I love you, I just don't want to be around you...is it just me?

This topic was created in the Personality Types forum by devilandthedancer on Friday, March 18, 2016 and has 25 replies.
I find that the people I love or care for in some form for the most, I keep at a somewhat of a distance. It's just something that I do, I don't consciously think about it. But I've been doing some self analysis and have come to notice that I'm not too big on people. I'm not mean, I like people, meeting new people,and the like but it's draining as hell too. So I need my space to recharge and some folks just don't know how to let go.

I live alone, on purpose, I don't think I can ever live with someone again. I find my relationship's go easier when I don't see the other person often. I just like my space. It's not that I'm cheating or not into the person when I'm with them (hell, I'm too damn picky, it takes me forever to find a guy that I like and that meshes well with me) but the issue inevidably always comes in when things progress and they want to become closer. Mraning move in, or just be around me all the time. I don't know what it is. I just like my space. I'm loving, affectionate and all of that but I just require lots of space/freedom and apparently that's a problem.

Ideally, I'd like to be married some day and at first I didn't want to live with my husband like we have our own luves, etc but we're committed to each other just not traditional living style. Now I'm thinking that isn't fair to him so perhaps then we just have our own alternative living spaces in our home so that when I need some space he's OK with me being to myself and vice versa.

I dated a Gem once and it was cool at first because we didn't see each other often, then he wanted to move in and this was my first time living with someone, plus things moved too fast for me, long story short it went sour. I saw him too much, it was frustrating and I lost interest, got bored etc. He was too much for me to deal with, we got on each others nerves. I was no ray of sunshine at this point myself. I offered to move out and we just try dating each oyher again ot just moving in alltogether. He moved out and not surprisingly, things were better. we both agreed things were better between us and we tried to work on our relationship, ultimately it ended but for other reasons.

Anyone else out there like this? I'd appreciate your feedback. What's helped you ?
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I find that the people I love or care for in some form for the most, I keep at a somewhat of a distance. It's just something that I do, I don't consciously think about it. But I've been doing some self analysis and have come to notice that I'm not too big on people. I'm not mean, I like people, meeting new people,and the like but it's draining as hell too. So I need my space to recharge and some folks just don't know how to let go.

I live alone, on purpose, I don't think I can ever live with someone again. I find my relationship's go easier when I don't see the other person often. I just like my space. It's not that I'm cheating or not into the person when I'm with them (hell, I'm too damn picky, it takes me forever to find a guy that I like and that meshes well with me) but the issue inevidably always comes in when things progress and they want to become closer. Mraning move in, or just be around me all the time. I don't know what it is. I just like my space. I'm loving, affectionate and all of that but I just require lots of space/freedom and apparently that's a problem.

Ideally, I'd like to be married some day and at first I didn't want to live with my husband, like we'll have our own lives, etc. but be committed to each other just not traditional living style. Now I'm thinking that isn't fair to him so perhaps then we just have our own alternative living spaces in our home so that when I need some space he's OK with me being to myself and vice versa.

I dated a Gem once and it was cool at first because we didn't see each other often, then he wanted to move in and this was my first time living with someone, plus things moved too fast for me, long story short it went sour. I saw him too much, it was frustrating and I lost interest, got bored etc. He was too much for me to deal with, we got on each others nerves. I was no ray of sunshine at this point myself. I offered to move out and we just try dating each oyher again ot just moving in alltogether. He moved out and not surprisingly, things were better. we both agreed things were better between us and we tried to work on our relationship, ultimately it ended but for other reasons.

Anyone else out there like this? I'd appreciate your feedback. What's helped you ?
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Whats ur sign? I think space is good too i dont mind a big house separate rooms
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Posted by devilandthedancer
I find that the people I love or care for in some form for the most, I keep at a somewhat of a distance. It's just something that I do, I don't consciously think about it. But I've been doing some self analysis and have come to notice that I'm not too big on people. I'm not mean, I like people, meeting new people,and the like but it's draining as hell too. So I need my space to recharge and some folks just don't know how to let go.

I live alone, on purpose, I don't think I can ever live with someone again. I find my relationship's go easier when I don't see the other person often. I just like my space. It's not that I'm cheating or not into the person when I'm with them (hell, I'm too damn picky, it takes me forever to find a guy that I like and that meshes well with me) but the issue inevidably always comes in when things progress and they want to become closer. Mraning move in, or just be around me all the time. I don't know what it is. I just like my space. I'm loving, affectionate and all of that but I just require lots of space/freedom and apparently that's a problem.

Ideally, I'd like to be married some day and at first I didn't want to live with my husband like we have our own luves, etc but we're committed to each other just not traditional living style. Now I'm thinking that isn't fair to him so perhaps then we just have our own alternative living spaces in our home so that when I need some space he's OK with me being to myself and vice versa.

I dated a Gem once and it was cool at first because we didn't see each other often, then he wanted to move in and this was my first time living with someone, plus things moved too fast for me, long story short it went sour. I saw him too much, it was frustrating and I lost interest, got bored etc. He was too much for me to deal with, we got on each others nerves. I was no ray of sunshine at this point myself. I offered to move out and we just try dating each oyher again ot just moving in alltogether. He moved out and not surprisingly, things were better. we both agreed things were better between us and we tried to work on our relationship, ultimately it ended but for other reasons.

Anyone else out there like this? I'd appreciate your feedback. What's helped you ?



You sound like a Venus in Aqaurius. I'm like this too.
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I have an "office". Its really a reading nook area and the overall explanation for it is, if I'm in there don't bother me unless the house is on fire. I call it, the Aqua Cave.
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I need space and downtime - I just can't be on all the time and I cant be with you all the time - doesn't absence make the heart grow fonder, obviously not too much but a little?

Also, if I don't get some down, quiet, me time, I become a crazy person, more so than normal. I don't think there is anything wrong with this.
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Posted by lovely77
Whats ur sign? I think space is good too i dont mind a big house separate rooms


Pisces Sun; I fall into the Aqua/Pisces cusp tho
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My Venus is in Pisces
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I see i guess nothing wrong then u know i need space too
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I didn't realize that I posted twice. New to this, still learning to navigate lol
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My friends, coworkers, family all tell me that it's not normal. My thoughts are that it's completely normal I'm not the only person to need space. I think it's fine but also realize that it's important to make it very clear up front with a guy if I think things may begin to get more serious that I have absolute needs for space. I think it's only fair, maybe there's something he needs and we'll have to find a compromise to accommodate hormoniously. Otherwise, I'll be a perpetual bachelorette. Lol
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Posted by OceanBoy88
What's your sign? Just curious. I'm also very spacey but in a different way. Kind of like one week I'm intense and always there and immediately next week I'm completely invisible in hiding.


Pisces
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Posted by ShadowAbsorber
What's your moon, venus, and mars?


Rising: Scorpio
Moon: Virgo
Venus: Pisces
Mars: Cancer
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Posted by OceanBoy88
What's your sign? Just curious. I'm also very spacey but in a different way. Kind of like one week I'm intense and always there and immediately next week I'm completely invisible in hiding.


Curious, are you referring to when you're in a relationship? Asking, cuz my guy was THE sweetest he's ever been the last time I saw him, and then the week following, it was like he barely existed lol! And we're good now btw, I just talked to him yesterday.
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Posted by OceanBoy88
Posted by Jkats
Posted by OceanBoy88
What's your sign? Just curious. I'm also very spacey but in a different way. Kind of like one week I'm intense and always there and immediately next week I'm completely invisible in hiding.


Curious, are you referring to when you're in a relationship? Asking, cuz my guy was THE sweetest he's ever been the last time I saw him, and then the week following, it was like he barely existed lol! And we're good now btw, I just talked to him yesterday.


Yes. I sound just like him. I've had several complaints too but I just love alone time. It's great to spend time with the woman I love but half the times I just want to lay down and do nothing but think with no one around. When I'm around though, I'm very attentive, sweet, and affectionate.
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Hmmm, interesting. I just wonder though, how can you build a relationship if you disappear like this? How often do YOU do this? And do you love your SO a little more if she can understand this part of you and still sticks around? My guy is a Cancerian just so ya know. Oh yeah, and it seems as if he likes me to do all the initiating, is this normal? My Cancerian guy friend told me that they don't usually take the lead when it comes to communication.
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You're a hardcore introvert (doesn't mean you can't be sociable - horrible common assumption).

I'm exactly the same.

I don't think I'll be able to handle getting married.

I just appreciate my alone time above dealing with others way too much.

And on a fundamental level it's for my sanity's sake.

Very little understand so... I'm screwed.

I didn't choose this, it's just the way relationships with others work out better for me.

If I had it my way I wish I could be there for others 24/7 without feeling like I'm draining.

Maybe we're not the problem, maybe it's codependency issues of others lol

Hm, what's your MBTI?
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Posted by OceanBoy88
Posted by Jkats
Posted by OceanBoy88
Posted by Jkats
Posted by OceanBoy88
What's your sign? Just curious. I'm also very spacey but in a different way. Kind of like one week I'm intense and always there and immediately next week I'm completely invisible in hiding.


Curious, are you referring to when you're in a relationship? Asking, cuz my guy was THE sweetest he's ever been the last time I saw him, and then the week following, it was like he barely existed lol! And we're good now btw, I just talked to him yesterday.


Yes. I sound just like him. I've had several complaints too but I just love alone time. It's great to spend time with the woman I love but half the times I just want to lay down and do nothing but think with no one around. When I'm around though, I'm very attentive, sweet, and affectionate.


Hmmm, interesting. I just wonder though, how can you build a relationship if you disappear like this? How often do YOU do this? And do you love your SO a little more if she can understand this part of you and still sticks around? My guy is a Cancerian just so ya know. Oh yeah, and it seems as if he likes me to do all the initiating, is this normal? My Cancerian guy friend told me that they don't usually take the lead when it comes to communication.


I think it actually helps build the relationship in its own way. Yea your missing but your not over indulging in each other. The last relationship I was in couldn't give me space. I still loved her to death but if she would just given me a bit more of quiet time I would've definitely been much more happier. Her lacking in smothering me and giving me freedom had nothing to do with the breakup though. I'm not a cancer so can't really say... I'm a Pisces in fact.
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Wtf, my last reply didn't get posted!!!!

Anyways, all I will say is that I will take heed in what you mentioned, because I don't wanna lose my guy. I love him immensely, so will do what it takes to make him happy. Compromise is the key to a good relationship. smile
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I'm a pisces and I love my space and alone time. I feel it ruins things when we spend too much time together and then I feel bad because it's like I feel 'us' becoming distant and/or bored. But when we are apart I recharge and I can feel closer to that special person again.
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Posted by SassyKiwi
You're a hardcore introvert (doesn't mean you can't be sociable - horrible common assumption).

I'm exactly the same.

I don't think I'll be able to handle getting married.

I just appreciate my alone time above dealing with others way too much.

And on a fundamental level it's for my sanity's sake.

Very little understand so... I'm screwed.

I didn't choose this, it's just the way relationships with others work out better for me.

If I had it my way I wish I could be there for others 24/7 without feeling like I'm draining.

Maybe we're not the problem, maybe it's codependency issues of others lol

Hm, what's your MBTI?


Absolutely! I can be very social in short bursts but then I need my alone time to reenergize. It's literally painful if I don't get it. Funny you should ask, I just took this test at work, I'm INTJ.
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Posted by Fox
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
what's yours?


Surprisingly, ... Quality time. But that's not too surprising when I interpret it like this. Because I like ppl around in short bursts, I only want someone to come around if they genuinely want to be there but not feel obligated or for some ulterior motive and I can pick up on if it's not sincere. But after we've enjoyed our time, I want them to leave and sincerely want to come around again some other time. Just not be around all the time; this is my struggle.
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Posted by takemeaway
I'm a pisces and I love my space and alone time. I feel it ruins things when we spend too much time together and then I feel bad because it's like I feel 'us' becoming distant and/or bored. But when we are apart I recharge and I can feel closer to that special person again.

YES! Exactly this! EVERYTHING you just said !
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Oh wow same here, when I took it at work it came up ISTJ by literally 1 question the test admin asked if I'd taken it before and what my results were I told her (INTJ) she scored me as INTJ aswell .

So my last actual full on relationship was 2 years ago. Seeing him everyday was too much. But if I saw him once or twice a week like when we first started dating it was fine. Like the dating is fine because it's infrequent it's the part where it becomes more and they want to start hanging around a lot and not leaving that bothers me most. Men seem to cling in to me too quickly and Im not ready, I feel smothered and crowded, like my space is being invaded. I need space for my own sanity.
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Posted by devilandthedancer
Posted by Fox
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
what's yours?


Surprisingly, ... Quality time. But that's not too surprising when I interpret it like this. Because I like ppl around in short bursts, I only want someone to come around if they genuinely want to be there but not feel obligated or for some ulterior motive and I can pick up on if it's not sincere. But after we've enjoyed our time, I want them to leave and sincerely want to come around again some other time. Just not be around all the time; this is my struggle.
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I also show my love/interest in this same way for sure.
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Sounds like me. I do NOT want to live with my guy and he just doesn't get why I would want to do that unless I'm hiding something. But no. Just no. I need my alone time. Like another user said , They just like to lay and do nothing but think with no one around
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ever date an Aquarius?
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