Confused about the situation with this commitment phobe Pisces

This topic was created in the Pisces forum by Poppyseeds on Tuesday, February 2, 2016 and has 60 replies.
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He broke up with me after 6 months of being together. Since then he has never stopped contacting me, he admit he has commitment issue and bought a self help book. We are dating again but we are not intimate.

He has only read one chapter so far and it seems to be helping him realize he is emotionally unstable and he is not ready to be in relationship. He also said he only became independent from his mom a few years ago, he thinks he needs more time to be committed.

He told me he needs to be honest with me as he is not sure how long would that take him to be ready to be in a relationship. He said I can date other guys. I asked is that because he wants to date other girls. He said he wants me to be open minded, and that if someone comes along he will be open to dates, he will tell them he is not looking for relationship he will be only up for a few dates. Then he added if he is ready to be committed to anyone it will be me and not anyone else.

Since the break up he still takes me to his sports, and takes me out to dinner date. We do PDA, hugs, kisses but we are not getting intimate.

Base on our old relationship I know he is insecure and he even said to me he never date more than one person at once, if the girl feels he is not enough and has to date someone else he will just move on from her.

Things he said then and now are really contradicting...
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Posted by busyeyes88
MOVE ON... He is a typical pisces... They don't know what they want half the time...

He has told you he is not ready for a relationship so go and find a man who is... There are plenty of them out there...


Yea he already gave me the green light, I wonder if I should cut contact with him? As I feel like it's wasiting the effort of getting him to admit his issue then buy a book to read?
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Posted by busyeyes88
MOVE ON... He is a typical pisces... They don't know what they want half the time...

He has told you he is not ready for a relationship so go and find a man who is... There are plenty of them out there...


Yea he already gave me the green light, I wonder if I should cut contact with him? As I feel like it's wasiting the effort of getting him to admit his issue then buy a book to read?
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Posted by Koniucha
Posted by Poppyseeds
Posted by busyeyes88
MOVE ON... He is a typical pisces... They don't know what they want half the time...

He has told you he is not ready for a relationship so go and find a man who is... There are plenty of them out there...


Yea he already gave me the green light, I wonder if I should cut contact with him? As I feel like it's wasiting the effort of getting him to admit his issue then buy a book to read?


Yes, you should.

If a guy I liked told me to see other people, I'd be gone so fast.
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I would normally do the same as what you just said, only if it was a new guy.

What makes it hard to make a decision is we've been through things, I always knew he was comittment phobe back then before he knew it. Now we got to a point to make him realtize his own issue and he bought a self help book about it. I feel like I've made progress should I really give up on him?
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Laides, it's true no guys want to share... he does get jealous when his sports team mates pay attention to me..

He doesn't know what he wants, I'm glad I'm holding up to my own standard and not sleeping with him. He is welcome to update me with the progress of his self help book. I will keep my options open
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What a waste of a mind.


you could actually tell yourself that you're worth more, and that you should have more ... instead, you tell yourself to try and change a man into wanting you. A man who doesn't even care.


People get what they deserve. Considering that you have been moaning in dxp for quite some time now about how unhappy you are with this person, and here you are making more excuses to be with a person who couldn't give a rats ass about you ...... that means YOU are getting back exactly what you put out.

Again ...... people actually get to them, what they deserve to have come to them, because that is what they've earned, because that is where they put their energy.


If you actually want to be respected and valued ..... then you have to put it out there, to come back.


As it is ... you just keep being a fool and expecting people to give you answers as to how fix him, so you won't feel like such a fool. That means you have no accountability for yourself, and are looking for excuses not be responsible for yourself.


I have no pity or compassion for any person who knowingly does the wrong thing for themselves ..... like you.


and btw ..... it's absolutely ridiculous that you are attempting to force him into believing he has issues, based exclusively on you not getting what you want from him. Just because he doesn't want YOU, or because he doesn't want to change for YOU - that doesn't mean he has an illness.



and I think that in this scenario, the fucked up person is YOU .... because you are the one here crying and complaining because you refuse to change yourself for your own well being.
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Posted by OceanBoy88
He definitely has commitment issues and probably will never find himself unless something drastic happens to help him receive a spiritual awakening. He sounds more along the line of wanting an open relationship and just isnt ready to claim a taken status. Not all Pisces come back to failed relationships though. I've only gone back to one to rekindle but that's a verrrry low percentage compared to the "Pisces will be back" thing I read. However I do disappear and reappear in relations with friends so that applies to me.


He has never disappeared on me so far.

I never never went back to failed relationship before either
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Posted by P-Angel
What a waste of a mind.


you could actually tell yourself that you're worth more, and that you should have more ... instead, you tell yourself to try and change a man into wanting you. A man who doesn't even care.


People get what they deserve. Considering that you have been moaning in dxp for quite some time now about how unhappy you are with this person, and here you are making more excuses to be with a person who couldn't give a rats ass about you ...... that means YOU are getting back exactly what you put out.

Again ...... people actually get to them, what they deserve to have come to them, because that is what they've earned, because that is where they put their energy.


If you actually want to be respected and valued ..... then you have to put it out there, to come back.


As it is ... you just keep being a fool and expecting people to give you answers as to how fix him, so you won't feel like such a fool. That means you have no accountability for yourself, and are looking for excuses not be responsible for yourself.


I have no pity or compassion for any person who knowingly does the wrong thing for themselves ..... like you.


and btw ..... it's absolutely ridiculous that you are attempting to force him into believing he has issues, based exclusively on you not getting what you want from him. Just because he doesn't want YOU, or because he doesn't want to change for YOU - that doesn't mean he has an illness.



and I think that in this scenario, the fucked up person is YOU .... because you are the one here crying and complaining because you refuse to change yourself for your own well being.


P Angel may be you should double check my post? I definitely mentioned he admit his issue himself and he voluntarily bought the self help book. I didn't make him do it
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Of course you are attempting to force him .......



Posted by Poppyseeds

helping him realize he is emotionally unstable and he is not ready to be in relationship.





You've already decided that he has an issue. the above quote is you stating that he is realizing something that you've already decided he has.

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Posted by Poppyseeds

I feel like it's wasiting the effort of getting him to admit his issue ....






That ^^^^^ is you attempting to force him into change.

If you are using energy into "getting" him to admit something ... that is force.


don't come at me with bullshit, poppyseed. We all can read, and realize what you are saying.
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I can't change how you interpret the situation.

He is a grown man, no arm twisting there, He voluntarily buy the self help book.

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Posted by Poppyseeds

I feel like it's wasiting the effort of getting him to admit his issue





Posted by Poppyseeds

He voluntarily buy the self help book.

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lol ok
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Posted by Poppyseeds

Just saying he needs to fix this issue before he can be in a real relationship ..... Walking away is the best, unless he fixed or at least in progress of fixing his issue.



Posted by Poppyseeds

I let him know ..... if we are getting back together his issues needs to be address / in progress of fixing

After the talk we went shopping together ...... he bought some self help books

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You can lol, ok all you want .... but, you're not fooling anybody.

It is realized that you gave him an ultimatum in where he has to change himself because you've decided his has an illness for not wanting to be commited to you.


My hope is that he realizes he's being manipulated by you, and so decides to move on to a woman who has integrity. I'm thinking that maybe he is starting to realize it and that is why he cut you loose and told you to go find someone else.
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Posted by MiZLeo
I don't know any Pisces who likes to share. If he is telling you to see other people he has no intention of committing to you any time soon. He is telling you everything you need to know, why are you trying to force things? All your telling this guy is that he can get away with doing this to you and your still going to be around. I know it is hard to detach yourself from a Pisces but once you do, you will feel so much better. PM me if you need to.


Your right about Pisces doesn't like to share.. his word says go date others but his actions say he is not willing to do so.. he took me to his sports game last week he dind't let go of my hand and often gave me kisses before game as he notice most guys were paying me attention.. Later in the game he noticed his one of his teammate and I were chatting and laughing. He immediately sub his teammate in the game so he sits next to me.

I really care about him, that's why I'm still around .I'm telling myself as long as we are not physical it is ok, but it's harder than I thought
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Posted by bellyjar
Posted by Poppyseeds
He told me he needs to be honest with me as he is not sure how long would that take him to be ready to be in a relationship. He said I can date other guys. I asked is that because he wants to date other girls. He said he wants me to be open minded, and that if someone comes along he will be open to dates, he will tell them he is not looking for relationship he will be only up for a few dates. Then he added if he is ready to be committed to anyone it will be me and not anyone else.





Go away, I have used this shitty argument in the past. Go away, find an available man. He will go away first when he finds the chance to do that. And he wants to be covered by his words...
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I get what you mean, he is using that as his "no string attached" card. He display PDA in front of his friends so mark his territory but in reality I have no leg to stand on, as he can say I have told you I'm not ready for relationship
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Posted by Poppyseeds

I have no leg to stand on





Of course not.


Only women of substance, values and integrity make her own decisions, and has a leg to stand on.

Thus far, you've proven to everyone who reads that you haven't the mind to decide for yourself, and are satisfied with crumbs tossed to you.

You obviously are enjoying the misery ... so suffer as you wish
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I have no clue either.

The signs couldn't be any clearer .... and yet, it seems to be a lot of people.


It seems that once a person has a feeling, they suddenly loose all ability to reason ... it's very baffling. It seems to be so many people that it's normal. Which means the people who can see what really is, are abnormal.
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I know, it's frustrating.

To continue to hang on to a dream is well known to Pisces ..... you just wish everyone could separate themselves.

it's a curse for us ... this seeing of actuality long before everyone else.

The Fish has to drown themselves in drug or alcohol to blur it all out .... otherwise their whole life is spent having an awareness of reality out of sync with the rest, who spend lifetimes still reacting to hello.
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Posted by Poppyseeds
He told me he needs to be honest with me as he is not sure how long would that take him to be ready to be in a relationship.


Take him at his word. He's NOT ready for a relationship with you. Stop trying to fix something that ain't broke. You can't 'fix' him and make him choose you. 6 months is a long time, certainly long enough to decide if you want to pursue a relationship.

He purchased that self help book in order to manipulate and string you along. And it worked didn't it!

Posted by Poppyseeds
He said he wants me to be open minded, and that if someone comes along he will be open to dates, he will tell them he is not looking for relationship he will be only up for a few dates.
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Just know that if you continue to see him you are sending the message that your okay with him banging other girls while he is dating you.

Don't be fooled into thinking that because your withholding sex from him it will buy you his commitment.

I would say that you deserve better. But the truth is we don't get what we deserve in life. We get what we DEMAND. Demand more for yourself Op.
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Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Poppyseeds
He told me he needs to be honest with me as he is not sure how long would that take him to be ready to be in a relationship.




He purchased that self help book in order to manipulate and string you along. And it worked didn't it!

.
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Surely worked like magic, I gave him even more sympathy and was happy that he took the initiative.

I have 2 options, either I go date other guys like he suggested while being in touch with him.

Or have a talk with him to confront him and see how we go from there
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Posted by LadyNeptune
Posted by Poppyseeds
He told me he needs to be honest with me as he is not sure how long would that take him to be ready to be in a relationship.




He purchased that self help book in order to manipulate and string you along. And it worked didn't it!

.
click to expand


Surely worked like magic, I gave him even more sympathy and was happy that he took the initiative.

I have 2 options, either I go date other guys like he suggested while being in touch with him.

Or have a talk with him to confront him and see how we go from there
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User Submitted Image
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http://madamenoire.com/185996/dont-be-his-fool-or-his-doormat-excuses-women-need-to-stop-making-for-men
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Posted by rockyroadicecream
http://madamenoire.com/185996/dont-be-his-fool-or-his-doormat-excuses-women-need-to-stop-making-for-men


Good read, what was confusing me is his communication is constant. he does take me to his team sports / roommate and he is not shy about PDA.

We are not physical and he pays for everything when we spend time together. He also go out of his way to pick me up and drop me off, if he is too tired to do so he would order a cab for me and pay for it.
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No matter what anyone says to you ... you have the same ridiculous comeback.

I guess so you can continue being an idiot, and justify your pathetic excuse of: but he looked at me, and paid attention to me




:::: shakes head ::::



Stupid is as stupid does/says
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Posted by Nemilicious
Posted by Poppyseeds
Posted by rockyroadicecream
http://madamenoire.com/185996/dont-be-his-fool-or-his-doormat-excuses-women-need-to-stop-making-for-men


Good read, what was confusing me is his communication is constant. he does take me to his team sports / roommate and he is not shy about PDA.

We are not physical and he pays for everything when we spend time together. He also go out of his way to pick me up and drop me off, if he is too tired to do so he would order a cab for me and pay for it.


this is exactly the thing i do not understand; why do you have to wait or expect some kind of answer or explanation?

the situation is at odds; you know it; you prolong it and expect some miracle to happen instead of giving yourself your answer and sticking to it.

in general - wtf, why are people afraid of having principles and balls and shove responsibilty on to others?


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I wasn't expecting miracles to happen. Simply because emotions cloud your logic, all the little things he does for me makes it even harder to see the entire picture.

If there's a will there's a way. If he wants to be with me he would have hurry up to finish the book and really try to be with me.

His PDA in front of his teammate is just to show off, taking me out to dates is probably to string me along as he knows otherwise I wouldn't pay him any attention.

You are right about shoving responsibility onto him. Will have to call him out on this and really thank him for suggesting I should be open to other options, as I deserve someone who is certain about me.
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Posted by Nemilicious
this is where we are wrong - and self-delusional in large parts; thinking we are so fucking great we deserve something "better" or that others deserve us/our love.

from experience i can say - when two people are on the same side of the page - they will be together. there is nothing that will or can stand between them. as it is a mutual thing. both striving and wanting the same; communication will be clear about the status quo. there are no doubts. no games.

as soon as matters of the heart become unbalanced; it is the beginning of the end - all these threads we read here, including yours; it is an embarrassing prolonged bullshitting of one´s self.

so, he is as he is; if you put up with it in order to be with him; then you should not be complaining; as it is what you want.

personally however, i don´t eat or take crumbs.








I'm not putting up with anything anymore, he strung me along by telling me he never stop wanting to be with me and he still has strong feelings for me. Then he bought the book. That's why I was being extra patience with me
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with him
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I have been dating a comittaphobe for almost 3 years. It's been a roller coaster ride. Sounds alot like what you are going through. Lots of mixed messages.
Even now we are on a break then he comes back to me.
There are times when its just platonic, then becomes more. Its frustrating.
There are books out there to help you not feel like crazy.
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Posted by woodenmeow
I have been dating a comittaphobe for almost 3 years. It's been a roller coaster ride. Sounds alot like what you are going through. Lots of mixed messages.
Even now we are on a break then he comes back to me.
There are times when its just platonic, then becomes more. Its frustrating.
There are books out there to help you not feel like crazy.



Yes they are master of come here and go away, they want you but they don't want you too close and they also put up emotional walls.

It's a tough situation. I know a girl who spent 8 years with one. At the end lies from the guy came out and she found out he's been sleepign wtih other ppl. She wants nothing to do with him and he went to therapy alone and occasionally with her. Now they are living together as a couple.

Not saying everyone will have a happy ending, just saying the guy has to volunteer to go into therapy or else it's a hopeless situation
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Posted by Koniucha
He is not interested in a commitment. That part is quite obvious.




agreed

PM
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Posted by piscesmoon2
Posted by Koniucha
He is not interested in a commitment. That part is quite obvious.




agreed

PM
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He doens't want the official title, but the things he does for me is the same as a official BF. such as coming to fix stuff and express post stuff to me without being asked.
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Posted by Arielle83
You're a doormat.

I hope you don't tell him he's emotionally unstable?! Are you a counsellor or something? By saying that to someone you apparantly care for, you become the contradiction.

Why the fuck would you wait around for someone you deemed below you in emotional intelligence?!

Contradicting! Maybe that's why he told you he won't say no when something better comes along.




Doormat make effort to see the man, I never have to. he makes effort to come and see me.

Doormat also put out hoping to keep the man, I don't have to either smile

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Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by P-Angel
I know, it's frustrating.

To continue to hang on to a dream is well known to Pisces ..... you just wish everyone could separate themselves.

it's a curse for us ... this seeing of actuality long before everyone else.

The Fish has to drown themselves in drug or alcohol to blur it all out .... otherwise their whole life is spent having an awareness of reality out of sync with the rest, who spend lifetimes still reacting to hello.


I just happen to be a non-drinker, and I am very much against drugs. My life consists of work, cycling, going to gym, photography, cooking every second night (my fiancee cooks other nights), and spending time with family.
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P Angel thinks she represents all of the Pisces
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by Poppyseeds
Posted by Arielle83
You're a doormat.

I hope you don't tell him he's emotionally unstable?! Are you a counsellor or something? By saying that to someone you apparantly care for, you become the contradiction.

Why the fuck would you wait around for someone you deemed below you in emotional intelligence?!

Contradicting! Maybe that's why he told you he won't say no when something better comes along.




Doormat make effort to see the man, I never have to. he makes effort to come and see me.

Doormat also put out hoping to keep the man, I don't have to either smile




Cool so how's that cognitive dissonance going for you?

He comes because he's obviously young and your bugging his ego.

You still don't have a commitment. Hence, this thread.
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Missed your other comment, no I dnd't tell him he is emotionally unstable. He quote himself on that after reading a bit over a chapter of the commitment phobe self help book that he voluntarily purchased.

Talking about commitment are you married? if not by law you are just a friend and you don't have a legal commitment either
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Ok just asking out of curiosity, as commitment means different things to different people.

I'm not ready for marriage or living together myself. I'm only ready for boyfriend and girlfriend at this stage.

You are right he has no plans, feelings between us is right as we both find each other's presence very calming and we are really comfortable with each other and can enjoy awkward silence. I'm not sure how to put it into words, as a Cancerian you probably can related to it, as you probably are a "feeler" yourself.
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The piscean is manipulating the shit out of you by playing the victim, that's how they do it. Then when you fall for it, it's all your fault, don't fall for it.
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Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
The piscean is manipulating the shit out of you by playing the victim, that's how they do it. Then when you fall for it, it's all your fault, don't fall for it.


I've never met anyone like him to be honest, it's easier to spot a psychopath or narcissist than understanding this guy.

From my past experience, those who play victim often say negative stuff about others or complain about how people have been treating them unfairly and such.

Thus fish has never done that which is why I've never thought of manipulation with victim mentality.

Can you elaborate Pisces style manipulation? Sounds like I've missed something?
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Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
The piscean is manipulating the shit out of you by playing the victim, that's how they do it. Then when you fall for it, it's all your fault, don't fall for it.


Yet another one who's generalizing Pisces. I assume you're an Aqua, eleventh_sign? I find Aquarius too aloof, emotionless, can't commit to a relationship, and just general air heads.
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Ironically the Pisces I'm dating has Aqua Venus.

I have aqua moon and rising
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Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by Poppyseeds
Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
The piscean is manipulating the shit out of you by playing the victim, that's how they do it. Then when you fall for it, it's all your fault, don't fall for it.


Yet another one who's generalizing Pisces. I assume you're an Aqua, eleventh_sign? I find Aquarius too aloof, emotionless, can't commit to a relationship, and just general air heads.


Ironically the Pisces I'm dating has Aqua Venus.

I have aqua moon and rising


I'm Taurus venus, Scorpio moon and Capricorn rising, and I've found in the past that I'm not very compatible with air signs, even though I have a few Gemini friends, and one of my best friends is a Libra.
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I get on ok with air sign. I prefer other water sign. Personally I find air sign a bit too flighty, they usually has good sense of humor though.

He has Gemini moon, Scorpio rising and mars. 2 air placement with water. he is pretty much a water tornado haha
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Posted by MysteriousPresence

.... Aquarius too aloof, emotionless, can't commit to a relationship, and just general air heads.





What a fucking moron.

You come in here crying and moaning about people generalizing ... and then you turn around and generalize Aquas, and even call them names.

You're useless ... step away before you get your puny feelings hurt by the adults.
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Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by Poppyseeds
Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by Poppyseeds
Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
The piscean is manipulating the shit out of you by playing the victim, that's how they do it. Then when you fall for it, it's all your fault, don't fall for it.


Yet another one who's generalizing Pisces. I assume you're an Aqua, eleventh_sign? I find Aquarius too aloof, emotionless, can't commit to a relationship, and just general air heads.


Ironically the Pisces I'm dating has Aqua Venus.

I have aqua moon and rising


I'm Taurus venus, Scorpio moon and Capricorn rising, and I've found in the past that I'm not very compatible with air signs, even though I have a few Gemini friends, and one of my best friends is a Libra.


I get on ok with air sign. I prefer other water sign. Personally I find air sign a bit too flighty, they usually has good sense of humor though.

He has Gemini moon, Scorpio rising and mars. 2 air placement with water. he is pretty much a water tornado haha


Yes I think the majority of them are a bit flighty, and you're right about their sense of humor.

I thought would end up with a Pisces, Scorpio or Cancer girl, but it so happens that I'll be marrying a Capricorn lady, lol. For some reason I never thought I would marry a Cap.

Water Tornado, hehe, that's a good one.
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Capricorn is good for you, those ladies are strong and Pisces do need a strong partner to lean on. Earth and water is a beautiful combination.
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Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by P-Angel
Posted by MysteriousPresence

.... Aquarius too aloof, emotionless, can't commit to a relationship, and just general air heads.





What a fucking moron.

You come in here crying and moaning about people generalizing ... and then you turn around and generalize Aquas, and even call them names.

You're useless ... step away before you get your puny feelings hurt by the adults.


You're just a fucking twat. You ugly little troll. So it's okay for you to insult other people on this site? Get life bitch, and fuck off from dxpnet. I'm probably more adult than you will ever be.
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Examples of Pisces men are NOT pushovers, push them hard enough a goldfish would turn into a shark
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Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by Poppyseeds
Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by Poppyseeds
Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
The piscean is manipulating the shit out of you by playing the victim, that's how they do it. Then when you fall for it, it's all your fault, don't fall for it.


Yet another one who's generalizing Pisces. I assume you're an Aqua, eleventh_sign? I find Aquarius too aloof, emotionless, can't commit to a relationship, and just general air heads.


Ironically the Pisces I'm dating has Aqua Venus.

I have aqua moon and rising


I'm Taurus venus, Scorpio moon and Capricorn rising, and I've found in the past that I'm not very compatible with air signs, even though I have a few Gemini friends, and one of my best friends is a Libra.


I get on ok with air sign. I prefer other water sign. Personally I find air sign a bit too flighty, they usually has good sense of humor though.

He has Gemini moon, Scorpio rising and mars. 2 air placement with water. he is pretty much a water tornado haha


Yes I think the majority of them are a bit flighty, and you're right about their sense of humor.

I thought would end up with a Pisces, Scorpio or Cancer girl, but it so happens that I'll be marrying a Capricorn lady, lol. For some reason I never thought I would marry a Cap.

Water Tornado, hehe, that's a good one.
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well congratulations. Big Grin Big Grin heehee.
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Posted by LadyOfRebirth
Posted by MysteriousPresence
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
The piscean is manipulating the shit out of you by playing the victim, that's how they do it. Then when you fall for it, it's all your fault, don't fall for it.


Yet another one who's generalizing Pisces. I assume you're an Aqua, eleventh_sign? I find Aquarius too aloof, emotionless, can't commit to a relationship, and just general air heads.


It's his Scorpio moom making him so bitter and bat shit crazy.

(Not generalising you Scorpio mooners though, I'm a fan generally)
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How is he bitter? cos he is standing up for himself when someone threw insult at him for no reason?
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Posted by LadyOfRebirth
No you guys I was talking about the aqua guy lol


Laughing

we are all taking offense.

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Posted by MysteriousPresence
Anyway back on topic.

Poppyseeds, have ever considered online dating? I know it's not for everyone, but that's how I met my fiancee. Depending how you feel about this Fishy guy of course.




That's how I met the fish guy haha
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Posted by MysteriousPresence
Anyway back on topic.

Poppyseeds, have ever considered online dating? I know it's not for everyone, but that's how I met my fiancee. Depending how you feel about this Fishy guy of course.




That's how I met the fish guy haha
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