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Oct 11, 2006Comments: 2454 · Posts: 30581 · Topics: 372
Let’s say you have a family member - specifically your grandfather - who has chosen to be a miserable pile of shit his entire life and alienated himself from his family (including his grandchildren and great-grandchildren who have done nothing to him) despite their numerous attempts to reach out/mend fences etc
30+ years this man consciously and repeatedly made the decision to be a complete asshole for some unknown reason which remains a mystery to all involved.
Suddenly he has a heart attack and is not expected to make it and is being moved to hospice.
Do you drop everything to go say goodbye? Traveling hours to do so? Even state lines?
Or fuck him - he made his bed?
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Apr 29, 2018Comments: 4020 · Posts: 3656 · Topics: 89
Depends
I saw mine
Not because of my need but I knew it was hard on my Dad... so I went to support him.
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Oct 11, 2006Comments: 2454 · Posts: 30581 · Topics: 372
If you’re a Scorp moon specifically please note when you respond because I’m really trying to understand
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Apr 12, 2015Comments: 1421 · Posts: 3710 · Topics: 58
I would never let it get that far that I have to make that choice at that point.
Ppl battle with their shadows. They have their reasons.
I would have made an attempt early on and whatever I get from that I leave with.
I don't do deathbed reconciliation.
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Oct 31, 2017Comments: 1490 · Posts: 2835 · Topics: 0
I'd probably go....being near death can often change a person entirely, put things in a different perspective for them....not always the case, but the person you visit may be very different from the one you remember, and showing compassion to him in that state might be healing for all involved....
I had a really strained relationship with my grandfather....He was the worst kind of Aries, seemed to single me out for abuse since I was really young. I can honestly say I hated him, which faded to indifference as I got older and no longer had to be around him....
when he had very little time left, he wanted to see me....I obliged for my mother's sake....he showed no sentiment, no apology, just a very awkward quiet experience of being in his presence, and then him offering to buy me something (which I refused) at the end....but I did note how much his infirmity had humbled him...first time I ever saw him looking anxious or weak, and I think it was important for me to see that vulnerability/humanity in him at that time....
years later I found out some things about him that better explained his abusive nature, and also heard stories of times when he showed real character, stories that even made me proud of him....I just think the whole process was important for me - to alter my view of him, and forgive the things that happened, etc.
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Jul 14, 2016Comments: 4530 · Posts: 12579 · Topics: 56
Just go and see him one last time, if only to tell him what an asshole he's been his entire life.
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Nov 05, 2015Comments: 1312 · Posts: 6942 · Topics: 124
Real talk tho, will he have any assets left behind to split among y'all?
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Oct 21, 2015Comments: 11066 · Posts: 36034 · Topics: 110
Yes, you go say goodbye.
It’s not for him, it’s for you. Closure.
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Jan 27, 2019Comments: 2 · Posts: 1548 · Topics: 27
Do whatever needs to be done so that you may have the peace YOU NEED, to live, move forward and leave the past where it's at.
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Oct 11, 2006Comments: 2454 · Posts: 30581 · Topics: 372
I actually feel really sad at the thought my husband could be going in hopes his grandfather will show some type of remorse
😐
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Sep 13, 2018Comments: 208 · Posts: 3009 · Topics: 245
Dont think about it. Just go.
You will understand the importance later
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Dec 28, 2018Comments: 411 · Posts: 513 · Topics: 7
he might not feel remorse, but he will feel grateful that someone was there with him during his last days. even after being a shit bag. i would hate to die alone.
some people appear ugly because they never recovered from the trauma they experienced in the past and they lash out and project on to other people. this sounds very crunchy granola, but what they lack is love. they may not have the capability to show love and care... but they could at least experience what its like to have someone show care towards them, that they are some what important to somebodys life during the last days of their life
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Nov 03, 2013Comments: 6649 · Posts: 25219 · Topics: 78
Go, or more encourage him to go. Be support for him.
My sister was estranged from our grandfather, we all where but she regretted not being able to say goodbye. It haunted her for years, still does and it's been 15+ years.
I wasn't able to say goodbye to my grandmother and I still get emotional over it. She passed in 2008.
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Dec 14, 2016Comments: 7399 · Posts: 18799 · Topics: 84
Closure more than likely.