another question on pisces in love
This topic was created in the Pisces forum by v-lady on Tuesday, April 10, 2007 and has 8 replies.
Hi everyone! I'm new here, but have been looking through the forum and thought I'd post another question on how to better understand the mystery that is the pisces man.
I met a pisces a few months ago (I'm a virgo) via an online ad. He was going to be in my city for a few days on business. We clicked on our first emails, chatted a bit online when he arrived, met for drinks and, because I didn't join him in his room that same night, I thought that would be the end of things. Lo and behold, I was wrong. We chatted the second night and on the third night - his final night in my city - we had the most spectacular sex that I've ever had in my life.
I was immediately smitten, but again I assumed that once we had sex and he returned home (which is on another continent), that would be the end of things.
Over the past few months we've been chatting (video and IM) a couple of times a week. We have a lot in common, we laugh a lot, we touch on some deeper emotional issues (but not really)... and I'm still smitten.
Here's my problem - I don't know how to read what's going on from his perspective.
He travels constantly for work and I assume he has sex while he's away. He's commented on his promiscuity (while in other conversations he'll say that he's not as sexually active as I may think) and my only comments on it has been: 1) God bless if that's the life style that you choose; and 2) your sex life that doesn't involve me is none of my business.
When we chat, I'm the one that always initiates the conversations. He'll log on and appear "online," but I am always the first one to say hello.
He's recently started to end our conversations with comments like "talk to you soon" - which is interesting only because it's a new addition.
He and I have discussed the night we spent together (we both agreed that the sex was phenomenal) and we talk quite a bit about sex in general. Once he mentioned that he was going to be in the same region (not the same city) and I offered to drive out to say hello. He never followed up on that with the details. I mentioned a second time that I would like to see him again, but because he didn't seem to keen on the idea, I dropped the subject and haven't broached it again.
So what's up with all of this?
The mere fact that he keeps on chatting with me and has stayed in touch says that he seems to like me, but he doesn't act like any man in love/like/lust that I've ever met.
Ideas?
I met a pisces a few months ago (I'm a virgo) via an online ad. He was going to be in my city for a few days on business. We clicked on our first emails, chatted a bit online when he arrived, met for drinks and, because I didn't join him in his room that same night, I thought that would be the end of things. Lo and behold, I was wrong. We chatted the second night and on the third night - his final night in my city - we had the most spectacular sex that I've ever had in my life.
I was immediately smitten, but again I assumed that once we had sex and he returned home (which is on another continent), that would be the end of things.
Over the past few months we've been chatting (video and IM) a couple of times a week. We have a lot in common, we laugh a lot, we touch on some deeper emotional issues (but not really)... and I'm still smitten.
Here's my problem - I don't know how to read what's going on from his perspective.
He travels constantly for work and I assume he has sex while he's away. He's commented on his promiscuity (while in other conversations he'll say that he's not as sexually active as I may think) and my only comments on it has been: 1) God bless if that's the life style that you choose; and 2) your sex life that doesn't involve me is none of my business.
When we chat, I'm the one that always initiates the conversations. He'll log on and appear "online," but I am always the first one to say hello.
He's recently started to end our conversations with comments like "talk to you soon" - which is interesting only because it's a new addition.
He and I have discussed the night we spent together (we both agreed that the sex was phenomenal) and we talk quite a bit about sex in general. Once he mentioned that he was going to be in the same region (not the same city) and I offered to drive out to say hello. He never followed up on that with the details. I mentioned a second time that I would like to see him again, but because he didn't seem to keen on the idea, I dropped the subject and haven't broached it again.
So what's up with all of this?
The mere fact that he keeps on chatting with me and has stayed in touch says that he seems to like me, but he doesn't act like any man in love/like/lust that I've ever met.
Ideas?
"So what's up with all of this?"
*Pisces MALE sticks his oar in.*
For one reason or another, he's keeping his options open. Maybe it's a trust thing, maybe it's something else.
If he didn't want to talk to you, odds are he wouldn't bother talking to you. He may came around yet... but if he does, you may be waiting a while TBH.
.....and yes it is rather Piscean male behaviour.
*Pisces MALE sticks his oar in.*
For one reason or another, he's keeping his options open. Maybe it's a trust thing, maybe it's something else.
If he didn't want to talk to you, odds are he wouldn't bother talking to you. He may came around yet... but if he does, you may be waiting a while TBH.
.....and yes it is rather Piscean male behaviour.
v-lady .. it sounds to me from your description that he was just having moments while in your city, but, not looking for anything more.
You said, he is promiscuous
You have to contact him, he won't you
You've offered to drive to mee him, he declines
He's not behaving like a person in love/lust
The reason why he's still chatting with you is probably because he thinks you're a nice person, but, he doesn't sound like a person who is smitten with you. Though, I know you are with him.
Guys just don't fall like women do .. but, you never know .. he might come around again.
You said, he is promiscuous
You have to contact him, he won't you
You've offered to drive to mee him, he declines
He's not behaving like a person in love/lust
The reason why he's still chatting with you is probably because he thinks you're a nice person, but, he doesn't sound like a person who is smitten with you. Though, I know you are with him.
Guys just don't fall like women do .. but, you never know .. he might come around again.
Thank you all for your comments. As hard as it is to hear (who likes to think that the object of their affection isn't driven mad by desire?), it makes sense in the broader scheme of things that he's either keeping his options open or going very, very slowly.
His ascendant and moon are in leo, venus is in aries and mars in taurus. Does that shed any additional light on things?
In terms of next steps... any suggestions?
Asking him directly as to his intentions seems far too awkward and insecure to me. I'm leaning towards spending a week or two "offline" as it were to give my own feelings a chance to gain some perspective. My logic is that it would give me some breathing room (I hate the uncertainty of having a crush on someone that isn't clearly reciprocated) and some time off might just serve to light a fire under his butt. Or not, but in that case I would know where he stood.
In matters of the heart and pisces men, is not being too available a good thing? I'm not into playing games or manipulation, but part of me thinks I've been too accessible. I'm loathe to drive him away by playing hard to get, but I'm also not into the idea of waiting and waiting for him to make some sort of declaration of his feelings.
His ascendant and moon are in leo, venus is in aries and mars in taurus. Does that shed any additional light on things?
In terms of next steps... any suggestions?
Asking him directly as to his intentions seems far too awkward and insecure to me. I'm leaning towards spending a week or two "offline" as it were to give my own feelings a chance to gain some perspective. My logic is that it would give me some breathing room (I hate the uncertainty of having a crush on someone that isn't clearly reciprocated) and some time off might just serve to light a fire under his butt. Or not, but in that case I would know where he stood.
In matters of the heart and pisces men, is not being too available a good thing? I'm not into playing games or manipulation, but part of me thinks I've been too accessible. I'm loathe to drive him away by playing hard to get, but I'm also not into the idea of waiting and waiting for him to make some sort of declaration of his feelings.
Hello everyone~ I've been away for awhile, but I'm very glad to be back....
I've also met a nice piscean male as well with an almost identical hide and seek pattern,
which is honestly baffling to me as well. I first met him around last August in the shamp&
conditioner isle at a CVS. I gave him my business card, and we started emailing and phoning
each other. By October, we had decided to go on a few dates with each other.. I needed to travel
in December, but was pleasantly surprized with his phone calls to me overseas, and I then touched
base with him on my return in January to show my interest. We went on a few more dates and spent
time in each others company at our apts. Now, in mid February he began sending me amber (yellow)
signals..he would leave me msgs saying that he wanted to see me and that I should come on over to
spend time with him, but when I would ring him to return his calls, he would refuse to answer his phone.
I know that in February, he was looking for a change in employment, because he was having a rough patch financially,
which I understood, and have not made an issue out of it. I did however, convince him after a while since then to come out with me for dinner, even if we ate chinese food at his place and watched movies on the couch. I think that he was bothered then because I was in a better financial situation, and would pick up the tabs once or twice, and is somehow feeling unequal in the relationship. I knew his situation and that was my way of trying to help. That was the mood in late February. Now, he refuses to communicate at all, and feels mortified at not having secured stable employment for two months. He has some funds, but for basic needs. I just wish that it would be possible to let me in without causing him to feel immasculated in someway while he's getting his footing.
I understand that everyone experiences life in a real sense in certain ways, and I think that his situation is overwhelming him at this point, & is forcing him to play hide and seek. I now communicate with him infrequently to give him some breathing room, to let him know that I care, and that I'm here for him when he's feeling ready and up to it again. I'm feeling that this is a painful way of trying to re-establish himself, but background support is all that he will allow me to do.. I'm a little frustrated and feeling nearly immobilized by his choices...However, I do feel that he is genuine and worth the effort. Any thoughts on t
I've also met a nice piscean male as well with an almost identical hide and seek pattern,
which is honestly baffling to me as well. I first met him around last August in the shamp&
conditioner isle at a CVS. I gave him my business card, and we started emailing and phoning
each other. By October, we had decided to go on a few dates with each other.. I needed to travel
in December, but was pleasantly surprized with his phone calls to me overseas, and I then touched
base with him on my return in January to show my interest. We went on a few more dates and spent
time in each others company at our apts. Now, in mid February he began sending me amber (yellow)
signals..he would leave me msgs saying that he wanted to see me and that I should come on over to
spend time with him, but when I would ring him to return his calls, he would refuse to answer his phone.
I know that in February, he was looking for a change in employment, because he was having a rough patch financially,
which I understood, and have not made an issue out of it. I did however, convince him after a while since then to come out with me for dinner, even if we ate chinese food at his place and watched movies on the couch. I think that he was bothered then because I was in a better financial situation, and would pick up the tabs once or twice, and is somehow feeling unequal in the relationship. I knew his situation and that was my way of trying to help. That was the mood in late February. Now, he refuses to communicate at all, and feels mortified at not having secured stable employment for two months. He has some funds, but for basic needs. I just wish that it would be possible to let me in without causing him to feel immasculated in someway while he's getting his footing.
I understand that everyone experiences life in a real sense in certain ways, and I think that his situation is overwhelming him at this point, & is forcing him to play hide and seek. I now communicate with him infrequently to give him some breathing room, to let him know that I care, and that I'm here for him when he's feeling ready and up to it again. I'm feeling that this is a painful way of trying to re-establish himself, but background support is all that he will allow me to do.. I'm a little frustrated and feeling nearly immobilized by his choices...However, I do feel that he is genuine and worth the effort. Any thoughts on t
I'd second the comment about being "patient with him if he's worth it." It may be that he needs some time to trust you and to convince himself that you're not going to run off the moment he allows himself to become vulnerable. It also sounds like you're being absolutely amazing about it all. If he can't recognize what a tremendous gem he has in front of him and chooses to toss it all away because of his insecurities, I hope that you'll know that it's not a reflection on who you are or what you're bringing to the table in terms of the relationship.
More generally about Pisces men, how likely are they to carry baggage from previous relationships? If they're scarred from another relationship, are they more likely to engage in self-defeating behavior?
This might apply to jaya's circumstances. Not knowing the details of her man, the man that I had in mind was in one long-term relationship that ended a few years ago and, since then, seems to be on a mission to have sex with anything and everything. That wouldn't be an issue except that he regularly moans and groans about how much he wants to settle down and raise a family (something you really can't do if you're engaging in the requisite emotional shut-down that rampant promiscuity requires).
More generally about Pisces men, how likely are they to carry baggage from previous relationships? If they're scarred from another relationship, are they more likely to engage in self-defeating behavior?
This might apply to jaya's circumstances. Not knowing the details of her man, the man that I had in mind was in one long-term relationship that ended a few years ago and, since then, seems to be on a mission to have sex with anything and everything. That wouldn't be an issue except that he regularly moans and groans about how much he wants to settle down and raise a family (something you really can't do if you're engaging in the requisite emotional shut-down that rampant promiscuity requires).
Maybe he's playing hard to get. I do it all the time. Or maybe he really likes you, but because you are so far apart, etc. he's afraid of getting more involved.
maybe hes married
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