Signed Up: Dec 21, 2011 Comments: 99 · Posts: 16295 · Topics: 1686
For a change, I don't want to troll today. Even though I have many bashers here, I feel at home here in DXP. I can be myself, my crazy self. LOL. And although it's annoying to some, I'm glad I delight others. It's also quite a bonus that I have some bromantic relationship that's friggin' hilarious. I know Ands doesn't like me today but I am holding on to memories. I still like him - sometimes. LOL.
Anyways, I will tell you my story. The bad parts I should say. Somebody tried to ruin my life. Sadly, it was one of my closest friends in high school. It was terrible. The last year of that chapter was terrible for many many reasons. I couldn't sleep at night, and there was nothing that could make me happy. That Little Prince book, cherished by many people, made my feelings even worse. It was around Christmas Day of 2003 when I reached the lowest point in my life.
New Year's Day 2004 had all the nicest views I've seen - the wonderful clouds and the sunsetting golden sun. How I wish I was as happy as the sky I see. But no. I was as sad as the sky was beautiful. Of course, because of those terrible, unbearable days, I was not looking forward to the new year. But things worsened even further... until I could not speak anymore. I have kept to myself all my feelings. I didn't tell anyone, not even my family and friends. I didn't want to open up until I reached the point when all I could do was write my feelings on a piece of paper. I was 16 then.
The next few months were just as horrible. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Because of the medications and hospitalizations, I regained my health. Summer of 2004 (April and May here in the PH) was one of the nicest memorable summers I had. I found a fresh outlook in life. And learned to just enjoy the things around. I went to swimming lessons and learned to bike. It was great!
June was the opening of classes. I enrolled in an accounting school, met many new friends and acquaintances. Because bipolar is not curable, I had to go on with follow-up consultations with my doctor. He advised me to temporarily stop studying for a year. Well, I'm the competitive type so I asked my doctor if I can study without stopping. Fortunately, my doctor changed his mind and allowed me to study without stopping.
Four years in college pushed me beyond my limits. I studied very hard to earn my grades. I didn't fail a subject and graduated cum laude. I took the board exams the same year and eventually passed it on my one and only take (only 36.64% passed the exams) and I had a high grade of 80.71% . My parents were very proud of me. My classmates in high school began to look at me in a different way. I was a loser in HS but they now see me as some achiever.
High in spirits, I took the entrance exam in the most competitive law school in the Philippines where only the brightest students are accepted. Reports say only 8% of applicants are accepted. I made it, despite the very tough competition. That was 2009... However, everything started to go downhill from there. Stress in law school was too much. And because that was the most competitive law school in the Philippines, the stress was so so so much more than other law schools. We had hundreds of pages to read in one day. Imagine that! I reckon, it was probably thousand pages sometimes.
That law school proved to be something that wasn't really for me. I failed two subjects and dropped out. I transferred to another law school in November 2011 with so much hope - I saw it as an opportunity to rewrite my career path. Because of this inspiration, right attitude, I made it to the dean's list as the number 1 among the students. Unfortunately, by 2013, my parents asked me to transfer to a local school, one that's about 5 kilometers from home. It was very hard for me to disobey my parents. I gave in. I transferred to that law school, my 3rd!
I graduated in 2015. To make the long story short, I passed the bar and became a lawyer in 2017. Months after passing, my mother told me a long-kept secret: my doctor actually told her that, according to his observations, I am not capable of passing the bar! Philippine Bar is very difficult, I know people not making it in their 5th or so tries. I made it on my 2nd. On my 1st try, I was only 0.35 percentage points away from passing. And now, I'm hearing this secret from my mum?? Wow.
I may have bipolar disorder but I've always believed that I'll make it, that I'm destined for something great. I'm looking forward to my future. I still sometimes find problems with my disorder. I have racing thoughts at night, inability to sleep, internet (or even DXP) addiction, impulsive behavior (but thankfully not spending behavior lol), and so many more!
But I still go on with life. I try to discipline myself by saying NO to some impulses. I'm not yet there. It's kinda hard sometimes. The struggle is real. Thank God, I don't do substance abuse. But I can't help it! I'm addicted to the internet!
If you have questions on how I was able to overcome all these challenges, this is the right thread. I think, keeping oneself busy helps. That's why when I was busy studying in college and in law school, I didn't succumb to nervous breakdowns. The last time I was hospitalized was in October 2013. The previous ones were in September 2010, December 2007, June 2004, and March 2004.
Ever since 2013, I told myself that I have to be strong. That I shouldn't give up. Whenever I have a sleepless night - which is usually one of the reasons to hospitalize me - I tell myself, okay, be nice, be good, prove to yourself that you can take care of yourself. From August 2014 through August 2015, I had 35 sleepless nights... but I was not hospitalized at all... because I told myself that I have to be nice/good to others. I survived that terrible period... it was like the 2nd Dark Age of my life (the first was 2003-04 cycle lol).
So there, I hope I inspire you all. Always look forward to your future. If you think everything's hopeless, every day's a 2nd chance. And there are 365 days in a year so there's 365 second chances in a year for you! Cheers!
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