Posted by SagicornPosted by jeane
i wonder how many people are in relationships/marriages and are second choice but just don't know it? i have a feeling the number would be quite surprising.
I always wondered how can one possibly not know it? For me it's impossible not to sense it, feel it...click to expand
Posted by generation_xy
It depends on the situation.
The Gemini in me would appreciate being the underdog. My partner would have less expectations as I slowly blossom into a beautiful butterfly and powerful phoenix. He would be my pull-up machine that i'd be thanking later.
Before he even realized what happened, we would be eating at a new table.
Posted by SagicornPosted by jeanePosted by SagicornPosted by jeane
i wonder how many people are in relationships/marriages and are second choice but just don't know it? i have a feeling the number would be quite surprising.
I always wondered how can one possibly not know it? For me it's impossible not to sense it, feel it...
but how do you objectively verify it?
it's one thing to say you just know, or the other woman just "knew" she was second choice, ignoring what her husband said. it's not a fact, it's a belief.
maybe it's a belief that many people hold and it's just not true. you hear about "the one that got away". it's said enough times that a percentage of people will be in relationships with a partner who secretly and silently longs (even if slightly) for the one that "got away".
I wouldn't really consider "the one that got away" as first choice and everyone else 2nd choice unless it was literally one after another and the person isn't still over that one. I realize a lot of people have that one person in life and I don't think they consider their partners as a 2nd choice. It's more like when someone has to leave someone for whatever reason and they end up marrying the next person that comes along but obviously still aren't over the first person. This woman in question knows the background story of her husband, she knows why he left his ex, that his parents made him pick someone else due to religion. And she saw how he acted when they ran into his ex, everything she described screams that he's not over despite the fact he keeps telling her he is. My opinion on "the one that got away" is person that we idealized and have put on pedestal without completely knowing them or having something real with them.click to expand
Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns
Depends. If you have no knowledge of the other choices then what difference does it make. If they choose someone else right in front of you and flaunt it then they can go and jump off a cliff.
Posted by Sagicorn
Nope. 1st choice or no choice at all. There will be other who's 1st choice would be me in such case.
Posted by BlindedByLove
Michael Jordan was the 3rd pick
That didn't stop him from being the GOAT
Posted by PurplePassion38Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns
Depends. If you have no knowledge of the other choices then what difference does it make. If they choose someone else right in front of you and flaunt it then they can go and jump off a cliff.
This. At least have the decency to allow me to be blissfully ignorant.click to expand
Posted by o110
only if it’s mutual
but you can be someone’s first choice and suddenly everything may shift when they get to know you and realize you’re not worth the effort. like, if you appear sexier than the second, but turn out to be an asshole
Posted by BlindedByLovePosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by BlindedByLove
Michael Jordan was the 3rd pick
That didn't stop him from being the GOAT
yea, see even a person was the third pick doesnt things dont worked out or the person can make things work. He knew he was not the first choice
Watclick to expand
Posted by kreol
Look shawty it was between you and your best friend, since she wasn't putting out I had to make my move. Happy 10th anniversary. In fact you should be thanking her she found me repulsive
Posted by NemDeuxPosted by WitchmitchAries
So i got this thought. Now everyone one wants to be first pick. it feels good. But would if you are someones second choice? i mean it is better then not being a choice. or if you are a persons third choice. Do you say forget that? Your thoughts on my thoughts
how would you know which number or choice you are?!?click to expand
Posted by NemDeux
why do i feel like i am not understanding this ....
Posted by WitchmitchAries
But would if you are someones second choice? i mean it is better then not being a choice.
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by WitchmitchAries
But would if you are someones second choice? i mean it is better then not being a choice.
IMO worse than not being a choice.
Second choice means your a back up for when the person they REALLY want doesn't work out. Hard pass.
click to expand
Posted by Neshama
You should never be with a man who has been in love terribly with someone else either. They never get over it like we do.
Posted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by WitchmitchAries
But would if you are someones second choice? i mean it is better then not being a choice.
IMO worse than not being a choice.
Second choice means your a back up for when the person they REALLY want doesn't work out. Hard pass.
we all have gone with second choices at one point or another when we didnt get our first choice.click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by WitchmitchAries
But would if you are someones second choice? i mean it is better then not being a choice.
IMO worse than not being a choice.
Second choice means your a back up for when the person they REALLY want doesn't work out. Hard pass.
we all have gone with second choices at one point or another when we didnt get our first choice.
And it leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.click to expand
Posted by NemDeuxPosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by NemDeux
why do i feel like i am not understanding this ....
lol because there is so much to it depending on how you look at.
I choose not to complicate things lolclick to expand
Posted by NemDeuxPosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by NemDeuxPosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by NemDeux
why do i feel like i am not understanding this ....
lol because there is so much to it depending on how you look at.
I choose not to complicate things lol
good advice. i am afraid my scientific mind cant help itself.
Are you calculating the probabilities?
Good luck with that.
If I ever was ranked..... I have never felt it. Which leads me to an array of questions: why would one know which Pick one is, and why be with someone who - how ever subtle - gives you this feeling?click to expand
Posted by DrinkWaterPosted by jeane
i wonder how many people are in relationships/marriages and are second choice but just don't know it? i have a feeling the number would be quite surprising.
Everyone.click to expand
Posted by DrinkWater
Get off your pedistal, the lot of you. Truth is no one gets their first choice, that's just how it works. Even if you aren't their first choice, you are their first match, that's what's important. If everyone had their first choices in life we would all be a bunch of spoiled brats.
Posted by Antiochus
I think we should differentiate between first pick and honestly wanting someone as those are not always the same thing. First pick potentially revolves mostly around the ego and not around honest interest in the other person for who they are. Not being first pick on the other hand can open a more honest and humble interaction between both individuals but it could also be that you are a mere consolation prize that was just kinda there meaning that it ultimately will come down to the motivations and intention behind the "pick" regardless of what number it is.
Posted by NemDeuxPosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by NemDeuxPosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by NemDeuxPosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by NemDeux
why do i feel like i am not understanding this ....
lol because there is so much to it depending on how you look at.
I choose not to complicate things lol
good advice. i am afraid my scientific mind cant help itself.
Are you calculating the probabilities?
Good luck with that.
If I ever was ranked..... I have never felt it. Which leads me to an array of questions: why would one know which Pick one is, and why be with someone who - how ever subtle - gives you this feeling?
now we are getting into psychology. Sometimes the hard questions need to be ask to understand the world. when put the question out some people come up with great stuff. did you see how most people in the forum said ' I will never be second" they dont know. like the first boy i kiss. is he my first choice. was the boy i had a huge crush on who did not pick me to be a girlfriend. it is not good if someone makes you feel like second best.
I cannot relate to people.... who make their happiness/luck/ego/reciprocation depend on the actions of another person.
click to expand
Posted by NemDeuxPosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by NemDeuxPosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by NemDeuxPosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by NemDeuxPosted by WitchmitchAriesPosted by NemDeux
why do i feel like i am not understanding this ....
lol because there is so much to it depending on how you look at.
I choose not to complicate things lol
good advice. i am afraid my scientific mind cant help itself.
Are you calculating the probabilities?
Good luck with that.
If I ever was ranked..... I have never felt it. Which leads me to an array of questions: why would one know which Pick one is, and why be with someone who - how ever subtle - gives you this feeling?
now we are getting into psychology. Sometimes the hard questions need to be ask to understand the world. when put the question out some people come up with great stuff. did you see how most people in the forum said ' I will never be second" they dont know. like the first boy i kiss. is he my first choice. was the boy i had a huge crush on who did not pick me to be a girlfriend. it is not good if someone makes you feel like second best.
I cannot relate to people.... who make their happiness/luck/ego/reciprocation depend on the actions of another person.
a persons actions tell you more about that person then their words would every. think about how people pick things. you have some people who keep changing their minds and people who stick with something even if it is not good for them. i am going from one extreme to another. watching how someone picks things can soo say a lot about that person.
We need a rabbit hole thread... Me thinks we could get heavily into some interesting topics....as its late here I will respond tomorrow 😻click to expand
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