What does friendship mean to you?

Posted by hippiecrite

Hey, guys. 40’s a few days away and it’s got me in my head about alot of stuff. It’s not the number, in and of itself, but 40 is the age my mom was when she had me and (as some of you know) she died in 2017. It’s got me thinking about life. Where I’m at, where I’m going, blah blah...


Anyway. I *thought* I had a close group of friends. If anything, we were too close and cliquey and incestuous, in that weird way close friends can be. Starting to date the Virgo put a strain on certain things. I only had so much time outside my home and my girls and I tried to consolidate hang time with all of them. Some friends pulled away.


2017 was a big year. Mom got sick, eventually passed and I lost my job when I left to take care of her. The friends felt even further away. 2018 and 19 were about settling into a new career. Months of shitty hours before finally getting to a place where I actually have free time here and there. Friends are now all but gone. People that I see and interact with so infrequently that even the FB algorithm doesn’t bother to show me their online lives, perfectly mimicking our irl ones.


I “unfriended” pretty much all of them the other day. If nothing else, it’s a symbolic thing and a small reminder to not beat myself up about it. People grow apart, after all. Not gonna lie though... I feel a little guilty about it. Which is the opposite of what I was going for! Wanted them to take up less head space, ya know?


This isn’t a pity party for me tho. I’m at one with my decision. This is a thread to vent, sure, but it’s also wondering how your friends and acquaintances have changed over time. Have you ever had to completely clean house? Are there people you thought would always be in your life, who are now only in the peripheral? Have you held onto toxic people for too long? Alternatively, are there people you’d counted out who came through for you when you needed it most?


Your turn.

Posted by Phangus

There were people I thought I would never lose, my best friends from childhood, my two best friends from college, and my two best friends from grad school. I mostly lost touch with my childhood friends for a long while, but I've reconnected with them in my 40s. We text all the time now and are meeting up soon. I stayed close with one college friend and sort of lost touch with the other. The one I lost touch with died young, and that has been really hard for me to live with. One of the grad school friends dumped me, but the other one I stayed close with. I thought I'd lost her too, because she was quiet for a couple years, and then I heard from her again too recently.


None of these people live near me. That's kind of how friends are now. I have acquaintances nearby but the people who really know me are scattered around the country. We go through long bouts of life keeping us apart and then reconnect.

Posted by virgoOPPP

yeah i have a long block list on facebook.


but i have to say, aquarius both men and women have been amazing and supportive of me.


i couldn't wish for better people.


they never make me feel suffocated and never take it against me when i disappear from time to time ❤️

Posted by Ram416

I've had to learn who are the toxic people and who are the genuine ones first, before even thinking of removing them from my life. Turns out, very, very few were toxic. One of those was an ex-colleague of mine (from 10 years ago) who tried to manipulate a 60% refund from my company for work done and used our friendship to blackmail me into seeing things his way.

Posted by Subliminals

Whereas for past friends that were still connected on facebook or instagram. Well safe to say I already disappear from those apps too.

Posted by Subliminals

This doesn't say that I consider myself being real with them as well. Maybe the reason why they dont lend their hands for me is because of myself (which I don't realize). So all good, fair enough.

Posted by Dreamy88

I got off of mainstream social media early last year because it felt useless for me. All of the scrolling and watching people that I know post up things that meant nothing just felt redundant. I have definitely given a lot of people the axe and committed a form of social suicide. My friend group stays small and I prefer it this way. I especially gotten rid of a particular group of guys I’ve grown up with dating far back to elementary. My life has improved a good amount since then and I don’t regret it. Sometimes, you don’t realize who is pulling you down until you pull the wool off of your eyes yourself.


In my case, it was feeling inadequate of myself by comparing my personal life to others on social media and by cutting out the people that want you to fail from your physical life. A farce well played by the ones that don’t want you to succeed and all the ones on social media that don’t want you to see their worst days.


I’ve watched a lot of my closer male counterparts grow over the years, but the more I’ve hung out with them, the more they wanted me to make poor choices for the sake of brotherhood. Then there are always people on social that post toxic things and air out dirty laundry so that it just gets annoying and depressing.


Like I’ve said before, my friend circle is small now and those are the men and women that I cherish that has similar or inspiring goals compared to me.

Posted by Jumpin_Jupiter

It's always best to be your own friend. Aka loner. Although females in their late 40s and 50s are friendship material.

Posted by aquasnoz

I guess partly due to my upbringing since I was moved around a lot, to me friendship comes and goes just as quickly. I'm also a bit of a loner and introvert and I'd much rather be doing my own thing. To me there's a start and finish to everything and even those that seem so close to you will one day move on and I feel that's fine because we all have our own lives and priorities so for me everything is fleeting nothing's ever grounded.


Those that I stay in contact with are usually the ones that share the same beliefs as me in this regard. I don't think I've had the same group of friends longer than say given a period of a year bar a few of the special ones that for some reason are just entertwined with my life, what I do and where I go.


But yeah my step sis thinks it's sad I don't have a close group of friends I usually hang out with but for me I'm actually sad for her obligation to always go out lol, different strokes I guess.

Posted by Mesquite

I've got about two or three people that are willing to help me make people disappear in the middle of the night if I ask them. And they wouldn't really ask questions either, which is a plus!


Online: I've got a few, lol! 🤭

Posted by Phangus

There were people I thought I would never lose, my best friends from childhood, my two best friends from college, and my two best friends from grad school. I mostly lost touch with my childhood friends for a long while, but I've reconnected with them in my 40s. We text all the time now and are meeting up soon. I stayed close with one college friend and sort of lost touch with the other. The one I lost touch with died young, and that has been really hard for me to live with. One of the grad school friends dumped me, but the other one I stayed close with. I thought I'd lost her too, because she was quiet for a couple years, and then I heard from her again too recently.


None of these people live near me. That's kind of how friends are now. I have acquaintances nearby but the people who really know me are scattered around the country. We go through long bouts of life keeping us apart and then reconnect.

Posted by 777

I still dont get why u needed to delete them from Facebook lol. I think you're overthinking 40, when you should be embracing new things

Posted by tiziani

The only thing I've noticed recently put pressure or distance on my friendships are kids and marriage. I think life style changes from that point on and people tend to hang in different circles. It has even happened with two friends that I've known since we were kids, and we're still good friends but this is the most distance we've had.

Posted by maiden

I had a friendship for 10+ years that ended suddenly over something stupid.

That was two years ago (Saturn Return...den den dennn) and since then I've been a whole lot clearer and wiser over who I let close to me, and paying attention to the right stuff.

That friendship had been eroding for a long time. To date, was still my longest one. It was hard but looking back we had bonded over our misery, and good things were happening to me, and we were going in different directions psychologically. I learned that true friends are not only there for you when you are in total shit, they're there for you when you take off too. Sometimes people don't stick around or don't take well when you start to get too successful.


It took a long time to realize that most of the friends I made were out of necessity/codependency. We needed each other for one thing or another. It was difficult for me to accept when certain people came into my life and wanted to be friends just because they liked me, they didn't need a thing. After a few years of interacting with people like that, when I go back to these places I used to be and see the kinds of people I used to accept, it's a clear as day difference. They pay attention only to the negative stuff, hold on to it for days, are defined by it, identify with their problems or the past more than the present or future, and they react to life in ways that perpetuate that cycle.


Someone told me that every 7 years your circle of friends changes. Not like, boom! at 7 years everyone drops and new people delivered... But by the time 7 years rolls around, whoever you WERE friends with 7 years ago is likely to have completely changed and this is normal. It would be the one or two who stick in there, or the ones you can always catch up with who are the good ones.


I think I'm a difficult person to be friends with, for a handful of reasons. So over the years its those who stick around and continue to reach out and continue to be there who really work their way in. I think it's normal to do a "purge" every couple of years... time is precious, you don't get it back, I wouldn't waste it on people who aren't there with me.


Also I vote put social media out of business. If anyone would make a pro con list as to how social media has benefited them over the past decade I'd be willing to bet it would be one-sided

Posted by Dreamy88

Posted by hippiecrite

Posted by Dreamy88

I got off of mainstream social media early last year because it felt useless for me. All of the scrolling and watching people that I know post up things that meant nothing just felt redundant. I have definitely given a lot of people the axe and committed a form of social suicide. My friend group stays small and I prefer it this way. I especially gotten rid of a particular group of guys I’ve grown up with dating far back to elementary. My life has improved a good amount since then and I don’t regret it. Sometimes, you don’t realize who is pulling you down until you pull the wool off of your eyes yourself.


In my case, it was feeling inadequate of myself by comparing my personal life to others on social media and by cutting out the people that want you to fail from your physical life. A farce well played by the ones that don’t want you to succeed and all the ones on social media that don’t want you to see their worst days.


I’ve watched a lot of my closer male counterparts grow over the years, but the more I’ve hung out with them, the more they wanted me to make poor choices for the sake of brotherhood. Then there are always people on social that post toxic things and air out dirty laundry so that it just gets annoying and depressing.


Like I’ve said before, my friend circle is small now and those are the men and women that I cherish that has similar or inspiring goals compared to me.

I felt this SO hard. ❤️


Would just delete my FB, but I’ve got tons of pics, from using it as a photo dump all those years. And all the linked accounts I have. Ain’t nobody got time to start over with a new Spotify!

I’m glad I was able to connect and touch you with words.


It’s always through the most troubling times and when you have most doubts with yourself that you see who will be there to carry you when you are down, especially when you know that you was there for them when they needed it. I mean, let’s not keep count, but there are definitely people out there that leech on kindness.


Also, since you’ve mentioned the dating part in your post, it would make more sense that true friends understand you are dating. Real friendships stay on pause and they should allow that freedom for you to continue where you left off.


Not saying you should delete your social media, but it was freeing and provided clarity for me.

click to expand

Posted by sweetpea2977

I have a male friend I've known for 6 years. He's like the brother I never had. About 8 years older. Goal oriented. Positive. Up beat. The main reason why we stay connected is because he's not burdensome in any way. We can talk about anything but we always end the convo laughing, smiling, wishing one another the best. We give each other space and know when to check in on each other. It's a well balanced friendship.


Last year I walked away from a friend because she mentally and emotionally exhausted me. She made excuses about her poor decisions but continued to vent to me about em. Nope. Either you're going to make poor decisions intentionally and fucking deal w em keeping your mouth shut. Or you're going to do better. Period.


2 years ago I walked away from a friendship I felt was a sisterhood initially. Until I was in the presence of the girl more often and witnessed the disrespect of others up close and personal. From disrespecting her mother and her sister to abusing and neglecting her children, to disregarding the feelings of others and the like. I could only lose respect for her because she was too hard hearted to want to do better. My "sister" turned out to have some very toxic and rachet ways. After a year of walking away she reached out saying that "She missed the hell out if me." But I don't go back to relationships. When I'm done its all on you.


People have been blocked, rejected and ignored. When you exhaust me, I completely let you go without regret.

Posted by hippiecrite

Posted by sweetpea2977

I have a male friend I've known for 6 years. He's like the brother I never had. About 8 years older. Goal oriented. Positive. Up beat. The main reason why we stay connected is because he's not burdensome in any way. We can talk about anything but we always end the convo laughing, smiling, wishing one another the best. We give each other space and know when to check in on each other. It's a well balanced friendship.


Last year I walked away from a friend because she mentally and emotionally exhausted me. She made excuses about her poor decisions but continued to vent to me about em. Nope. Either you're going to make poor decisions intentionally and fucking deal w em keeping your mouth shut. Or you're going to do better. Period.


2 years ago I walked away from a friendship I felt was a sisterhood initially. Until I was in the presence of the girl more often and witnessed the disrespect of others up close and personal. From disrespecting her mother and her sister to abusing and neglecting her children, to disregarding the feelings of others and the like. I could only lose respect for her because she was too hard hearted to want to do better. My "sister" turned out to have some very toxic and rachet ways. After a year of walking away she reached out saying that "She missed the hell out if me." But I don't go back to relationships. When I'm done its all on you.


People have been blocked, rejected and ignored. When you exhaust me, I completely let you go without regret.

I think it’s great you know yourself well enough to know you need these boundaries and you’re strong enough to implement them.

click to expand

Posted by CreativeCap

Posted by hippiecrite

Hey, guys. 40’s a few days away and it’s got me in my head about alot of stuff. It’s not the number, in and of itself, but 40 is the age my mom was when she had me and (as some of you know) she died in 2017. It’s got me thinking about life. Where I’m at, where I’m going, blah blah...


Anyway. I *thought* I had a close group of friends. If anything, we were too close and cliquey and incestuous, in that weird way close friends can be. Starting to date the Virgo put a strain on certain things. I only had so much time outside my home and my girls and I tried to consolidate hang time with all of them. Some friends pulled away.


2017 was a big year. Mom got sick, eventually passed and I lost my job when I left to take care of her. The friends felt even further away. 2018 and 19 were about settling into a new career. Months of shitty hours before finally getting to a place where I actually have free time here and there. Friends are now all but gone. People that I see and interact with so infrequently that even the FB algorithm doesn’t bother to show me their online lives, perfectly mimicking our irl ones.


I “unfriended” pretty much all of them the other day. If nothing else, it’s a symbolic thing and a small reminder to not beat myself up about it. People grow apart, after all. Not gonna lie though... I feel a little guilty about it. Which is the opposite of what I was going for! Wanted them to take up less head space, ya know?


This isn’t a pity party for me tho. I’m at one with my decision. This is a thread to vent, sure, but it’s also wondering how your friends and acquaintances have changed over time. Have you ever had to completely clean house? Are there people you thought would always be in your life, who are now only in the peripheral? Have you held onto toxic people for too long? Alternatively, are there people you’d counted out who came through for you when you needed it most?


Your turn.

Your message has a somber undertone. Turning 40 is making you think about the passing of your mother. Losing a parent is a heart breaking experience. Maybe you are still grieving. You have that right, but perhaps your perspective on friendship has become skewed and in need of a more optimistic outlook.


Why unfriend them just to feel guilty about it. Unless they betrayed you or did something horrific, I wouldn’t turn my back on them. What’s that saying, don’t burn all your bridges. I know you feel like they were not completely loyal to you. Perhaps you had higher expectations for them and they failed to come through. Over time, EVERYTHING changes including friendships. Appreciate the people in your life for whatever joy, pleasure or experience they bought into it for that time.


As far as FB or social media, use filters to moderate the content you see. Or sign on less frequently. Once you start being more active in your own life, chasing new goals, participating in things you are interested in, you’ll naturally think about the people and events from your past less and less.

click to expand

Posted by Dreamy88

Posted by hippiecrite

Posted by Dreamy88

Posted by hippiecrite

Posted by Dreamy88

I got off of mainstream social media early last year because it felt useless for me. All of the scrolling and watching people that I know post up things that meant nothing just felt redundant. I have definitely given a lot of people the axe and committed a form of social suicide. My friend group stays small and I prefer it this way. I especially gotten rid of a particular group of guys I’ve grown up with dating far back to elementary. My life has improved a good amount since then and I don’t regret it. Sometimes, you don’t realize who is pulling you down until you pull the wool off of your eyes yourself.


In my case, it was feeling inadequate of myself by comparing my personal life to others on social media and by cutting out the people that want you to fail from your physical life. A farce well played by the ones that don’t want you to succeed and all the ones on social media that don’t want you to see their worst days.


I’ve watched a lot of my closer male counterparts grow over the years, but the more I’ve hung out with them, the more they wanted me to make poor choices for the sake of brotherhood. Then there are always people on social that post toxic things and air out dirty laundry so that it just gets annoying and depressing.


Like I’ve said before, my friend circle is small now and those are the men and women that I cherish that has similar or inspiring goals compared to me.

I felt this SO hard. ❤️


Would just delete my FB, but I’ve got tons of pics, from using it as a photo dump all those years. And all the linked accounts I have. Ain’t nobody got time to start over with a new Spotify!

I’m glad I was able to connect and touch you with words.


It’s always through the most troubling times and when you have most doubts with yourself that you see who will be there to carry you when you are down, especially when you know that you was there for them when they needed it. I mean, let’s not keep count, but there are definitely people out there that leech on kindness.


Also, since you’ve mentioned the dating part in your post, it would make more sense that true friends understand you are dating. Real friendships stay on pause and they should allow that freedom for you to continue where you left off.


Not saying you should delete your social media, but it was freeing and provided clarity for me.

Yeah... most of my friends were males I met through soccer. Then I became friends with their WAGs. That initial crack I mentioned, were the couple of guy friends I’ve come to realize had ulterior motives in their friendships with me. Once they realized the Virgo was a permanent fixture, it created stress with them and their partners. Plenty of other stuff went down over the years, but I think that was the beginning of the end of this friend group. 😕

Wait, this friend group were mainly guys?


I’m chuckling a bit because of the part where you said it was a friendship with guys having other ideas. Ahh poor dudes. I hear it quite often where guys can’t take the hint. Then you brought the Virgo around and the colors showed?

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Posted by LostinmyMind11

I have Pluto in the 11th house ...he cleans the "friends" for me lol. I will always have people come and go thru out my life...just the way it's always been.


I've always been a loner and kept my circle very very small. I do have a couple friends I keep in touch with and it's like there are no time gaps...we pretty much start off the way we left off but I don't really hang out with them...we all live pretty far away from each other.


I can guarantee the friends I have wouldn't be there for me if or when I needed them tho...even tho I've always been there for them.... probably why I don't make more of an effort with them....it is what it is and it's less bs to deal with. 🤷🏼‍♀️


Sometimes I envy people who have had friendships for years...that close knit circle of friends but then I think about being obligated to meet up and all that...and that's just not me.

Posted by Antiphates

Temporary alliances born out of mutual interests.

Posted by Antiphates

Posted by hippiecrite

Posted by Antiphates

Temporary alliances born out of mutual interests.

It’s so much easier as kiddos. Cool shoes! Wanna be my friend?

Is that how it works?

I mean it would make sense because I usually only have one pair of shoes for a couple of years and only ever have a handful of friends at a time.

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Posted by Black-Mamba

Posted by hippiecrite

Posted by Dreamy88

Posted by hippiecrite

Posted by Dreamy88

I got off of mainstream social media early last year because it felt useless for me. All of the scrolling and watching people that I know post up things that meant nothing just felt redundant. I have definitely given a lot of people the axe and committed a form of social suicide. My friend group stays small and I prefer it this way. I especially gotten rid of a particular group of guys I’ve grown up with dating far back to elementary. My life has improved a good amount since then and I don’t regret it. Sometimes, you don’t realize who is pulling you down until you pull the wool off of your eyes yourself.


In my case, it was feeling inadequate of myself by comparing my personal life to others on social media and by cutting out the people that want you to fail from your physical life. A farce well played by the ones that don’t want you to succeed and all the ones on social media that don’t want you to see their worst days.


I’ve watched a lot of my closer male counterparts grow over the years, but the more I’ve hung out with them, the more they wanted me to make poor choices for the sake of brotherhood. Then there are always people on social that post toxic things and air out dirty laundry so that it just gets annoying and depressing.


Like I’ve said before, my friend circle is small now and those are the men and women that I cherish that has similar or inspiring goals compared to me.

I felt this SO hard. ❤️


Would just delete my FB, but I’ve got tons of pics, from using it as a photo dump all those years. And all the linked accounts I have. Ain’t nobody got time to start over with a new Spotify!

I’m glad I was able to connect and touch you with words.


It’s always through the most troubling times and when you have most doubts with yourself that you see who will be there to carry you when you are down, especially when you know that you was there for them when they needed it. I mean, let’s not keep count, but there are definitely people out there that leech on kindness.


Also, since you’ve mentioned the dating part in your post, it would make more sense that true friends understand you are dating. Real friendships stay on pause and they should allow that freedom for you to continue where you left off.


Not saying you should delete your social media, but it was freeing and provided clarity for me.

Yeah... most of my friends were males I met through soccer. Then I became friends with their WAGs. That initial crack I mentioned, were the couple of guy friends I’ve come to realize had ulterior motives in their friendships with me. Once they realized the Virgo was a permanent fixture, it created stress with them and their partners. Plenty of other stuff went down over the years, but I think that was the beginning of the end of this friend group. 😕

What kind of stress


Are they all cheaters then

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Posted by LadyNeptune

True Friends are when you can go any time frame without speaking and once you reconnect you pick up right where you left off.

Posted by aquasnoz

I guess partly due to my upbringing since I was moved around a lot, to me friendship comes and goes just as quickly. I'm also a bit of a loner and introvert and I'd much rather be doing my own thing. To me there's a start and finish to everything and even those that seem so close to you will one day move on and I feel that's fine because we all have our own lives and priorities so for me everything is fleeting nothing's ever grounded.


Those that I stay in contact with are usually the ones that share the same beliefs as me in this regard. I don't think I've had the same group of friends longer than say given a period of a year bar a few of the special ones that for some reason are just entertwined with my life, what I do and where I go.

.

Posted by Havoc077

Allow me to stomp all over your kumbaya self-congratulatory sh*tshow.


Friendship is NOT disappearing for however long YOU want to and 'picking up'. That is not a defining feature of friendship, that is a lack of attachment and nothing BUT that.


Fuckin' tired of seeing people moaning about being held accountable. If you're a friend, fucking be there for support and to let me support you. If you flit in and out of my life, standing on the periphery, a temporary little fun moment, then you're an acquaintance and nothing more. You're a distraction at best. I see literally no pride in being an unreliable annoyance whose only purpose is to validate myself through fleeting moments in which we lightheartedly relate over one thing every four months and we don't talk beyond that.


Who do you go to when the chips are down, when shit is tough. Whose the one to hold you up when nobody else will? Your ride or die, your partner in crime. All the same, who is it you run to when you've succeeded, the first person you're thinking of repaying once it's all said and done and you claim the fruit of your work? Who do you want to raise your hand with and scream "we fucking did it."


THAT is your FRIEND.

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by LadyNeptune

True Friends are when you can go any time frame without speaking and once you reconnect you pick up right where you left off.

I agree. People have lives These are the only friendships I have and they can come to me at any time. But I hardly ever burden people with my issues unless I trust them.

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Posted by hippiecrite

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by LadyNeptune

True Friends are when you can go any time frame without speaking and once you reconnect you pick up right where you left off.

I agree. People have lives These are the only friendships I have and they can come to me at any time. But I hardly ever burden people with my issues unless I trust them.

Me too! Do you have a lot of Saturn in your chart? I’m always being tested and it seems like there’s always something going wrong. Rather than be a Debbie Downer, I keep to myself more than I probably should and come off as unengaging/distant.

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Posted by hippiecrite

Posted by Subliminals

Whereas for past friends that were still connected on facebook or instagram. Well safe to say I already disappear from those apps too.

It’s funny. They were designed to bring people closer, but I think they make people feel further away. I mean, it’s great for far away friends, but I think it kind of builds a complacency for people who could actually be hanging out. Wanna go to lunch? Nah. I “like”d your meme. We’re cool.

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Posted by tiziani

Posted by Havoc077

Allow me to stomp all over your kumbaya self-congratulatory sh*tshow.


Friendship is NOT disappearing for however long YOU want to and 'picking up'. That is not a defining feature of friendship, that is a lack of attachment and nothing BUT that.


Fuckin' tired of seeing people moaning about being held accountable. If you're a friend, fucking be there for support and to let me support you. If you flit in and out of my life, standing on the periphery, a temporary little fun moment, then you're an acquaintance and nothing more. You're a distraction at best. I see literally no pride in being an unreliable annoyance whose only purpose is to validate myself through fleeting moments in which we lightheartedly relate over one thing every four months and we don't talk beyond that.


Who do you go to when the chips are down, when shit is tough. Whose the one to hold you up when nobody else will? Your ride or die, your partner in crime. All the same, who is it you run to when you've succeeded, the first person you're thinking of repaying once it's all said and done and you claim the fruit of your work? Who do you want to raise your hand with and scream "we fucking did it."


THAT is your FRIEND.

There's a huge drawback to that kind of value system ime.


Often I've helped people when they felt like no one else would, just because I can, right time right place. Doesn't mean anything more or less than that, but if you jump to the assumption that makes us some sort of unbreakable buddies you're going to get mad when you see me help the next stranger. Then you're phoning me saying "was it even real?" and all that mess, oh gawd. No good deed goes unpunished, and all that.

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Posted by Argus

Posted by aquasnoz

I guess partly due to my upbringing since I was moved around a lot, to me friendship comes and goes just as quickly. I'm also a bit of a loner and introvert and I'd much rather be doing my own thing. To me there's a start and finish to everything and even those that seem so close to you will one day move on and I feel that's fine because we all have our own lives and priorities so for me everything is fleeting nothing's ever grounded.


Those that I stay in contact with are usually the ones that share the same beliefs as me in this regard. I don't think I've had the same group of friends longer than say given a period of a year bar a few of the special ones that for some reason are just entertwined with my life, what I do and where I go.

.

Oh jeebus, the above sounds eerily similar!

Sometime I wondered wether it was the external circumstances (I.e. moving around) that shaped me into an “introvert” or wether it just mimicked what was already there!?


At any rate... Happy New Year Snozie

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Posted by HippeeGem

Posted by hippiecrite

Hey, guys. 40’s a few days away and it’s got me in my head about alot of stuff. It’s not the number, in and of itself, but 40 is the age my mom was when she had me and (as some of you know) she died in 2017. It’s got me thinking about life. Where I’m at, where I’m going, blah blah...


Anyway. I *thought* I had a close group of friends. If anything, we were too close and cliquey and incestuous, in that weird way close friends can be. Starting to date the Virgo put a strain on certain things. I only had so much time outside my home and my girls and I tried to consolidate hang time with all of them. Some friends pulled away.


2017 was a big year. Mom got sick, eventually passed and I lost my job when I left to take care of her. The friends felt even further away. 2018 and 19 were about settling into a new career. Months of shitty hours before finally getting to a place where I actually have free time here and there. Friends are now all but gone. People that I see and interact with so infrequently that even the FB algorithm doesn’t bother to show me their online lives, perfectly mimicking our irl ones.


I “unfriended” pretty much all of them the other day. If nothing else, it’s a symbolic thing and a small reminder to not beat myself up about it. People grow apart, after all. Not gonna lie though... I feel a little guilty about it. Which is the opposite of what I was going for! Wanted them to take up less head space, ya know?


This isn’t a pity party for me tho. I’m at one with my decision. This is a thread to vent, sure, but it’s also wondering how your friends and acquaintances have changed over time. Have you ever had to completely clean house? Are there people you thought would always be in your life, who are now only in the peripheral? Have you held onto toxic people for too long? Alternatively, are there people you’d counted out who came through for you when you needed it most?


Your turn.

First I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. Losing someone is never easy, and even though we've all most likely experienced it with someone or more than one that is a big part of our life, it's still hard to come up with the right words because there are none. *hugs


How were your friends when you were going through all of that? I dont know if it was sudden or if you knew before hand, but I'm wondering mostly how they were after she passed.


I feel like friendship to me is being able to pick up wherever we left off as if there weren't any gaps. That doesnt work with everyone, and to be honest I've lost a lot of friends being that way. Some have stuck by my side since high school and earlier. 3 actually. The rest, I see some of them here and there when they're in town, and it's nice catching up. But I don't consider them best or close friends and the feeling is mutual I'm sure. It'snice to see them,and then we all carry on with our lives.


It's just drifting apart for one reason or another ime. There's nothing wrong with you making a life with your Virgo. And I feel like friends that truly care about you, and want you to be happy, will always stick by you even when things change and you can't meet up or talk as much. There should be some understanding and forgiveness. And some empathy. You've been through a lot.


I will always be there for a good friend even if they ignore me 90% of the time because of there new guy, new job, lost there job, whatever reason. It's just life. I can't deal with people who fault me for living mine when I want them to live there own.


An Aries friend did this recently, only wanted to spend with me when she was single. I was also there when she started seeing someone living with his ex and would call me at 2am drunk. Regurarly, lol.


She was definitely pre-occupied when she wasn't single anymore. And I was there for her. Then I didnt have much time for her. Kids, work and a guy are a lot to deal with, haha



Then I broke up with that Aries guy over a month ago, and she's nowhere to be found. So that's not a real friend to me.


I expect friends to disappear at times, it can't really be helped. So I hope for the same understanding when I'm really busy or pre-occupied. Sometimes I just need space from everyone.


And it's not the same as a romantic relationship. (Like if you really care you'd at least check in);Sometimes if you try to check in with everyone, do everything else and be everything else, you'll stretch yourself so thin you're no good to anyone.


So yes, I know what you mean about friends. And I am more forgiving because I'd want them to be that way for me.

Posted by HippeeGem

Sorry for the novel, lol

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