Why some choose to be emotionally unkind?
This topic was created in the Personality Types forum by TxOgal on Saturday, December 17, 2022 and has 18 replies.
Are they even aware of being that way?
Like I have a friend who always checks on me everyday, but when he knew I'm sick he just stopped asking, as if he's waiting for me to start the conversation. It could be intentional though..
Other few incidents with an ex bf who would let me down when I'm expecting. Like when I'm sick or when it's my birthday, he'd flake out.
I never encounter anything like this with my girl friends, it's always the guys that seem to be that way.
I just wonder is it intentional? and if it's not intentional, doesn't this mean that they are mean people? all I'm thinking of is.. why?!
Like I have a friend who always checks on me everyday, but when he knew I'm sick he just stopped asking, as if he's waiting for me to start the conversation. It could be intentional though..
Other few incidents with an ex bf who would let me down when I'm expecting. Like when I'm sick or when it's my birthday, he'd flake out.
I never encounter anything like this with my girl friends, it's always the guys that seem to be that way.
I just wonder is it intentional? and if it's not intentional, doesn't this mean that they are mean people? all I'm thinking of is.. why?!
Because they’re miserable with themselves so they project that onto others
People who are happy and well balanced don’t do that.
I avoid negative people …. I won’t give them any of my energy
We choose how we treat others and I believe in do unto others ….
People who are happy and well balanced don’t do that.
I avoid negative people …. I won’t give them any of my energy
We choose how we treat others and I believe in do unto others ….
I mustn’t say it now when I met Virgo in whi took care of his wife for 22 years until she passed…THIS is abnormal for men.
Though…men like this exist.
Majority of men do not deal with sicknesses well. Ever seen sick man? My Scorpio cousin said once - when They get sick - they better die! Because men aren’t good dealing with a lot of things that require emotional reaction.
They don’t know what to say and what to do.
So they naturally withdraw to come back when you call them. Meaning you survived. You alive. Let’s be friends again…
It’s really NOT as dramatic as post is presenting it.
I had lots of friends and one - Aries who I married to my friend for 32 years - he would come after work to sit next to me if I was sick and other guys will come IF Aries was there and hang out while I was in bed…making me sandwiches and coffee.
Those who disappearing for BDay are cheap MTFKERS! Different story! Fuck them!
Though…men like this exist.
Majority of men do not deal with sicknesses well. Ever seen sick man? My Scorpio cousin said once - when They get sick - they better die! Because men aren’t good dealing with a lot of things that require emotional reaction.
They don’t know what to say and what to do.
So they naturally withdraw to come back when you call them. Meaning you survived. You alive. Let’s be friends again…
It’s really NOT as dramatic as post is presenting it.
I had lots of friends and one - Aries who I married to my friend for 32 years - he would come after work to sit next to me if I was sick and other guys will come IF Aries was there and hang out while I was in bed…making me sandwiches and coffee.
Those who disappearing for BDay are cheap MTFKERS! Different story! Fuck them!
From what I've seen, most guy friends are not like that. Even if not as nurturing as the female friends, they still offer to help with DYI work, an ear to listen, or a friction massage if you've got a cold.
I don't think that someone who wants to nourish a relationship would deliberately choose to be "emotionally unkind" at the most inappropriate of times. Instead, they may have low empathy or low emotional intelligence, so their reactions are stunted, awkward or inappropriate, or their timing is completely off.
For example, an ex talked with disgust about about a member of his family being sick. Who would like to grow old with someone like him?
Another one mentioned that his ex hurt him when he was being vulnerable with her. I felt for him, and thought what a sensible and emotionally aware, lovely guy he was. Until he tried to put me down each time I was being vulnerable with him...
But these guys are the exception. Other guys rule
I don't think that someone who wants to nourish a relationship would deliberately choose to be "emotionally unkind" at the most inappropriate of times. Instead, they may have low empathy or low emotional intelligence, so their reactions are stunted, awkward or inappropriate, or their timing is completely off.
For example, an ex talked with disgust about about a member of his family being sick. Who would like to grow old with someone like him?
Another one mentioned that his ex hurt him when he was being vulnerable with her. I felt for him, and thought what a sensible and emotionally aware, lovely guy he was. Until he tried to put me down each time I was being vulnerable with him...
But these guys are the exception. Other guys rule
Posted by DragonSagWow cold 🥶
Cause they are crappy people? Any of these happened to be Cap by any chance? Lol when I had car accident I was with Cap guy so I called him to tell him what happened cause...that's what normal people do. He did not offer any sort of help or comfort and on top of that he later said that we shouldn't see each other any more 😂 so those of yours aren't all that bad, see?😂
Posted by DragonSagWhat a piece of work!Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by DragonSag
Cause they are crappy people? Any of these happened to be Cap by any chance? Lol when I had car accident I was with Cap guy so I called him to tell him what happened cause...that's what normal people do. He did not offer any sort of help or comfort and on top of that he later said that we shouldn't see each other any more 😂 so those of yours aren't all that bad, see?😂
Wow cold 🥶
click to expand
Yeah, he was a complete ahole. He also called me to sleep with him when his gf was severely injured in car accident and hospitalized...so that situation of mine is not even the worst he did😂 there was a lot more I found later about him and some other exes he was withclick to expand
Glad you saw the light Sag
What’s the rest of his chart like?
🥴🥶
Posted by DragonSagI'm sorry you dealt with such ppl .. It sucks when you get a cold shoulder at the time you need support the most..
Cause they are crappy people? Any of these happened to be Cap by any chance? Lol when I had car accident I was with Cap guy so I called him to tell him what happened cause...that's what normal people do. He did not offer any sort of help or comfort and on top of that he later said that we shouldn't see each other any more 😂 so those of yours aren't all that bad, see?😂
Well this kind of treatment I got from a few guys of different signs and yes including a cap lol but he wasn't the worst..
Posted by DragonSagYeah I don't think it has to do with the signs though.. cause even the signs you mentioned that are in my life are guilty of emotional unkindess as well 🤷🏻♀️ but I still believe it's a guys thing though lolPosted by TxOgalPosted by DragonSag
Cause they are crappy people? Any of these happened to be Cap by any chance? Lol when I had car accident I was with Cap guy so I called him to tell him what happened cause...that's what normal people do. He did not offer any sort of help or comfort and on top of that he later said that we shouldn't see each other any more 😂 so those of yours aren't all that bad, see?😂
I'm sorry you dealt with such ppl .. It sucks when you get a cold shoulder at the time you need support the most..
Well this kind of treatment I got from a few guys of different signs and yes including a cap lol but he wasn't the worst..
click to expand
Maybe some guys just don't know how to handle situations like that, to show adequate support when you need it🤷🏼♀️ I also had some super caring men in my life that I could always rely on to help with anything at all and to check up on me when I wasn't well. I'll just note Pisces and Cancer as most caring in such situation. All air signs were also very helpful if asked for help, even when not, they offered help.click to expand
Posted by LaLueurThat's so sweet! and from a cap guy wow!Posted by TxOgalPosted by DragonSagPosted by TxOgalPosted by DragonSag
Cause they are crappy people? Any of these happened to be Cap by any chance? Lol when I had car accident I was with Cap guy so I called him to tell him what happened cause...that's what normal people do. He did not offer any sort of help or comfort and on top of that he later said that we shouldn't see each other any more 😂 so those of yours aren't all that bad, see?😂
I'm sorry you dealt with such ppl .. It sucks when you get a cold shoulder at the time you need support the most..
Well this kind of treatment I got from a few guys of different signs and yes including a cap lol but he wasn't the worst..
click to expand
Maybe some guys just don't know how to handle situations like that, to show adequate support when you need it🤷🏼♀️ I also had some super caring men in my life that I could always rely on to help with anything at all and to check up on me when I wasn't well. I'll just note Pisces and Cancer as most caring in such situation. All air signs were also very helpful if asked for help, even when not, they offered help.
click to expand
Yeah I don't think it has to do with the signs though.. cause even the signs you mentioned that are in my life are guilty of emotional unkindess as well 🤷🏻♀️ but I still believe it's a guys thing though lol
click to expand
Ahh there was a cap i was dating and he was extremely nice to me when i was in the hospital. He bought me all the stuff i needed,brand new, didn't accepted my money, brought Food everyday after work, played boardgames and cards with me and other patients,and even brought food a couple times for that woman who was in the same room as me. Massages,and washed my butt even lol 😍 Such a nice guy. I wish nothing but happiness for him.
If i was you i would tell them to be useful or to hit the road 🛣️ 💟click to expand
I like your attitude lol why not? nothing to lose .. since it feels like losing a friend anyway
Posted by ImperfectStormIt turns out "emotional unkindness" is a known term.. and I thought it's intentional since they are important situations that is normal to be there for someone who is close to you (as bf or best friend) and who already know of your sickness or that your birthday is meaningful to you and intend to neglect that. This is what I'm wondering about....Posted by TxOgal
Are they even aware of being that way?
Like I have a friend who always checks on me everyday, but when he knew I'm sick he just stopped asking, as if he's waiting for me to start the conversation. It could be intentional though..
Other few incidents with an ex bf who would let me down when I'm expecting. Like when I'm sick or when it's my birthday, he'd flake out.
I never encounter anything like this with my girl friends, it's always the guys that seem to be that way.
I just wonder is it intentional? and if it's not intentional, doesn't this mean that they are mean people? all I'm thinking of is.. why?!
I don’t know that I would consider these examples “unkind”. Maybe they’re not the most considerate or thoughtful people, but when I read the word “unkind” I thought this was going to be about people who are cruel or harsh to others.
Some people are just self absorbed or busy and forget to check on other people, but not always intentionally.
click to expand
idk coz i usually would prefer to be there for problems or emergencies. why bother someone when they're doing well?
but i'm usually neglectful and rare to reach out when days are better. in fact, some people might even think i only like them when they have problems 😂😂
but i'm usually neglectful and rare to reach out when days are better. in fact, some people might even think i only like them when they have problems 😂😂
Posted by TxOgalMaybe they feel they wouldn't know what to do and how to act in those situations, so they feel it's best if they weren't there at all...
Are they even aware of being that way?
Like I have a friend who always checks on me everyday, but when he knew I'm sick he just stopped asking, as if he's waiting for me to start the conversation. It could be intentional though..
Other few incidents with an ex bf who would let me down when I'm expecting. Like when I'm sick or when it's my birthday, he'd flake out.
I consider myself pretty empathetic. Though some days I wake up and just don't care about anything. Even then, I hide it quite well. I'm pretty good at silently seething, yet at the same time I can't act like it doesn't give off a cold vibe. If I do explode on someone emotionally I always feel bad afterwards, and try to make it up to them. It makes me realize people are random. Some people truly don't care about you, your feelings, or well being. Some people are just happy and emotionally stable 24/7. Which is extreamly weird and suspicious to me for some reason. Others are bottling up a bunch of turmoil, and might not even truly mean to emotionally hurt others, yet they do because they don't have a healthy outlet. Others don't even care whatsoever, and might even enjoy hurting people. It's a crazy world, and people will people. You never know who a person truly is unless you dig deep into their lives. Even then it doesn't always tell you exactly the type of person they truly are, or what made them become that type of person in the first place.
Posted by ImperfectStormI DO not understand why exactly you are calling him a…friend?Posted by TxOgalPosted by ImperfectStormPosted by TxOgal
Are they even aware of being that way?
Like I have a friend who always checks on me everyday, but when he knew I'm sick he just stopped asking, as if he's waiting for me to start the conversation. It could be intentional though..
Other few incidents with an ex bf who would let me down when I'm expecting. Like when I'm sick or when it's my birthday, he'd flake out.
I never encounter anything like this with my girl friends, it's always the guys that seem to be that way.
I just wonder is it intentional? and if it's not intentional, doesn't this mean that they are mean people? all I'm thinking of is.. why?!
I don’t know that I would consider these examples “unkind”. Maybe they’re not the most considerate or thoughtful people, but when I read the word “unkind” I thought this was going to be about people who are cruel or harsh to others.
Some people are just self absorbed or busy and forget to check on other people, but not always intentionally.
click to expand
It turns out "emotional unkindness" is a known term.. and I thought it's intentional since they are important situations that is normal to be there for someone who is close to you (as bf or best friend) and who already know of your sickness or that your birthday is meaningful to you and intend to neglect that. This is what I'm wondering about....
click to expand
I get what you’re saying..
I’ve recently had that experience too. My male Aquarius friend had Covid in September and I was dropping off Gatorade, vitamins, cough drops and cough syrup on his porch, sending him texts asking how he was feeling. My birthday rolled around in October and guess who forgot about my birthday? Lol naturally… 🤣🤣
I try not to take it personally. We can’t control other people, we can only manage our expectations of them and how much of ourselves we give to them. If you’re not happy with how they are reciprocating, pour your energy into others who can meet you halfway. There is no sense in trying to figure them out otherwise. For the most part though, I try to give them the benefit of doubt and just assume that we are different from each other, and that’s okay. (They’re not as thoughtful, generous, etc).
click to expand
Posted by DragonSagMy ex Cap was like that…thought of helping or doing a favor was foreign to him. Every time I said ‘go help’ he would ask ‘don’t they have anybody else to do it’?
Cause they are crappy people? Any of these happened to be Cap by any chance? Lol when I had car accident I was with Cap guy so I called him to tell him what happened cause...that's what normal people do. He did not offer any sort of help or comfort and on top of that he later said that we shouldn't see each other any more 😂 so those of yours aren't all that bad, see?😂
But every time I read about them doing this - I am just…amused…thinking Oh! Really? How familiar…
You dodge the bullet. Was he your SO?
Hope you are ok and all better without his ‘friendship’…
Posted by ImperfectStormWas he ever more attentive ever in 20 years?Posted by GemiMayPosted by ImperfectStormPosted by TxOgalPosted by ImperfectStormPosted by TxOgal
Are they even aware of being that way?
Like I have a friend who always checks on me everyday, but when he knew I'm sick he just stopped asking, as if he's waiting for me to start the conversation. It could be intentional though..
Other few incidents with an ex bf who would let me down when I'm expecting. Like when I'm sick or when it's my birthday, he'd flake out.
I never encounter anything like this with my girl friends, it's always the guys that seem to be that way.
I just wonder is it intentional? and if it's not intentional, doesn't this mean that they are mean people? all I'm thinking of is.. why?!
I don’t know that I would consider these examples “unkind”. Maybe they’re not the most considerate or thoughtful people, but when I read the word “unkind” I thought this was going to be about people who are cruel or harsh to others.
Some people are just self absorbed or busy and forget to check on other people, but not always intentionally.
click to expand
It turns out "emotional unkindness" is a known term.. and I thought it's intentional since they are important situations that is normal to be there for someone who is close to you (as bf or best friend) and who already know of your sickness or that your birthday is meaningful to you and intend to neglect that. This is what I'm wondering about....
click to expand
I get what you’re saying..
I’ve recently had that experience too. My male Aquarius friend had Covid in September and I was dropping off Gatorade, vitamins, cough drops and cough syrup on his porch, sending him texts asking how he was feeling. My birthday rolled around in October and guess who forgot about my birthday? Lol naturally… 🤣🤣
I try not to take it personally. We can’t control other people, we can only manage our expectations of them and how much of ourselves we give to them. If you’re not happy with how they are reciprocating, pour your energy into others who can meet you halfway. There is no sense in trying to figure them out otherwise. For the most part though, I try to give them the benefit of doubt and just assume that we are different from each other, and that’s okay. (They’re not as thoughtful, generous, etc).click to expand
I DO not understand why exactly you are calling him a…friend?
Well I’ve known him over 20 years and I do consider him an associate of mine. Not a “best friend” by any means, but we’ve known each other a long timeclick to expand
Posted by ImperfectStormWell there's a saying where I live .. it goes like.. "Do good and throw it into the sea". So anyway I think even when they don't reciprocate be a good human .. What you did is amazing by the way!Posted by TxOgalPosted by ImperfectStormPosted by TxOgal
Are they even aware of being that way?
Like I have a friend who always checks on me everyday, but when he knew I'm sick he just stopped asking, as if he's waiting for me to start the conversation. It could be intentional though..
Other few incidents with an ex bf who would let me down when I'm expecting. Like when I'm sick or when it's my birthday, he'd flake out.
I never encounter anything like this with my girl friends, it's always the guys that seem to be that way.
I just wonder is it intentional? and if it's not intentional, doesn't this mean that they are mean people? all I'm thinking of is.. why?!
I don’t know that I would consider these examples “unkind”. Maybe they’re not the most considerate or thoughtful people, but when I read the word “unkind” I thought this was going to be about people who are cruel or harsh to others.
Some people are just self absorbed or busy and forget to check on other people, but not always intentionally.
click to expand
It turns out "emotional unkindness" is a known term.. and I thought it's intentional since they are important situations that is normal to be there for someone who is close to you (as bf or best friend) and who already know of your sickness or that your birthday is meaningful to you and intend to neglect that. This is what I'm wondering about....
click to expand
I get what you’re saying..
I’ve recently had that experience too. My male Aquarius friend had Covid in September and I was dropping off Gatorade, vitamins, cough drops and cough syrup on his porch, sending him texts asking how he was feeling. My birthday rolled around in October and guess who forgot about my birthday? Lol naturally… 🤣🤣
I try not to take it personally. We can’t control other people, we can only manage our expectations of them and how much of ourselves we give to them. If you’re not happy with how they are reciprocating, pour your energy into others who can meet you halfway. There is no sense in trying to figure them out otherwise. For the most part though, I try to give them the benefit of doubt and just assume that we are different from each other, and that’s okay. (They’re not as thoughtful, generous, etc).
click to expand
I think I just need to stay humble and try to be a good human whatever happens. It's hard to stay sane but possible lol
Posted by TxOgalPosted by ImperfectStormPosted by TxOgalPosted by ImperfectStormPosted by TxOgal
Are they even aware of being that way?
Like I have a friend who always checks on me everyday, but when he knew I'm sick he just stopped asking, as if he's waiting for me to start the conversation. It could be intentional though..
Other few incidents with an ex bf who would let me down when I'm expecting. Like when I'm sick or when it's my birthday, he'd flake out.
I never encounter anything like this with my girl friends, it's always the guys that seem to be that way.
I just wonder is it intentional? and if it's not intentional, doesn't this mean that they are mean people? all I'm thinking of is.. why?!
I don’t know that I would consider these examples “unkind”. Maybe they’re not the most considerate or thoughtful people, but when I read the word “unkind” I thought this was going to be about people who are cruel or harsh to others.
Some people are just self absorbed or busy and forget to check on other people, but not always intentionally.
click to expand
It turns out "emotional unkindness" is a known term.. and I thought it's intentional since they are important situations that is normal to be there for someone who is close to you (as bf or best friend) and who already know of your sickness or that your birthday is meaningful to you and intend to neglect that. This is what I'm wondering about....
click to expand
I get what you’re saying..
I’ve recently had that experience too. My male Aquarius friend had Covid in September and I was dropping off Gatorade, vitamins, cough drops and cough syrup on his porch, sending him texts asking how he was feeling. My birthday rolled around in October and guess who forgot about my birthday? Lol naturally… 🤣🤣
I try not to take it personally. We can’t control other people, we can only manage our expectations of them and how much of ourselves we give to them. If you’re not happy with how they are reciprocating, pour your energy into others who can meet you halfway. There is no sense in trying to figure them out otherwise. For the most part though, I try to give them the benefit of doubt and just assume that we are different from each other, and that’s okay. (They’re not as thoughtful, generous, etc).
click to expand
Well there's a saying where I live .. it goes like.. "Do good and throw it into the sea". So anyway I think even when they don't reciprocate be a good human .. What you did is amazing by the way!
I think I just need to stay humble and try to be a good human whatever happens. It's hard to stay sane but possible lolclick to expand
I agree with this. I technically don’t have much friends at the moment because the end of long friendships were overdue. But that didn’t stop the world from giving me unexpected extended people caring for me by showering me with respect, love and gifts. And I think it’s because the universe knows I have always tried my best to be a decent person in whatever situation I was presented with and just let everything else go - let no hard feelings get to me.
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