Wanting to be first pick!

This topic was created in the Miscellaneous forum by WitchmitchAries on Sunday, February 24, 2019 and has 37 replies.
So i got this thought. Now everyone one wants to be first pick. it feels good. But would if you are someones second choice? i mean it is better then not being a choice. or if you are a persons third choice. Do you say forget that? Your thoughts on my thoughts

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i have my eyes on one man at a time and i expect to be put on the same pedestal tyvm 💅🏼
I won’t be someone’s second choice. I deserve better.
I won’t be someone’s second choice. I deserve better.
Realistically speaking, most people don’t know that they are second to the first choice. Nobody tells their current partner, “just FYI, you’re my second choice.”

Moreover, most people are way more concerned with getting the guy/girl they like than caring about who their object of affection is vying for.
i wonder how many people are in relationships/marriages and are second choice but just don't know it? i have a feeling the number would be quite surprising.
It's funny thinking how far our ego's have evolved. Back in the day when you coupled up out of necessity for survival. Only the super elite people from privled would have these feelings.

Now we are privileged special little snowflakes.

But I guess a root here is how do you feel your place is secure. That's a fear that's hard for most people to face in another?

Or the validation, your belief in yourself is bolstered by the belief that someone else has in you?
We married young so, quite naturally and in many ways, literally each others first choice. The four year divorce with both of us dating other people proved it to me.

In hindsight, none of the men I dated were as flexible as my Virgo (close runner up was a Sagittarius). Mutable men for the win. I see now that I require alotta flexibilty. So, when my Virgo snaps, I know I have strectched his bands too far. He doesn't know how flexible he his, lol.

When dating or getting to know someone, I'm really cool so they will open up about other women. A little compersion at play. However, when I pressed to hard for details from Virgo on the women he "dated" while we were divorced, boo-boo said I was hurting his feelings. So, I stopped.
Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by jeane

i wonder how many people are in relationships/marriages and are second choice but just don't know it? i have a feeling the number would be quite surprising.


I always wondered how can one possibly not know it? For me it's impossible not to sense it, feel it...
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but how do you objectively verify it?

it's one thing to say you just know, or the other woman just "knew" she was second choice, ignoring what her husband said. it's not a fact, it's a belief.

maybe it's a belief that many people hold and it's just not true. you hear about "the one that got away". it's said enough times that a percentage of people will be in relationships with a partner who secretly and silently longs (even if slightly) for the one that "got away".
Posted by generation_xy

It depends on the situation.

The Gemini in me would appreciate being the underdog. My partner would have less expectations as I slowly blossom into a beautiful butterfly and powerful phoenix. He would be my pull-up machine that i'd be thanking later.

Before he even realized what happened, we would be eating at a new table.
Yeah, I love the underdog!

Good point.
This thread needs some Tina Belcher

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Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by jeane

Posted by Sagicorn

Posted by jeane

i wonder how many people are in relationships/marriages and are second choice but just don't know it? i have a feeling the number would be quite surprising.


I always wondered how can one possibly not know it? For me it's impossible not to sense it, feel it...
but how do you objectively verify it?

it's one thing to say you just know, or the other woman just "knew" she was second choice, ignoring what her husband said. it's not a fact, it's a belief.

maybe it's a belief that many people hold and it's just not true. you hear about "the one that got away". it's said enough times that a percentage of people will be in relationships with a partner who secretly and silently longs (even if slightly) for the one that "got away".


I wouldn't really consider "the one that got away" as first choice and everyone else 2nd choice unless it was literally one after another and the person isn't still over that one. I realize a lot of people have that one person in life and I don't think they consider their partners as a 2nd choice. It's more like when someone has to leave someone for whatever reason and they end up marrying the next person that comes along but obviously still aren't over the first person. This woman in question knows the background story of her husband, she knows why he left his ex, that his parents made him pick someone else due to religion. And she saw how he acted when they ran into his ex, everything she described screams that he's not over despite the fact he keeps telling her he is. My opinion on "the one that got away" is person that we idealized and have put on pedestal without completely knowing them or having something real with them.
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fair enough. we're working with two different definitions.
Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

Depends. If you have no knowledge of the other choices then what difference does it make. If they choose someone else right in front of you and flaunt it then they can go and jump off a cliff.
that is what goes on with us all. we will not know if we are their first choice and we all have gone with second choices because our first choice doesnt want us.
Posted by Sagicorn

Nope. 1st choice or no choice at all. There will be other who's 1st choice would be me in such case.
did you get your first choice?
Posted by BlindedByLove

Michael Jordan was the 3rd pick

That didn't stop him from being the GOAT
yea, see even a person was the third pick doesnt things dont worked out or the person can make things work. He knew he was not the first choice
Posted by PurplePassion38

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

Depends. If you have no knowledge of the other choices then what difference does it make. If they choose someone else right in front of you and flaunt it then they can go and jump off a cliff.


This. At least have the decency to allow me to be blissfully ignorant.
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lol people and their need to want to be ignorant even though they say they want to know the truthLaughing
Posted by o110

only if it’s mutual

but you can be someone’s first choice and suddenly everything may shift when they get to know you and realize you’re not worth the effort. like, if you appear sexier than the second, but turn out to be an asshole
i am sure that has happen a lot for many people
There is also the fact that you dont know all your choices. so your first choice can change when you learn you have other choices.
Posted by BlindedByLove

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by BlindedByLove

Michael Jordan was the 3rd pick

That didn't stop him from being the GOAT
yea, see even a person was the third pick doesnt things dont worked out or the person can make things work. He knew he was not the first choice
Wat
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sorry cant type tonight. i mean 'does work out better'.Laughing i think the 'doesnt workout' from stuff on my mind.
Posted by kreol

Look shawty it was between you and your best friend, since she wasn't putting out I had to make my move. Happy 10th anniversary. In fact you should be thanking her she found me repulsive
You just made me recall my 1st serious relationship with a Cancer male.

I was 16 working at a library. He was studying. I would catch him staring at me.

Well, he made his move. But, told me right away that he was choosing between my Libra co-worker or me. He said he chose me because I looked "innocent." Heard that so many times...
Posted by NemDeux

Posted by WitchmitchAries

So i got this thought. Now everyone one wants to be first pick. it feels good. But would if you are someones second choice? i mean it is better then not being a choice. or if you are a persons third choice. Do you say forget that? Your thoughts on my thoughts

User Submitted Image
how would you know which number or choice you are?!?
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it is hard to know. it all depend the time when people choose i guess. most people dont want the person they like to talk about past interest. so its never brought up.
Posted by NemDeux

why do i feel like i am not understanding this ....
lol because there is so much to it depending on how you look at.
2nd choice gets you bragging rights.

You can tell the other person "I told you so"
Posted by WitchmitchAries

But would if you are someones second choice? i mean it is better then not being a choice.
IMO worse than not being a choice.

Second choice means your a back up for when the person they REALLY want doesn't work out. Hard pass.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by WitchmitchAries

But would if you are someones second choice? i mean it is better then not being a choice.
IMO worse than not being a choice.

Second choice means your a back up for when the person they REALLY want doesn't work out. Hard pass.

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we all have gone with second choices at one point or another when we didnt get our first choice.
Posted by Neshama

You should never be with a man who has been in love terribly with someone else either. They never get over it like we do.
lol women dont get over it either. i have had friends harp for years over guys. so it doesnt matter if they are girls or guys.
Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by WitchmitchAries

But would if you are someones second choice? i mean it is better then not being a choice.
IMO worse than not being a choice.

Second choice means your a back up for when the person they REALLY want doesn't work out. Hard pass.

we all have gone with second choices at one point or another when we didnt get our first choice.
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And it leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.
Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by WitchmitchAries

But would if you are someones second choice? i mean it is better then not being a choice.
IMO worse than not being a choice.

Second choice means your a back up for when the person they REALLY want doesn't work out. Hard pass.

we all have gone with second choices at one point or another when we didnt get our first choice.
And it leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.
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well one thing is first choices dont turn out to be that great like we think too. so i didnt get my first choice now learning he is a BUTT. and yes my second choice did put a bad taste in my mouth. funny how that all works out.Laughing
Posted by NemDeux

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by NemDeux

why do i feel like i am not understanding this ....
lol because there is so much to it depending on how you look at.
I choose not to complicate things lol
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good advice. i am afraid my scientific mind cant help itself.
Posted by NemDeux

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by NemDeux

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by NemDeux

why do i feel like i am not understanding this ....
lol because there is so much to it depending on how you look at.
I choose not to complicate things lol
good advice. i am afraid my scientific mind cant help itself.
Are you calculating the probabilities?

Good luck with that.

If I ever was ranked..... I have never felt it. Which leads me to an array of questions: why would one know which Pick one is, and why be with someone who - how ever subtle - gives you this feeling?
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now we are getting into psychology. Sometimes the hard questions need to be ask to understand the world. when put the question out some people come up with great stuff. did you see how most people in the forum said ' I will never be second" they dont know. like the first boy i kiss. is he my first choice. was the boy i had a huge crush on who did not pick me to be a girlfriend. it is not good if someone makes you feel like second best.
Posted by DrinkWater

Posted by jeane

i wonder how many people are in relationships/marriages and are second choice but just don't know it? i have a feeling the number would be quite surprising.
Everyone.
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lol, you never know!

the only reason why i think it would be quite high is because i know of several couples where one person still has a small torch for an ex despite being in a long term relationships and their partners either don't know or are obviously prepared to put up with it.
Posted by DrinkWater

Get off your pedistal, the lot of you. Truth is no one gets their first choice, that's just how it works. Even if you aren't their first choice, you are their first match, that's what's important. If everyone had their first choices in life we would all be a bunch of spoiled brats.
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Posted by Antiochus

I think we should differentiate between first pick and honestly wanting someone as those are not always the same thing. First pick potentially revolves mostly around the ego and not around honest interest in the other person for who they are. Not being first pick on the other hand can open a more honest and humble interaction between both individuals but it could also be that you are a mere consolation prize that was just kinda there meaning that it ultimately will come down to the motivations and intention behind the "pick" regardless of what number it is.
yea sometimes our first pick ends up sucking when we get to know them. lol
Posted by NemDeux

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by NemDeux

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by NemDeux

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by NemDeux

why do i feel like i am not understanding this ....
lol because there is so much to it depending on how you look at.
I choose not to complicate things lol
good advice. i am afraid my scientific mind cant help itself.
Are you calculating the probabilities?

Good luck with that.

If I ever was ranked..... I have never felt it. Which leads me to an array of questions: why would one know which Pick one is, and why be with someone who - how ever subtle - gives you this feeling?
now we are getting into psychology. Sometimes the hard questions need to be ask to understand the world. when put the question out some people come up with great stuff. did you see how most people in the forum said ' I will never be second" they dont know. like the first boy i kiss. is he my first choice. was the boy i had a huge crush on who did not pick me to be a girlfriend. it is not good if someone makes you feel like second best.
I cannot relate to people.... who make their happiness/luck/ego/reciprocation depend on the actions of another person.

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a persons actions tell you more about that person then their words would every. think about how people pick things. you have some people who keep changing their minds and people who stick with something even if it is not good for them. i am going from one extreme to another. watching how someone picks things can soo say a lot about that person.
it all comes down to choices in life. Can be about relationships or careers. At one moment in time we might know all our choices or we might only know a few of the choices we have. our first choice can change or we learn that our second choice is way better then our first choice. maybe even our fourth choice is way better. maybe all our choices suckLaughing

That a lot of you respect yourself to say ' i will not be second choice' is a good thing. just know that everyone had other choices at some point. I dont think people who might have been a second choice should feel bad because they might be the best choice.

First or second or third or fourth are just numbers we give to our choice, but one of those choices is the best one for us and we dont know which one till we try them all.
Posted by NemDeux

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by NemDeux

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by NemDeux

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by NemDeux

Posted by WitchmitchAries

Posted by NemDeux

why do i feel like i am not understanding this ....
lol because there is so much to it depending on how you look at.
I choose not to complicate things lol
good advice. i am afraid my scientific mind cant help itself.
Are you calculating the probabilities?

Good luck with that.

If I ever was ranked..... I have never felt it. Which leads me to an array of questions: why would one know which Pick one is, and why be with someone who - how ever subtle - gives you this feeling?
now we are getting into psychology. Sometimes the hard questions need to be ask to understand the world. when put the question out some people come up with great stuff. did you see how most people in the forum said ' I will never be second" they dont know. like the first boy i kiss. is he my first choice. was the boy i had a huge crush on who did not pick me to be a girlfriend. it is not good if someone makes you feel like second best.
I cannot relate to people.... who make their happiness/luck/ego/reciprocation depend on the actions of another person.

a persons actions tell you more about that person then their words would every. think about how people pick things. you have some people who keep changing their minds and people who stick with something even if it is not good for them. i am going from one extreme to another. watching how someone picks things can soo say a lot about that person.
We need a rabbit hole thread... Me thinks we could get heavily into some interesting topics....as its late here I will respond tomorrow 😻
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soo true. some real deep shit.Laughing