Why are people such flakes?
This topic was created in the Miscellaneous forum by kissmygrits on Wednesday, November 27, 2013 and has 26 replies.
I'm not doing this crap anymore. Haven't seen this guy friend of mine in a month and then he contacts me Sunday how it's "been a minute" since he's seen me then he invites me to a get together at his place with the usual crowd last night and was going to let me know details. Haven't heard from him. Then I see he's tagged in a post being at a bar. FLAKEY! This is not the last time he has done this. I'm just going to drop off the stuff he has at my house at his door after work and write him off. I deserve better. I'm too old for wishy washy people. I'm so mad I did a kick boxing class last night.
Ok thanks for letting me rage against the internet. LOL!
Ok thanks for letting me rage against the internet. LOL!
That's very true. The plan was to leave his movie and shirt by his door as a "good riddance" without having to see him. If I see him I might get manipulated again. I'm done.
But yeah you can't be mad at him for something you're allowing him to do.
You not setting your own personal boundaries around your love life will invite in flaky unavailable men.
A man can't do to you what you don't allow. You're choosing allow him back in after a month of no contact says a negative story about you and that most likely is why he's taking you and your time for granted.
He just figures you're desperate enough and/or needy enough to wait around, keep his things etc and although he may like the idea that you're waiting and/or still available it doesn't inspire him to be consistent with you.
For the most part he can't be flaky with you if you don't give him chance after chance to be flaky with you. On some level you are responsible for how you allow men to treat you.
You allowing him to be inconsistent with you has SET THE STANDARD with him. He now know he doesn't have to actually be there in order to have you.
He can leave for a month or longer and you'll still pick up your phone, answer his emails and go to his house party if he wanted you to.
What does your waiting and showing up for his flaky behavior say about you? It says on some level you don't care about yourself or you would never allow him or any man for that matter to be flaky with you to begin with.
You not setting your own personal boundaries around your love life will invite in flaky unavailable men.
A man can't do to you what you don't allow. You're choosing allow him back in after a month of no contact says a negative story about you and that most likely is why he's taking you and your time for granted.
He just figures you're desperate enough and/or needy enough to wait around, keep his things etc and although he may like the idea that you're waiting and/or still available it doesn't inspire him to be consistent with you.
For the most part he can't be flaky with you if you don't give him chance after chance to be flaky with you. On some level you are responsible for how you allow men to treat you.
You allowing him to be inconsistent with you has SET THE STANDARD with him. He now know he doesn't have to actually be there in order to have you.
He can leave for a month or longer and you'll still pick up your phone, answer his emails and go to his house party if he wanted you to.
What does your waiting and showing up for his flaky behavior say about you? It says on some level you don't care about yourself or you would never allow him or any man for that matter to be flaky with you to begin with.
Well he figured wrong. He's supposed to be a dear friend of mine. Crap like this is why he is friend zoned. Imagine if we dated? I would be miserable!
The month of no contact is really that I've been busy, so has he and he contacted me. Which aggravates me. Why make plans with me when you're just going to space out?
I do agree with you that I allowed this. I think I'm more mad at myself for letting people do this to me. And it's going to stop.
The month of no contact is really that I've been busy, so has he and he contacted me. Which aggravates me. Why make plans with me when you're just going to space out?
I do agree with you that I allowed this. I think I'm more mad at myself for letting people do this to me. And it's going to stop.
I have one time and he apologized and made excuses and said he'd be more considerate... AHAHAHAHA!
Im flakey and it does suck 4 other people.....
Posted by DMV
Im flakey and it does suck 4 other people.....
Me too. Stuff sounds fun at 1st, but after much thought or much time have passed then it's not so interesting anymore...it's like I live the experience in my mind before it actually happens. Warning, don't excite me or I'll future travel.
I hate to say it, but I've become quite the flake these days also. A night of going out always sounds like fun, then 9pm comes around after I've been relaxing on the couch for a few hours, and getting ready to go out downtown and dressing up just sounds like a lot of work. Or my girlfriend will have a girls night out, I have the intentions of going, to put forth an effort since I don't see them often, but then the drive to her place seems so long, and I don't feel all that connected to them either... so I flake. I let them know of course though... I would never just not go and leave them hanging.
That's not too bad. I do that also but I text or call to say I'm wussing out. Not "hey we're having a get together. I miss you! Need to see you! I'll let you know details but it's most likey going to be Tuesday night!" then nothing and then "*insert derp flake's name* was tagged in a check in KARAOKE TIME! at Douchebag Bar Tuesday night at 1130pm.
So immature. I deserve better friends than that.
So immature. I deserve better friends than that.
Posted by kissmygrits
That's not too bad. I do that also but I text or call to say I'm wussing out. Not "hey we're having a get together. I miss you! Need to see you! I'll let you know details but it's most likey going to be Tuesday night!" then nothing and then "*insert derp flake's name* was tagged in a check in KARAOKE TIME! at Douchebag Bar Tuesday night at 1130pm.
So immature. I deserve better friends than that.
Yeah, that is pretty bad and I would be upset about that for sure.
Posted by WaterCupPosted by DMV
Im flakey and it does suck 4 other people.....
Me too. Stuff sounds fun at 1st, but after much thought or much time have passed then it's not so interesting anymore...it's like I live the experience in my mind before it actually happens. Warning, don't excite me or I'll future travel.click to expand
omg! Same here
Posted by RaeofSun
I hate to say it, but I've become quite the flake these days also. A night of going out always sounds like fun, then 9pm comes around after I've been relaxing on the couch for a few hours, and getting ready to go out downtown and dressing up just sounds like a lot of work. Or my girlfriend will have a girls night out, I have the intentions of going, to put forth an effort since I don't see them often, but then the drive to her place seems so long, and I don't feel all that connected to them either... so I flake. I let them know of course though... I would never just not go and leave them hanging.
haha yes. Everything seems like it will take extra long. Unless im going out by myself, im good.
Posted by kissmygrits
That's not too bad. I do that also but I text or call to say I'm wussing out. Not "hey we're having a get together. I miss you! Need to see you! I'll let you know details but it's most likey going to be Tuesday night!" then nothing and then "*insert derp flake's name* was tagged in a check in KARAOKE TIME! at Douchebag Bar Tuesday night at 1130pm.
So immature. I deserve better friends than that.
did u get confirmation that he was actually there? People stay checkin me into places im never at.
check in is the worst thinv ever. Everyone including robbers know where I am. Its the same as putting my whereabouts on a billboard.
Posted by Ixion120
The occasional cop out happens..yes but an established history of ducking out after agreeing to something is not okay..
Flaking out with little notification is nearly as bad not showing up entirely, I am sorry if I am coming across as preachy...its just
The frustration of making a plan with someone then clearing your schedule for that purpose just to have them cancel with little to no time to reschedule can be maddening.
I hear ya. Some people r not planners. But it is a respect thing.
I can be flakey sometimes, I blame it on my gem moon. new shiny, interesting things keep catching my attention.
Sharkoi strikes!
it's a good philosophy. makes life so much easier.
seconded on the *pisces shrug*
we need to trademark that shit
seconded on the *pisces shrug*
we need to trademark that shit
Posted by Ixion120
The frustration of making a plan with someone then clearing your schedule for that purpose just to have them cancel with little to no time to reschedule can be maddening.
Totally agree... this pisses me off big time.
Posted by Nemesis
*insert piscean shrug* and then you let go and are liberated
fascinating!
As a fish... where do you guys find an anchor; if at all?
Posted by SilentTempestPosted by Nemesis
*insert piscean shrug* and then you let go and are liberated
fascinating!
As a fish... where do you guys find an anchor; if at all?click to expand
I threw mine away. I was supposed to keep it?
It's not fair for someone to leave you hanging whether you like them as more than a friend or not. Being flaky sucks & is a bad thing regardless.
If he's done this more than once it's 1. B/c you allowed him to, 2. B/c he doesn't consider you as important as you think he does OR 3. B/c that's just who/how he is.
I know a guy who is flaky with everybody. It's not personal, it's just his personality. He is that way with not only his friends, and family but also with the love of his life. Some people have dropped their expectations of him in this area & have learned how to deal with it while others have said F off & dropped him as a friend.
Maybe him being flaky is just 1 of his flaws. If you can't handle it, fine. No one can judge you for not being willing to put up with something that is actually, well, negative. However, if you still desire a friendship with him, stop expecting so much of him in that area so that when he doesn't meet that expectation, it won't bother you.
Some people can let stuff like this roll off their shoulders while other people get spit fire mad. Neither kind of reaction is wrong though. If it bothers you so much that it affects your ability to see him as a real or good friend, then let him go
If he's done this more than once it's 1. B/c you allowed him to, 2. B/c he doesn't consider you as important as you think he does OR 3. B/c that's just who/how he is.
I know a guy who is flaky with everybody. It's not personal, it's just his personality. He is that way with not only his friends, and family but also with the love of his life. Some people have dropped their expectations of him in this area & have learned how to deal with it while others have said F off & dropped him as a friend.
Maybe him being flaky is just 1 of his flaws. If you can't handle it, fine. No one can judge you for not being willing to put up with something that is actually, well, negative. However, if you still desire a friendship with him, stop expecting so much of him in that area so that when he doesn't meet that expectation, it won't bother you.
Some people can let stuff like this roll off their shoulders while other people get spit fire mad. Neither kind of reaction is wrong though. If it bothers you so much that it affects your ability to see him as a real or good friend, then let him go
What a coinkidink! This dude is a Pisces. We were very close but as I see it's time to cut things and move on. I have given him chances because of our bond but not anymore. I'm too old for this.
Thanks for letting me vent my frustration. In a year from now I would love to have him in my life but not if he's going to be disrespectul to me and treat me like a revolving door.
I was going to ask if he really was at lame bar but then I saw him tagged in pictures.
I don't know why this bothers me. I just don't like being taken for granted I guess.
Thanks for letting me vent my frustration. In a year from now I would love to have him in my life but not if he's going to be disrespectul to me and treat me like a revolving door.
I was going to ask if he really was at lame bar but then I saw him tagged in pictures.
I don't know why this bothers me. I just don't like being taken for granted I guess.
Posted by Nemesis
just ask yourself this question: in a year from now, is this dude or what he does and says - going to matter?
......
un huh
Posted by Ixion120
The frustration of making a plan with someone then clearing your schedule for that purpose just to have them cancel with little to no time to reschedule can be maddening.
That's an immediate drop for me, for good.
Its a sign of serious disrespect.
Its the flakees fault really and not the flaker. If the flakee wasnt so boring, the flaker woukdnt flake.
Posted by PotHeadVirgo24Posted by DMV
Its the flakees fault really and not the flaker. If the flakee wasnt so boring, the flaker woukdnt flake.
Now as the flaker you are, you know this is a load. A flaker is going to be flaky regardless of whether or not the flakee is boring or not. Once your flaky ass brain decides it wants to flake, it will, no matter what else is going on. You're just trying to defend your flakyness.click to expand
your right lol. Your righ
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