Cancer woman doesn' t understand relationship with Pisces Man. What are we doing?

This topic was created in the Pisces forum by crabbycrab77 on Wednesday, June 7, 2017 and has 25 replies.
Hi, I've been lurking on this site for a while and simply love it! But I haven't quite found an answer to my questions and situation.

History:

So I am a Cancer Lady born on June 23rd. My man is a Pisces born February 26th. I am 7 years older than him and for the most part we are both ok with this. I have three young children from a previous marriage that he has not met. They live with me but until I am certain he is 'the one' and is in this for the long haul...I want to keep the kids out of the picture and just focus on us. He has never been married and has no kids.

We met online in July 2016, hooked up in August of the same year and have been together ever since. We both have unusual living circumstances and are getting our lives back together career wise etc. Both of us are career oriented.

Our situation:

I have fallen in love with him.I am sure of it. My heart is at peace when I am next to him. That's the easiest way for me to explain the feeling. And a part of me believes he is also in love with me but I am not 100% certain. We are very close to each other emotionally in that we discuss everything EXCEPT for our actual emotions for each other and now it is driving me crazy. Our dreams, fears and everything we talk about. He trusts my opinion and I his.

He is a great guy. Smart, funny. His personality is so magnetic. We hit it off from hello and it hasn't stopped since.

I want to tell him exactly how I feel about him. But I am scared that he doesn't feel the same way or that it would send him swimming away and then I would lose him forever. So I figured I would wait for him to tell me. One night several month ago he and I were on the phone and were saying our good byes. I thought I heard him say I love you babe. But I wasnt sure so I just said bye. And now I think I blew it. I loved him too! It's been months so I can't ask now. Then the last time we were together he hugged me and said "how are you my love?" BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? LOL...Im such a cancer crab...stuck in my head and secure in my shell.

On my end I have told him in round about ways that he means a lot to me...and went as far as telling him that I wasn't expecting it but he has stolen my heart. But I stop short of saying more...cause I can't tell what this man is thinking!!!

From the beginning I think neither of us knew how to approach the other emotionally because neither wanted to seem too old minded or too young minded towards each other. On my end there are a couple of insecurities because I am so much older and I have kids, plus I have been previously married. I don't look my age at all, but that does not change anything. I know he isn't with me because he gets material things for me...because I'm not sugar mama material at all. He is in the entertainment industry so he's surrounded by young pretty girls everyday and honestly I am not insecure by that at all. So we both are really into each other.

My concerns:

This man does drive me crazy though. He's so whishy washy. And so inconsistent. I try to let him decide what we do and when, but find that if I don't bring something up...he doesnt either. I'd love to see him much more than I do...I'm such a lover of love. But he is always busy with work, or family or friends or by himself. I am very social myself so for the most part I am always out and about and I also love my solitude.

However his sometimes borders on neglect. Sometimes I think he forgets about me and don't know if this is intentional or not. And then he calls or I call and he sounds excited and we talk for 2 hours about everything.

Lately he seems to be very distant. He has gone as far as saying he didn't want to see me one weekend because he wants to spend time alone, do some work and just chill. But then he sent me messages to check on me during this time. Is this normal pisces behavior?

I am used to men chasing after me and looking for me and me turning them down. This guy seems a little passive to where I'm not sure what he is thinking. Sometimes he seems irritated and distant. Other times he is looking for me earnestly.

Sometimes I think he is seeing someone else and this is why he is distracted but again...I don't know.

Anyway...cause I can talk all day. What do I do from this point? This August makes us one year. We finally agree we are dating. But how do I know here we stand with each other without coming across as needy or insecure. On average we see each other between 2-4 times a month and mostly talk at least once a day for several hours. Some days do go by where we just whatsapp but for the most part...we catch up and move forward.

How do I discuss us?

Thanks everyone!
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Posted by crabbycrab77

I am used to men chasing after me and looking for me and me turning them down.



awww, you miss being the center of the universe, don't you?

Surely there's someone out there who will let you be the Princess.

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"how are you my love?" BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???

Errr....nothing? I've been ask that by shop assistants, colleagues, random people on the street.....
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I've been once in a relationship with a Pisces man 7 years my junior. He thought I was younger than him...during that time he became infatuated with me. I confessed my age when he suddenly asked to be my boyfriend, after hanging out as part of a group for several months. He was shocked, but didn't back off immediately. He did so in less than one year though. He wanted 2-3 children...of his own.
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If you are asking what has this to do with your situation.....it has. Is the Piscean indirect way of telling you that your relationship may be doomed.
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awww, you miss being the center of the universe, don't you?

Surely there's someone out there who will let you be the Princess.



More like I miss not knowing where I stand with this fellow. It is a tad frustrating. Plus I don't really see the harm of being the center of a man's universe. Or a man being the center of mine.

Anyway, with that comment I meant that he doesn't do the chasing. Unlike other men who are more aggressive and seek out the woman etc.

But thanks for your comment.
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Posted by Undine
If you are asking what has this to do with your situation.....it has. Is the Piscean indirect way of telling you that your relationship may be doomed.
Ahhh! That would be a big bummer. But that could totally make sense.

So do I just stop contacting him? Or what do I do? I am not even really certain what went wrong honestly. We were perfect and then it seemed he started drifting away.

So sad about this.
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Posted by Undine
I've been once in a relationship with a Pisces man 7 years my junior. He thought I was younger than him...during that time he became infatuated with me. I confessed my age when he suddenly asked to be my boyfriend, after hanging out as part of a group for several months. He was shocked, but didn't back off immediately. He did so in less than one year though. He wanted 2-3 children...of his own.
Oh wow 7 years too! I told him almost immediately that I had kids and stuff. so we got together with him knowing the details and all that.

He might want kids eventually but says he doesnt right now. Who knows I might change my mind and want some too.
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Posted by Undine
"how are you my love?" BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???

Errr....nothing? I've been ask that by shop assistants, colleagues, random people on the street.....
Lol. Yeah I know....but you know. Gotta read meaning into every little thing. SMH....
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Posted by crabbycrab77

I am used to men chasing after me and looking for me and me turning them down.



Just so you can turn them away, right?

I notice you didn't address that part.

Your point wasn't about chasing ... it was to point out how in demand you think you are, and how this guy isn't playing the game right ... there's no other reason for you to say the above because it has nothing to do with the subject matter of this thread.

You said it to promote yourself to us .. so, we'll go awe, look at her, she must be something, she has so many unwanted men coming for her that she has to turn them away.

A Pisces will see right through your bullshit. You won't even come clean to admit that that is the very reason why you made that comment, will you?

If this is how you present yourself to this Pisces man, then he'll play you like a fiddle without any remorse because he'll see how fake you are.

So, you don't want the man .... you just want to be chased.


again .... surely there's someone out there who will let you be the Princess ..... a Pisces isn't one of those guys.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by crabbycrab77

I am used to men chasing after me and looking for me and me turning them down.



Just so you can turn them away, right?

I notice you didn't address that part.

Your point wasn't about chasing ... it was to point out how in demand you think you are, and how this guy isn't playing the game right ... there's no other reason for you to say the above because it has nothing to do with the subject matter of this thread.

You said it to promote yourself to us .. so, we'll go awe, look at her, she must be something, she has so many unwanted men coming for her that she has to turn them away.

A Pisces will see right through your bullshit. You won't even come clean to admit that that is the very reason why you made that comment, will you?

If this is how you present yourself to this Pisces man, then he'll play you like a fiddle without any remorse because he'll see how fake you are.

So, you don't want the man .... you just want to be chased.


again .... surely there's someone out there who will let you be the Princess ..... a Pisces isn't one of those guys.
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Did I offend you somehow? You do not know me from Adam nor I you. So why so hostile. I don't know you personally and so I do not need to lie or make up what I was or was not thinking. And I still stand on the fact that Men are the chasers at least traditionally they are. And this non-chasing is an unusual experience for me. I am not boasting nor am I fishing for compliments. That would be dumb.

I was simply looking to know if this sounds like classic pisces behavior or not...and what to do from here.

But thanks anyway for your comment. smile
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by crabbycrab77

I am used to men chasing after me and looking for me and me turning them down.



Just so you can turn them away, right?

I notice you didn't address that part.

Your point wasn't about chasing ... it was to point out how in demand you think you are, and how this guy isn't playing the game right ... there's no other reason for you to say the above because it has nothing to do with the subject matter of this thread.

You said it to promote yourself to us .. so, we'll go awe, look at her, she must be something, she has so many unwanted men coming for her that she has to turn them away.

A Pisces will see right through your bullshit. You won't even come clean to admit that that is the very reason why you made that comment, will you?

If this is how you present yourself to this Pisces man, then he'll play you like a fiddle without any remorse because he'll see how fake you are.

So, you don't want the man .... you just want to be chased.


again .... surely there's someone out there who will let you be the Princess ..... a Pisces isn't one of those guys.
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And to be clear my entire message was more about wanting to understand how to approach him about my feelings and if I should do so at all or not. And to understand if he is still in or is swimming away.

The best advice so far is to trust my instincts and that his current behavior is a classic pisces sign that our relationship might be over.

So now I am asking we can be saved and if so how.

Thats all

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I'm a little confused as to what the problem is here? Seeing a partner 2-4xs a month 1 year into dating seems like the perfect amount. He's focused on his career you should be focused on your kids. Plus time apart makes the moments you spend together that much more special.

A year in isn't that long imo. You seem like you want the pace to pick up and have him lock you down. If he's not taking initiative to plan things expecting him to do so without communicating that is folly.

Pisces appreciate a partner who is present and attentive but also gives us the space to do our own thing. Plus you don't want to run out of things to talk about.
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You should wait to tell him "I ❤️ u" until you feel ready to introduce him to your kids. Seems strange to want the first but not the last.
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JUST a few questions....

1. Is this a long distance relationship?

2. When the both of you see each other, is a date? a sexual hookup? or just conversations?

3. You mentioned the status between the both of you was "dating."....are the two of you exclusive? Did it lead to a monogamus relationship on mutual terms? July is next month. This will be a year.

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Personally I never want to be the one who says those three words first. There are other ways to show you care.
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Posted by crabbycrab77

Did I offend you somehow?





yep

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All stupid people offend me, when they actually have the brain capacity to have reasonable and rational thought.

You coming back to tell me I don't know you, as if this is a genius thought of yours, should be evidence enough .... however, there's no doubt in my mind that you'll still not be able to figure it out.
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Posted by crabbycrab77

I am used to men chasing after me and looking for me and me turning them down.



You know full well that you only said the above to try and manipulate people's thoughts.

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Posted by LadyNeptune
Personally I never want to be the one who says those three words first. There are other ways to show you care.



You mean things like this ..........



Posted by crabbycrab77

we discuss everything EXCEPT for our actual emotions for each other

Our dreams, fears and everything we talk about. He trusts my opinion.


click to expand


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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by LadyNeptune
Personally I never want to be the one who says those three words first. There are other ways to show you care.



You mean things like this ..........



Posted by crabbycrab77

we discuss everything EXCEPT for our actual emotions for each other

Our dreams, fears and everything we talk about. He trusts my opinion.




click to expand


Well there's no way she can know it's actually 'everything'. People aren't so easily open.

But yeah, also showing by your actions that you care. We Pisces love the little unspoken gestures.
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I am in a similar situation! I'm a cancer as well and the man I am seeing is Pisces. We went out last Friday and he introduced me as his girlfriend to some people, the we smiled at each other. smile I didn't acknowledge it verbally though.. I'm an awkward person and I don't know how to bring it up again.

ANYWAY, this guy is the same. When he's busy, he's busy. When he's with his friends, he rarely messages me. Of course I overthink, but I think it's just that he's really just enjoying his time. I think we shouldn't take this personally? I get all your points though. And when I'm the one out, I still make time to message him, so it make me wonder why he doesn't do the same. But people are different and I think most men are not big texters. When I am apart from my pisces man, I feel the same. I feel like we're drifting apart, but when we're together, we're good. smile I really think you shouldn't take the distance personally. Guys like their alone time very much I think. smile
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Have you been to his house more than one time? Since you met online is this a long-distance things have you actually met him yet and if so since this hook up in 2016 how many times have you been to his house?
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Hello, CrabbyCrab...how's things going?

It's tough giving advice, it's tough reading other people's advice, but here's my humble opinion...

If he isn't giving you what you need...if you feel like you're hanging on all the time, and never really know where you stand...be brutal. You could be wasting time on a guy who'll never give you what you need and is an expert at keeping the door open so he can scoot when he chooses, and you'll never be able to point your finger at him for the simple reason that ... he's never committed.

I'm saying that cos you have kids, I agree with LadyNeptune's advice...when he is ready to meet your kids...then you can take things from there.

I agree Pisces isn't textbook easy to predict...I'm a Taurus with quite a bit of fire in my chart (plus Cancer asc, oh by the way my close family are all Cancer and Pisces) and Pisces in particular can be challenging for me...men and women.

I posted my own thread a while back as I'm seeing a Pisces guy and he's a handful! Still, I don't have kids and stuff, so it might be 'easier' for me to get on with my life and see him occasionally...oh, by the way, I also got some really useful input from PAngel Winking

All the best

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It's going on a year and you still don't know if he loves you or where things are going or even if it's "safe" to introduce him to your kids. Maybe he'd skeedaddle if he met the kids. Definitely you should talk to him about where he's at. Hate to say this but I suspect you're way more invested in being together and he's going with the flow until "something better" comes along. It's every easy to get strung along by a Pisces, if you let them. My opinion: if a man loves you he'll tell you that and he'll want to move things forward. A Pisces inaction says more than their words, IMO.
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