A serious proposal?

Maybe it's my Libra sun, Gemini rising, Sag moon or Scorpio Venus reacting (or not) but I am less than moved about a recent proposal I got from my boyfriend. Last weekend he asked me to marry him by sending my sister a text message while sitting next to me which stated "tell ...... that she should be my wife, that's it would be best for all of us and I love her."

He followed by sending a text to me stating "it's time". All while sitting by my side. No direct question...just a few comments about how we should hurry to get me enrolled under his open enrollment period for health insurance. Seriously!?

All this after hearing his ex and her attorney characterize our relationship as non-serious to a judge. I talked him down from the ledge and told him marriage was not necessary, we have nothing to prove, though we have discussed marriage over the past two years.

Now he's claiming that I turned him down but need to decide in the next four months if we are moving forward or not? Seriously?

On some level I think he's serious...or his Pisces sun, Sag rising, Cancer moon and Aries Venus talking.

He's a pretty quirky guy but I don't have a good read on this situation. If I continue to resist the imo "reactive proposal" will I offend him on a long-term basis? I'm not saying never, just don't want to respond to criticism. Where's the romance in that?

Some perspective would be greatly appreciated.... :-)

And if you don't decide in the next 4 months, what? He's gonna leave you? Come on! That's just Pisces playing silly games. He'll probably realize he exaggerated

I read it, Nem!😛


But, my lips are sealed.

Posted by Treplev
And if you don't decide in the next 4 months, what? He's gonna leave you? Come on! That's just Pisces playing silly games. He'll probably realize he exaggerated

I think you're right...he's not the most evolved Pisces man...still I love him.

Posted by tiziani
I think if a woman told me marriage is not necessary I would be deflated for sure, but Pisces Men seem like a real trip haha

Yes...he is a trip... A unique February fish with a sensitive temperament.

Posted by Nemesis
sorry for that - too much info.

Sorry I missed it 😢

Posted by ninalove
Maybe it's my Libra sun, Gemini rising, Sag moon or Scorpio Venus reacting (or not) but I am less than moved about a recent proposal I got from my boyfriend. Last weekend he asked me to marry him by sending my sister a text message while sitting next to me which stated "tell ...... that she should be my wife, that's it would be best for all of us and I love her."

He followed by sending a text to me stating "it's time". All while sitting by my side. No direct question...just a few comments about how we should hurry to get me enrolled under his open enrollment period for health insurance. Seriously!?

All this after hearing his ex and her attorney characterize our relationship as non-serious to a judge. I talked him down from the ledge and told him marriage was not necessary, we have nothing to prove, though we have discussed marriage over the past two years.

Now he's claiming that I turned him down but need to decide in the next four months if we are moving forward or not? Seriously?

On some level I think he's serious...or his Pisces sun, Sag rising, Cancer moon and Aries Venus talking.

He's a pretty quirky guy but I don't have a good read on this situation. If I continue to resist the imo "reactive proposal" will I offend him on a long-term basis? I'm not saying never, just don't want to respond to criticism. Where's the romance in that?

Some perspective would be greatly appreciated.... :-)

I can't rightly say because that cancer moon is a real doozy for a fish guy. I always 'think' but I bet this guy always 'feels' so I couldn't say.

Posted by Nemesis
nina, i just basically typed - my proposal came without much chit chat and romantic gestures.

do what YOU feel is the right thing. a marriage that begins with an ultimatum seems unwise to me.

best of luck. 🙂

Thanks Nem, I think I will wait this out a bit.

@ Quest, his cancer moon is the devil in the details...I expect some impulsiveness from his Aries Venus but trying to balance it with his moon is tricky. Hence, why I feel a little blind on this one. I need to tap more into my feelings on this.

So, Nem, did you accept? ... I mean... agreed with him? 😄

Nina, what i don't get is how come you're starting to get red flags only now... I mean, you were with this guy for 2 years or more. Aren't you already supposed to know his quirks and how to handle them? Why do you get second thoughts now? Sure... i understand that marriage is a serious business, but i'm sure he acted rash on other ocasions too, in the long time you knew him. I'm even prepared to bet he did something weird even when you two were starting out.

why would you ignore it, because you deem it reactive and surreal? Can't you have a discussion with him about it, and whether or not he was serious?

It sounds to me like this guy isn't sure that you even want marriage. Therefore he's scared to make a big production out of it and get turned down... and then he has made a non-production out of it and got "turned down" as well.

I highly doubt just ignoring it and expecting him to further put himself out there will happen, or end well (as per the 4 month ultimatum). He sounds like he needs his emotions probed, and more so to be reassured of where you stand.


Orrrrrrrrrrr... I have no idea what I'm talking about. Just bananas for thoughts up there.

Posted by Treplev
Nina, what i don't get is how come you're starting to get red flags only now... I mean, you were with this guy for 2 years or more. Aren't you already supposed to know his quirks and how to handle them? Why do you get second thoughts now? Sure... i understand that marriage is a serious business, but i'm sure he acted rash on other ocasions too, in the long time you knew him. I'm even prepared to bet he did something weird even when you two were starting out.

Yes!!! He did!!! Sometimes he acted on his emotions, other times he calmed and a took a more reasonable approach.

I don't know how to explain this but he has changed (or loosened) recently. A fellow fish friend of his told me the change was a result of him feeling more comfortable.

His 0-60 outburst are rare, he laughs a lot more and I have become his confidant more exclusively. He is sharing things with me that almost seem out of character...I am silently relishing and hopefully assuring him of his confidence in me and my ability to keep things between us...no matter what.

My post was prompted by a comment about our future he made last night and it seems he is quite confident that I will marry him...fairly soon. I don't want to hurt him or give him any reason to believe that I have no intention of ever marrying him.

You are right marriage is touchy for me, I wont enter into it casually. That's why I believe Nem may have is right with me indulging more of my own feelings on this. I will not comply with any time limits, that language is new for him and possibly because he was offended, I hope not.

Posted by tiziani
If you want a more impressive proposal...

...or just a more honest and "real" one. I would jokingly ask him "So when are you going to propose to me for real?"

And the ultimatum thing is just him feeling hurt and rejected, and just wanting to 'teach you a lesson". I really don't think he's serious about it.

Posted by deezie
why would you ignore it, because you deem it reactive and surreal? Can't you have a discussion with him about it, and whether or not he was serious?

It sounds to me like this guy isn't sure that you even want marriage. Therefore he's scared to make a big production out of it and get turned down... and then he has made a non-production out of it and got "turned down" as well.

I highly doubt just ignoring it and expecting him to further put himself out there will happen, or end well (as per the 4 month ultimatum). He sounds like he needs his emotions probed, and more so to be reassured of where you stand.


Orrrrrrrrrrr... I have no idea what I'm talking about. Just bananas for thoughts up there.

My goodness, you're right. I will discuss it with him more directly...face to face this week. I will gather my feelings on this and have a better approach when I see him.

See...perspective is important...thanks Deezie!

GJ Deezie and Treplev!

Posted by tiziani
Libra to Libra, you seem like you're being indirect. If you want a more impressive proposal, nothing wrong with telling him that in a tactful way.

I agree with you wholeheartedly but I may be at a lost for words on this one. Not sure I want a more "impressive" proposal...just one that doesn't seem like an arranged marriage. Not sure yet how to translate that to him.

Posted by Quest4Water
GJ Deezie and Treplev!

^^+2

You're right about perspective. The talk with him seems like a total no-brainer. But it's difficult to think clearely when you're directly involved. You're probably giving him worrying signals, and i think that would make him act even more reckless. So just talk to him about it.

Posted by Treplev

Posted by tiziani
If you want a more impressive proposal...

...or just a more honest and "real" one. I would jokingly ask him "So when are you going to propose to me for real?"

And the ultimatum thing is just him feeling hurt and rejected, and just wanting to 'teach you a lesson". I really don't think he's serious about it.

click to expand

I responded to tiziani before I saw this...a more honest and real one is more along my thoughts on this. Thanks for translating the ultimatum behavior,I was not sure how to address that one, but it cheapened things a bit more...more palatable when you consider the source and what he may have been feeling when it was said...thanks :-)

Posted by Treplev
You're right about perspective. The talk with him seems like a total no-brainer. But it's difficult to think clearely when you're directly involved. You're probably giving him worrying signals, and i think that would make him act even more reckless. So just talk to him about it.

ok :-)

Being a pisces sun and Aires Venus. .but sag moon and cancer rising. . I share some of the similar emotions but in a different way since. I definitely think he wants to marry you but was afraid to ask you directly for fear of rejection. Especially since you have discussed it a few times. He also is hiding behind the insurance deadline of for months as his rational reasoning vs exposing all of his emotions and be fully rejected.

If you do want to marry him tell him so but tell him the manner time frame and way you have dreamed about and when you would like that to happen so that he knows what to do and when. It also gives him a goal to set and achieve. But the conversation of expectation and reality needs to be had. As hard as it mightseen. It's Why is best to make sure that you are on the same page. ————

🙂

good luck ninalove!
his fun loving side is hiding a lot of serious need for stability on that cancer moon, i believe

Posted by shortii
Being a pisces sun and Aires Venus. .but sag moon and cancer rising. . I share some of the similar emotions but in a different way since. I definitely think he wants to marry you but was afraid to ask you directly for fear of rejection. Especially since you have discussed it a few times. He also is hiding behind the insurance deadline of for months as his rational reasoning vs exposing all of his emotions and be fully rejected.

If you do want to marry him tell him so but tell him the manner time frame and way you have dreamed about and when you would like that to happen so that he knows what to do and when. It also gives him a goal to set and achieve. But the conversation of expectation and reality needs to be had. As hard as it mightseen. It's Why is best to make sure that you are on the same page. ————

Thanks Shortii! I think I understand the insurance comment a bit more.

Posted by deezie
🙂

good luck ninalove!
his fun loving side is hiding a lot of serious need for stability on that cancer moon, i believe

Thanks Deezie! I really appreciate the insight!

No problem Nina.
I think he is serious about marrying you just afraid to be direct.