me that I'm hurting and trapped. In reality it's my fault for everything in the first place.Posted by SoulI feel that people who cannot accept apologies are in for hard road.
I've noticed these type of people are normally mentally dysfunctional....
How do you feel about people who can't accept apologies, also while not putting yourself in their place. Lets pretend you fucked up yourself by mistake, and the person refuses to forgive you.
Because... if they can't forgive* you, can you imagine the hell they must impose
on themselves?
Some of our (dear) Plutonians struggle with this, from what I've seen in my own
family-- I hate it... it's unnecessary.
Esp if saturn is in any way an influence-- it's the formaldehyde that keeps pluto
in the death stage, instead of moving through to the whole 'rebirthplace..
If I fucked up and someone refused to forgive me, there isn't much I could do...
maybe I'm misunderstanding the question?
I wouldn't grovel, if that's what you're asking?
click to expand
Idk if this thread is really a question, an opinion, or just me confessing how I feel. I'm just bothered I guess.
Posted by xXxAliciaXxXActually that's the same thing. But I don't care if o see you or not after an apology. I let it all go. Clean slate but I won't feel as much sympathy as I once would.Posted by MohiniI understand your interpretation of an apology, but not everyone processes it the same way.
Everybody misunderstand the concept of an apology.
Sure, it means, *they're sorry*
Maybe it's for this conscience, maybe it's for you. Who cares.
Point Is
Holding onto a grudge is spiritually painful.
People gotta let it go.
Its much harder to forgive myself over anything another person has done to me. I am my own worst enemy.
Live and let live and let bygones be just that, gone and passing by.
For me, accepting an apology doesn't magically make me feel better. There is no grudge that is magically released when I say "I forgive you". I do not work that way.
The only thing that will make me feel better in a situation where I was extremely wronged and/or mistreated, is if you get out of my life and stay out of my life. Do not speak to me ever again and I will feel much better.click to expand
Posted by MohiniThat was not the question, though. To me, it will be a lot easier to accept an apology if it's sincere - do you not have any feelings in that direction? Any sort of apology feels the same to you?Posted by HappyCapperNo I really don't. Know why? Because me letting it go is a great way to ..Posted by MohiniDo you really not care if the person who is apologising to you means it or not?
Everybody misunderstand the concept of an apology.
Sure, it means, *they're sorry*
Maybe it's for this conscience, maybe it's for you. Who cares.
Point Is
Holding onto a grudge is spiritually painful.
People gotta let it go.
Its much harder to forgive myself over anything another person has done to me. I am my own worst enemy.
Live and let live and let bygones be just that, gone and passing by.
1)keep my sanity
2) show them they are not worth my time if they had to apologize.
And
3) move on without emotional hangups.
Why wouldn't someone just let it go? We can go in depth here. But I'm telling you, forgiving is the best act a human can perform.click to expand
Posted by SkittyIve said sorry to someone I had zero intention of seeing again. Sometimes, it's not to get back in, but to get out on a good note.Posted by MohiniSee, i don't view holding a grudge and not accepting someones apology as the same thing.
Everybody misunderstand the concept of an apology.
Sure, it means, *they're sorry*
Maybe it's for this conscience, maybe it's for you. Who cares.
Point Is
Holding onto a grudge is spiritually painful.
People gotta let it go.
Its much harder to forgive myself over anything another person has done to me. I am my own worst enemy.
Live and let live and let bygones be just that, gone and passing by.
I do have a few people i've iced out. All of which have been totally justified.(imo)
I don't hate them, i don't ever think about what they have done- if i were to see them i wouldn't feel- anything.
It happened, it's done.
However, something to consider - People don't apologize just to apologize. They apologize to you as a way to get back into your life. That's just truth.
If someone is a shady person, who does really messed up things..why would you want them around you?click to expand
Posted by PalerioSame here.Posted by MohiniI believe most of us deal with their fit of anger indipendently, so by the time the offender apologise it's usually "too late" for them to do it.Posted by PalerioI'm more on this page. Ill say it but that's as far as I take it.
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
Wont find me gravaling.
Personally, I let things go already on my own.click to expand
Posted by HappyCapperYes, all apologies are the same. I'm unaffected by them. They are all the same. Who am I to judge another's sincerity?Posted by MohiniThat was not the question, though. To me, it will be a lot easier to accept an apology if it's sincere - do you not have any feelings in that direction? Any sort of apology feels the same to you?Posted by HappyCapperNo I really don't. Know why? Because me letting it go is a great way to ..Posted by MohiniDo you really not care if the person who is apologising to you means it or not?
Everybody misunderstand the concept of an apology.
Sure, it means, *they're sorry*
Maybe it's for this conscience, maybe it's for you. Who cares.
Point Is
Holding onto a grudge is spiritually painful.
People gotta let it go.
Its much harder to forgive myself over anything another person has done to me. I am my own worst enemy.
Live and let live and let bygones be just that, gone and passing by.
1)keep my sanity
2) show them they are not worth my time if they had to apologize.
And
3) move on without emotional hangups.
Why wouldn't someone just let it go? We can go in depth here. But I'm telling you, forgiving is the best act a human can perform.click to expand
I'm way too apologetic. Sometimes I'll apologize when I've done nothing wrong. It's a lose/lose situation for me but that's fine.
I've noticed that those "friends" never stay in my life. I'm cool with that too.
The thing is that I want peace from all parties, no matter the cost
I've noticed that those "friends" never stay in my life. I'm cool with that too.
The thing is that I want peace from all parties, no matter the cost
Posted by MohiniOkay. Must say I really don't get that. I guess we're different.🙂Posted by HappyCapperYes, all apologies are the same. I'm unaffected by them. They are all the same. Who am I to judge another's sincerity?Posted by MohiniThat was not the question, though. To me, it will be a lot easier to accept an apology if it's sincere - do you not have any feelings in that direction? Any sort of apology feels the same to you?Posted by HappyCapperNo I really don't. Know why? Because me letting it go is a great way to ..Posted by MohiniDo you really not care if the person who is apologising to you means it or not?
Everybody misunderstand the concept of an apology.
Sure, it means, *they're sorry*
Maybe it's for this conscience, maybe it's for you. Who cares.
Point Is
Holding onto a grudge is spiritually painful.
People gotta let it go.
Its much harder to forgive myself over anything another person has done to me. I am my own worst enemy.
Live and let live and let bygones be just that, gone and passing by.
1)keep my sanity
2) show them they are not worth my time if they had to apologize.
And
3) move on without emotional hangups.
Why wouldn't someone just let it go? We can go in depth here. But I'm telling you, forgiving is the best act a human can perform.click to expand
Posted by PalerioIts too late!
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
I already pretend shot you and mourned your fake death. Its good now.
Posted by SssupesI agree. It's just so much better when people can accept that humans make mistakes. The path is much brighter when you can move on.
I'm way too apologetic. Sometimes I'll apologize when I've done nothing wrong. It's a lose/lose situation for me but that's fine.
I've noticed that those "friends" never stay in my life. I'm cool with that too.
The thing is that I want peace from all parties, no matter the cost
I don't believe you have to love or trust those who do you wrong, but why dwell in the negative aspects of a mistake forever?
I feel ppl should forgive. So i have a personal question. If someone broke ur heart and truly asked for forgiveness can u forgive them and give them a second chance with ur heart?
I can forgive but i noticed when ppl hurt my heart i ignore them and dont really alloe them in my life. I feel i forgive but not forget
I can forgive but i noticed when ppl hurt my heart i ignore them and dont really alloe them in my life. I feel i forgive but not forget
Posted by SoulExactly. It's much nicer when someone can just apologize and we can hug and buy each other a beer and a shot of fireball and we can continue with having a good timePosted by SssupesI agree. It's just so much better when people can accept that humans make mistakes. The path is much brighter when you can move on.
I'm way too apologetic. Sometimes I'll apologize when I've done nothing wrong. It's a lose/lose situation for me but that's fine.
I've noticed that those "friends" never stay in my life. I'm cool with that too.
The thing is that I want peace from all parties, no matter the cost
I don't believe you have to love or trust those who do you wrong, but why dwell in the negative aspects of a mistake forever?click to expand
Posted by xXxAliciaXxXThis how i feel. If u wronged me...im ok...im great just leave me alone...ive had ppl come bck and want a relationship with me and im like why...i forgave u but leave me alone.....idk...even friendships etc its like im ok. Ur we wouldnt be the same i feel better just not having u aroundPosted by MohiniI understand your interpretation of an apology, but not everyone processes it the same way.
Everybody misunderstand the concept of an apology.
Sure, it means, *they're sorry*
Maybe it's for this conscience, maybe it's for you. Who cares.
Point Is
Holding onto a grudge is spiritually painful.
People gotta let it go.
Its much harder to forgive myself over anything another person has done to me. I am my own worst enemy.
Live and let live and let bygones be just that, gone and passing by.
For me, accepting an apology doesn't magically make me feel better. There is no grudge that is magically released when I say "I forgive you". I do not work that way.
The only thing that will make me feel better in a situation where I was extremely wronged and/or mistreated, is if you get out of my life and stay out of my life. Do not speak to me ever again and I will feel much better.click to expand
Posted by xXxAliciaXxXI don't see it as expressed form empathy to be honest, more like simpathy, of which I'm not fond of.Posted by PalerioI don't need to be acknowledged, but ones feelings SHOULD be acknowledged when you mess up. It's called humanity and empathy.Posted by xXxAliciaXxXwhy do you need to be acknowledged?Posted by PalerioIt's the acknowledgment that you realize you did something wrong or hurtful to another person and you feel badly about it.
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
It's expressed empathy.
It is human nature to express empathy when one feels badly for another person. Apologies are how we do that. If you hurt me and you claim to be someone who loves or cares about me then an apology makes sense.
If you do not feel compelled to apologize after wronging someone, you either do not care about the other person or there is something wrong with you on a psychological level.
click to expand
Empathy, to me, is shown when you have the ability to touch subjects, you know would piss someone off, without actually pissing the other person off, so basically it's another form of tact, which is an art. Even though I may appreciate the other person ultimately apologising, the apology it's not going to change the substance: I've moved on already autonomously.
Also I see an apology, unless it was very meaningful, as a passive-aggressive act and, personally, I'd rather be demonstrative instead, in a constructive way, to SHOW you how I much I care.
"Let's go somewhere and have some fun" is usually my way of saying I'm sorry.
Posted by lovely77See love makes the process of forgiveness difficult. Like if a woman broke my heart I'd be devastated. Won't even try to pretend like I wouldn't be
I feel ppl should forgive. So i have a personal question. If someone broke ur heart and truly asked for forgiveness can u forgive them and give them a second chance with ur heart?
I can forgive but i noticed when ppl hurt my heart i ignore them and dont really alloe them in my life. I feel i forgive but not forget
I'm nice to all my exes eventually though, even the ones who cheated. Not to a point I'd even trust them, but to the point I'd say hi to them In a polite way. Half of me is a past dweller while the other half just wants to move on and get over it.
Posted by PalerioSometimes putting pride aside and taking the passive aggressive route is the best route for everyone. Sometimes it's the opposite too.Posted by xXxAliciaXxXI don't see it as expressed form empathy to be honest, more like simpathy, of which I'm not fond of.Posted by PalerioI don't need to be acknowledged, but ones feelings SHOULD be acknowledged when you mess up. It's called humanity and empathy.Posted by xXxAliciaXxXwhy do you need to be acknowledged?Posted by PalerioIt's the acknowledgment that you realize you did something wrong or hurtful to another person and you feel badly about it.
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
It's expressed empathy.
It is human nature to express empathy when one feels badly for another person. Apologies are how we do that. If you hurt me and you claim to be someone who loves or cares about me then an apology makes sense.
If you do not feel compelled to apologize after wronging someone, you either do not care about the other person or there is something wrong with you on a psychological level.
Empathy, to me, is shown when you have the ability to touch subjects, you know would piss someone off, without actually pissing the other person off, so basically it's another form of tact, which is an art. Even though I may appreciate the other person ultimately apologising, the apology it's not going to change the substance: I've moved on already autonomously.
Also I see an apology, unless it was very meaningful, as a passive-aggressive act and, personally, I'd rather be demonstrative instead, in a constructive way, to SHOW you how I much I care.
"Let's go somewhere and have some fun" is usually my way of saying I'm sorry.click to expand
Posted by SoulPosted by lovely77See love makes the process of forgiveness difficult. Like if a woman broke my heart I'd be devastated. Won't even try to pretend like I wouldn't be
I feel ppl should forgive. So i have a personal question. If someone broke ur heart and truly asked for forgiveness can u forgive them and give them a second chance with ur heart?
I can forgive but i noticed when ppl hurt my heart i ignore them and dont really alloe them in my life. I feel i forgive but not forget
I'm nice to all my exes eventually though, even the ones who cheated. Not to a point I'd even trust them, but to the point I'd say hi to them In a polite way. Half of me is a past dweller while the other half just wants to move on and get over it.click to expand
I agree im very nice even helpful. Ive had few ppl beg and truly want to be with me they have changed and made mistakes. I forgive u but i cant allow myself to have u in my life.
I forgive everyone but our rel may not be the same
Posted by MohiniLove Colbert!Posted by PalerioIts too late!
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
I already pretend shot you and mourned your fake death. Its good now.click to expand
I read we're both INFJ and it makes sense since my humour is very similar when I deal with actual people.
Posted by SoulOhhh--
When I get to the point I feel the need to apologise to a person, that means it must have deeply bothered them, which actually deeply bothers me. I've always been in for a rough time because I can't stop my anger until I've gone and shown my crazy. When I hurt a person I get to the point I feel trapped. For weeks I'll think about it, dream about it, and mentally obsess about it. Then I slowly start putting the blame on them, because I feel It's their fault for not forgiving me that I'm hurting and trapped. In reality it's my fault for everything in the first place.
Idk if this thread is really a question, an opinion, or just me confessing how I feel. I'm just bothered I guess.
I was thinking there was someone who wouldn't forgive you...
I think I get what you're saying, though-- you let it fester, until it's a monster
distorted beyond all reason.
'In reality it's my fault for everything in the first place...'
We all do rotten shit to other people.
Confessing it is cathartic, for me, too-- all the bullshit my mind is telling
me is dragged into the light, and killed.
It's rarely as bad as I think it is... and apologies are incredibly liberating.
That's where the power is-- in my experience, anyway.
🙂
Since we were children (especally those with siblings) parents would always tell us to say sorry. When a child messes up and hurts someone, the first thing most parents do is make the apologise. The one thing they never seem to teach however is forgiveness.
I just feel forgiveness is the most pure and positive trait a person could show. If you can take a hard hit, then turn around and forgive the person you're a true saint.
I just feel forgiveness is the most pure and positive trait a person could show. If you can take a hard hit, then turn around and forgive the person you're a true saint.
Posted by SoulI take it, I don't have problems accepting it, I'm just more indifferent when it comes to receiving one. I know what people should do for me to consider their gesture meaningful, however I'm not expecting them to actually to do it.Posted by PalerioSometimes putting pride aside and taking the passive aggressive route is the best route for everyone. Sometimes it's the opposite too.Posted by xXxAliciaXxXI don't see it as expressed form empathy to be honest, more like simpathy, of which I'm not fond of.Posted by PalerioI don't need to be acknowledged, but ones feelings SHOULD be acknowledged when you mess up. It's called humanity and empathy.Posted by xXxAliciaXxXwhy do you need to be acknowledged?Posted by PalerioIt's the acknowledgment that you realize you did something wrong or hurtful to another person and you feel badly about it.
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
It's expressed empathy.
It is human nature to express empathy when one feels badly for another person. Apologies are how we do that. If you hurt me and you claim to be someone who loves or cares about me then an apology makes sense.
If you do not feel compelled to apologize after wronging someone, you either do not care about the other person or there is something wrong with you on a psychological level.
Empathy, to me, is shown when you have the ability to touch subjects, you know would piss someone off, without actually pissing the other person off, so basically it's another form of tact, which is an art. Even though I may appreciate the other person ultimately apologising, the apology it's not going to change the substance: I've moved on already autonomously.
Also I see an apology, unless it was very meaningful, as a passive-aggressive act and, personally, I'd rather be demonstrative instead, in a constructive way, to SHOW you how I much I care.
"Let's go somewhere and have some fun" is usually my way of saying I'm sorry.click to expand
I'd be nice but I'm fine either you apologise or not.
We also all make errors at some point in life and apologising, most times, it's really just a waste of time.
@xXxAliciaXxX
I suppose it's a step, although not a very meaningful one unless the other has said something that really touched your heart in some way.
It's like people wishing me happy birthday by texting me "happy birthday!!!".
I'm happy in the end but where's the effort? where's your creativity? is it too much to expect a funny one-liner, a random pic or video or whatever shows you were thoughtful? I guess saying just "happy birthday" it's too neutral of an approach for me.
I suppose it's a step, although not a very meaningful one unless the other has said something that really touched your heart in some way.
It's like people wishing me happy birthday by texting me "happy birthday!!!".
I'm happy in the end but where's the effort? where's your creativity? is it too much to expect a funny one-liner, a random pic or video or whatever shows you were thoughtful? I guess saying just "happy birthday" it's too neutral of an approach for me.
I accept apologies in order to move on.
Posted by PalerioWould it bother you if the other person didn't undestand that it was meant as an apology? What would you do/say if you accidently ran over someone's dog?Posted by xXxAliciaXxXI don't see it as expressed form empathy to be honest, more like simpathy, of which I'm not fond of.Posted by PalerioI don't need to be acknowledged, but ones feelings SHOULD be acknowledged when you mess up. It's called humanity and empathy.Posted by xXxAliciaXxXwhy do you need to be acknowledged?Posted by PalerioIt's the acknowledgment that you realize you did something wrong or hurtful to another person and you feel badly about it.
I don't see the point of apologising in general.
It's expressed empathy.
It is human nature to express empathy when one feels badly for another person. Apologies are how we do that. If you hurt me and you claim to be someone who loves or cares about me then an apology makes sense.
If you do not feel compelled to apologize after wronging someone, you either do not care about the other person or there is something wrong with you on a psychological level.
Empathy, to me, is shown when you have the ability to touch subjects, you know would piss someone off, without actually pissing the other person off, so basically it's another form of tact, which is an art. Even though I may appreciate the other person ultimately apologising, the apology it's not going to change the substance: I've moved on already autonomously.
Also I see an apology, unless it was very meaningful, as a passive-aggressive act and, personally, I'd rather be demonstrative instead, in a constructive way, to SHOW you how I much I care.
"Let's go somewhere and have some fun" is usually my way of saying I'm sorry.click to expand
Posted by xXxAliciaXxXSee there's my problem, it's "you go from there" that is too shallow for my liking.Posted by PalerioThat's what I'm saying though.
@xXxAliciaXxX
I suppose it's a step, although not a very meaningful one unless the other has said something that really touched your heart in some way.
It's like people wishing me happy birthday by texting me "happy birthday!!!".
I'm happy in the end but where's the effort? where's your creativity? is it too much to expect a funny one-liner, a random pic or video or whatever shows you were thoughtful? I guess saying just "happy birthday" it's too neutral of an approach for me.
The words only hold weight if the actions that follow are genuine.
I'm not saying a simple apology fixes everything. I am saying that it is a start if you want to let someone know that you acknowledge their hurt and you feel badly for what you did to them.
Then you go from there.click to expand
You've done something you should have done, your purpose should be to reverse the trend by changing my mood, which I already forced myself to change anyway.
One step ≠putting effort, at least two steps or better three would.
Also 'empathy' is supposed to mean 'compassion', which is in original sense derives from "cum" + "patire", in other words "suffer together", and with an apology you're just acknowledging, so far from that.
Basically I skip the apology, since there's no way you can re-experience the moment he/she was butt hurt together.
I have to constantly forgive others that were never sorry. Gotta move on from derps. Shake it off kid.
@HappyCapper
I don't have hard time expressing at words, it comes very natural and my point or eventual apology usually comes across very clearly, so the other person will know if it was an apology or not. I believe it's also self-explanatory that I'm "apologising" if I'm inviting you to do something together.
Running over someone's dog? Idk... it's a rather extreme scenario not likely to happen, I may have to be in that moment to decide what's best.
I would probably invite the other person to spend a weekend together somewhere in Italy or I may even contemplate the idea of buying a new dog, although I know it won't hold the same affective value...
Now problem would be if I find the other person attractive...
It's very possible that I may put myself in a scenario that it's too intimate for the two of us, in which I would probably have a hard time with not making an actual move on her... so troubles.
😆
I don't have hard time expressing at words, it comes very natural and my point or eventual apology usually comes across very clearly, so the other person will know if it was an apology or not. I believe it's also self-explanatory that I'm "apologising" if I'm inviting you to do something together.
Running over someone's dog? Idk... it's a rather extreme scenario not likely to happen, I may have to be in that moment to decide what's best.
I would probably invite the other person to spend a weekend together somewhere in Italy or I may even contemplate the idea of buying a new dog, although I know it won't hold the same affective value...
Now problem would be if I find the other person attractive...
It's very possible that I may put myself in a scenario that it's too intimate for the two of us, in which I would probably have a hard time with not making an actual move on her... so troubles.
😆
Posted by xXxAliciaXxXI'm not trying to convince you, I got your point and I respect it. No rabbit hole here.Posted by PalerioOk. You're going down a rabbit hole now.Posted by xXxAliciaXxXSee there's my problem, it's "you go from there" that is too shallow for my liking.Posted by PalerioThat's what I'm saying though.
@xXxAliciaXxX
I suppose it's a step, although not a very meaningful one unless the other has said something that really touched your heart in some way.
It's like people wishing me happy birthday by texting me "happy birthday!!!".
I'm happy in the end but where's the effort? where's your creativity? is it too much to expect a funny one-liner, a random pic or video or whatever shows you were thoughtful? I guess saying just "happy birthday" it's too neutral of an approach for me.
The words only hold weight if the actions that follow are genuine.
I'm not saying a simple apology fixes everything. I am saying that it is a start if you want to let someone know that you acknowledge their hurt and you feel badly for what you did to them.
Then you go from there.
You've done something you should have done, your purpose should be to reverse the trend by changing my mood, which I already forced myself to change anyway.
One step ≠putting effort, at least two steps or better three would.
Also 'empathy' is supposed to mean 'compassion', which is in original sense derives from "cum" + "patire", in other words "suffer together", and with an apology you're just acknowledging so far from that.
Basically I skip the apology, since there's no way you can re-experience the moment it was butt hurt together.
Breaking down vocabulary is unnecessary with this particular topic. It really doesn't help to make a point.
As I stated way earlier, to each their own. There isn't one way to express empathy.
My argument is that an apology does in fact hold weight when you follow through with actions.
You "don't need" an apology? That's fine. Most people do not feel that way though.click to expand
I just thought it was interesting to break down the word to look at the matter from a different perspective.
Posted by champrangerIt's this.Posted by PalerioBut a lot of times, it gets used as a formality rather than expression of humility and regret.
I don't see the point of apologising in general.click to expand
Formality isn't specific, just like sending a text on which is written "happy birthday":
For me a text could be enough, I don't even need actions, I just need the other person to be behind that text with his/her mind while writing.
I've dealt with too many Virgos to accept absent-mindedness any longer... 😄
Posted by Palerio"I believe it's also self-explanatory that I'm "apologising" if I'm inviting you to do something together."
@HappyCapper
I don't have hard time expressing at words, it comes very natural and my point or eventual apology usually comes across very clearly, so the other person will know if it was an apology or not. I believe it's also self-explanatory that I'm "apologising" if I'm inviting you to do something together.
Running over someone's dog? Idk... it's a rather extreme scenario not likely to happen, I may have to be in that moment to decide what's best.
I would probably invite the other person to spend a weekend together somewhere in Italy or I may even contemplate the idea of buying a new dog, although I know it won't hold the same affective value...
Now problem would be if I find the other person attractive...
It's very possible that I may put myself in a scenario that it's too intimate for the two of us, in which I would probably have a hard time with not making an actual move on her... so troubles.
😆
Some people may not agree. Far too often there are misunderstandings when it comes to this, imo. Why not just say the words?
So if you ran over someone's dog, you wouldn't say the words either? It's probably not meant that way, but I feel it may seem cold not to do that. "I ran over your dog, wanna go to Italy?" No, I understand you wouldn't put it exactly like that - it just seemed like a good idea to me to say the actual words in that scenario. But we're different.
Well, thaaat's a difficult scenario.😄
Posted by HappyCapperLet's be honest and say the odds of me running over a friend of mine's dog are the same of me having dinner with Scarlett Johansson...Posted by Palerio"I believe it's also self-explanatory that I'm "apologising" if I'm inviting you to do something together."
@HappyCapper
I don't have hard time expressing at words, it comes very natural and my point or eventual apology usually comes across very clearly, so the other person will know if it was an apology or not. I believe it's also self-explanatory that I'm "apologising" if I'm inviting you to do something together.
Running over someone's dog? Idk... it's a rather extreme scenario not likely to happen, I may have to be in that moment to decide what's best.
I would probably invite the other person to spend a weekend together somewhere in Italy or I may even contemplate the idea of buying a new dog, although I know it won't hold the same affective value...
Now problem would be if I find the other person attractive...
It's very possible that I may put myself in a scenario that it's too intimate for the two of us, in which I would probably have a hard time with not making an actual move on her... so troubles.
😆
Some people may not agree. Far too often there are misunderstandings when it comes to this, imo. Why not just say the words?
So if you ran over someone's dog, you wouldn't say the words either? It's probably not meant that way, but I feel it may seem cold not to do that. "I ran over your dog, wanna go to Italy?" No, I understand you wouldn't put it exactly like that - it just seemed like a good idea to me to say the actual words in that scenario. But we're different.
Well, thaaat's a difficult scenario.😄
click to expand
It's not even a remotely plausible scenario.
Posted by PalerioYou want another scenario?Posted by HappyCapperLet's be honest and say the odds of me running over a friend of mine's dog are the same of me having dinner with Scarlett Johansson...Posted by Palerio"I believe it's also self-explanatory that I'm "apologising" if I'm inviting you to do something together."
@HappyCapper
I don't have hard time expressing at words, it comes very natural and my point or eventual apology usually comes across very clearly, so the other person will know if it was an apology or not. I believe it's also self-explanatory that I'm "apologising" if I'm inviting you to do something together.
Running over someone's dog? Idk... it's a rather extreme scenario not likely to happen, I may have to be in that moment to decide what's best.
I would probably invite the other person to spend a weekend together somewhere in Italy or I may even contemplate the idea of buying a new dog, although I know it won't hold the same affective value...
Now problem would be if I find the other person attractive...
It's very possible that I may put myself in a scenario that it's too intimate for the two of us, in which I would probably have a hard time with not making an actual move on her... so troubles.
😆
Some people may not agree. Far too often there are misunderstandings when it comes to this, imo. Why not just say the words?
So if you ran over someone's dog, you wouldn't say the words either? It's probably not meant that way, but I feel it may seem cold not to do that. "I ran over your dog, wanna go to Italy?" No, I understand you wouldn't put it exactly like that - it just seemed like a good idea to me to say the actual words in that scenario. But we're different.
Well, thaaat's a difficult scenario.😄
It's not even a remotely plausible scenario.click to expand
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