Against the forces of my nature

The last few weeks I've been dating this cancer chick who is absolutely gorgeous, good fun and seems to have fallen for me rather quickly. This is where the problem started. She started progressively wanting to see me more and more so I started to go in trapped mode and started to avoid her more and more, coming up with reasons why I couldn't make it to things we had arranged and the like.

Being a pisces, this has been pretty typical behaviour for me in the past if I feel things aren't going the speed I want them to. The reason I'm not quite ready to jump into anything just yet is that I'm still in some f#% ked up way still dealing with my last relationship which ended 4 months ago(normal I think).

After Cancerlady's topic last week about relationships with Pisces I realised I was doing it again. I was avoiding this girl because I didn't want to hurt her feelings but what I was really doing was screwing with her even worse because she didn't know what the hell I was doing. I was giving her mixed signals.

So the other night I took her out and told her exactly what was going on with me, how I felt about my ex and how I felt about her. She totally understood and the trapped feeling went away just like that. I now realise that sometimes we are the ones who trap ourselves by not communicating clearly.

However she did say that us pisces can be quite confusing and I kind of like that.

BJ:

For my last 1.5 weeks I do that all the time. You know, if people can't accept that way of my behaviours, then this is their problem. Not my. And I'm proud of being honest with everyone.

Haffo,

I think mine and your life experiences are very different to each other. Having said that, I don't know if you get what I'm talking about. like you, I am a very honest person in my day to day life. This was a case where I was trying to put some distance between myself and this girl assuming she would get my subliminal messages but after hearing other peoples experiences, I think maybe I expected her to be a mind reader but really I was just confusing her.

So what I'm saying is that I have learnt to be more up front in these circumstances. Not trying to offend you Haffo but I don't think you could know how you would deal in a situation like that because you haven't been in one. God forbid you might even react in the way of a pisces like I did.

BJ:

I want to ask you a question.....

Why are you with that girl? Does she mean for you anything more than sex? Do you come up with her priorly KNOWING that this relationship will end someday and you will move on?

Just curious...

He does have a point haffo,yeah you are you and bj's bj but not all pisces are the exact same as the next.Some are so screwed up that thier pessimistic and paranoid constantly when there isn't a real reason for it.Some of them need to learn how to draw a line between whats actually thier intuition(excuse) and whats just fear.They gotta learn optimism and the light at the end of the tunnel type thing basically.It takes two in a relationship not just one,if you have an issue with the person you tell them so it can be worked on,it's only fair and can be worked on if you do the same with them.Ya know they wouldn't put up with you if they didn't and wouldn't except you,if your not straightforward with things it technically screws you over in the end not the other way around in terms of a relationship.

Thanks Tia. Honestly I was already thinking about "Am I too straightfoward?" part with people. And also was thinking about "Didn't I leave no room for negotiations?". Yea I was thinking these. But then, I thought that I need a REASON to tolerate that person. For what, I have asked BJ a question which is in my previous post.

The reason for why I should tolerate that person should outwheight the displeasure that they cause to my "intolerant" nature.

So, what is/are these reason(s) could be? The one that I already know so far is: "Creating an enviroument, in other words a relationship, where two people can grow in their personalities and gain experience". Unfortunately, this reason doesn't really require to be in a relationship. You can gain the same just being among your friends. Of course, if the additional reason is SEX, then the relationship is meaningfull. But then, still I feel something is not enough for that part. I don't know what it is.

There should be something different from others with that person. Othewise, there will be no reason left to differentiate her others. The reason should make me say like that "Yes she is woman, but she is different from others. She is different, that why I have chosen her not any other woman". It doesn't have to be love thought.

Also, if there would be no such reason then I would choice any women whom I see as a pontential partner and that means almost every women which is not correct action.

It's just not uncommon for some pisces to want to take things slow due to past relationships some run some come to the conclusion bj did.Some cancers tends to want it all TOO fast and just need to be talked to to slow thierselves down.

Whatever...

Hi BJ.

Kudos to you and your new found open-ness to your relationship. I'm glad to hear that you are vocalizing your feelings to your new female friend. Are you also being as open with your ex?

I will say this, I don't know how long your relationship was with your ex, but you have to be sure you allow yourself enough time recovery-- otherwise there is a risk that the next relationship is a rebound situation.

Tiamat and STD. Thank you for your GREAT answers to my questions. I'm proud to have such FRIENDS like you. THANK YOU!!

...
...
...

Thank for pissing me off.

Considering that this is BJ's topic- I responded to the original post.

Haffo- I was under the impression that the questions you were asking were posed to BJ- and his specific situation. I don't know him- at all- I couldn't even begin to speculate as to what his motives are/were.... nor would I want to.

If you have a general question- or something you want to ask me, I'd gladly answer it.

If you're upset- it appears to be unwarranted.

... and irrational.

haffo —??

—?
can men have.... erm .... what you call this... premenstrual or postmenstrual mood swings—? or is haffo just gone crazy? is the moon red or something?

Okay. I've asked those questions to everyone. When I ask specifically to someone I use his name, just like that:

------------------
BJ

Hey I have a questio......
------------------

If not something like that, then I ask to everyone. I guess that was my bad. I didn't know that you get such impression, since I have used that same way as others elsewhere understand. But here, it looks different. I thought I was ignored. Anyway I will put something like that next time:

To All:

or

To BJ:

I guess this will clear similair thing happen the next time. Also I will open a new topic for that.

BJ

I am SO HAPPY that my experiences with my Pisces man were able to let you see how confusing you might be(LOL) and I COMMEND you on talking to her like you did. Keep up the good work!

Cancerlady

Haffo wrote:

Why are you with that girl? Does she mean for you anything more than sex? Do you come up with her priorly KNOWING that this relationship will end someday and you will move on?

_______________________________________________________________________________________

WTF are you on about Haffo—

Who said anythink about sex? And why would anyone go into a RELATIONSHIP knowing it end someday?

This is what I was talking about the other day in your sex topic. Just because people have sex before marriage doesn't mean you screw everyone you date. I feel you have this whole Male/Female thing messed up. I'm DATING this girl with the prospect that it may carry over into a relationship. It may or it may not, no one knows the future. I have respect for her and have no intention of using her for sex. I'm attracted to her and we have fun in each others company. Simple as that!!

Haffo, I think it's time you turned your computer off and went outside.


STD,

Now here's someone who gets life. I was in my relationship for 2 years with a Gemini girl. Our break up was something we both knew we had to do due to our constant bickering over trivial crap. We both still loved each other very much but were slowly distroying ourselves trying to keep it going. We've done all the talking we could do and decided it would be best for the both of us if we didn't have any contact. The things I'm dealing with there are more of the what's and the why's of my behaviour in that relationship and what part I played in the distruction of it. I guess I feel a little bit like she took me apart and didn't me back together properly. I'm totally aware of the rebound thing which is why I want take things slow with the Cancer chick. Just hang out and stuff, you know?

That wasn't answering your questions that was this is not the first time seen or heard this,it was only that couple months ago that he was a newbi with the the gemini questions.Not every little thing means it's a relationship ender.

Hey Tiamat,

LMAO Can you please repeat that in english?

Haffo.

Relationships are more complex than jumping to a breakup if there's a slight misinterpretation.Doesn't mean the person you have problems with is a total biyotch or ass how needs or deserves to be dumped.

Now I'm way confused

About what?

Who are you talking to and what are you talking about?

I'm having a little bit of trouble following you.

Haffo posts were about tolerating people in a relationship,because you wanted things to slow down a bit doesn't mean the girl should be dumped or is at fault for something she did wrong.I pissed him off apparently.

BJ-

Man.. do I ever know. However, I've found that even though you just want to go slow and date someone- you find still yourself speeding forward with no breaks and no stearing wheel.

Yes, you can have some control over yourself, and your feelings- but what about hers? She could be nodding her head, and saying, "oh yeah, I totally get you.." but then coming on a forum just like this one, and crying about her man being so indecisive. I know when I like someone, and it's obvious that he likes me back- I tend to want to get the ball rolling...despite what he says- but that could be my own impatient nature. Anyway, just trying to give you more to think about.. and encourage you to keep talking- keep remaining open-- she'll appreciate it... oh and keep us posted 🙂

So sweet 🙂! PS, thanks for the compliment.

But.. who.. may I ask, was talking about intuition?

um.. ok- but seemed like your post went outside the scope of conversation. BJ was saying that he has improved his ability to communicate more- because he realized that his behavior could have been confusing a young lady he is dating. BJ was also stating that it was Cancerlady's frustration with her current partner that helped him realize that.... no one here was suggesting that inuition be used.

Branh0913:

In my personal opinion, you get intuition wrongly. Even thought I understand other water sign by "intuation" which means "use less words for understanding" I still use "proof reading" mechanism. I always ask in the end of my speech "Did you get that?". If they say no, then I speak more detailed. The difference here is that with water signs this "proof reading" is less needed.

Less often needed.

Brahn,

You must have misunderstood where I was coming from dude. Intuition never came into it.

STD,

I think I'm falling in love with you. So wise!!

Tiamat,

Now I'm pickin up what you're puttin down!!

BTW STD, if my cancer girl does feel that she wants more and I can't give it then she has the option to walk away. I've been totally honest with her and told her exactly how much I'm able to give her at this stage. I'm not stringing her along with any false hopes.

Am I being selfish?

NO!

Bj,No,it's only been 4 months since your last break up, means it's been less time with her so thats kinda fast for jumping into another one.Ya know,you can't give her what she really wants if it's rushed even without a recent break up being an issue.Honestly I thought my pisces boyfriend was going a bit fast after only four months w/o a recent break up on either side when he said he loved me.Took a couple months longer for me to to say I loved him back,cared about him,yeah,but wasn't actually love yet.That was seven years ago that wasn't a new thing,so no noone who knows that situation doesn't have to start questioning me.

Lizard Scorp and Tia beat me.. but answer is still the same.

No. You're not being selfish-

As long as the two of you are only dating- I don't see why you can't casually take her out every now and then. It would be selfish to feel how you feel in the confines of a relationship.

the question was: "Am I being selfish?"
my answer: "NO!" meaning no, you're not being selfish...

confused now!
tia, are you suggesting BJ is selfish, dating this girl because his heart's not free, yet—
if the two are enjoying each others company, feeling good about spending time together, why should they stay away from each other? i think as long as BJ's being honest about what he can give and what he can't give at that point all's good. it's lies, deception and promises that can't be kept that's nasty, right? everything else should be alright for an adult person to handle...

I thought Tia was saying no.. he's not being selfish either.. but I think I misread.

Also, what Tia is talking about is a relationship... BJ is just dating this girl.

It's not an issue of giving this girl what she wants when right now-- while he's just getting to know her. He's being upfront about the emotional involvement- and since she's agreeing with him (or not saying anything to the contrary), then essentially he's already giving her what she "needs". If she wants more, and he's not ready- then the decision is hers to wait until he is ready, or move on. She can't blame him for not wanting to move at "her" pace if she already agreed to move at his.

hey yo, seizeTheDay, yeah, you're fukcing right babe!!!

sorry, just in a foolish mood............... 🙂

🙂

branh0913, where do you live (country), I notice that certain words you use, such as, utilise is spelled differently in the USA, utilize.

branh0913, where do you live (country), I notice that certain words you use, such as, utilise is spelled differently in the USA, utilize.

Yeah lizard,it was no as in he's not being selfesh.Just thought it'd help him out if I gave him a personal example that other people do that too.It's not really something you can make yourself do if it's not to that point yet,it would've been inconsiderate if he didn't tell her and strung her along either by playing along or backing out of stuff without telling her the real whys.Would have been screwing with her head and feelings if he continued to do that,or by being nice,pretending to go along with it and then maybe have to tell her something thats the complete opposite later on.

yeah tia, and BJ says he's been completely honest with her, so shouldn't generate problems, right?

BJ, i'm really happy for you. it's a liberating feeling when you can be completely honest with somebody.

So BJ, if you were ready, how would you know you'd be ready? And you still do like this Cancer chick, right? What it is it that stops you from taking it to the next level? What behavior of hers would really turn you off right now?

(These questions are all selfishly asked for myself, not really to respond to BJ's situation. He knows what I'm talking about!😉)

I guess at some point every Pisces man asks himself a question: "What for? To get hurt at the end?"....

Haffo,

He did tell me when we first met that the feeling that someone's "the one" does go away. I guess he's jaded.

I don't want to be conceited or anything, but I'm above average pretty and a lot of guys are attracted to me. But the ones I like, I don't play the game right😢 So I don't make them die for me...I need tips from Pisces men about that.

And BJ, I look forward to some advice too🙂