Cheating, Lying & Forgiveness
This topic was created in the Pisces forum by pisces on Tuesday, January 29, 2008 and has 4 replies.
The standard rule of thumb - once they cheat thats the end.
Allot of our partents relationships were not built on this rule. The rule back then was try & stay together & fix the problem.
Did it work who knows?
What are the rules? Are there rules when it comes to love? Can a person forgive & forget (I mean really forgive) once someone has betrayed them?
Is it the act or the lie that hurt the most & is why you cant trust?
Allot of our partents relationships were not built on this rule. The rule back then was try & stay together & fix the problem.
Did it work who knows?
What are the rules? Are there rules when it comes to love? Can a person forgive & forget (I mean really forgive) once someone has betrayed them?
Is it the act or the lie that hurt the most & is why you cant trust?
The problem is that we erroneously believe love should be unconditional. We actually project an image onto our partners that we desire to have this unconditional love be given to us, yet, we hold conditions onto which is acceptable on how we're supposed to be loved.
So, if everybody does this, which most do .. then how can this be a trusting foundation to be honoured?
If there are no conditions to love you .. then all treatment of you I wish to give should be acceptable.
Because people foolishly believe this, without putting any rational thought into it .. we set the tempo from the very beginning that tells the other person they have permission to treat us in any way they choose and we will scramble at their feet.
So the standard rule of thumb shouldn't be .. once they cheat it's the end, because this is only "reacting" with a punishment to them that you actually asked to happen to yourself .. you've already programmed yourself without even realizing it, that it is anticipated that you won't be honoured and you don't realize it because there was an expectation of that person to give to you something that was ambiguous.
the rule of thumb should be ... set by example how you deserve to be treated, by the way you treat them. Don't give without considering the self, so you won't harm the self by taking away your dignity and serving unto them a love without conditions.
So, if everybody does this, which most do .. then how can this be a trusting foundation to be honoured?
If there are no conditions to love you .. then all treatment of you I wish to give should be acceptable.
Because people foolishly believe this, without putting any rational thought into it .. we set the tempo from the very beginning that tells the other person they have permission to treat us in any way they choose and we will scramble at their feet.
So the standard rule of thumb shouldn't be .. once they cheat it's the end, because this is only "reacting" with a punishment to them that you actually asked to happen to yourself .. you've already programmed yourself without even realizing it, that it is anticipated that you won't be honoured and you don't realize it because there was an expectation of that person to give to you something that was ambiguous.
the rule of thumb should be ... set by example how you deserve to be treated, by the way you treat them. Don't give without considering the self, so you won't harm the self by taking away your dignity and serving unto them a love without conditions.
"Is it the act or the lie that hurt the most & is why you cant trust?"
What hurt the most was that you had a preconcieved expectation of treatment without established boundaries .. so in reality, there was no deception or lie from the other person to you.
If you express, "I will love you no matter what" ... then no matter what this other does, you HAVE to keep loving them. Yet, you don't, you feel betrayed .. and it comes from yourself for giving without consideration that nobody can love you unconditionally because they can't feel your heart, they don't know your mind, thier soul isn't yours .. so how can they possibly fill this expectation?
What hurt the most was that you had a preconcieved expectation of treatment without established boundaries .. so in reality, there was no deception or lie from the other person to you.
If you express, "I will love you no matter what" ... then no matter what this other does, you HAVE to keep loving them. Yet, you don't, you feel betrayed .. and it comes from yourself for giving without consideration that nobody can love you unconditionally because they can't feel your heart, they don't know your mind, thier soul isn't yours .. so how can they possibly fill this expectation?
Wow P-Angel - Thats deep!! & I thought I thought too much 
You (Of course) are perfectly right! I wish the heart understood this. But the heart has its reasons which reason does not know. Knowing oneself is a lifes mission.
I have been betrayed but I have also been the liar. I believe in unconditional love & I would give completelty of my heart but I have had it hardened by life & can no longer love unconditionally
You (Of course) are perfectly right! I wish the heart understood this. But the heart has its reasons which reason does not know. Knowing oneself is a lifes mission.
I have been betrayed but I have also been the liar. I believe in unconditional love & I would give completelty of my heart but I have had it hardened by life & can no longer love unconditionally
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